Day 73

For some reason this morning i just couldn't cope. I arrived at work and just sobbed. How odd. I thought i was managing well. No reason, no trigger for this. I think that's what has bemused me. Why now?

I am blessed with very understanding work colleagues who made me a coffee and told me just to talk about how i was at this very moment and what i was feeling. How refreshing to be able to off load with no judgements.

I managed to work to a fashion and lunch time came before i knew it. Home to Tim who had cooked lunch and he asked what sort of day i had had. I couldn't share my day as i had no snippets of information to add to our conversation. I had however booked some leave so we now need to think about where to go.

It may be the Tim of year. Its so dismal now, the morning was cold and windy progressing to very dark afternoons. It was dark to day at 4 pm.

The leaves laying in wet slippery piles, leaves adhered to windscreens unable to go for a walk tonight. I don't mind the cold its when its raining hard that makes walking so miserable.

Tims been looking in the Sporting Gun magazine for puppies. I think he would like a Lurcher but i would like another Wire Haired Pointer. I loved our Duke he was the kindest of dogs and he adored the boys!
We discussed preparing for a puppy. Where shall we put a run etc and also getting one built before we go puppy hunting. I really think this will be the making of us both.

Ive booked my Dr's appointments so that will be another step to getting fit and well. Physio this Thursday, last one. Then get ready in earnest for the running after Xmas.

I must start to sort out the cupboards in Mikeys room but still don't feel up to it. I wonder if the longer i leave it the harder it will be. I have found his green duck with all his studs in. I know there are photos of him somewhere with him and the duck. I will try to find it.

We miss him so dreadfully.

Tim was talking about holidays next year and suggested we have a week away at a time instead of two. I think that will be better. I still have to sort out passports!! I wonder if we will ever use them!

Time hasn't healed us i wonder if it will? Lots of questions today.

Tims sister rang to see how Tim was today. Always on a Monday and never when i am here. I can live with that. Sad though.

I have just got in from work!! did a night visit, Tim tucked up in bed, i still cant sleep. I may try the Brandy!! Must be desperate. Do i take it when i am laying down! or shall i risk it before going to bed. I will think about that. Ah well Tomorrow is another day!!!

Oh dear this one has no duck in the photo