Well its not been a good few days. Tim has been really down and i don't know how to help him. Neither Tom or i can do anything right at the moment.
The weekend i spent searching for accommodation for Sue and i in Edinburgh and managed to get that sorted. The ankle has been miserable. Its getting me down now.
Tom has decided to try and find his own place and i cant blame him for that.
Work well that's the same and today it just went downhill during the day!
Went to physio and i have torn two tendons on the outside of the left ankle and torn a muscle on the front of my foot hence the reason why the whole foot is so floppy. Lots of exercises. foot taped and back next week, hoping i can run again.
Lunch time i came hope and Tim was really quiet and just stated to cry. He is missing Mikey very much. I said i didn't know how to help him because i can barely help myself. That running was the only thing that gets me through the week. I cant think on a daily basis and cant think of the future. All i am focusing on is next year and after that i don't know how i will manage. I told him that despite the mickey taking and the negative comments its what is helping me and i don't want to stop. I also said that i have given up swimming, we bought the dog, changed the car and nothing is working. I also said that if Mikey was here what would he think of his dad saying he wanted to die!!! and i cant cope with that.
Tim wont go to the Dr's and said what can they do. I really think he is depressed, but cant get him to see anyone. I just don't know what to do. It would have been his mums birthday yesterday, i don't know if that has made things worse.
Tonight i went running, well to cycle next to Sue and she did really well and managed to keep with everyone so i don't think she needs me now. So i was feeling really fed up and i even felt like crying again and not good to be negative towards Sue. I felt do envious of her achievement tonight and i shouldn't be like that. So i will just have to wait and see if i can catch up.
When i got home i asked Tim if he would help me and i think he will. That just might make him take an interest and even join me! Who's to say. So i was on the exercise bike for an hour, did my foot exercises and decided i really needed to blog. Its a down period for us all.
Mikey's friend Maddie has been with Jack now for a year, its hard to think so much time has passed. Who ever said time heals lied. It doesn't, our loss will be with us for ever and it is almost too much to bear.
Its lonely sitting here writing, Tim and Tom are in bed sleeping, that is certainly something i have doing, the nights are long with only thoughts for company, ah well tomorrow is another day...............
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