5 whole days of not blogging and maybe that's the lesson to me!! this is where i let all my frustrations out and boy do i need to do that. But where to begin! so much has happened since Sunday where i was saying how quickly the time has gone. Life is passing me by or I'm on this huge tidal wave of life and lord only knows where I'm going to be tossed up.
I have never been or felt so indecisive in my life and i just cant express how much i feel adrift from myself.
Oh i can reflect and ponder on where and when these changes have arisen from and i could look back on my blog but i cant look back, not yet its still too painful.
I have changed! that's what i wanted to do and it was at one time so very positive. The changes were measurable and i felt in control of the. Not now!!
I have lost my rudder so to speak. Its very lonely even in a crowd at work, that's the root of the problem i think, too many changes all at once and Tim umm well that's another issue and one i really don't know what to do about. I keep closing the door on whats going wrong i don't seem to be able to do anything right!
Yep i know that's not unusual and all relationships have blips that's what it all about but i feel I'm trawling through mud.
Strange isn't it how I'm using all these terms! just goes to show i haven't a clue in which direction to go, what to sort out first or can i even be bothered.
Is this another part of grieving? how the hell do i know. I was almost numb even moribund now I'm so angry all of the time. I have developed teeth and claws and have almost bitten through my own arms in frustration and despair! and why? what do i hope to achieve. Apart from almost having no limbs at all now so to speak! the legs have been traumatised through running!!! ah well, i have got all my bits and bobs its all a figure of speech!
I have been so tired this week more than usual, maybe I'm depressed. I haven't got time for that.
Delegation may be the key but having seen the consequences for a very close friend it scares the ...... out of me.
So many, many things are happening, just solve one problems and there is this enormous beast lurking in the background raising its ugly head to cause more mayhem!!
Oh I'm moaning and grumbling like a good one tonight! but hey ho that's what i need to do. My fingers and pounding away at a rapid rate of knots!, obviously haven't chewed hard enough because they are still functioning!!!
So apart from having to spend time out of the office and making the attempts to catch up and have proven to be virtually impossible what have i done.
Well the running has gone well, all be it slowly the ankle is holding up, still sore but at least I'm walking on it with no problems even after the runs
Tuesday i ran for a mile at a time with short break and ran 4 miles in total. Thursday it was raining!! the sky was lit up with lightening and there was a rumble of thunder but off we went and i have to say we were running well. Didn't run as far but ran for 1 1/2 miles and then did a 2 mile stint and still managed to do nearly 5 miles. Lets hope i get good news at Physio Tuesday because time is getting on and we need to work towards increasing the mileage!! Got some races coming up, one is a 10 mile in December so i hope I'm fit!!!
I did take some time back on Thursday and hoped to spend some time out with Tim and Duke but it was the one day of the week which was lousy, typical still here's hoping the week end will be kind. Before you know it i will be back on the treadmill again, not the exercise one either!!!
Well i do feel better for that!!! So maybe, just maybe i will enjoy the weekend, but who knows tomorrow is another day after all!!!
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