So the mood of positivity didn't last! Why am i not surprised.
Started last night with my run i think. It was cold and as the snow was still lying around we ran down near the prison!! i was running alone as Sue has still not returned to fitness. In fact her hip is really giving her some problems i do wonder if it is her sciatic nerve! lets hope not. I remember my injuries last year and i missed so much time! Scans for Sue next week and then we may have some idea of whats happening. It was lonely running alone still i ran 5.6 miles and was fairly OK.
Went to London today! what an experience we got rather lost!!! and spent 5 hours trying to get to our destination! and did we see some sights. We passed Wembley stadium, Clappham common, Putney cant remember half of the towns or boroughs we went through, got on the ring road! we were late getting to the conference by 2 hours. We had set off at 0630hrs this morning!!
Palliative care. That was the mistake, it put me into a very thoughtful mood.
Coming home we came a different route! passing through the Dartford tunnel and past the O2 stadium which reminded me of Mikey and his visit to see Queen tribute band, i would think that would have been one of his last trips out really and then he wasn't 100%
We then passed Romford and a flood of memories came back. The last time i travelled that road was after taking Mikey's ashes up to Claire and the horror of that day.
I stall cannot comprehend the behaviour of her Father that day and indeed her hers. I image the trauma i experienced will haunt me forever. I wonder if he has peace of mind, i hope not!!
When i got home well things went from bad to worse and i honestly feel like throwing in the towel!
Misery has been on the hunt and found me when my defences were down and has smothered me in her cloak of despair and here i am wallowing!.
Sometimes when the days are dark its a struggle to claw my way out to the light there seems no purpose in living. If it wasn't for Tom i would question what i am doing, just passing time. No joy in the world.
Lord if i wasn't feeling depressed when i started writing tonight i surely do now..
I cant think i will just go to bed and hope i can sleep to escape from this place and then maybe tomorrow will be another day...........
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