Is it still summer? my goodness it seems that left with Michael. Its been so hard not to cry today. I know it upsets Tim and hes been trying to keep me occupied to take my mind of Michael and its not working.
I have tried so hard to be calm and not to be cross but oh my oh my its so hard. I think it would make me feel much better, but at what cost. Its not worth it.
I have tried to contact people today with some success. Tim keeps asking me why i am bothering. The reason is Michael.
Anyway back to today. Tom phoned to talk about the Grand Prix with his dad and they were on the phone for ages, Thats good because i think Tom may be a bit lonely in Doncaster although its better for him when he is at work. I wish he could get a transfer home to March I would be so pleased.
Well what has today been like. Long in one word empty in another but i am blessed to have Tim and Tom and some wonderful caring sisters, who have given support. I wonder when that will stop and they will continue with their lives. Its to be expected.
We have been to look at a Mazda 3 not an mx3 like i told Mikey, he just shook his head and looked at his dad when we talked about this on one of our visits. Michael used to tell me do you ever really listen mum are are you in your own world. Well i think i am most of the time. Its where i can escape and just have the things i want to think about. I can ignore everything else. The sad thing is reality does exist and comes to fetch you when you least expect it.
Ive loaded more music onto the ipod and i have walked a bit on the my machine. I think me and Roger Black ( machine)are going to be firm friends over the winter months. I hope by the spring i will be good enough to start pounding the streets.
Day 4 no cigs grrrrrr best get another bit of gum i think.
Well in the words of Scarlett O'Hara Tomorrow is another day.
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