Another 4 days and I'm not going to talk about work. Why because its so depressing.
It has been a very odd few days, Tim and i have certainly not been ourselves and i wonder if its my fault.
Things have changed between us and its been happening over the last year or so. Things don't change do they? no its people that change so i guess that's me then. We just cant seem to agree to anything at all and Tim does look very unhappy but i do resent in some way the fact that he is at home and I'm working. Oops it was the word i wasn't going to discuss.
So running has been really rubbish as i said about Tuesday and Thursday was much the same in fact i had to stop off at the local co op to spend a penny!! My legs felt like someone had been in the night cut my legs off and stitched someone Else's on! and really wasn't sure if i would run on Sunday or not.
Friday Tom came round and Tim was talking about me having another car! i said i didn't want one and then that was wrong. Tim said he thought it would be nice as i work hard to have a little sports car. Well we had one and changed it for the estate to take Duke out. Tim's plan!! so why change again! Just me being petty.
So Saturday was just another day and today i did get up early for a run.
Had to pass by ours so i called in to go to the loo!!! but did 7 miles so that was an improvement. Went for a long walk this afternoon as well and that's it week end over!!
So did nothing and went nowhere and its the w word tomorrow.
Tim says we don't have time together!!! and when would that be. I work all day Monday to Friday. Run Tues and Thursday evening but only for 2 hours I'm back by 8pm. I run Sundays 8am to 10am so we have the rest of the day. Is that too much? i don't think so and i have to practise for the marathon, for goodness sake. I cant do right for doing wrong. Ah well.
Not sure how we can get ourselves back on the right road, i so wanted to call Mikey today, you know i just forgot! that's happened several times just recently.
Its Tim's birthday this week perhaps i should have the day off.
Losing Mikey has had such a profound effect on us or perhaps me. I really do not seem to care about anything. Just going through the motions of living the best way i can. It may not be right for everyone else but its OK for me. I am happy with my own company and would much prefer to be on my own at times. Maybe that's it, Tim has had time to himself, time to reflect to to sit and think, time on his own and i haven't had that.
I wonder if i have even had the time to grieve and the answer to that would be no.
Well this conversation to myself is getting rather deep so i will leave it, after all tomorrow is another day................
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