Day 183

Today has had its ups and downs. My thoughts at the moment are with another family who is losing their precious daughter to that damned CF.

It almost seems wrong to write about my day, when i know to some degree what they must be experiencing. So i will discuss my day and end the blog with my thoughts.

We decided to get out and attempt to use my camera. Spring is almost here and there are so many new beginnings happening. Flowers are showing their glorious colours, brightening the misery of winter. The buds are coming out all over the trees and shrubs. Birds are starting to nest and the days are getting longer. Time to capture these moments.

We went to Houghton Mill. Such an old building and still standing. The lock to the rear of the mill on the Ouse almost waiting for the boats to come through. Its nearly time.
The swans were magnificent. Pairs, i always admire this species who mate for life. In a few weeks the river will have the cygnets and parents effortlessly drifting along with the current. Peace.

We decided to walk through the woodlands to St Ives. The trees were bare and the land exposed almost naked. How i long for the trees to be dressed in their greenery. I managed to take lots of photos but what they will turn out like is pure guess work. I expect out of a hundred, one will be OK. Still practice makes perfect.
We walked in the rain, we walked through mud but we were at peace with the world. I can honestly say this is the most i have relaxed in a very long time.

We stopped for coffee and we were interested in what was happening around us. Tim was looking out for things of interest for me to point the lens at. Usually too late and the birds had flown!

It was late afternoon when we got home and it was down to some planting.
My tubers had reached maximum growth in the water and so to outside.

Wellies on, spade at the ready and off i went. Now where to put them. I decide to put them around Mikeys plant. 'Innocence', Joy bought it when Mikey passed away. It was a thoughtful gift. Tim thought it had died over winter but looking at it today it was covered in new buds. It should make a glorious sight in late Summer.

Mikey is very much in our thoughts today and Tom. The joy they have given us, i just wish they were both with us and close. That is not to be but we can still hope that Tom manages to find his way back to us.

I finished at 5pm and it was still light. Where has the time gone, how come a few weeks ago it was dark at 3.30pm? you see it does pass whether we want it to or not, time that is.

This evening i spent time on Roger and had thought to put the pics into an album on facebook but as yet i haven't done so, perhaps tomorrow. Instead i have pondered.

I know there are many people who are following my blog even though they have not indicated this by being a follower so perhaps you can remember me writing about a friend of Mikeys who had a transplant shortly after we lost Mikey.
I had wondered how she was doing and was pleased to read that she was back on facebook although still in critical care. This was a few weeks ago. I imagine she had been poorly to stay in that unit for so long.
Today i heard she married this weekend, in hospital and is very very ill.
To have gone through so much, to have received that very thing that all cystics pray for and still not to win the battle is so incredibly sad. That seems such a inane word to use but i cant imagine how she and all her family and friends felt and still feel. To have the opportunity of a new life in your grasp and still have it taken away is almost too much to bear.

So tonight, i am thinking of them all.

Tomorrow is another day...................................

Day 182

Well today went as planned can you believe!!!

Raining this morning but managed to get my tubers in soak ready for tomorrow. They are ugly little beasts! but very small or they were this morning, they have swelled in size and i have had to add more water to the bowl. I wonder how big they will be in the morning!!!! They should be Persian Buttercups. We shall have to wait for the summer to see how they turn out!!

Library and shopping. Yep got the t shirt i wanted, oh dear another one!!! wardrobe is at breaking point again!!!

Had a long walk and knee is fine, a bit of a twinge but i expect that's normal!

Rugby and, yay England beat France. Good match and such good behaviour off field far better than football.

Went for ride tonight to see if a could get some pics in the dark. Well after this afternoons photo shoot in the garden it had to be better. Whilst trying to get some snaps of the new growth in the garden i dived head first into the fence. Tim was watching from the lounge window and was laughing his head off. He said i resembled Max Wall on a bad day, oh and the shoes didn't match!!

So off we went to Sandringham to see if we could spot some wildlife. We did, there were rabbits and some deer!! camera ready and nothing happened tried several times but the camera actually told me it was too dark!!! well it was night time what did i expect. To tell you the truth i thought i would get night photos. Tims advice was to read the manual again!!!! Is there no hope for me!!

Driving home we had to detour as road was up and we drove over the railway,beside the river it is a bit of a hill. Tim recalled when the boys always asked him to go that way home when we came back from Peterborough. Mikey sucking his thumb and his cuddly in the other hand.  Tom telling his dad to go fast so they would lift off their seats and make there tummies feel funny.  It made me feel sad, but Tim said it was a good memory and we should be happy that we have so many. I think he is right and will try to look at it that way. Still.....................

So here i am trying to load pics from computer to face book how i managed the few i did i have no idea. I'm sure it was so hard before!!  I am giving up for the night!!!

Going to try for some early nights!!!! well i need to rest in preparation for the planting!!!  because no doubt some thing will go amiss.  You never know though, because tomorrow is another day......................

Day 180/181

This is getting to much of a habit having to do two days at a time.

I am beginning to feel as if my time i no longer mine! I'm getting so tired i just cant hack it like i used to. I don't even know if i want to.
I am spending time on other things that are not really my responsibility and end up having to go back to work to catch up on my work. I have spent two nights writing up reports and i promised myself months ago that i wouldn't get to this place again.

Tim said i may as well be a lodger in this house for the amount of time i am here these days. I know i am absolutely knackered.

Maybe i am pushing myself too hard or it may be the events over the past few weeks are catching up. I have felt lousy with the knee and back problems and the blasted chest infection just will not clear up. Its been weeks now. I keep popping the vitamin tablets but they are having no effect! I struggle to get up in the mornings but cant sleep at night. Ah well maybe when i get back running things will get better. At the rate im going i wont be fit for 2013 yet alone 2012!!!

The bag i bought on Tuesday was perfect for the camera and bits for a day out. Even Tim not aware i was carrying it today!! didn't get any pics though because it was raining.

We went over to see about laser eye treatment and i have appointment booked for next week! Another new experience. So that's for March.
 I have about 5 weeks to lose the weight before our April outing to the Ritz so really have got to get down to some serious weight loss management!

Bought some new track bottoms today and some jeans. Oh dear another pair!! but at least no shoes today. 

I have my bulbs ready to plant but have to soak some of the tubers for 24hrs so i will do that in the morning ready to plant Sunday. Its going to rain all day tomorrow!!

Spoke to Tom tonight and he is back on line. Another conversation where he had researched a face lift and said i really cant have it done!! it would be far to costly for the amount of work i need. The cheeky beggar!!! He may well laugh! He then went on to have a conversation with his dad and i heard the word scaffolding mentioned!!

Bought Hurts new album today and tried to download it onto ipod with no success, damn i just cat get my head round all this new equipment that is used today!! but i do try.

Well i have cooked the joint for tomorrow, so that will give me more time! Library, try to get another Animal t shirt. Look at the thundercat again!! and Rugby. England v France, it should be good!!

Well to bed and tomorrow is another day....................

Day 178/179

Yep i missed yesterday. What a day. Certainly not what expected or planned. What is it they say about best made plans??? Will i ever learn. The simple answer to that is no!!

I just find some things hard to believe, but then Tim and the boys have said i am rather naive at times and yes dare i say gullible. I suppose its because i expect everyone to have the same standards when it comes to certain ethics, ha proven wrong yet again.

If i have anything to say i do sadly usually say it and am therefore an open book. What you see is what you get. I am still amazed that people say one thing and really think another. Doesn't that make the world a strange place to live. Its to much for me at times!!!
Still yesterday was a prime example of that!! and we will just have to wait and see if just desserts are served. Sounds cryptic but the next few days will show one way or another.

Anyway i came home exhausted mentally!!  rushed to get for a swim and then just went to bed. Looking forward to Wednesday. A day off and yet again doing something different!!

Today i arranged to met a coz. We met just before Xmas and had brief time to get to know each other but planned to meet up again and spend more time in each others company. Determined not to put it off come what may even at such short notice we met up today.

The sisters couldn't make it so it was just me and Ange. The morning was wet and miserable and i thought we would find it hard to do things.

What a fab day it was. Not like being with a stranger even though we last met when we were 15!! How we talked and walked and talked and walked and had lunch in fab little tea shop.

All the china cups, saucers, plates and tea pot etc were odd. Nothing matched it was so quaint. The cake was Divine!! blow the diet!! and of course a day out without buying something was impossible!!
The ladies loo was most odd, sitting above the low level cistern was this amazing set of antlers!! not sure if i should have hung my coat on them!!  they were huge.
The day flew past, we explored antique shops and charity shops and of course clothing shops. We examined jewellery and whimsies. You name it we looked at it.

Why is it that we always plan to do things and for some reason or another we put it off. Before we know it years have passed. Well no more.

Losing Mikey has made me make the efforts to try new things, do new things and not put off things i want to do. So this month i have done two!!! things. Mikey said aim to do something different every Month. Not sure what March will bring.

It was good get the message from Angie from the CF unit yesterday.

Oh and i have to say i have changed my mind about Mondays outing, some things are stranger than fiction!!!!

I do need to get down to some serious training now. The knee is holding up well and although  he back is still problematic it is manageable.

Ah well tomorrow is another day.............................

Day 177

Well today has arrived the long awaited trip to see Psychic Sally Morgan.

Rushed off work to get home in time to leave, made sure we wouldn't be late. Tim said he thought it would be a waste of time!

Pouring of rain, Linda late as usual!!! now there was a surprise, still we made it and had time for a coffee before the show.

I have to say it wasn't what i expected! I found it very show businessy!! and not all that factual. There was a lot of time wasted and a lot of correct guessing. There was however a couple of very interestingly accurate ones!!!
What surprised me was the number of suicide people she made contact with! a murdered young man, road traffic accident victims and some children if she was to be believed.

I went with a very open mind and was a little surprised to hear her say a couple of names of people who lived very close to me. That i did find a little strange. Kept quiet though and that really does make a change for me.

It was two hours  i expected more contact, if you like but there was a lot of repetition.
There were many there who did firmly believe and received what they were  hoping for but there were so many disappointed people. Had my name been called out i may well be thinking differently.

Was i disappointed with the evening? no not really but i will not be going again it did satisfy my curiosity and i have done something different as Mikey wanted us to do. I do not have a need to have return visit!!
The answers we often want are the ones we have locked inside us, we just need to find the key. It was strange that most of the audience consisted of relatives of those who had passed unexpectedly, but then that may be the reason!!!

Certainly gives you food for thought and I'm sure many who do go get a lot of comfort from the experience. They could however become unhealthy if a person needs to go so often.

I would recommend everyone go just to be able to make an informed decision about them.

For me it will be memories and some inner turmoil but that's how it has to be i think some things will always remain a mystery, its how we live the that makes the difference.

I can just hear Mikey saying Mother why on earth did you go, what did you think would happen. Then shake his head and give me that look!!

Well i am going to give Roger a miss tonight and crawl into bed  and think about another monthly thing to do and yep tomorrow is another day................................

Day 176

I blinked and the week end is over!

Dull sort of day, and we decided to go to Cambridge and just have a look at the colleges etc and some bike shops!! oh yes and an old Capri a now classic car. I can remember when they were the car to have! age now showing.

Talked a lot about Mikey today and how sad we were that on his last day with us we didn't have any time alone with him to talk. C,s Dad stayed in the room the whole time. How strange that he didn't have the courtesy to give us time alone. Still as mum used to say you cant put nothing where there is nothing! I think what she used to mean was if there was no brain you couldn't put anything in it!
Anyway we were able to smile about Mikey today.
No photos because the weather was grim but lets hope things change on that front. The days are beginning to get longer after all.

Lin rang about tomorrow and she is going to get to us early just to make sure we are not late for the dhow tomorrow night. It means a bit of a rush getting home from work but its only for one day.

TOM!! managed to get him today. He has been working really odd shifts so has been busy at work. He has also managed to get his Internet sorted and will be on line again next week. Yippee. Lovely to chat and we had about an hour, he still managed to wind me up about a new job and i fell for the yarn hook line and sinker. He does it every time.

Tim and i went for a brisk walk around the block, he said if i was a dog he would be pulling me back! I think i set off at a good pace!

Been on Roger tonight and managed three short runs and knee OK!! try a few more tomorrow.

Tim told me that the best part of his day is waking me up in the mornings because he never knows what i am going to say. Apparently this morning a wished him a happy birthday!!

Well i better try and print off a photo for tomorrow night and try to get some sleep. I am getting nervous!!! but will blog all the news of how it went. I hope this coming week is better than the last but i doubt it still tomorrow is another day.......................

Day 175

A time to cry!

Raining and that sums up today! the heavens are crying with me today. Not sure what it was about today, it may just have been because i have had time on my hands. Anyway i made sure we went and looked at some bikes.

Not an ideal time but hey ho when will it be. I think Tim's made up his mind to have a Thundercat. I liked the Hornet but perhaps because i thought i could also take it out for a spin. Still i cant get in my kit so perhaps not a good idea after all.

Had a good walk in the rain! and i have been on Roger tonight, knees held up although aches a bit, I'm sure it will though. Also did all the exercises.

 Watched a couple of films and listened to some music! That has been my downfall. Music has a way of getting to you and then you become emotional. That's my excuse anyway.

So here i am yet again at past 2 in the morning no wonder i look a wreck. The hair has reached the untidy stage and i look like the wreck of the Esperas! ah well another couple of weeks if i can put up with it and may be OK. Then i think i will have it coloured red! why not.

Not heard from Tom cant get him but Tim's now getting concerned so will try again tomorrow. I hope he is OK.

Not long now before i go to see Sally Morgan, that's on Monday evening. Never been to anything like it before so should be interesting! Its being filmed as well so you never know maybe on TV.
Tired and i hope weather will be better for the last day of the week end, we shall see.

Hope to get out and use the camera. I noticed today that with all the wet the crows were flocking in the fields in there hundreds. The worms were getting there heads nipped off as soon as they surfaced! So it would appear it was a good day to feed. The seagulls make me laugh because they stand and stamp there feet, wait for the worm and snatch at the grass. I wonder why they do that. Perhaps the worms just pop up to see whats occurring and oops big mistake!

I found this tonight and it speaks volumes

 Well to bed because tomorrow is another day........