DAY 413

Can it be that many days i have been blogging? It seems as if i have only blinked since then.

Today the weather has changed so dramatically its been so windy and cold. Cant believe a few days ago we were basking in an Indian summer!! The weather is as fickle as men!!

I spent last night with my leg elevated in bed. All this time and i forgot Mikey's bed elevated electronically at the foot end! i don't think that part of the bed was ever used. The pillow end most certainly. So i was quite surprised that the ankle wasn't as painful this morning. I have been able to walk more comfortably anyway.

Work, nothing new very much the same as the past few days.

This evening went for my run, except i didn't!!! i cycled the route with Sue. Sure enough she wouldn't have gone if i hadn't, she did really well! Tim was pleased that i didn't run and said it made sense that i started to look after it instead of just putting up with the pain and risking a much longer time out. Anyway back to the Dr's tomorrow morning!!!

Tom seemed a bit brighter in himself and that made me feel a bit better. Still he does have so much to sort out what with his property in Doncaster etc. No doubt he will get around to making a decision about it.

Just been checking train times for Monday and it appears we have to catch a train just after 6am!!! will discuss that with Bev in the morning.

So i am sitting here now with the wind howling and the rain lashing against the windows. Let Duke out and the car port is full of leaves. Autumn is here with a vengeance.

How strange that misery appears to have gone on to other prey, i don't suppose i satisfy her appetite at the moment. Christmas is coming though and i do hope that this year we can remember how Mikey enjoyed the season. I know that by now he has usually begun his Christmas shopping, well he would probably be almost finished it. Mikey was always prepared and organised. Tom no doubt will be looking for things as the shops are closing on Xmas eve, and not bother with the wrapping!! Its bizarre that the tread of speech changes from past to present when we talk about him, forgetting he is no longer with us and yet in the next breath remembering he isn't.

Thinking about Mikey i cant accept that he isn't here. I talk about him and know that he isn't but the reality is that my heart wont accept and my mind does. I don't know its a really odd thing. I am sure that i will die still not having come to term with it. Still who's to say what the future holds. I wonder sometimes if I'm going slightly mad, in the words of one of Queens songs 'im only knitting on one needle' What a state of affairs, should i be lose in the world.

Well i better get the bed ready!!! and the ice pack and prepare to heal!!!  in the meantime i will try to post some more photos

Just thought i would add some pics of one of our running routes. Lucky to have such lovely scenery. The winter routes are not as scenic though!!

Well to bed and remembering that tomorrow is another day.........................
                                  

Day 410.411,412

Oh my word, my ankle has really gone this time!! Stupid stupid me and i have the marathon to train for!! Ah well i will just have to get it 100% this time and then train harder when I'm fully fit!!!

My fault for going running Tuesday and knowing it wasn't right. I feel so damn miserable about it. Doctors tomorrow i think.
Its just that i keep thinking that after all Mikey went through a little bit of ankle pain is nothing.

Monday and work again. The pace is increasing not getting slower and i just haven't stopped now for three days. The work is relentless but i suppose you only get out of the job what you put in.

Tuesday, well i think i have said all there needs to say about that! Well not really. I was approached to apply for one of the club places for the London marathon but decided not to, but how kind! Anyway i have agreed to volunteer to man the water station in a race in November. Bet i will be cod froze on the day! Still all in a good cause. Sue and i was late getting back from our run, due to my ankle and they were worried about us! Thursday in going on my bike and i will cycle round with Sue otherwise she will not go!! that's not fair, i will just have to put in more effort later. I think I'm going on about this rather a lot!!

Mikey would be so surprised at what I'm doing and i think a little proud of me. Tim's being really supportive as well.
Sues been checking up on hotels and we have decided to stay for two nights somewhere a little special for a treat!! we will need it.

I'm off to London on Monday GSF awareness and to sign up for that i hope. Palliative care!!! i may find it a tad difficult but we shall see.

Thursday I'm at Ely for the afternoon. Its such a job catching up though when you have time out of the office. Thank goodness Carols coming back for a few hours each day!! that will be a huge help and at least shift some of the paperwork which is almost grabbing me by the throat each day.

The week off was good and i do feel more energised, although I'm not sure how long that will last!!!

Duke , well i came home for lunch and just sat down when he launched himself at me, taking me and the chair over!!! specs were at a very strange angle and my lunch was heading south!! More control needed i think, but he is getting so big!

The evenings are getting darker now and winter suddenly seems to be approaching at a rapid rate of knots! how quickly our weather changes. The fens are being to look very sad again. The fields have been harvested and the old muck spreading has started. There is a definite whiff to the air now at night times.

Got to start planning my page for just giving ready to beg for support for the big run next year. All proceeds will go to the CF unit at Papworth. Have so much to do and so little time! never mind.
I wonder if i can magically mend the ankle overnight? used to believe in all that but now, no..

I have Mikey's picture of Freddie Mercury ready to go up on the wall. a job for Tim i think!

Photos lets see if i can put a few on tonight, her goes nothing.................

Well at least a got a few on!!! trying to get the rest on was like pulling teeth!
But tomorrow is another day..........................

Day 406/407/408/409

Oh dear yet another few days of missed blogging!!

Mikey has been so much in our thoughts these last few days. Its an Indian summer and Mikey loved the sun. The events over the last few days would I'm sure have had him making some very funny remarks! Even Tom has been smiling. Well today at least because he has been in bed for two days with the flu or a very nasty virus! He is much better today.

Tim went and fetched the car for me on Thursday so i had a few hours to myself and it was grand! I received a magazine through the post from virgin. Thinking it was just that a mag i didn't take much notice until later when i realised it was a condolence information pack. I didnt get a place in the London marathon. I was so upset. The club is given two places and we could put a case to them and see if i met the criteria.
At the club tonight it seemed none of the people we knew had got a place.

I have given applying for the place a lot of thought but Mikey would have hated it if i had told our story about how brave he was and how he lost the battle against Cf. I recall Xfactor and he disliked those contestants who had a sob story and he would say they are only doing it for the votes. So we applied this weekend for the Edinburgh marathon, and Sue and i have got a place!!! So May 27th next year we are off to Scotland. They have hills!!! which means Sue and i will have to practice hills and we only have one in town and that goes over the railway lines. Does that count??
That's my something new for October sorted.

So i have spent the rest of the week having a trip to the coast getting soaking wet feet trying to walk on the sand at Wells with my dodgy ankle! Still awaiting my brace, i hope its here for Tuesday!!

Internet shopping hooray!! at last got the hang of it.

Today i spent putting a non slip protective cover in the back of the car for Duke.

I now have one job to complete and that's put Mickeys print of Freddie Mercury in the frame i bought today. Put some photos on, that will be tomorrow
Work!!! ah well tomorrow is another day!!!

Day 404/405

OK so i missed yesterday but in the whole scheme of things that's pretty good for me just lately!!!
What did i do yesterday, ah yes shopping oh and call from work, i didn't actually mind that one because it was about my area!! so that's an anytime is fine call!!

Did i get my jeans, well hey yes, did i get a shirt, no!!! but i did buy a dress!!! We took Duke out and Tim had him practicing on steps, going up and down. Quite an experience i understand from Tim!!

Mikey's friend had a port inserted yesterday, i hope that went well.

Went running, didn't do too well because of the ankle. I really should rest it but i miss the fun of a run!! it really is so good for relieving stress.

Early night because of getting up early to catch the train to Norwich to see my fave coz Ang

Early train to Ely, had a delay as a vehicle hit the barriers!! but got to Norwich only 10 Min's late!!

What a day i have had, Walked miles. Lovely. Saw so may interesting things. Ang is a font of information a right oracle. The Cathedral was magnificent and we spend ages looking round, taking pictures. Wonderful.

The castle and its history. All the tiny lanes with such unusual shops!! Bought a beautiful new witch pin!!

Wonderful lunch out, photos tomorrow!!

Didn't do much shopping but got a bargain in East sale, skirt that should have been £67.00 had been reduced down 5 times to £12.50!!! and its a size 8 yep 8!!! I'm sure their sizes are generous though!

Shirt from M and S and a lovely book about Edith Cavell which i started to read on the way home!!

Those that know me are aware of my accident tendencies! We decided to sit for a minute, bag on the seat, went to sit and missed! ended up in a pile on the floor! There was an excuse, who makes seating that goes round in a circle!!  Norwich council do so be aware!

Arrived home tired but happy! and cant wait for the next meeting.

Tomorrow we get the change of car and it talks of being very hot, a heatwave so i hope we get to the coast on Friday. I may even go back shopping at the week end and get the red jacket i had my eye on. We shall have to wait and see.

Running tomorrow night! lets hope the ankle stays OK. I iced it as soon as i got home tonight and it certainly felt better afterwards. Oh got my named jacket on Tuesday ready for the winter, now need a fluorescent tabard !!

Mikey you would be amazed at what I'm doing, and all by myself!! Something new every month you said and up till now i have stuck to it! September i bought a car by myself and went of to Norwich alone. Not sure what October will bring, I'm going to have to get my thinking cap on.

Now to download my pictures of the day and hit the sack with a cup of tea and a good read, I'm weary but chilled, the most relaxed i have been for ages, still tomorrow is another day!.................

Day 398/399/400/401/402/403

What can i say! Last week i was just so overwhelmed with work and other things i was exhausted. What with my ankle and Tom and work yet again just too too much.

By Friday i was ready to throw in the towel. I decided to try and get some time owing back! What a joke!! every time i try something else invades my privacy and rest time. Im on holiday next week so hoped for a break.

Phone calls Friday afternoon and i had only left an hour before hand. More problems but not for my area however the knock on effect could be. So i decided to take a firm stand!! May be a mistake but we will see.

I decided i would part with my beloved Corsa! We dont get out now and that seems to suit Tim! Not a good idea he is getting to be very introverted and then that causes me worry because i then feel guilty about my running. I have given up swimming now and it hasnt made much difference.

So Tim found an estate car and i made arrangements to see it Saturday and take it for a test drive.

One and a half hours of drive to time!! and a phone call from work!  On the week end and again not my area. Anyway i decided to have the car, job done and i collect it on Thursday, so hopefully a nice day out on Friday.

Two phone calls on Sunday!!! A quiet day at home.

Monday, joy of joys my holiday commences!! only to receive a text to phone another person, again about another area. Things to sort tomorrow, but as i said i am on leave!!! Does this equate time owing again!! I wouldnt mind but please give us a break!!! i really am that close!!!

The sun came out this afternoon and we went for a lovely walk with Duke and i managed to take some photos!!! Nature had her sunday best on today, the colours at this time of the year are awesome. It was so peaceful and we are so liucky to live out in the fens, we really are except in November when everywhere is black and grey. The snow comes and the fens become this huge area of whiteness as far as you can see. Its something to look forward to. The ever changing seasons.

I have been looking for an ankle brace today! seems like i may have to wear one on a regular basis to stop my foot turning over when running. A common problem apparently. Once the ankle has a weakness there is a strong chance it will go again and again. Not so long now till the marathon ballot takes place so i am keeping every thingcrossed. We shall see.

Tims sister and brother in law called round today, to tell Tim about their holiday i expect.  They didnt stay!!

Tim said they came round whilst i was in town. Jen said i thought Sue took the car to work. Tim said shes on holiday. They had one hand on the gate opening it and she promptly pulled it closed and said we wont stop then.  Now is this me!!!!  I think not.

I still find the whole situation amazing! i really cant understand why they come to my home, where i live, and i just may be at home if they do not want to risk seeing me. My goodness, i have to say i wouldnt be rude but i would not contribute to the conversation either. What can i possibly have to say to two people who treated me and mine so badly last year. Mind you i dont know how they can even face Tim, after all he was very hurt by their actions last year. Still what do they say, no sense no feeling!! 

Tim said today that things were said that shouldnt have been said but it seems a bit silly that its gone this far. Now im not sure what he means by that, but i wasnt even going to ask.

I have just been trying to fit an ankle support! read the instructions but alas it doesnt look anything like the picture! must be something simpler.

Im off to Norwich on Wednesday to meet my fab cousin Ang, really looking forward to that, shop, sight see and lunch what can be better.

Tomorrow shopping I need some new jeans and shirts i wonder what i will come home with.

Tonight i was making Tim some lovely ham sanwiches, went to get a plate and Duke was up the worktop and snatched them, i was trying to pull him down but he made purchase with his paws and i couldnt budge him. Tim said my face was a picture!!!  and then said we must get him out of that. Serve Duke right he kept huffing at me, i dont suppose he thought much to the mustard!!

Duke is so big! for 16 weeks he looks full grown, i dread to think how big he is going to get.

Tom has settled a bit more i think although he doesnt look very happy. I really think he takes after his Dad. Tims parents used to call him weary willie, i now know why!

Right to bed then, and thank goodness that tomorrow is another day.....................

Day 393/394/395/396/397

My word its been 5 days and each day i want to blog.
Whats happened , well i received the wedding DVDs of Toms wedding. We thought they had been lost forever. The photos on them were the last ones we had of all of together and i so desperately wanted to get them. It was luck that clearing out the rooms ready for Tom that i found an address. The photographer had a copy in storage and sent me the 3 discs so with luck i will be able to get off some treasured memories. Tom was fine about me sending for them. I wasn't sure because of the situation but he was really good about it.

The weekend came and went with a bit of a bang!!! Saturday was really a day of chilling and catching up with jobs and house hunting for Tom.

Sunday i got up early to go for a run. Big mistake. My ankle still a bit iffy from last weekend but i thought i really need the practice.
Why cant i run without needing the loo!!! set off with a group and was keeping up well. Looked promising. Then to the bushes. Didn't feel to bad because  the group still in front. Got to cross country and into the tractor ruts, ankle over again! but i kept running. Another mistake. I found walking more problematic so it was run and walk, We did 6.9 miles!!! by the time i got back i was feeling the ankle managed to get on my bike and then wham. Couldn't get off the bike, soon as i put weight on the foot it was so painful.

Ice and then spent the rest of the day with my foot up. So angry especially as i had got us places on a run and another race coming up in October!!! Tim did say he wondered if my body was trying to tell me something. Well that maybe so but my mind is saying blow that i am going to do what i set out to do!!!
Anyway watched  a good DVD and had a sleep.

Tom seems more settled about Rocky but still wants his own place.

Monday and after a visit to the Dr's it was on to the hospital!!! I put a pair of heels on because i found it easier to walk on tip toe. Yet another mistake. Apparently it only shortens the calf muscles and then i was at risk of tearing the hamstring again when i start running. Man i had the heel down in a flash. Painful though. A sprain! which once you have a weakness apparently it can go again, so i have been given exercises to do for the ankles to strengthen them!!!
Lots of painkillers and flats. Problem is its throwing my back out so i am being even more careful. Tom came into the room last night and wondered what i was doing. I resembled a demented slug thrashing about on the floor. Still whatever it takes!!!

Today it does seem a little easier. Although now its throbbing a bit. Soon to bed for a rest. Meeting tomorrow so another chance to rest it! I do hope it will not take as long as i did when i was on holiday in June!! Got my peas ready to put on for 20 Min's whilst i read a book!!

I have time to reflect yet again and this injury only makes me more determined to raise money for the CF unit a Papworth. Its whats keeping me going, just being able to, hopefully make a difference to the lives of people with CF. Mikey would i know be pleased. He was so grateful to the staff on that unit even though he hated being in there during the last few months of his life. I will do what ever it takes, run every day if i have to, to enable me to go the distance. I will do this, i can do it, i must do it!!!

So on that very positive note, its bed with my ice pack and just remind myself that tomorrow is another day.
Blog tomorrow!!!

Day 392

Well at least today was a little calmer. The whole day had a much better feel to it despite Tim being very quiet this morning.

Kept a steady pace at work and manged to get home for lunch and then attend my physio. The last one for a month. Just going to keep on top of my back and hope all goes well for the frostbite runs.

Still a little rushed tonight but managed to have swift cuppa before changing to go running.

What a run we had tonight. It certainly De stresses me and i would recommend anyone taking it up!!

Good start and we decided to change route. Sue wasn't sure if she could manage a long run so we thought we would go as far as we could!!! Famous last words.

The first half mile was the worst! trying to sort out pace and to breathe!!! but i had to stop to go to the loo!! called in at a pub! i still cant believe i marched in and asked if we could use the facilities!! Sue thought she may as well go as well. When we came out, we couldn't see one of the club runners anywhere, so we thought we would go right. For some reason we thought this may have been the way they chose.

Ended up running beside the river and thinking gracious we are a long way from home!! it was getting a bit darker. Still we carried on, i had to stop to stretch and then goodness me Sue had to use the loo again! and we thought we could push on to the public loos but Sue needed to walk, ah ha another pub well a club really. In we go same thing and yet again thinking which way should we go. Onwards down West end through town and up station road. Now it was dark and both wondering if we would get a cup of tea or would everyone be gone!!

We did 5.7 miles!!! and when we spoke to the others they did 5.2 because we went the wrong way!! no wonder we didn't see anyone lol.

Tim and tom were talking when i got home and i have had some lovely chats tonight so on the happy note I'm heading for bed feeling more chilled, still tomorrow is another day...................