Day 372/373

One of these days I'm going to do exactly as i say i will! One day!!

My goodness it never rains but it pours, literally my sister in in America and in the heart of the Hurricane! just hope she keeps safe.

Back to me, and i have reflected on my recent Blogs and how they have become almost lists of things i have done during the day. Clearly this is what i have become! Doing things by rote.
Manging the days. Certainly it seems as thought the weeks are just passing by. It begins Monday and before you know it its Friday and you question what have you done.
Work begins at 9am and finishes, never! I continue to leave work later and later and spend so much time going back. Tim is getting rather fed up about it. I cant blame him.
I think Ive become rather cold and harder. Not like me, i usually feel colourful inside, strange way to describe myself, my Dad used to call me sunshine even when i was an adult!! i do feel as thought he light has gone out inside. I wonder if it will ever get switched back on. I hope so. Otherwise i will not be the mum that Mikey knew and loved!! I don't laugh like i did, maybe i will.

The last year has been horrendous on many levels, I'm not sure what to expect this year! Maybe this is the time we adjust. We shall see.
I don't cry all the time now, and can get through the days without those awful pictures in my head. I think of Mikey every day, it is easier now and not so raw. Usually!!!! I still have those sudden episodes of complete despair and disbelief. I can at least manage to get away from people in time now and weep in private.
Duke has been a huge help and very therapeutic for us both. Tim is out and about walking now with Duke and is beginning to talk to more people, that can only be a good thing. Tim says he wouldn't care if he never spoke to a soul again! that would be such a lonely existence. I think i would go mad!! Maybe i am. My concentration is still poor! and hasn't been helped by the pain killers. Ooh sent me rather high!! my mouth couldn't keep up with the word flow. How odd was that!!

What an idiot i am, falling over last week and the cost of that little 'trip'!! backs lousy and I'm trying to keep on walking! i really want to get back running. I really missed Thursday. i cant afford to miss it too often as we have a 10 mile run coming up and i need to practice and practice. I think i may have to go out every day once I'm fit again!! I wonder if my body is telling me I'm an old fool! Still i don't believe that age really matters. I would love to be one of those eccentric 75year old who dons a pair of shorts and roller skates up the road every day. An embarrassment to their children and friends! You never know!! It would be just my luck to fall off them and break a hip! best take those bone tablets!! Are the cod liver oil ones working i ask my self well maybe they are, who knows!

My new lens arrived today for my DX i have yet to work out how to fit it!! My Garmin arrived  this week as well and yep! i need to work out how to use that too. Problem solving week end it would appear.
On top of that i have all the cupboards and wardrobes to clear ready for Tom coming next week end. I have loads of boxes. I was saving them for Diana but it seems that will be put to another good use instead. The house resembles cardboard city!!
Bought some new Cd's to load onto my ipod! if i can remember how to do that.
Bought Duke a new bed today, to see how he gets on instead of his blanket that he constantly tries to cover himself up with!! Tim still made it comfy for him!!
We took Duke out for a ride in the car this evening to try and get him used to it. He was a good boy. We are still looking for an estate car. Not a big one i draw the line at that!!

I ordered Tom a dog guard from Amazon and that should have reached him today! Tom never thinks ahead, he is bringing Rocky down next Friday to Linda's and I'm not sure how he will get on. I think he will want to keep him with him but that's impossible. Tom says he will visit him every day, we shall see.
Tom said yesterday the down side of him coming to us is that i want be buying him new trainers now!!! only because every time i went up to see him i would take him trainers! I wonder if that was a hint!

I have some of my advanced medication training today!! a bit at a time, more tomorrow, if i can fit it in!!
I may be going up to Doncaster next week end to help Tom move some of his stuff. Tom wants me to meet him at Linda's next Friday so i will try and get the day off! I'm owed so much in time owing it shouldn't be a problem.

Well i better have a look at the lens and see if i can make sense of it. Its a zoom lens so i expect it could be called a s'n'uper lens!! it is rather large lets hope for fab results. I will post them on here. Praps i should do the exercises though um Decisions, decisions. Every thing can wait!
After all,Tomorrow is another day.............................