Its been over a week and to be honest i just wish i could have closed my eyes last Tuesday and woke today. I feel ashamed to say i have felt like that but i am only human even though a very selfish one to think like that. Where do my caring feelings for hubby and son Tom come into things. It does make me feel worse seeing it written down in black and white. You know people never cease to amaze me.
Tim didn't get one call from any of his family over Christmas, that says something surely.
Tom well bless him only my sisters thought of him. How sad is that. Tom said he didn't care but I'm sure he was as hurt as i was for him. If i start down that road again i just know the healing process will undo, that's if its begun!!!!
Friends and family and all that i guess.
Its been a rotten time and as hard as i tried to put some effort into the day. no it didn't work. It didn't help that i had to go into work on Christmas eve and be there till the early hours. Tim had gone to bed by the time i got home and Tom asked on Christmas day if i would be there for the day or not and he may as well be at home on his own rather than come out and i not be here. I think that says how the family feel about work. Oh to be a nurse!!! It just never stops. Maybe next year i should book up for us to go away some where.
You know it just makes you feel sick in the stomach thinking about whats missing in our lives, and who says time heals, they lied!!!
Maybe its just the Christmas thing and that's made everything worse. It seems that on some days you can get along OK you can laugh, you can smile, you can remember some of the good times and then it seems so hard because we remember what we have lost.
I knew if i was to sit here i would end up wailing and moaning and weeping and sure enough here i sit doing all of those things. Yes i am feeling sorry for myself!
Will the next year be any better, can i and dare i hope so.
So whats been normal!!! running i have still kept going even without my running buddy. Sue is off to see the surgeon on the 3rd of Jan oh dear i hope its not bad news!! but i saw her recently and she will run tomorrow, only a short run and save herself for Saturday!! several people would have had her ticket though!!! I'm off to physio for an early appointment tomorrow and for strapping!! ankle is still not right!!! and the appointment for scan still not through, i will chase that up i think. I have a wobble board now to practise with. Um not so good with that! can hardly stay aboard for a few minutes.
Went for a walk yesterday and didn't take the camera, only to see a fox running across the fields being chased by a flock of crows!!! what a sight it was. All this time i have lived in the fens the first time i have ever seen such a sight. Then the whale that beached at Hunstanton, missed that too!! I'm getting very slow indeed!!
Saturday we are being piped home on the run by a piper from the Black Watch, what a treat, i must make sure i save myself for that piece of the run!!!! and hope its not raining and not too cold. Am i asking for too much!.
It will soon be the Olympic run , then the marathon and would you believe the run in December in Spain and yep I'm going to go!!! Mikey would be so amazed but pleased I'm actually doing something with my life even if it is a little late!! Which means i must send for my passport!!! i have been saying that for a year now so must do that as my task for January!!
I have managed to download all the pictures!!! yay so tomorrow to put them on this blog!!! and get back to my daily off loading. I sure felt better when i did that i really need to remind myself that tomorrow is another day.....................
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