Day243/244

So much for blogging every day! i really must get myself a lap top or something!!! then maybe,just maybe i can keep up to date.

Yesterday was hectic to say the least. What with the Royal wedding and our own planned wedding at work was almost too much. That and the continual work that doesn't stop bank holiday or not!!

Well our wedding was hilarious! and i ended up dressing two 6 year old girls in their finery!! How odd that i have never dressed a girl before! having had boys it came as a shock! They how ever offered help and advice!!! they couldn't believe my problems, one said how did you dress your girls Sue? it was then i told them that i had had boys. They were not impressed. Then came the worry of them both diving for the stairs in high heels and long frocks! i almost had a panic attack!

I will put pictures on later. Oh and then came the problem that one decided it was all too much when it came to the ceremony and i ended up having one reluctant 6 year old to sit next to. Lord i was so out of practice! Boys are so much easier i think.

Talking of boys. Tom had called home whilst i was at work. He is still on holiday. When i got home it was a quick sandwich and Tim telling me we needed to go back to Doncaster as Tom needed a bill paying by tomorrow! he had forgotten about it. Not only that he said he had little credit on the phone and couldn't remember the ref number for us to pay on line! Yes us to pay!!!!

So off we went. Tim said we can rough it for one night! The days of me doing that happily i found have long passed!! So it was no heating as we didn't know how to work his central heating! and nothing to eat!!!

Up early and walked into the town to catch the post office before they closed at lunch time. Then Tim decided to power wash his patio and decking!!! so much for a peaceful day and a run with Sue B today!

Call from work and problems there.

Home and to work!!!!

Sopping and cooked tea a ride out where we saw an owl in flight right beside the car and a hawk hovering over its prey. I hope the photos come out! Then a bar of chocolate!!!!

Kept within my points just! but its weigh day tomorrow and i don't think i will be too happy with the results, i have not done so well this week. Still i will have to wait and see.

Bought some Chinese lanterns to let off next week on Mikeys birthday and a stop watch for running. Now i wonder if that will help at all.

Tom gets in from Heathrow some time tomorrow and is coming here for the night before going back up to Doncaster. It will be good to see him and to know hes back!!

The past two weekends have been spent doing other things and not for us, although it has meant the we have not been at a loss as to what to do with our time. I am however feeling pretty exhausted but tomorrow is another day

Day 242

What a day! just when you think you have a grip, life grabs you by the throat gives you a shake and forgets to let go!!

Have i had a full conversation with anyone today! nope. Its been all telephone calls and dealing with general rubbish that gets your blood boiling. What and who are these odd human species that cross our paths, causing general mayhem. For what i ask myself. I realise I'm not the sharpest knife in the box but my word!!!!!
It appears that the wedding tomorrow is going to be somewhat strange to say the least and as yet i have not tried on my outfit for the day!! i should imagine the only item of clothing that will fit is the shoes! oh and the hat!!!!
Lord i have forgotten the grooms tie i must write a note for myself. Have we got a best man? may have to make some calls in the morning, if i have time. The press are coming as well so that's another ordeal in itself!!!

I must remember to listen out for my cue music wise! me singing is going to be something else! Ah well.

Running tonight and we had a change of route, i think we did quite well. I was better tonight than i thought i would be, is this progress. I do hope so.

A bit teary today just talking to a relative got me off weeping I'm sure its because its getting close to Mikeys birthday. I have a lantern ready to let off in the evening. Tim doesn't know yet but i have managed to get the day off work, so i hope we do something to mark the day.

My deputy's daughter shares her birthday with Mikey and they are off to Paris to celebrate, i hope she likes her gift. I cant give it to her, i just cant its such a reminder of all i have lost. CJ is such a lovely young lady though!

Weight watchers diary being kept up to date, my word its hard sticking to the measly amount of points i have a day! still it will be worth it in the end i hope. Lose a stone or two and i may run a little bit father! that's my hope.

Well best get to bed! and prepare myself for the big day!! oh and try the dress on and check the camera has a full battery!

I only hope things get better and just have to keep thinking, tomorrow is another day!!

Day 242

I really must contact my sisters, all has been quiet since our London trip so not sure how the diets are going!
We started off full of good intentions, but then, the road to hell is paved with those!

Work was steady today with a few unexpected dramas! but that's how it is some days i guess. Still didn't get home on time, will that ever change i ask myself. Perhaps i should just accept, rather than fight against the tide. So maybe, just maybe that can be my challenge for May!

No it has to be the passport! still have not got round to that yet.

Home from work, quick change and then swimming! i must be mad, nothing new there then!

No news from Tom, but he did say it was expensive to ring from Thailand and would ring me on Sunday when he lands. Cant wait to hear that he is OK.

Tim really wanted to get back to Toms and power wash his patio before he gets home but i cant get any more time off in the week. We will have to see if he wants to go up on Saturday.

Looked up a programme for training for the Marathon. looks like i will have to get the treadmill out again from time to time to help boost my fitness levels.

The Royal wedding is fast approaching and we need to rehearse! pics at the end of the week i hope! but there is a slight twist in the tale! Everyone appears to be looking forward to it and i hope the weather stays fine.

Well i better get to bed, these early nights are not materialising, ah well tomorrow is another day............

Day 241

I have done it! entered the ballot for next years Marathon. Oh dear what have i done!

So lots of hard work now and hope i will be free of injuries, at least for a while. What i really need is an oxygen tank! and that's not forth coming.

So it was work today, quick change and out to run! its a slow business but i do hope i soon start to improve. There is lots of support at the club and friends have been really supportive.

No news from Tom today so hope all is well.

Electrician came back today as he found we had a break in our circuit on his last visit. Managed to find the problem. Two live wires  not connected to anything in the loft under the insulation. Have been like it since the bungalow was build. Lord we have been lucky! all fixed now.

Still sticking to the diet today, yesterday was a fiasco!! ah well i am certainly not perfect.

Tim was quiet tonight, maybe because we have not spent much time together today and i expect it will be like this till after next year! Doing the marathon if i get a place is going to be a  once in a lifetime experience so i will just have to find time for him somewhere!!!

Mikey has been in my thoughts so much today, it will be his birthday soon, next week in fact and it will be  sad time i am focusing on this running in the hope he would have been proud of me, I'm sure he would.

No time to do photos tonight, maybe sometime this week. I better start having some early nights and maybe i will run to work and home each day, well maybe its just a thought but that may change! after all tomorrow is another day..........................

Day 236-240

Well, i have been away for a long time!

Going to Toms on Thursday and returning on Friday didn't happen. We decided that as we had nothing to come back for we would get the jobs done for Tom and spend a couple of days looking around Yorkshire. That didn't happen either!

We arrived in good time so we could get cracking. Tom bless him manages well but we had a few repair jobs and the gardening! That took most of our time.
It was hang a couple of doors, sort some electrics out, put up a couple of replacement curtain tracks, and gardening!. It was Easter as well so the shops were not open at regular times.
Eating well we had take aways!!! so bang went the diet. Had a nice Chinese, cant remember the last time we had one of those.

Toms bed, well that took some negotiating, modern new fangled thing that is. Why cant he have a normal bed. Much hilarity over getting in and out of that,. Each night resulted in another chapter of events!!

We didn't take enough clothes to change into! well it was OK for Tim because he squeezed into some of Toms t shirts but me? i had to buy some new bits!!! i couldn't wait for the washing to dry!! well that's my excuse.

We had a lovely picnic in the park one of our days and we walked miles every evening. We were exhausted by the end of every day. I have some pics which i will put on some time this week! lord only knows when i will get time.

It was so nice to do some washing only to find that Tom had still kept some of Mikeys clothes that Mike had said he could have when he left them here at the beginning of last year. I took some pics of those too. How sad am i to treasure those. A shirt that had age 14yrs! inside even though he was an adult, always a job to get things that fit well! as i was doing the buttons up after ironing it, i thought of Mikey and when was the last time i ever did a shirt up for him, come to that when anyone did. I thought the last time must have been when he was being made ready for his funeral and resented that someone else had that task. It was a bitter sweet feeling doing those buttons up and was so grateful to be able to wash and iron some of his clothes even though they were now Toms. So i thought of his rucksack that still sits here beside his bed. The one Claires dad gave us when we took his ashes up, still with the items of clothing inside. Waiting..........

So we had our break, we heard fro Tom twice and on the last call it was tell us he had woken up in his hotel room to find someone in his room going through he pockets of his jeans!!! he shouted and they ran off. How scary is that. So i worry still!! thank goodness it will soon be Sunday and he will be home again!

Anyway Olympic tickets applied for and hope we are lucky closing ceremony is on the 12th August the same day Mikey died, isn't that strange. To think his wish was to live to see them. I hope we are lucky enough to be able to do that for him, we will have to wait and see.
Today we can apply for the Marathon lottery! goodness i hope we manage that as well, time will tell.

So now its some really tough training because it will soon be here! and I'm not ready, not yet. Back to the diet and that means some will power. Ah well it will all be worth it i hope.

So to bed now and ready for work tomorrow back on the treadmill ! how long to wait for a holiday and not a working one? Tim says he is ready now, gosh it was strange to see him climbing between sheds and up into trees! i had my eyes closed on more than one occasion!

I hope to improve my blogging from now on but for now, tomorrow is another day...............

Day 234/235

Its happening again! two days to blog. I promised myself it wouldn't happen but there you go, famous last words.

I was at work again last night, and i really am getting past the days when i could cram 48hrs worth of activity in 24hours a sign of age i expect! sad but its true.

So busy yesterday and still loads to do, there is no end in sight. Do i give up and just go with the flow, or try to swim against the tide.
It is a blessing in many ways that i am so busy it gives me little time to think and worry.
I am constantly battling the tears these days. It is getting close to Mikeys birthday and i miss him so much. Tonight i was busy looking for some bits to take up to Toms and came across a school photo when Mikey was 6. He has this beaming smile, hes wearing an old shirt of his Dads and has his hands in a lump of clay. The photo is in the middle of a paper plate he decorated with seeds and grain. I still have the Christmas decoration and candle holder he made and have had them out every Christmas since then. I just looked at the photo and thought how cruel life is. There seems to be no justice in the world. So many bad people and yet the world has lost someone so special. It really isn't fair. Now I'm blubbing and can hardly see the keyboard! 

Its been a night of discovery and sadness. Looking for some spare curtains to take to Toms i found Mikeys favourite hooded sweatshirt he wore when he was in America , he was 7 at the time. I have kept items of clothing at various ages, i knew there would be a time when we would not have him and i suppose sub consciously i was saving them for this time. God i cant explain how heartbroken i am. There are times when i wonder if its worth it, but remember how angry Mikey was when he heard of people taking there own life when he would do anything to preserve his.

I thought the days of misery were coming to a close. Yet misery has found me again she has sunk her claws in and this time she is managing to hang around for a bit and i cant shake her off! it must be because she has been starved of my feelings for a while. I thought i had managed to be aware of her presence but i have obviously failed yet again to notice her approach. Damn!

Well i went running yesterday and manged to do the required amount and paid for it later! Swimming tonight and weight watchers tracking continues!

Off to Doncaster tomorrow to Spring clean for Tom and that will keep us occupied for a couple of days, so i wont be blogging tomorrow unless of course we cant get in and have to come home, or we get everything done and come home early!

Well i better close now as its an early start for us both. Sorry for being depressing but tomorrow is another day

Day 233

Tired,tired,tired!!

I'm not sure if its mental or physical exhaustion, maybe a bit of both!

Tom must be in Thailand by now and hopefully enjoying himself. Only another 2 weeks of worry!

Work, its almost like being on a roller coaster and yet i see no end in sight yet. Priorities change on a daily basis, who moved those wretched goal posts!

Diet continues to go OK and Tim bless him is really trying to make sure i stick to it.

Went swimming tonight and managed 50 length. I was counting and will tell Joni on Thursday!  I have learnt another new thing tonight. This well built gentleman walked round the edge of the pool in this very skimpy pair of speedos. Joni said they are now called Budgie Smugglers! i almost fell over with laughing, how apt and i can see why they would be called that. I shall never be able to look at a man in them with out my imagination going into overdrive! Got home and made a healthy sandwich and then promptly fell asleep on the settee and have every intention of climbing into bed when i have finished here. I just cant hack it like i used to.   So no pictures tonight.

Running tomorrow and my leg and ankle still resemble a hockey stick with ring do nut round the base. I hope it holds up for the run. I guess i will have to wait and see.

I have looked at my posts and this time last year Mikey was in with yet another collapsed lung, how things have changed over the last 12 months. Life is not the same certainly! I just wish Tom realised what he has. Will that day ever come i wonder. 


I'm off to get an early night and hope that my days in the future do not feel as though I'm walking in mud, ah well tomorrow is another day.