Its happening again! two days to blog. I promised myself it wouldn't happen but there you go, famous last words.
I was at work again last night, and i really am getting past the days when i could cram 48hrs worth of activity in 24hours a sign of age i expect! sad but its true.
So busy yesterday and still loads to do, there is no end in sight. Do i give up and just go with the flow, or try to swim against the tide.
It is a blessing in many ways that i am so busy it gives me little time to think and worry.
I am constantly battling the tears these days. It is getting close to Mikeys birthday and i miss him so much. Tonight i was busy looking for some bits to take up to Toms and came across a school photo when Mikey was 6. He has this beaming smile, hes wearing an old shirt of his Dads and has his hands in a lump of clay. The photo is in the middle of a paper plate he decorated with seeds and grain. I still have the Christmas decoration and candle holder he made and have had them out every Christmas since then. I just looked at the photo and thought how cruel life is. There seems to be no justice in the world. So many bad people and yet the world has lost someone so special. It really isn't fair. Now I'm blubbing and can hardly see the keyboard!
Its been a night of discovery and sadness. Looking for some spare curtains to take to Toms i found Mikeys favourite hooded sweatshirt he wore when he was in America , he was 7 at the time. I have kept items of clothing at various ages, i knew there would be a time when we would not have him and i suppose sub consciously i was saving them for this time. God i cant explain how heartbroken i am. There are times when i wonder if its worth it, but remember how angry Mikey was when he heard of people taking there own life when he would do anything to preserve his.
I thought the days of misery were coming to a close. Yet misery has found me again she has sunk her claws in and this time she is managing to hang around for a bit and i cant shake her off! it must be because she has been starved of my feelings for a while. I thought i had managed to be aware of her presence but i have obviously failed yet again to notice her approach. Damn!
Well i went running yesterday and manged to do the required amount and paid for it later! Swimming tonight and weight watchers tracking continues!
Off to Doncaster tomorrow to Spring clean for Tom and that will keep us occupied for a couple of days, so i wont be blogging tomorrow unless of course we cant get in and have to come home, or we get everything done and come home early!
Well i better close now as its an early start for us both. Sorry for being depressing but tomorrow is another day
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