I could have pasted yesterdays opening words to today. My brain is misfunctioning!!! To many things going on and trying to work in my head whilst doing a task ends up with me feeling jumbled!
I'm a jumper becoming unravelled!
I really am extremely busy, there is no let up. We are being inundated with people wanting a bed with us. This is really god news but with reduction in my admin and my Dep working the floor im really struggling to keep afloat. I shouldnt complain but im playing catch up, i hate not having the control!!!
Tim bless him went to Eastwood today, and he said every time he goes he thinks of Mikey and because of that he wanted to talk about my big birthday in a couple of years time!! Tim said he knew i had said in the past that i wanted a party but didnt know if i felt as he did.
A celebration like that will not be the same withoout Michael and he wondered if i wanted to take my sisters for a weekend to a spa instead. I thought that would be a good idea. Life will never be the same for us and we will always feel an incomplete family.
We are fast approaching Mikeys birthday and i feel thats what is bringing thoughts like this to the fore.
So i cried today and still could again now, it's not misery though, not this time. It's such an ache, an emptiness with so much sadness. A bleak dispair, and such pain of heart and soul. We cant help each other because we still cant help ourselves.
Work does keep me going, however much i complain. I have to be on the move, i can't stop because if i do i will have too much time to think about the negatives and not the good things. Mikey bought us so much joy, and he was so incredibly brave. I am a mother but he really was. Such courage in the face of adversity. I am so very proud of him and what he acheived.
I now have a night to do tomorrow and will not be able to see my dear friend as planned and that does upset me, but i hope we can meet next week. I just need her to give me that knowing look she has, for me to let go and be me!
Saturday we hope to go to the Norfolk and Norwich show LETS HOPE IT DOESNT RAIN!!! So im off to bed with a positive thought that tomorrow is another day........................
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