Yep another 4 days. What is it that results in days getting missed. Tim says work is taking over and i think it is. I don't go swimming now and yet those two days are just swallowed up. How odd.
Anyway physio this morning and things are definitely improving at last!!! another tape up, calf's de knotted! and back next week with my kit just to see if I'm running wrongly, but fit to run tonight.
Work and my boss in! to do a review so cant get home for lunch and then blow me if we didn't get a surprise visit from the company auditor and he was there till nearly six!! so home and quick change and out to run. Had to go in the car as no time to cycle. Just got to the club and we were called to run, still going up the road trying to get my watch on and trying to turn on my high viz lights!!! not a good start. So no lunch and no tea.
It was cold and wet and we needed to really keep focused. Still we did well considering the long run Sunday.
Friday, yet again another visit from the boss!! but the report from the auditor was good, that's a positive anyway.
Had to go back to work this evening to take photos of carol service. Tim not best pleased. Then another call just before midnight and called in again and didn't get home till 0230hrs!! worn out!!!
Saturday just passed in a blur and was determined to get up early today for a run, um only half worked out. Still it was a miserable day and decided to head off to Ely to try and get a running shirt, cant get a thing in town!! The scenery was grim! so bleak and grey, the road closed off just up the road, and accident i think. Someone is in for a very sad Christmas.
Everywhere is dull and lifeless even the green winter wheat shoots look sad. The trees are bare and just look like skeletal arms and fingers pointing upwards. The only positive was Ely Cathedral. the grand old lady of the fens standing proud in the distance like a beacon guiding us all to safety. Plenty of parking spaces!!! managed to get what i wanted and home for lunch. A quick trip to Staples and it was evening.
Decided to go for a run before it rained again, only a short one just round the block a couple of miles.
And that's my week end gone.
My blogs are becoming memory points of my days! and that's not what i want. I hoped that i would be able to look back and understand how this grieving process worked and that's not whats happening, is it? Just mundane ramblings of a woman getting through the days the best way she can. That's it isn't it, there seems to be no soul in my writing, when did that go! Its true what they say you work to live, not live to work but i feel sure that's how my life is now. How can i turn myself around again! I do want to, so its a promise to myself, a new year and another new me. I'm changing almost yearly!! Who am i? who do i want to be? i cant answer either.
This week almost every day accounted for! and then it will be a week till Christmas still no cards sent out again and no Dec's up. Luckily we talked about it again today and Tim feels the same. Cards have come through he door and they sit on the table. I think Tim will try and take me out for a run over Christmas, or drop me off somewhere and hope i can find my own way home!! We will see. Oh good lord we have the new years eve run to do, best get some more practise in!!! Well its cold and i need to get some sleep cant think about next week but tomorrow, is another day................
Sunday, 11 December 2011
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
Day 475
Gosh just read yesterdays account! spelling up the shoot, well i was having a bad evening, that's my excuse.
Today i feel mellow, odd really just so laid back I'm virtually horizontal!! cant begin to imagine what has bought that on.
Work today has bought even more changes and if I'm struggling I'm sure everyone else is. Not negotiable apparently! No Christmas spirit.
Yet again i cant drum up enthusiasm for Xmas, no cards done, no presents, nothing. Time is getting on but no interest at all. Mikey loved Christmas and would have done all his shopping and have the pressies all wrapped by now. So organised and always gave a lot of thought about his purchases. Gosh i miss him.
Tonight i was chilling really Tim watching football. Tom came round for a cup of tea!! how nice was that. Tom said he had friends round to see him last night and i don't think that has happened since he moved away 3 years ago!! lets hope that is a sign of things to come. A bit of social life.
Its so cold!!! really wintry and i wore my boots for the first time this season. Sure of cold times to come.
Physio in the morning! ankle really seems to be on the mend! not right but so much more comfortable. Legs remain sore but that was from the massage last week. I wonder if i will get another tomorrow. Ouch!! Running tomorrow night and i cant wait to see how i feel after the long run! I'm feeling kind of positive. I do hope that's not going to be a mistake. Sue may have gone out for a morning run today with her sister, and i will need to squeeze in another run this week as well.
Just trying out the garmin!! if only i knew how to work it properly i may well have had the route saved on Sunday, ah well perhaps next year!
So to bed, tomorrow is another day..............................
Today i feel mellow, odd really just so laid back I'm virtually horizontal!! cant begin to imagine what has bought that on.
Work today has bought even more changes and if I'm struggling I'm sure everyone else is. Not negotiable apparently! No Christmas spirit.
Yet again i cant drum up enthusiasm for Xmas, no cards done, no presents, nothing. Time is getting on but no interest at all. Mikey loved Christmas and would have done all his shopping and have the pressies all wrapped by now. So organised and always gave a lot of thought about his purchases. Gosh i miss him.
Tonight i was chilling really Tim watching football. Tom came round for a cup of tea!! how nice was that. Tom said he had friends round to see him last night and i don't think that has happened since he moved away 3 years ago!! lets hope that is a sign of things to come. A bit of social life.
Its so cold!!! really wintry and i wore my boots for the first time this season. Sure of cold times to come.
Physio in the morning! ankle really seems to be on the mend! not right but so much more comfortable. Legs remain sore but that was from the massage last week. I wonder if i will get another tomorrow. Ouch!! Running tomorrow night and i cant wait to see how i feel after the long run! I'm feeling kind of positive. I do hope that's not going to be a mistake. Sue may have gone out for a morning run today with her sister, and i will need to squeeze in another run this week as well.
Just trying out the garmin!! if only i knew how to work it properly i may well have had the route saved on Sunday, ah well perhaps next year!
So to bed, tomorrow is another day..............................
Tuesday, 6 December 2011
Day 474
Why, why why, just when you think things are OK are you hit with such a ferocious bout of sadness. I guess misery found me, always laying in wait and ready to ponce. Well she caught me tonight and once again i was wrapped in her black shroud of grief. There are times when you just cant accept whats happened and if you don't think about it well it hasn't happened. Its all a delusion of course!
Getting ready to give my account of the run on Sunday and just listened to AFI Morning Star. Mikeys fave group and one of the songs i know he listened to. The words haunted me tonight and i felt such sadness for him and wished i could have known how he was feeling and given him some comfort, for that i will always be sad..
Its been 16 months at at this very minute it feels as if it has only just happened. Its such an overwhelming feeling. Maybe its the time of year, i don't know. It doesn't matter what you do to try to remain positive and keep busy do what ever it takes to get through the days, you don't! It just looks like it to others. How good do we become at pretending, ah well we only show the world the part of us we want them to see. Its these rare moments when control slips and the tenuous grip on living slips. Night time is the most loneliest and the longest part of a day.
I suppose i should share the events of Sunday, its such a struggle today to explain what occurred. I hope i can muster enough enthusiasm to get across what happened.
I got up really early and had breakfast, didn't drink too much and donned the compression socks, do you know they even had left and right on them, well that should have been warning enough!!
Sue came down and we set off to Peterborough. Arrived in plenty of time. Goodness the porta loos were already whiffy so it would appear what we had been told about runners needing the loo was correct. Still we were feeling really positive. Done everything right this time, or so we thought. Time for a group picture and a warm up. Well the warm up was almost our run so we thought, best not over do things and started to walk back to bag area.
Gentleman stops us and tells us we are going the wrong way!!! the start was where we were coming from and we should turn back around. Sue said she needed the toilet. Public loos are on the way he says but the race was about to begin! He was carrying a horn, so i asked if he was the starter, yes says he, well thought we OK we will walk with you!!
No toilets and a huge group of bodies that we got caught up in. It was really warm in the middle i felt like an Emperor Penguin until the klaxon went and this surge of bodies moved forwards carrying us along with them. No idea where we were as all these people were around us. Anyway we were going to fast and we had to slow down i was gasping and we had only gone a short distance. Anyway we managed to get some control and set a steady pace. It was then Sue said she really needed the loo, and we had only done about a mile. We asked the Marshall's round the course and none till we got back to the start! 5 miles away and we had to do the route twice to make it 10 miles. Sue had to keep stopping which suited me because of the ankle although it felt really good. We eventually came to a wooded part of the route and Sue said she would just have to get into the bushes!! by the time she had finished i thought um maybe i should go. No one in sight not a one we were obviously last. We kept plodding on and our time wasn't too bad. Oh dear now i really needed to go. W were now being passed by the quick runners on their second lap!!! these were the winners, by the time we got to the start area we were guided by the Marshall's down the road. This isn't right i thought, we were herded with the elite!!! only for someone to note that we shouldn't be there, lifted the tape and ushered us under it and set us on our way . But with no direction!!. Still need the loo and nipped in Sainsburys. Quick out and tried to find our way Sue recognised a broken fence and we went down that path. No signs and no Marshall's. We decide that we would continue anyway but feeling a bit odd about the whole thing. We saw a man come towards us who was holding bits of tape. A Marshall only to tell us they were all packing up as they thought we had already gone through! Sue asks if he could phone ahead to let them know, but that was not possible. So he gave us a map of the route and asked us if we could follow that. Well what a game, we had no idea. We were on housing estates and all sorts. We eventually came to the wooded area again so we knew we were on the right route. We came to the main road and found the bollards to give us a safe route on the road had been removed. So we had to cross the road walk on the grass verge until we reached the roundabout and re cross again to get onto the path. Then we saw the man on the bike trying to get our attention. He was the sweeper, someone had phoned him to let them know that we were still out on the road. He escorted us the last 3 miles!! He was very sorry. By now we were really fed up and although determined to finish felt a bit let down. We completed the course in 2 hours 12 minutes which was good all things considered! and got a bottle of water for our troubles.
Luckily a married couple with the club waited for us. They are both in their 70s and good runners but were concerned about us and made sure we got a cup of tea and a piece of cake!! Everyone else had gone!!
It could only happen to us!!!
Not sure how to resolve the loo business its only on race days, perhaps nerves?
Ankle and legs lasted the course, but the tops of my legs were a bit sore and ached, still that's a 10 miler out of the way! should start to get better soon i hope.
Sue phoned today and cancelled running, to give our legs a rest until Thursday, good plan i think!!!
Oh well just keep reminding myself that tomorrow is another day.....................
Getting ready to give my account of the run on Sunday and just listened to AFI Morning Star. Mikeys fave group and one of the songs i know he listened to. The words haunted me tonight and i felt such sadness for him and wished i could have known how he was feeling and given him some comfort, for that i will always be sad..
Its been 16 months at at this very minute it feels as if it has only just happened. Its such an overwhelming feeling. Maybe its the time of year, i don't know. It doesn't matter what you do to try to remain positive and keep busy do what ever it takes to get through the days, you don't! It just looks like it to others. How good do we become at pretending, ah well we only show the world the part of us we want them to see. Its these rare moments when control slips and the tenuous grip on living slips. Night time is the most loneliest and the longest part of a day.
I suppose i should share the events of Sunday, its such a struggle today to explain what occurred. I hope i can muster enough enthusiasm to get across what happened.
I got up really early and had breakfast, didn't drink too much and donned the compression socks, do you know they even had left and right on them, well that should have been warning enough!!
Sue came down and we set off to Peterborough. Arrived in plenty of time. Goodness the porta loos were already whiffy so it would appear what we had been told about runners needing the loo was correct. Still we were feeling really positive. Done everything right this time, or so we thought. Time for a group picture and a warm up. Well the warm up was almost our run so we thought, best not over do things and started to walk back to bag area.
Gentleman stops us and tells us we are going the wrong way!!! the start was where we were coming from and we should turn back around. Sue said she needed the toilet. Public loos are on the way he says but the race was about to begin! He was carrying a horn, so i asked if he was the starter, yes says he, well thought we OK we will walk with you!!
No toilets and a huge group of bodies that we got caught up in. It was really warm in the middle i felt like an Emperor Penguin until the klaxon went and this surge of bodies moved forwards carrying us along with them. No idea where we were as all these people were around us. Anyway we were going to fast and we had to slow down i was gasping and we had only gone a short distance. Anyway we managed to get some control and set a steady pace. It was then Sue said she really needed the loo, and we had only done about a mile. We asked the Marshall's round the course and none till we got back to the start! 5 miles away and we had to do the route twice to make it 10 miles. Sue had to keep stopping which suited me because of the ankle although it felt really good. We eventually came to a wooded part of the route and Sue said she would just have to get into the bushes!! by the time she had finished i thought um maybe i should go. No one in sight not a one we were obviously last. We kept plodding on and our time wasn't too bad. Oh dear now i really needed to go. W were now being passed by the quick runners on their second lap!!! these were the winners, by the time we got to the start area we were guided by the Marshall's down the road. This isn't right i thought, we were herded with the elite!!! only for someone to note that we shouldn't be there, lifted the tape and ushered us under it and set us on our way . But with no direction!!. Still need the loo and nipped in Sainsburys. Quick out and tried to find our way Sue recognised a broken fence and we went down that path. No signs and no Marshall's. We decide that we would continue anyway but feeling a bit odd about the whole thing. We saw a man come towards us who was holding bits of tape. A Marshall only to tell us they were all packing up as they thought we had already gone through! Sue asks if he could phone ahead to let them know, but that was not possible. So he gave us a map of the route and asked us if we could follow that. Well what a game, we had no idea. We were on housing estates and all sorts. We eventually came to the wooded area again so we knew we were on the right route. We came to the main road and found the bollards to give us a safe route on the road had been removed. So we had to cross the road walk on the grass verge until we reached the roundabout and re cross again to get onto the path. Then we saw the man on the bike trying to get our attention. He was the sweeper, someone had phoned him to let them know that we were still out on the road. He escorted us the last 3 miles!! He was very sorry. By now we were really fed up and although determined to finish felt a bit let down. We completed the course in 2 hours 12 minutes which was good all things considered! and got a bottle of water for our troubles.
Luckily a married couple with the club waited for us. They are both in their 70s and good runners but were concerned about us and made sure we got a cup of tea and a piece of cake!! Everyone else had gone!!
It could only happen to us!!!
Not sure how to resolve the loo business its only on race days, perhaps nerves?
Ankle and legs lasted the course, but the tops of my legs were a bit sore and ached, still that's a 10 miler out of the way! should start to get better soon i hope.
Sue phoned today and cancelled running, to give our legs a rest until Thursday, good plan i think!!!
Oh well just keep reminding myself that tomorrow is another day.....................
Monday, 5 December 2011
Day 467/468/469/470/471/472/473
Oh my word a week!!!! has it been so long. I feel really ashamed of myself!!
I was so fed up last week and was depressing myself! is that possible. Well truth to tell, that's not really honest! I have been so busy and really worried about race day, but that's for later!!
Running on Tuesday was a disappointment and the legs ached so much.
Work was pretty tough too on Wednesday and just about pooped.
Thursday, up early for physio!! and the foot and ankle really strapped well. Alex checked out the calf's and found they were really tight so i had a sports massage. Oh yea gods!!! it was soooooooo painful I'm sure they must have heard me yelping out in the streets!! I was then told to stretch every 2 hours for the rest of the day and to stretch as much as possible before Sunday!! oh and i may be De hydrating prior to running. Actually that may well be true so drinking loads for the rest of the Day!!! Running Thursday was not much better so can only hope that all goes well on Sunday. Oh and i need some compression socks as they may help. not sure if they will but Alex said give them a try!
Socks ordered on the Internet!!! my goodness how much for a pair of socks!!! £20 gulp!!!
Friday i was waiting patiently for today. I took some time off work because i heard from my niece Shelly that she would be visiting today with her mum and son!!! I have not seen my niece for many years. What a fantastic morning, cant describe it. We will now be keeping in touch and will see each other from time to time. Continued to drink and stretch all day today as well!!!
Friday night out to the Running clubs Christmas do! not really what i thought , the music was really poor!! and the sad thing is its often the music that sets the night up and so people left early and we too went home before the witching hour!!
Saturday Legs so painful to touch even the skin feels sore! but still stretching. Cycled down to see Tom all 5 miles!!! hope that gave my legs some exercise!! Bungalow is looking homely and i have started to make friends with his dog!! i did have a handbag full of dog treats though! i wonder if he will expect those all the time!!
Thought i should have early night Saturday ready for race day. Must get up early. Well that went to plan. As for the race i will put it all down tomorrow as i am so tired i need to get to bed! We have been out for a meal and I'm pooped again!!
I was so fed up last week and was depressing myself! is that possible. Well truth to tell, that's not really honest! I have been so busy and really worried about race day, but that's for later!!
Running on Tuesday was a disappointment and the legs ached so much.
Work was pretty tough too on Wednesday and just about pooped.
Thursday, up early for physio!! and the foot and ankle really strapped well. Alex checked out the calf's and found they were really tight so i had a sports massage. Oh yea gods!!! it was soooooooo painful I'm sure they must have heard me yelping out in the streets!! I was then told to stretch every 2 hours for the rest of the day and to stretch as much as possible before Sunday!! oh and i may be De hydrating prior to running. Actually that may well be true so drinking loads for the rest of the Day!!! Running Thursday was not much better so can only hope that all goes well on Sunday. Oh and i need some compression socks as they may help. not sure if they will but Alex said give them a try!
Socks ordered on the Internet!!! my goodness how much for a pair of socks!!! £20 gulp!!!
Friday i was waiting patiently for today. I took some time off work because i heard from my niece Shelly that she would be visiting today with her mum and son!!! I have not seen my niece for many years. What a fantastic morning, cant describe it. We will now be keeping in touch and will see each other from time to time. Continued to drink and stretch all day today as well!!!
Friday night out to the Running clubs Christmas do! not really what i thought , the music was really poor!! and the sad thing is its often the music that sets the night up and so people left early and we too went home before the witching hour!!
Saturday Legs so painful to touch even the skin feels sore! but still stretching. Cycled down to see Tom all 5 miles!!! hope that gave my legs some exercise!! Bungalow is looking homely and i have started to make friends with his dog!! i did have a handbag full of dog treats though! i wonder if he will expect those all the time!!
Thought i should have early night Saturday ready for race day. Must get up early. Well that went to plan. As for the race i will put it all down tomorrow as i am so tired i need to get to bed! We have been out for a meal and I'm pooped again!!
Monday, 28 November 2011
Day 462/463/464/465/466
5 days!!! getting into bad habits, but what can i say.
Before i start to recall the last 5 days tonight has bought home to me how generous Mikey's friends have been allowing me into their lives. Not an easy thing to do when, you are living with CF and reading all my stuff and his other very special friend who he thought of as a sister. Very special people indeed.
What sprung to mind was how we as a family have been abandoned by the CF world. Once Mikey was no longer with us not only did we lose him it was if we had vanished from ever having lived with CF. We had 25 years of being involved with Mikey's illness suddenly it is as if he never was. Does that make sense. What I'm trying to say i think is that everything just stopped as though we never existed. Oh I'm making a mess of this but i know what i mean. No counselling for CF parents no support. Why is that i wonder.
Still that's off my chest.
Whats been happening in my world. Now do i bore myself with writing and recalling work or is that too traumatic. Yep I'm going to leave that. Don't want to disappear into a world of depression!! Is it so bad, no probably not but those mole hills just keep growing!!
Thursday went running and i was pitiful!! although better than the Tuesday. I have told Sue just to get on without me and go with some of the other runners. I am feeling very sorry for myself and need to to focus on the Marathon and how i am going to achieve that. If it means rest and be sensible for the next few weeks then i will. Its still very sore. Its been weeks. Still enough said, for now!!!
Friday was the big day for Tom. Van collected, keys handed over and off to Doncaster with his Dad, but he forgot his keys! and decided to risk going with the ones i had given Tim just in case they needed another set. Not 100% sure they were Toms but they were an odd set i had. I was in a panic until i heard from him to say they were in!!
A very late night home but managed to get a lot of his bits here.
Saturday they set off to build a fence and was still working up to darkness, the same on Sunday but on Sunday i was helping with the Hereward Relay. Stuck out in the middle of the Fens at Welney. My goodness what an eye opener. Some of the seasoned runners looked dreadful, what have i let myself in for! I have a 10 mile race this Sunday. Should i go or not? I'm worried about the ankle but I'm at Physio on Thursday so hopefully she will advise and i will listen.
Today Tom has moved out and its strange again having the house to ourselves, although he phoned me tonight to let me know how he was. Then Tim went back down tonight because Tom asked if we would bring his toothbrush because he had forgotten it. I think Tim will be a constant visitor!!
So her i sit! writing an epistle.
The neighbours have their Christmas lights up. Oh my word. I'm sure the national grid must be experiencing a surge! We do not need lights on in the kitchen or the lounge, hard to believe well see the picture!!
See what i mean and the sight seeing has begun, visitors down a very small cul de sac just doesn't work and then their dog starts to bark. No Christmas spirit here then!!!
But on a positive note!!!!! one of me at Welney!!
It was so cold!! and we had a nice day, no rain or frost. I also got a medal, a horse brass. So all told this year i have received a bag of spuds and the horse brass for my efforts, i wonder what Sunday will bring? Something new for November, i can now add marshalling to my talents. What next i wonder.
Well to bed with an ice pack and the thought of 'tomorrow is another day'
Before i start to recall the last 5 days tonight has bought home to me how generous Mikey's friends have been allowing me into their lives. Not an easy thing to do when, you are living with CF and reading all my stuff and his other very special friend who he thought of as a sister. Very special people indeed.
What sprung to mind was how we as a family have been abandoned by the CF world. Once Mikey was no longer with us not only did we lose him it was if we had vanished from ever having lived with CF. We had 25 years of being involved with Mikey's illness suddenly it is as if he never was. Does that make sense. What I'm trying to say i think is that everything just stopped as though we never existed. Oh I'm making a mess of this but i know what i mean. No counselling for CF parents no support. Why is that i wonder.
Still that's off my chest.
Whats been happening in my world. Now do i bore myself with writing and recalling work or is that too traumatic. Yep I'm going to leave that. Don't want to disappear into a world of depression!! Is it so bad, no probably not but those mole hills just keep growing!!
Thursday went running and i was pitiful!! although better than the Tuesday. I have told Sue just to get on without me and go with some of the other runners. I am feeling very sorry for myself and need to to focus on the Marathon and how i am going to achieve that. If it means rest and be sensible for the next few weeks then i will. Its still very sore. Its been weeks. Still enough said, for now!!!
Friday was the big day for Tom. Van collected, keys handed over and off to Doncaster with his Dad, but he forgot his keys! and decided to risk going with the ones i had given Tim just in case they needed another set. Not 100% sure they were Toms but they were an odd set i had. I was in a panic until i heard from him to say they were in!!
A very late night home but managed to get a lot of his bits here.
Saturday they set off to build a fence and was still working up to darkness, the same on Sunday but on Sunday i was helping with the Hereward Relay. Stuck out in the middle of the Fens at Welney. My goodness what an eye opener. Some of the seasoned runners looked dreadful, what have i let myself in for! I have a 10 mile race this Sunday. Should i go or not? I'm worried about the ankle but I'm at Physio on Thursday so hopefully she will advise and i will listen.
Today Tom has moved out and its strange again having the house to ourselves, although he phoned me tonight to let me know how he was. Then Tim went back down tonight because Tom asked if we would bring his toothbrush because he had forgotten it. I think Tim will be a constant visitor!!
So her i sit! writing an epistle.
The neighbours have their Christmas lights up. Oh my word. I'm sure the national grid must be experiencing a surge! We do not need lights on in the kitchen or the lounge, hard to believe well see the picture!!
See what i mean and the sight seeing has begun, visitors down a very small cul de sac just doesn't work and then their dog starts to bark. No Christmas spirit here then!!!
But on a positive note!!!!! one of me at Welney!!
It was so cold!! and we had a nice day, no rain or frost. I also got a medal, a horse brass. So all told this year i have received a bag of spuds and the horse brass for my efforts, i wonder what Sunday will bring? Something new for November, i can now add marshalling to my talents. What next i wonder.
Well to bed with an ice pack and the thought of 'tomorrow is another day'
Wednesday, 23 November 2011
Day 460/461
Right well i am just about tired and fed up with this wretched ankle!!! All seemed to be going so well and last night went running and couldn't!! Legs had no go in them at all, last time this happened was on the age related race. My first ever race in the early days. I am not sure if its the effects of Sunday or what really. Some of the other runners said its lactic acid build up, maybe i hadn't warmed up properly or my legs were cold. They are still sore today and the ankle is miserable. Been doing my exercises but have just over a week before the 10 mile race. What to do?
I hate being so blinking negative and being such a moaning Minnie!! have offered a trade on facebook tonight, one healthy foot and ankle for an antique one in need of Restoration. I wonder if i will get any takers. Um we shall have to see.
Toms moving date is getting closer and he has been much happier even up to his old ways of playing tricks on his dad. So far this week Tim has found a mouse in his bed and a hedgehog, neither real i might add. Toms been crouching in the hall waiting to hear the noise from within the bedroom, i have to say i have been there as well holding my mouth closed to stop the laughter!!
Duke is getting enormous!! and Tims sister called round today and asked for some photos of him!! so Tim has asked if she can have some. Well i feel rather mean and spiteful and indeed rather churlish, why should i? and to be honest what on earth does she want them for? i cannot imagine.
They haven't spoken to me since Mikey died and no i haven't forgiven them. There that's said!!!!
Tom and Tim are planning the day on Friday and it looks like i have been delegated to unpack once they return from Doncaster!!! But i think everyone is looking forward to him being settled although for different reasons.
I have to be up early tomorrow!!! away on course and i really do not have the time but hey ho!
I'm going to find a picture of Mikey and pop on, just because i want to!!
What a handsome young man
Mikey and his friend, a good time
Goodness how we miss him and because of him i will give it another go tomorrow night, I'm determined to get to the marathon next year at any cost!!! but in the meantime, tomorrow is another day
I hate being so blinking negative and being such a moaning Minnie!! have offered a trade on facebook tonight, one healthy foot and ankle for an antique one in need of Restoration. I wonder if i will get any takers. Um we shall have to see.
Toms moving date is getting closer and he has been much happier even up to his old ways of playing tricks on his dad. So far this week Tim has found a mouse in his bed and a hedgehog, neither real i might add. Toms been crouching in the hall waiting to hear the noise from within the bedroom, i have to say i have been there as well holding my mouth closed to stop the laughter!!
Duke is getting enormous!! and Tims sister called round today and asked for some photos of him!! so Tim has asked if she can have some. Well i feel rather mean and spiteful and indeed rather churlish, why should i? and to be honest what on earth does she want them for? i cannot imagine.
They haven't spoken to me since Mikey died and no i haven't forgiven them. There that's said!!!!
Tom and Tim are planning the day on Friday and it looks like i have been delegated to unpack once they return from Doncaster!!! But i think everyone is looking forward to him being settled although for different reasons.
I have to be up early tomorrow!!! away on course and i really do not have the time but hey ho!
I'm going to find a picture of Mikey and pop on, just because i want to!!
What a handsome young man
Goodness how we miss him and because of him i will give it another go tomorrow night, I'm determined to get to the marathon next year at any cost!!! but in the meantime, tomorrow is another day
Monday, 21 November 2011
Day 457/458/459
Three days again!!! ah well at least i have a quiet few minutes to blog! and i have my ipod plugged in listening to some music. Isn't it strange how songs and music bring back memories or how some people have this wonderful gift in putting emotions to words and sound.
Saturday came and started off with fog, was this a sign of the day to come? In fact the day went well and we managed to get a lot packed up, still i don't think even one more trip will do it, still Toms a man and able to make his own decisions and choices. Toms a hoarder and will not throw anything away, i do believe he is worse than me. Is that possible i wonder.
We got home in the early evening which was better and even Tim was surprised, mind you that could have had something to do with Toms clock!! He set himself a time scale and boy did we work hard. I thought we had nowt had enough but he said stop. Once we were in the car, he realised that he had forgotten to change the clock in October!!!!
Sunday, an odd day really. Up early for my run and we did so well 7 miles and the ankle held up. So chuffed still its a long way to go yet.
Tim was not at his best today which resulted in very low mood at home!! i ended up going out for a cycle ride in the afternoon and a late night walk by myself!! Tim managed to let the dog pull the iron of the table!! and he went to bed without having a conversation. Tom and i kept a low profile!!
Went off to work this morning and things still not as good as they should have been!!
but by lunchtime as if nothing had happened. Men!!! and its Toms birthday!!!
Tom came home and asked for his birthday tea!!! we had to laugh its been years since we heard that, He had a cake anyway but no candles!!! 29 years old, its so hard to believe where the time has gone.
The weather is turning and it was 10 years ago that i came off my motorbike and broke my hand, the roads were bad then and we were uncertain about going out because of the fog, but we did and i paid the consequence.I will never forget the boys faces when i came home with the damaged bike and can still hardly believe i rode it home with a broken hand. Still what do they say no sense no feeling!!
My brothers daughter contacted me again tonight and we are going to meet next week. I am really looking forward to it I hope we continue to keep in touch.
Gosh its almost 0130hrs! and i have to get up for work. Its running night tomorrow! so i have high hopes of doing a little better. I know one thing, if i get overtaken on the bridge I'm going to hold my line and not head for the kerb!! elbows out i think, lol. At 5 foot tall i think i get looked over!
I can just imagine Mikey commenting on my antics. I was going to ring him today but forgot for a minute that i couldn't. This has happened so many times or the thought, oh i must tell Mikey and then realisation hits home that i will never be able to do that again. I wish sometimes that i was living a dream and will wake up. Its not going to happen i know that but i still cant help wishing.
I'm at Welney at the weekend, manning a station for the ultra runners and will have to clock their times. Gulp!! what if i get it wrong, I'm not always good at concentrating and may just miss them, perhaps i should be on the water section lol. I will take the camera and try to get some snaps. It will be cold so i will have to put my thermals on, if i can find them. I think they may be in the loft with my motorbike gear. Um i may just double layer insted. Right beds calling and i will try to blog early next time, i will try, after all tomorrow is another day!!
Saturday came and started off with fog, was this a sign of the day to come? In fact the day went well and we managed to get a lot packed up, still i don't think even one more trip will do it, still Toms a man and able to make his own decisions and choices. Toms a hoarder and will not throw anything away, i do believe he is worse than me. Is that possible i wonder.
We got home in the early evening which was better and even Tim was surprised, mind you that could have had something to do with Toms clock!! He set himself a time scale and boy did we work hard. I thought we had nowt had enough but he said stop. Once we were in the car, he realised that he had forgotten to change the clock in October!!!!
Sunday, an odd day really. Up early for my run and we did so well 7 miles and the ankle held up. So chuffed still its a long way to go yet.
Tim was not at his best today which resulted in very low mood at home!! i ended up going out for a cycle ride in the afternoon and a late night walk by myself!! Tim managed to let the dog pull the iron of the table!! and he went to bed without having a conversation. Tom and i kept a low profile!!
Went off to work this morning and things still not as good as they should have been!!
but by lunchtime as if nothing had happened. Men!!! and its Toms birthday!!!
Tom came home and asked for his birthday tea!!! we had to laugh its been years since we heard that, He had a cake anyway but no candles!!! 29 years old, its so hard to believe where the time has gone.
The weather is turning and it was 10 years ago that i came off my motorbike and broke my hand, the roads were bad then and we were uncertain about going out because of the fog, but we did and i paid the consequence.I will never forget the boys faces when i came home with the damaged bike and can still hardly believe i rode it home with a broken hand. Still what do they say no sense no feeling!!
My brothers daughter contacted me again tonight and we are going to meet next week. I am really looking forward to it I hope we continue to keep in touch.
Gosh its almost 0130hrs! and i have to get up for work. Its running night tomorrow! so i have high hopes of doing a little better. I know one thing, if i get overtaken on the bridge I'm going to hold my line and not head for the kerb!! elbows out i think, lol. At 5 foot tall i think i get looked over!
I can just imagine Mikey commenting on my antics. I was going to ring him today but forgot for a minute that i couldn't. This has happened so many times or the thought, oh i must tell Mikey and then realisation hits home that i will never be able to do that again. I wish sometimes that i was living a dream and will wake up. Its not going to happen i know that but i still cant help wishing.
I'm at Welney at the weekend, manning a station for the ultra runners and will have to clock their times. Gulp!! what if i get it wrong, I'm not always good at concentrating and may just miss them, perhaps i should be on the water section lol. I will take the camera and try to get some snaps. It will be cold so i will have to put my thermals on, if i can find them. I think they may be in the loft with my motorbike gear. Um i may just double layer insted. Right beds calling and i will try to blog early next time, i will try, after all tomorrow is another day!!
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