Tim's in bed, Dukes asleep and its pouring of rain, again. I still find sleeping really hard and spend so much time these days on the Internet. Passes the time. I have tried today to start shedding some oz the papers i have collected over the years, stuff that will be of no use to me in the future and its unwanted! Lots to shred.
Being housebound today has enabled me to get several long awaited tasks done, one good thing about having time on my hands. Found a lovely photo of Mikey today, taken at Toms wedding, gosh that was 4 years ago. Time does pass then!
Must try to post it.
Just noticed that this blog is making weird things happen to my spelling mistakes, ah well another thing to learn.
I feel as if I'm on a roller coaster at the moment, just cant get off! Its better than comparing myself to the hamster on the wheel though.
I have to say out of the darkest periods there does seem some light at the end of the tunnel, no its not an on coming train but a fab cousin from overseas, so if you are reading this Liz, thanks for today! It really is surprising how much a kind word means to you when you are feeling low in mood. Tim doesn't know what to say at the moment, possibly for fear of saying the wrong thing!
What a turbulent few years we have had, its hard to appreciate what the human species can endure, and yet we do. In the light of whats past, this is nothing just an end to one thread and the start of another. Life's journey, lord knows when mine was mapped out someone was having a bad day!!
Manged to get out for a run tonight, not many at the club, must be the football or the weather. I managed few miles and thought best not make it any worse before Monday.
Had some interesting phone calls today, and sent off some post!
Toms phoned and his asthma is playing up could be because he is living near the fields. It looks like we may be heading up North to do some decorating, Toms off for 3 weeks in July and wants some help with his house. It looks as though i will have the time to help him, knee permitting!
Gosh its 2 am! best get some sleep.
I'm feeling more positive now, but tomorrow is another day....................
Thursday, 21 June 2012
Wednesday, 20 June 2012
Page 678-680
I feel very let down. Its really sad when those you have become very close to you now feel so distant from.
Why am i surprised i ask myself and yet i am. Tim has always said I'm gullible and my word that's true.
Today has been the pits really and where are those that said they would always be there. I guess its all about survival but i wonder what will happen in a few weeks time! Maybe i will have changed.
I think we have all heard about David and Goliath well that could be me because at this time i am in fighting mood.
Luckily there are those who still have faith in me and they are the ones who matter. I cant believe how short some memories are.
Whats so annoying is i cant even discuss the reasons why i feel this way.
I will however soon be able to do that and i cant wait. Tim and Tom are being so supportive and that means a great deal. In fact Tom has been to see me every day, they worry for me.
I just feel so sad, not like when we lost Mikey but its a disillusioned sadness, ah well tomorrow is another day
Why am i surprised i ask myself and yet i am. Tim has always said I'm gullible and my word that's true.
Today has been the pits really and where are those that said they would always be there. I guess its all about survival but i wonder what will happen in a few weeks time! Maybe i will have changed.
I think we have all heard about David and Goliath well that could be me because at this time i am in fighting mood.
Luckily there are those who still have faith in me and they are the ones who matter. I cant believe how short some memories are.
Whats so annoying is i cant even discuss the reasons why i feel this way.
I will however soon be able to do that and i cant wait. Tim and Tom are being so supportive and that means a great deal. In fact Tom has been to see me every day, they worry for me.
I just feel so sad, not like when we lost Mikey but its a disillusioned sadness, ah well tomorrow is another day
Sunday, 17 June 2012
Day 663-677
Well such a lot has happened in the last two weeks. Its really hard to know where to start.
I suppose the best place is work!! Well its been no secret has it that its been hard these past few months. Things came to a head on the 8th. I was due for some leave on the 10th and was looking forward to some very welcome time off. Our wedding anniversary was on the 16th and i was about to book a boat for the day, Tim has always fancied a go. Anyway luckily i didn't!!
Perhaps i should say i realised how things were going on the 7th and had in some ways prepared myself for what was to come. So on the 8th found myself leaving work very early and at present not working!!! i wait now for the outcomes. I am however prepared and had been keeping records over the last few months. I suppose the report i sent in the week before didn't help!! but there you are.
I wondered why i wasn't concerned when i left, instead i felt relief!
The past week i have of course reflected back but still come to the same place. The worst thing that could ever happen to me already did! i lost a child and nothing actually compares to that. I'm alive and i wont starve, so i wait!
I have caught up on so many jobs i haven't had time for before, i have just chilled and that's been good. The weather could have been kinder but i hope the next week will be better.
The knee, well i have been back to the Dr's and hes sending me off to hospital to get it seen. I hope then it will get sorted to enable me to get back running. I missed the age related race lace last week and I'm sure i would have improved on my last time! ah well there will be others I'm sure. Maybe i will be fit for the spud race! i have already entered. Then i may enter the Great East Run in October.
We had a real fen blow yesterday and i managed to get some pictures, i will try and put them on tomorrow. Manged to get out for some walks and i have started back on the diet, well having just eaten a whole bag of jelly beans it may well start tomorrow!
I have so far raised over £1500 from my marathon run on my just giving site! what a fabulous achievement if i do say so myself and i still have some to come in! I must ask my buddy if she has collected her sponsorship money yet.
Well Mikey has been very much in our thoughts and i am at present attempting to scan all the old photos! and had to get a new printer. Goodness that was a task in itself trying to get set up. No Mikey to help or should i say he would tell me many times how to do it and then give up because i was still having problems! just not into all these gadgets!
Duke is growing at an alarming rate! he is huge and can now clear the gate between the kitchen and the rest of the bungalow! only however when he is startled and wants some company!!!
We went for a walk last week and he fell in the river, I'm not sure who was worried more, Duke or Tim. Poor Tim set off at speed when he heard the splash, i with the knee could only limp along to see what was occurring. Next thing, there was Duke soaking wet looking totally bemused. Looked over his shoulder at the river, grunted and shook himself!
Today i have managed to do some much needed surgery on Dukes best friends. His beloved Monkey had his arm stitched back on, his seagull unfortunately had to have his foot amputated and the resulting stitch work was pretty damn good!, his cows voice box is beyond saving and tomorrow i will attempt to remove it and hope a silent cow will be of some comfort to him!
I have managed to put a zip in Tim's winter coat! nothing like being prepared, i did wonder if my machine was up to the task though, at 54 years of age its still going fairly strong! a few temperamental moments but all in all you cant beat a Singer!! Job done!
We may attempt a bit of decorating this week, well over due. The lounge i think!!! i can almost feel a new pair of curtains coming on, well we will see, i rather like my old ones!!
I have bought myself some new DVD,s so when Tim's watching the football i will have something to do!!
I am hoping Tim will get himself a bike and then we can get out together, at least i can do that. I keep looking at my rowing machine and wonder would it hurt if i used it? yep i think it would so i will wait till after the 25th before i do more damage!!
I'm reading! and getting through my pile of paperbacks that have just been gathering dust! bliss!!
I don't know what the future will be for me yet, but as Tom aid maybe this is a blessing in disguise! you have always worked its time for a rest! Si that's exactly what I'm doing. Not sure if I'm just trying to reassure myself or not but at this moment i feel better than i have for ages so I'm not going to worry after all, tomorrow is another day..........................
I suppose the best place is work!! Well its been no secret has it that its been hard these past few months. Things came to a head on the 8th. I was due for some leave on the 10th and was looking forward to some very welcome time off. Our wedding anniversary was on the 16th and i was about to book a boat for the day, Tim has always fancied a go. Anyway luckily i didn't!!
Perhaps i should say i realised how things were going on the 7th and had in some ways prepared myself for what was to come. So on the 8th found myself leaving work very early and at present not working!!! i wait now for the outcomes. I am however prepared and had been keeping records over the last few months. I suppose the report i sent in the week before didn't help!! but there you are.
I wondered why i wasn't concerned when i left, instead i felt relief!
The past week i have of course reflected back but still come to the same place. The worst thing that could ever happen to me already did! i lost a child and nothing actually compares to that. I'm alive and i wont starve, so i wait!
I have caught up on so many jobs i haven't had time for before, i have just chilled and that's been good. The weather could have been kinder but i hope the next week will be better.
The knee, well i have been back to the Dr's and hes sending me off to hospital to get it seen. I hope then it will get sorted to enable me to get back running. I missed the age related race lace last week and I'm sure i would have improved on my last time! ah well there will be others I'm sure. Maybe i will be fit for the spud race! i have already entered. Then i may enter the Great East Run in October.
We had a real fen blow yesterday and i managed to get some pictures, i will try and put them on tomorrow. Manged to get out for some walks and i have started back on the diet, well having just eaten a whole bag of jelly beans it may well start tomorrow!
I have so far raised over £1500 from my marathon run on my just giving site! what a fabulous achievement if i do say so myself and i still have some to come in! I must ask my buddy if she has collected her sponsorship money yet.
Well Mikey has been very much in our thoughts and i am at present attempting to scan all the old photos! and had to get a new printer. Goodness that was a task in itself trying to get set up. No Mikey to help or should i say he would tell me many times how to do it and then give up because i was still having problems! just not into all these gadgets!
Duke is growing at an alarming rate! he is huge and can now clear the gate between the kitchen and the rest of the bungalow! only however when he is startled and wants some company!!!
We went for a walk last week and he fell in the river, I'm not sure who was worried more, Duke or Tim. Poor Tim set off at speed when he heard the splash, i with the knee could only limp along to see what was occurring. Next thing, there was Duke soaking wet looking totally bemused. Looked over his shoulder at the river, grunted and shook himself!
Today i have managed to do some much needed surgery on Dukes best friends. His beloved Monkey had his arm stitched back on, his seagull unfortunately had to have his foot amputated and the resulting stitch work was pretty damn good!, his cows voice box is beyond saving and tomorrow i will attempt to remove it and hope a silent cow will be of some comfort to him!
I have managed to put a zip in Tim's winter coat! nothing like being prepared, i did wonder if my machine was up to the task though, at 54 years of age its still going fairly strong! a few temperamental moments but all in all you cant beat a Singer!! Job done!
We may attempt a bit of decorating this week, well over due. The lounge i think!!! i can almost feel a new pair of curtains coming on, well we will see, i rather like my old ones!!
I have bought myself some new DVD,s so when Tim's watching the football i will have something to do!!
I am hoping Tim will get himself a bike and then we can get out together, at least i can do that. I keep looking at my rowing machine and wonder would it hurt if i used it? yep i think it would so i will wait till after the 25th before i do more damage!!
I'm reading! and getting through my pile of paperbacks that have just been gathering dust! bliss!!
I don't know what the future will be for me yet, but as Tom aid maybe this is a blessing in disguise! you have always worked its time for a rest! Si that's exactly what I'm doing. Not sure if I'm just trying to reassure myself or not but at this moment i feel better than i have for ages so I'm not going to worry after all, tomorrow is another day..........................
Saturday, 2 June 2012
Page 638-662 First!!!
Its been a month!!! Not having a computer for a while didn't hep i suppose but my word how bad am i.
I really have been so stressed with work and had to return several evenings. This meant not getting to bed until the early hours and then up the next day well the same day actually!!
How often i have questioned what im doing and yet the stubborn part of just will not give in. Tim's so fed up i think he has given up arguing about the amount of time i spend at work. Will it change anything, well i guess only time will tell.
I'm at a funny age to start something different and truth to tell i just cant be bothered, I'm tired!
I feel my whole existence is work driven and that's wrong surely. The joy i may have had from running is diminished and over shadowed by it. I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel but i can honestly say i think its blocked!
I have some leave coming up and I'm not even looking forward to that. How bad is that!! I think i worry about the volume of work when i return.
So whats happened in the month i have been away from here.
Well the fact that we still miss Mikey is still with us and i don't think it will change. I wondered what i would do once i had run the marathon, and i need to run. I need something to keep me focused and grounded and i think this is it.
I injured my knee just before the marathon and had physio to keep me going. Had it strapped just in case, well it went at mile 13 and i really struggled with the rest of the race and now have been told its a torn cartilage and will most probably need an operation!!! i hope not, if i do i want it done now!!!!!
I'm going to ramble tonight i can feel it! i will flit from topic to topic but hey ho it will make things more interesting.
I have been asked since the Marathon if i feel proud of my achievement and i can honestly say no . I don't feel anything. I'm really pleased that i have managed to do something and to have raised some money for the CF unit. I hope Mikey would have been proud of me. Somehow as soon as i crossed the finish like i thought oh, it wasn't what i expected. I think i must have had a different idea on what sensations i would have, but none. It could be because i was in so much discomfort from the knee and i was so tired! Then having to catch a bus and not actually enjoying the day! Mind you the heat was unbearable and relentless! seeing grown men being resuscitated on the side of the road didn't make me feel good. I was also passed by an extreme ironing board, an ice cream cone, superman and an enormous teddy! I was however given a jelly baby by a spectator! Hosed down from peoples garden sprinklers and had a bucket of water thrown over me by children, well two buckets full as i was going so slow they had time to fill another. Nearly scared witless when running through the country park when i was trying to get a drink only to hear the bushes rustle, thinking the worse i hastily screwed the bottle top on , only to have a soldier emerge from the shrubbery in full battle dress saying, awight! So feeling rather sorry for myself decided to ring my buddy for some support! no reply, i later found out she was sitting having a scone and cup of tea in BHS!!
I didn't get a blister or sore legs no cramp! but a wretched knee!
Finished!!!!
I really have been so stressed with work and had to return several evenings. This meant not getting to bed until the early hours and then up the next day well the same day actually!!
How often i have questioned what im doing and yet the stubborn part of just will not give in. Tim's so fed up i think he has given up arguing about the amount of time i spend at work. Will it change anything, well i guess only time will tell.
I'm at a funny age to start something different and truth to tell i just cant be bothered, I'm tired!
I feel my whole existence is work driven and that's wrong surely. The joy i may have had from running is diminished and over shadowed by it. I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel but i can honestly say i think its blocked!
I have some leave coming up and I'm not even looking forward to that. How bad is that!! I think i worry about the volume of work when i return.
So whats happened in the month i have been away from here.
Well the fact that we still miss Mikey is still with us and i don't think it will change. I wondered what i would do once i had run the marathon, and i need to run. I need something to keep me focused and grounded and i think this is it.
I injured my knee just before the marathon and had physio to keep me going. Had it strapped just in case, well it went at mile 13 and i really struggled with the rest of the race and now have been told its a torn cartilage and will most probably need an operation!!! i hope not, if i do i want it done now!!!!!
I'm going to ramble tonight i can feel it! i will flit from topic to topic but hey ho it will make things more interesting.
I have been asked since the Marathon if i feel proud of my achievement and i can honestly say no . I don't feel anything. I'm really pleased that i have managed to do something and to have raised some money for the CF unit. I hope Mikey would have been proud of me. Somehow as soon as i crossed the finish like i thought oh, it wasn't what i expected. I think i must have had a different idea on what sensations i would have, but none. It could be because i was in so much discomfort from the knee and i was so tired! Then having to catch a bus and not actually enjoying the day! Mind you the heat was unbearable and relentless! seeing grown men being resuscitated on the side of the road didn't make me feel good. I was also passed by an extreme ironing board, an ice cream cone, superman and an enormous teddy! I was however given a jelly baby by a spectator! Hosed down from peoples garden sprinklers and had a bucket of water thrown over me by children, well two buckets full as i was going so slow they had time to fill another. Nearly scared witless when running through the country park when i was trying to get a drink only to hear the bushes rustle, thinking the worse i hastily screwed the bottle top on , only to have a soldier emerge from the shrubbery in full battle dress saying, awight! So feeling rather sorry for myself decided to ring my buddy for some support! no reply, i later found out she was sitting having a scone and cup of tea in BHS!!
I didn't get a blister or sore legs no cramp! but a wretched knee!
Finished!!!!
Page 638-662
I cant believe i have just sat here writing for nearly an hour! and forgot to save my stauff and lost it all! how stupid am i. The only good thing is i have had a good rant about all and sundry so feel slightly better about things than i did earlier. Howevr i really havent got it in me to start all over again! I was only trying to put a pivture or two of the Marathon at the end of my blog tonight!
I think that just about says everything about how life has been this past month!
Work has been the most miserable time and it really is what drives me on. I say drives rather loosely because there is no driver thats for sure. Im on this downward spiral and cannot see a way yet of stopping to get off. Tim would obviously like me to leave and get another job but frankly i haven t got the motivation to do that. I just must want to wallow in misery of some sort.
The days remain bleak! and im so tired all of the time. Im going back to work until the early hours and im not as young as i once was. Is it worth it. Well the simple answer is no of course not. But that doesnt pay the bills!
I can honestly say that i do not enjoy my job as i once did. The pressures from above are relentless and even days off or holidays are disturbed.
I have a torn cartilage the physio thinks! that was doen during the marathon. I spent the time in Scotland in misery afterwards. Well from Mile 13 but im saving it for tomorrow and i will come back. I have to do this, i need to do this and maybe thats what has been wrong these past few weeks. I havent off loaded and its essential to my well being that i do.
Just to show i finished
The knee is starting to swell!!
I think that just about says everything about how life has been this past month!
Work has been the most miserable time and it really is what drives me on. I say drives rather loosely because there is no driver thats for sure. Im on this downward spiral and cannot see a way yet of stopping to get off. Tim would obviously like me to leave and get another job but frankly i haven t got the motivation to do that. I just must want to wallow in misery of some sort.
The days remain bleak! and im so tired all of the time. Im going back to work until the early hours and im not as young as i once was. Is it worth it. Well the simple answer is no of course not. But that doesnt pay the bills!
I can honestly say that i do not enjoy my job as i once did. The pressures from above are relentless and even days off or holidays are disturbed.
I have a torn cartilage the physio thinks! that was doen during the marathon. I spent the time in Scotland in misery afterwards. Well from Mile 13 but im saving it for tomorrow and i will come back. I have to do this, i need to do this and maybe thats what has been wrong these past few weeks. I havent off loaded and its essential to my well being that i do.
Just to show i finished
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
Day 616-637
Well what a shock i got tonight!!! Cant even work out these new settings on my page. Why oh why did they have to change them!
Its been so long and yet i promised myself i wouldn't leave it so long. Some things just have not changed have they.
The last few weeks have been most odd. The weather has been so variable and work has been, well what can i say. I thought i had managed to work out in my mind what to do and how to do it. Nope that didn't work out at all well. I really have yet again been giving serious thought to my future, but at the same time wondered if this time of the year could have been influencing my reasoning. Well i guess anythings possible.
So many things are happening, the Marathon is getting closer and tonight for the first time ever i have my doubts in myself! Running tonight was so hard, and asthma attack in the middle of nowhere surrounded by that wretched Oilseed Rape was nearly the end of the run before it started. I have been working so hard and the long runs have gone well even though its been tough. 16.2 miles on Sunday and then tonight! just have to have faith in myself.
I have felt Mikey close recently but only whilst running. When I'm tired i can see him just ahead, jeans and t shirt on trying hard to run and giggling at himself because he knows he cant really do it, beckoning me on and then trying to do the same thing again. I could feel myself smiling even though i was struggling with the effort but he was nowhere near tonight!
The days, as i have said, have been odd, we have had walks out with Duke when its been really cold and down on the river the narrow boats have had their fires going and you could smell the woodsmoke burning, wafting across the park and fields, such a feel good aroma. Then rain,rain and more rain and tonight so warm, but no air. Not good!
Well i read my last post and it wasn't true!!! the box didn't contain an exercise bike but a rowing machine!! not much difference must have been because i was tired.
The shorts, still not tried them but i did however try the false tan and what a mistake that was. I have ended up with lovely brown arms but white wrists and hands!! and no i wasn't wearing gloves when i applied it. So if anyone has any ideas!
I'm worried i want raise the amount i hoped for the CF unit at Papworth, so i am desperately trying to promote the run, still its 3 weeks to go yet.
It was Mikey's birthday on Sunday and i felt so sad. I guess that's how it will be, i cant change anything, i wish i could. Mike would have been 27 years old. So very unfair. Maddie remembered us and sent a lovely basket of flowers and they had such bold orange blooms, Mikes favourite colour. How thoughtful was that.
Well i hope i can post some photos on tonight of the Olympic run, here we go
Before the off
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Almost finished, just entering the stadium
On the track
My finishing time
Medal and race number with t shirt
The back of my shirt and my medal xxxx
Well there is a few of the pictures of the stadium etc and my medal! well i best get to bed, try to feel a bit more positive and remember that tomorrow is another day............................
Its been so long and yet i promised myself i wouldn't leave it so long. Some things just have not changed have they.
The last few weeks have been most odd. The weather has been so variable and work has been, well what can i say. I thought i had managed to work out in my mind what to do and how to do it. Nope that didn't work out at all well. I really have yet again been giving serious thought to my future, but at the same time wondered if this time of the year could have been influencing my reasoning. Well i guess anythings possible.
So many things are happening, the Marathon is getting closer and tonight for the first time ever i have my doubts in myself! Running tonight was so hard, and asthma attack in the middle of nowhere surrounded by that wretched Oilseed Rape was nearly the end of the run before it started. I have been working so hard and the long runs have gone well even though its been tough. 16.2 miles on Sunday and then tonight! just have to have faith in myself.
I have felt Mikey close recently but only whilst running. When I'm tired i can see him just ahead, jeans and t shirt on trying hard to run and giggling at himself because he knows he cant really do it, beckoning me on and then trying to do the same thing again. I could feel myself smiling even though i was struggling with the effort but he was nowhere near tonight!
The days, as i have said, have been odd, we have had walks out with Duke when its been really cold and down on the river the narrow boats have had their fires going and you could smell the woodsmoke burning, wafting across the park and fields, such a feel good aroma. Then rain,rain and more rain and tonight so warm, but no air. Not good!
Well i read my last post and it wasn't true!!! the box didn't contain an exercise bike but a rowing machine!! not much difference must have been because i was tired.
The shorts, still not tried them but i did however try the false tan and what a mistake that was. I have ended up with lovely brown arms but white wrists and hands!! and no i wasn't wearing gloves when i applied it. So if anyone has any ideas!
I'm worried i want raise the amount i hoped for the CF unit at Papworth, so i am desperately trying to promote the run, still its 3 weeks to go yet.
It was Mikey's birthday on Sunday and i felt so sad. I guess that's how it will be, i cant change anything, i wish i could. Mike would have been 27 years old. So very unfair. Maddie remembered us and sent a lovely basket of flowers and they had such bold orange blooms, Mikes favourite colour. How thoughtful was that.
Well i hope i can post some photos on tonight of the Olympic run, here we go
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On the track
My finishing time
Well there is a few of the pictures of the stadium etc and my medal! well i best get to bed, try to feel a bit more positive and remember that tomorrow is another day............................
Monday, 16 April 2012
Day 596-615
At last time to blog! it really is becoming the norm and i feel very sad that i have been reduced to this mindless being just trawling my way through the days.
I cant remember the number of times i have said that work has taken over my life, but in fact it has. Talk about the proverbial mouse on the wheel, well here i am.
Constantly i have to keep telling myself to get a grip and change, i don't. I wonder what it will take! Have i made the point i wonder.
Recently misery found me and i was lost in her dark embrace for many days even the Run in the Olympic park didn't really lift the veils of despair. I truly began to feel as though this time there was no way of escaping. I guess by sitting here writing i have!
The run was very emotional and i wonder if i some how thought that at the end all would be well and Mikey would be back with us, is that what i am hoping for when the Marathon is run? i have spent the last 18 months since we lost Mikey focusing on the day and just hope that at the end all my grief is going to be there with a vengeance.
It does worry me now, to so long concentrate on achieving this goal, and then what!! Perhaps i haven't dealt with it, how will i manage!
The warm end to March reminded us so much of Mikey and how he would have had his shorts on as soon as the sun came out. Sun glasses and cap and his beautiful smile. Such bitter sweet memories. How we miss him.
Who ever said time is a great healer, lied!
I think tonight's blog is going to go from one day to another in a haphazard way and have little to no order to it. That's how my mind is at the moment. No order and muddled. I would almost say confused but that may well cause too many issues if i started to consider that!
Sue my buddy is still not fit and i will be running alone in Edinburgh, the prospect of that is daunting, so the ipod is well full and i have some shiny new earphones that hook over the ears, i just hope the music will keep me going when all else fails.
I have been really unwell since the Olympic run with a chest infection and was unable to run for over a week. This has set my training back and Sundays long run was murder!!!! i have now purchased a whole bag of lolly pops hoping they will give me some energy and keep my mouth moist, i will try them out this coming Sunday. I think i got the cold when we had to wait so long before the start of our Olympic run.
i was in the Pink wave, the last group to go and we was still waiting in the cold when up on the big screen came the first finishers!!! It was an incredible day really, as we ran into the stadium from outside into the tunnels we heard the music play and it was the theme tune to Chariots of fire, bought a lump to the throat. Mikey was with me, i had a big picture of him on the back of my shirt. 55 Min's to complete the 5 miles and i stopped to take photos and to go to the loo!!! so i was happy with the time and there were hills!!!
I was booked to go up to London this week end to watch the Marathon but need to get my miles in training so i will offer my seat to someone else, Sues not going either so i would not have had a buddy to talk to anyway.
I have in a huge box beside me an exercise bike! purchased on Saturday and still not opened. Work Friday night and again Saturday and tonight got a call as well. Just cannot manage all these disturbed days/nights and Tim is fast losing his patience. Sadly in my line of work you cannot just say no, or so what!! Who would be a nurse i ask myself. Perhaps i should re train. I need to see some very dear friends, i could do with their common sense and compassion, i miss them!! ah well time off soon i hope.
Tim's snoring away in bed i cant sleep in fact not sure if i should in case i get a call! what a state to get into.
I invested in a foam roller to exercise the calf muscles, i must admit it is pretty damned good and sure does stretch out the muscles and crushes a few knots!! of which i seem to have many.
I have purchased a pair of shorts because i do not like the heat. Well i looked at myself in them and collapsed in a heap with laughing. It really shouldn't be allowed that women of a certain age are able to purchase these on line!! not sure if the streets are ready for this. What with having to wear compression socks i look like an elderly school girl, well that is stretching things but with the compression shorts working on the upper thigh and the socks working on the calf you can just imagine what the flesh looks like in between even those with little imagination must get the picture. And my legs are so pale i wonder if i should use a false tan, chances are i will make a mistake with the application!! so best not.
Do you know this has been the best medicine sitting here tonight and i will make sure i do this nightly!! so until next time, after all tomorrow is another day...........................
I cant remember the number of times i have said that work has taken over my life, but in fact it has. Talk about the proverbial mouse on the wheel, well here i am.
Constantly i have to keep telling myself to get a grip and change, i don't. I wonder what it will take! Have i made the point i wonder.
Recently misery found me and i was lost in her dark embrace for many days even the Run in the Olympic park didn't really lift the veils of despair. I truly began to feel as though this time there was no way of escaping. I guess by sitting here writing i have!
The run was very emotional and i wonder if i some how thought that at the end all would be well and Mikey would be back with us, is that what i am hoping for when the Marathon is run? i have spent the last 18 months since we lost Mikey focusing on the day and just hope that at the end all my grief is going to be there with a vengeance.
It does worry me now, to so long concentrate on achieving this goal, and then what!! Perhaps i haven't dealt with it, how will i manage!
The warm end to March reminded us so much of Mikey and how he would have had his shorts on as soon as the sun came out. Sun glasses and cap and his beautiful smile. Such bitter sweet memories. How we miss him.
Who ever said time is a great healer, lied!
I think tonight's blog is going to go from one day to another in a haphazard way and have little to no order to it. That's how my mind is at the moment. No order and muddled. I would almost say confused but that may well cause too many issues if i started to consider that!
Sue my buddy is still not fit and i will be running alone in Edinburgh, the prospect of that is daunting, so the ipod is well full and i have some shiny new earphones that hook over the ears, i just hope the music will keep me going when all else fails.
I have been really unwell since the Olympic run with a chest infection and was unable to run for over a week. This has set my training back and Sundays long run was murder!!!! i have now purchased a whole bag of lolly pops hoping they will give me some energy and keep my mouth moist, i will try them out this coming Sunday. I think i got the cold when we had to wait so long before the start of our Olympic run.
i was in the Pink wave, the last group to go and we was still waiting in the cold when up on the big screen came the first finishers!!! It was an incredible day really, as we ran into the stadium from outside into the tunnels we heard the music play and it was the theme tune to Chariots of fire, bought a lump to the throat. Mikey was with me, i had a big picture of him on the back of my shirt. 55 Min's to complete the 5 miles and i stopped to take photos and to go to the loo!!! so i was happy with the time and there were hills!!!
I was booked to go up to London this week end to watch the Marathon but need to get my miles in training so i will offer my seat to someone else, Sues not going either so i would not have had a buddy to talk to anyway.
I have in a huge box beside me an exercise bike! purchased on Saturday and still not opened. Work Friday night and again Saturday and tonight got a call as well. Just cannot manage all these disturbed days/nights and Tim is fast losing his patience. Sadly in my line of work you cannot just say no, or so what!! Who would be a nurse i ask myself. Perhaps i should re train. I need to see some very dear friends, i could do with their common sense and compassion, i miss them!! ah well time off soon i hope.
Tim's snoring away in bed i cant sleep in fact not sure if i should in case i get a call! what a state to get into.
I invested in a foam roller to exercise the calf muscles, i must admit it is pretty damned good and sure does stretch out the muscles and crushes a few knots!! of which i seem to have many.
I have purchased a pair of shorts because i do not like the heat. Well i looked at myself in them and collapsed in a heap with laughing. It really shouldn't be allowed that women of a certain age are able to purchase these on line!! not sure if the streets are ready for this. What with having to wear compression socks i look like an elderly school girl, well that is stretching things but with the compression shorts working on the upper thigh and the socks working on the calf you can just imagine what the flesh looks like in between even those with little imagination must get the picture. And my legs are so pale i wonder if i should use a false tan, chances are i will make a mistake with the application!! so best not.
Do you know this has been the best medicine sitting here tonight and i will make sure i do this nightly!! so until next time, after all tomorrow is another day...........................
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