At last i got some answers about the knee. A bit of a surprise! not only did i tear a cartilage but i tore two in the same knee. The medial and the lateral ones so i well and truly did some damage. No wonder I'm struggling! well that makes me feel a little better anyway. So it looks like i will have the op at the beginning of September and hopefully i will be fit to run the Great East run in October but I'm not too sure as i will not have been able to train for it. Ah well i guess there will always be another time.
Run went well on Tuesday only did 3 miles as i had the race on Wednesday. That went well too. Jen my sister came to watch as she lived close to the venue, it was good to have someone come and support me. Sue also came and watched but she was not well enough to run. Managed to get my t shirt!!! before the race, just in case. Managed to run 3 Min's faster than last time so pleased with that.
Training tonight did another 3.25 and had no problems so maybe i should stick to the little runs for now. well i will see how Sunday goes. Tim thinks i should cycle more in between to keep my fitness up and perhaps he is right!
Work well i have been lucky i suppose to get asked to attend some interviews but i wont bank on anything just yet. Want to sort my knee out really before i get back to work.
We are coming up to the anniversary again and are going to Wicken Fen to see the Perseid meteor shower in the middle of the night. Always an adventure of sorts. We will let off some lanterns for Mikey. I must also put a piece in the paper, i find that so hard but Tim mentioned it today.
I have been glued to the Olympics and to think i have been able to watch everyday that's a novel experience and one i didn't know how i would manage to achieve when we said we would do that . Its true, things happen for a reason. The athletics start tomorrow.
Just reading back through the page as Duke was rattling the door blind to be let out! and noticed i have been using the word managed quite a lot! how appropriate.
I cant believe it been 8 weeks since i last worked! the time has gone and i haven't really missed it. Must have been dragging me down for that to have happened! I have kept quite busy though. On the plus side had lots of lie ins! I have also been baking to my sister Linda's amazement! Now why is that i wonder. I made Tim a pasty, he said it was years since i made him one, when i put it on his plate he looked and said blimey Sue Capn Ahabs strapped to its back!! i think it was a bit on the big side! still Duke enjoyed it.
The nights are drawing in already and it will soon be Autumn and we really have had no summer, maybe we will have an Indian summer again.
Not sure what i am doing tomorrow but it looks like another visit to Doncaster on Saturday to do some more decorating!
I completed a questionnaire yesterday and it frequently asked if i planned for the future and i had to answer no. At this moment in time we live day to day, is there any other way i wonder.
I have done some retail therapy this week! lovely more jeans! i really don't need any but those and shoes are my weakness! it could be worse. Now come to think of it my running kit has grown quite considerably!
I had a visit from a friend today and it was lovely to see her! i know its been hard for her as well because we worked together but she decided to pop in on her lunch break and we didn't talk work!!!!! hope its not going to be so long before we meet up again. Well i better look at my notices, because tomorrow is another day...........
Thursday, 2 August 2012
Sunday, 29 July 2012
DAY 698-719
My goodness 3 weeks have passed so i expect to sit here for hours!
Whilst i have been pretty miserable over the past few weeks, nothing compares to what i was feeling when i first started to write this blog. If anything i have learnt that no matter what life throws at you we as humans have this odd ability to just get on with things, often the only way we as individuals can.
There is definitely no right or wrong way, you wake in the morning and you go to bed in the evening, you do sleep and we know that's whats occurred because we awake x number of hours later not being able to recall the fact that we closed our eyes and our last thoughts were during the night and now the suns shining through the window! That's how the days have been. Of course i have done various things and been to places and filled the time. So where was i 3 weeks ago.
Um.
Going back to Papworth was much harder than i thought it would be. Not for the reasons that worried me but oddly the fact that i was still angry that Mikey hadn't received his transplant! It had been raining and the event was in the park next to the hospital. How strange it was when i got out of the car and looked across to the very windows that we had spent so much time behind, looking across to the parkland from Mikey's room in the CF unit. That really hurt. I also missed being in there, now how odd is that. Maybe because such a huge part of our lives were spent visiting Mikey and whilst we may have been enjoying the views those very people we loved hated what we could see and would have given anything not to be looking out of those windows. Even though i know Mikey was suffering in those last few months i would have given anything to have been able to go and see him there. That's what hurt, him not being there. Bizarre! and yet true. And so i listened to other peoples stories, most older heart transplant people and thought i cant do this and when the Surgeon came i thought no way, i have done my bit, i came and now i want to go home! and i did sobbing all the way! I have to go back! for the photo with the cheque, not sure when but at least i am somewhat prepared now, another first over with.
I had my MRI scan on my knee and have spent the last few weeks waiting for the outcome of that, not much longer to wait I'm off to see the consultant tomorrow! lets hope that will be sorted out quickly.
This blog may well be muddled as i flit from one subject to another but hey ho! its my page so i guess its OK!
Work became such a trial, well not being there was should i say. The fact that i couldn't speak to anyone etc etc, The RCN have been fabulous, thank goodness for them. Anyway the company and i have parted and at least i have the ability to take time and regroup myself! I often questioned could the little man take on corporate companies and win, the answer is sort of! More about that later. So at least i now knew what i was not going to be doing and could think about the future.
I have spent the last two weeks enjoying my time off! and the sun has been out.
I have had a couple of small races and my word i was pitiful! lets think, ah well Stamford. It took ages to get there. An evening meet. We had a storm, the peak reaching us on our way to the club house to sign in!! the heavens opened, thunder, lightning, hail stones. In our kit running across a rugby field. Feet were sodden and squelching, clothes were sticking to our skins, and in my case not a pretty sight! Lycra, and wet Lycra on a pleasantly plump older person is not in any way flattering! Still it was only a short run. Oh my word, there were hills, and it was a two lap road race. We finished but not a cup of tea to be had. The knee really didn't like the hills!!! and it took hours to thaw through! and dry out.
The second race was last week and i wasn't happy!!! it was a challenge against Wisbech. I was told it would be 6 miles. Well i have been struggling with 3 but thought i would give it a go, especially as i may not be able to run for a while. Well my word! we were set off in different groups and i was given a faster time to get round in and no way could i do that. It was cross country across fields where the grass and weeds were as big as triffids! and it was hot, i mean hot!!! i spent some time walking with a man whose knee had gone as well, he flagged down a car and got a lift back i kept going, in a fashion! i was worn out!! Not only that i had been for an interview in the morning, just got back and went up the club to prepare the sarnies etc for the evening, got home changed and back to run. Nothing to eat, I'm sure that's what it was, after all a car will not go with out fuel so why on earth would a body! well that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! oh and it was closer to 7 miles!!!
The run on Thursday was just as bad the knee gave up and i thought that's it now, i cant do anymore so I'm waiting for tomorrow! but i have one more little race at Werrington on Wednesday and then i get a t shirt!!!! the things we do for a printed shirt!!
Tom goes extreme cycling and has taken my sunglasses! so i ended up running in some new ones, cant say I'm over struck with them and they didn't make me go faster!
Tim and i have spent several days in Doncaster sorting Toms house out, decorating and gardening!! we are going two days this week again. We took Duke and it was so funny seeing him walk on laminate flooring! he looked like Bambi all legs and no grip!
The Olympics have started. The last time Mikey was at home we talked about the Olympics and he stood in the room and asked if we thought he would be here for them. He hoped he would have had a trnasplant . We said we would watch them for him if he wasnt. Never thinking that we would and never realising that he would not be here. And so we are spending the time watching the events and thinking about Mikey and wondering which he would have really enjoyed. We know it would have been the track events. Mikey loved the winter Olympics too and stayed up late watching them. I guess that will be another first for us then. But for now the next two weeks will be special, sad and then what? because we have had this time to fous on, what will our tomorrows be for? i dont know.
its two weeks to the 12th and it will be two years. Two long sad years. It could have been yesterday. I was watching a TV programme late one night and it was a mother talking about losing her child and she was heartbroken and her loss occurred 5 years ago and to her it was like yesterday too. We miss Mikey so very much, we will never be the same, the hurt is no less the frequency of our pain isn't as often. We function and we are getting on with our lives. They will never be the same and we are learning to adapt. I still cry in the early hours of the morning, i don't sleep as well as i should. I run because it hurts, that way i know i have some feelings.
Well to bed then because that what we do, ah well tomorrow is another day.......................
Whilst i have been pretty miserable over the past few weeks, nothing compares to what i was feeling when i first started to write this blog. If anything i have learnt that no matter what life throws at you we as humans have this odd ability to just get on with things, often the only way we as individuals can.
There is definitely no right or wrong way, you wake in the morning and you go to bed in the evening, you do sleep and we know that's whats occurred because we awake x number of hours later not being able to recall the fact that we closed our eyes and our last thoughts were during the night and now the suns shining through the window! That's how the days have been. Of course i have done various things and been to places and filled the time. So where was i 3 weeks ago.
Um.
Going back to Papworth was much harder than i thought it would be. Not for the reasons that worried me but oddly the fact that i was still angry that Mikey hadn't received his transplant! It had been raining and the event was in the park next to the hospital. How strange it was when i got out of the car and looked across to the very windows that we had spent so much time behind, looking across to the parkland from Mikey's room in the CF unit. That really hurt. I also missed being in there, now how odd is that. Maybe because such a huge part of our lives were spent visiting Mikey and whilst we may have been enjoying the views those very people we loved hated what we could see and would have given anything not to be looking out of those windows. Even though i know Mikey was suffering in those last few months i would have given anything to have been able to go and see him there. That's what hurt, him not being there. Bizarre! and yet true. And so i listened to other peoples stories, most older heart transplant people and thought i cant do this and when the Surgeon came i thought no way, i have done my bit, i came and now i want to go home! and i did sobbing all the way! I have to go back! for the photo with the cheque, not sure when but at least i am somewhat prepared now, another first over with.
I had my MRI scan on my knee and have spent the last few weeks waiting for the outcome of that, not much longer to wait I'm off to see the consultant tomorrow! lets hope that will be sorted out quickly.
This blog may well be muddled as i flit from one subject to another but hey ho! its my page so i guess its OK!
Work became such a trial, well not being there was should i say. The fact that i couldn't speak to anyone etc etc, The RCN have been fabulous, thank goodness for them. Anyway the company and i have parted and at least i have the ability to take time and regroup myself! I often questioned could the little man take on corporate companies and win, the answer is sort of! More about that later. So at least i now knew what i was not going to be doing and could think about the future.
I have spent the last two weeks enjoying my time off! and the sun has been out.
I have had a couple of small races and my word i was pitiful! lets think, ah well Stamford. It took ages to get there. An evening meet. We had a storm, the peak reaching us on our way to the club house to sign in!! the heavens opened, thunder, lightning, hail stones. In our kit running across a rugby field. Feet were sodden and squelching, clothes were sticking to our skins, and in my case not a pretty sight! Lycra, and wet Lycra on a pleasantly plump older person is not in any way flattering! Still it was only a short run. Oh my word, there were hills, and it was a two lap road race. We finished but not a cup of tea to be had. The knee really didn't like the hills!!! and it took hours to thaw through! and dry out.
The second race was last week and i wasn't happy!!! it was a challenge against Wisbech. I was told it would be 6 miles. Well i have been struggling with 3 but thought i would give it a go, especially as i may not be able to run for a while. Well my word! we were set off in different groups and i was given a faster time to get round in and no way could i do that. It was cross country across fields where the grass and weeds were as big as triffids! and it was hot, i mean hot!!! i spent some time walking with a man whose knee had gone as well, he flagged down a car and got a lift back i kept going, in a fashion! i was worn out!! Not only that i had been for an interview in the morning, just got back and went up the club to prepare the sarnies etc for the evening, got home changed and back to run. Nothing to eat, I'm sure that's what it was, after all a car will not go with out fuel so why on earth would a body! well that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! oh and it was closer to 7 miles!!!
The run on Thursday was just as bad the knee gave up and i thought that's it now, i cant do anymore so I'm waiting for tomorrow! but i have one more little race at Werrington on Wednesday and then i get a t shirt!!!! the things we do for a printed shirt!!
Tom goes extreme cycling and has taken my sunglasses! so i ended up running in some new ones, cant say I'm over struck with them and they didn't make me go faster!
Tim and i have spent several days in Doncaster sorting Toms house out, decorating and gardening!! we are going two days this week again. We took Duke and it was so funny seeing him walk on laminate flooring! he looked like Bambi all legs and no grip!
The Olympics have started. The last time Mikey was at home we talked about the Olympics and he stood in the room and asked if we thought he would be here for them. He hoped he would have had a trnasplant . We said we would watch them for him if he wasnt. Never thinking that we would and never realising that he would not be here. And so we are spending the time watching the events and thinking about Mikey and wondering which he would have really enjoyed. We know it would have been the track events. Mikey loved the winter Olympics too and stayed up late watching them. I guess that will be another first for us then. But for now the next two weeks will be special, sad and then what? because we have had this time to fous on, what will our tomorrows be for? i dont know.
its two weeks to the 12th and it will be two years. Two long sad years. It could have been yesterday. I was watching a TV programme late one night and it was a mother talking about losing her child and she was heartbroken and her loss occurred 5 years ago and to her it was like yesterday too. We miss Mikey so very much, we will never be the same, the hurt is no less the frequency of our pain isn't as often. We function and we are getting on with our lives. They will never be the same and we are learning to adapt. I still cry in the early hours of the morning, i don't sleep as well as i should. I run because it hurts, that way i know i have some feelings.
Well to bed then because that what we do, ah well tomorrow is another day.......................
Saturday, 7 July 2012
Day 694-697
Oh my word!!! the Wednesday race.
Its such a good job i can laugh at myself! I had spent the day in the garden and felt quite good, the rain had been and gone or should i say hail stones and the evening looked as if it may be quite cool, lovely for me. I much prefer to run in the cold or the rain even!
The 5k race was at Ferry Meadows, a beautiful venue, a nice run around the lake, easy run. No, no no!!! the knee decided it didn't like running two days together, and the sun came out. It was warm........ oh deary me what a run or was it a walk a bit of both really. Anyway i finished which is always a plan.
Going home i felt a bit disappointed but thought well maybe Thursdays run will be better. Oh lord! i think it got worse. I did manage 5 miles but what a struggle, the lead legs found me, the knee hurt and it was blasted hot again. Took me 1hr and 7 Min's, shameful!
So i thought give it a rest for a bit and i will be fine for a nice Sunday morning run.
Woke up Friday and was hobbling, knee was really sore and i was having problems walking, so i thought i would embark on a relationship with Cyril. hes been gathering dust for months. Unlike Roger, Cyril is a bit more sedate, oops, Cyril the cycle, did i not say!! so i dragged him across the carpet, popped a film on, yes raining again and off i went, it was murder! Tim came in and asked where i had been! so far just to the top of the road, says i. With a huge chuckle he walked out. Now under the bed somewhere is a silver sweat suit, i bought it months ago, as you do with all the intentions of keeping fit and losing some weight. So i looked, um i looked again and thought no just do your best. A miserable 5 miles, still it was a start. The sun came out and we went for a walk, 8 miles........... i had to stop and buy some ibuprofen to take. I was limping well by the time we got home. Still i dosed myself up for the rest of the day and awoke this morning to a dull throb, looking promising i thought.
The post bought the letter i was expecting and it felt quite strange even though it was the one i was waiting for. Its odd to see the very thing you fought for down in black and white! So i need to sign them and post them back and that will leave me a very happyish person. Its true, some giants can take a bashing if not completely defeated.
Yet more rain today, still manged to get out for a ride and a walk through some very wet fields to look at, a lake!!! Tim thought i may just get some photos and oh my word the heavens opened! traipsing though wet, muddy woodland, grassy slopes, ditch jumping!!! i ask you. Tim did realise i was having a few problems leaping across the wretched things and offered to carry the camera, you don't want to drop that in the water!! never mind me, with sodden feet and , did i mention no coat! A quiet ride home!!!
Tom called round tonight, very happy he had been extreme cycling at Thetford forest for the day, and we are off to Donnie sometime next week.
Tim said tonight he may take up running!! now I'm not sure if he was joking or not but it would be good to have some company. It looks like i may go for a run tomorrow evening, give the knee a little bit longer.
Wednesday I'm going to Papworth, not sure how i feel about it really. Will be the first time since we lost Mikey. I know its at the hall next to the hospital, but we looked out over the lawns from Mikey's room on many, many occasions. I think i will find it hard. Its an event for fund raisers, i should go really. In the evening I'm meeting up with some friends, thank goodness for them being there for me the last few weeks, it will be safe to go!!!!
I do wonder what Mikey would have had to say about all of this? a few choice words i should say but also a lot of wisdom in one so young, the one thing about everything that has happened recently is that nothing, nothing is ever as bad as losing him, that's something to hang onto.
Neither have i been overwhelmed by despair or misery that too is something to be thankful for. Always always remember, Tomorrow is another day................................
Its such a good job i can laugh at myself! I had spent the day in the garden and felt quite good, the rain had been and gone or should i say hail stones and the evening looked as if it may be quite cool, lovely for me. I much prefer to run in the cold or the rain even!
The 5k race was at Ferry Meadows, a beautiful venue, a nice run around the lake, easy run. No, no no!!! the knee decided it didn't like running two days together, and the sun came out. It was warm........ oh deary me what a run or was it a walk a bit of both really. Anyway i finished which is always a plan.
Going home i felt a bit disappointed but thought well maybe Thursdays run will be better. Oh lord! i think it got worse. I did manage 5 miles but what a struggle, the lead legs found me, the knee hurt and it was blasted hot again. Took me 1hr and 7 Min's, shameful!
So i thought give it a rest for a bit and i will be fine for a nice Sunday morning run.
Woke up Friday and was hobbling, knee was really sore and i was having problems walking, so i thought i would embark on a relationship with Cyril. hes been gathering dust for months. Unlike Roger, Cyril is a bit more sedate, oops, Cyril the cycle, did i not say!! so i dragged him across the carpet, popped a film on, yes raining again and off i went, it was murder! Tim came in and asked where i had been! so far just to the top of the road, says i. With a huge chuckle he walked out. Now under the bed somewhere is a silver sweat suit, i bought it months ago, as you do with all the intentions of keeping fit and losing some weight. So i looked, um i looked again and thought no just do your best. A miserable 5 miles, still it was a start. The sun came out and we went for a walk, 8 miles........... i had to stop and buy some ibuprofen to take. I was limping well by the time we got home. Still i dosed myself up for the rest of the day and awoke this morning to a dull throb, looking promising i thought.
The post bought the letter i was expecting and it felt quite strange even though it was the one i was waiting for. Its odd to see the very thing you fought for down in black and white! So i need to sign them and post them back and that will leave me a very happyish person. Its true, some giants can take a bashing if not completely defeated.
Yet more rain today, still manged to get out for a ride and a walk through some very wet fields to look at, a lake!!! Tim thought i may just get some photos and oh my word the heavens opened! traipsing though wet, muddy woodland, grassy slopes, ditch jumping!!! i ask you. Tim did realise i was having a few problems leaping across the wretched things and offered to carry the camera, you don't want to drop that in the water!! never mind me, with sodden feet and , did i mention no coat! A quiet ride home!!!
Tom called round tonight, very happy he had been extreme cycling at Thetford forest for the day, and we are off to Donnie sometime next week.
Tim said tonight he may take up running!! now I'm not sure if he was joking or not but it would be good to have some company. It looks like i may go for a run tomorrow evening, give the knee a little bit longer.
Wednesday I'm going to Papworth, not sure how i feel about it really. Will be the first time since we lost Mikey. I know its at the hall next to the hospital, but we looked out over the lawns from Mikey's room on many, many occasions. I think i will find it hard. Its an event for fund raisers, i should go really. In the evening I'm meeting up with some friends, thank goodness for them being there for me the last few weeks, it will be safe to go!!!!
I do wonder what Mikey would have had to say about all of this? a few choice words i should say but also a lot of wisdom in one so young, the one thing about everything that has happened recently is that nothing, nothing is ever as bad as losing him, that's something to hang onto.
Neither have i been overwhelmed by despair or misery that too is something to be thankful for. Always always remember, Tomorrow is another day................................
Tuesday, 3 July 2012
Days 690-693
I hope the spell check is working tonight, just read the last one and saw several mistakes! ah well i can only hope.
Whats been happening, now lets see. Um work and the issues there continue although some headway being made, decisions have been made and I'm feeling as though i can begin to look forward! I would question whether its the right one but its done now!
Time hangs heavy at the moment and during the past few weeks i know i have changed. I can honestly say i have been in some strange moods and certainly question the rights and wrongs of the day! I also believe in Karma and certainly revenge is a dish best served cold, my day will come!!
Now that's out of the way i can move on and hope to be a bit more positive. I miss Mikey very much and would love to be able to share with him what I'm doing, goodness only knows that 2012 is a year of big changes for me. I didn't think that there would be so many and indeed so exciting, challenging and life changing! Was that the purpose of the special significance of 2012, i don't know but we are only half way through! There are things to look forward to and i do feel able to do that. I feel that the past few weeks i am beginning to face the sad truth and its hard. Mikey would be horrified to think i have spent so much time on being sad and miserable. When you speak about dying and what you would like family and friends to do, the actual carrying out those very things you agreed to is hard. I wonder if the dying know that. When Gordon was ill and he said what he wanted, did he realise the consequences of those wishes, i don't think so.
Death to me has been a dreadful time, well i know it is for everyone but personally i have coped with my boyfriend being killed on his way home form mine on his motorcycle when i was 17. My brother dying when he was 47, the impact that had on me and the relationship afterwards with my parents and my sisters was unbearable at times. The breakdown of my relationship between my sister and law and nieces was a consequence of choosing between them and my own family. It haunts me still. Shortly after, Tim's parents died within 5 months of each other. The impact that had on Tim was profound and i certainly do not want to go down that road. It nearly destroyed us. The loss of my parents and the deep sadness around that was again really hard. Dad wanted to stay at home and we shared the care but still had to continue to work. I worked nights and would see to the boys and then do the early shift with mum and dad. Mum passed away two weeks after Mikey got married.
Mikey oh dear dear Mikey its been such a hard road to tread and i know that i will be on that road for the rest of my life. I cant come to terms with it at all, i know a said that i was but i lied! Just going through the motions and escaping by running. Thank goodness for that.
So Sundays run went well! the knee held up and i did 5 miles in 57 Min's. Not as fast as i have done in the past but considering the knee injury i was happy.
Today's training run went well despite the fact i was struggling! 5.65 miles in 1hr 04mins, not bad i think. So now the race tomorrow evening, lets hope the old legs hold up!!
So to bed after all tomorrow is another day..........................
Whats been happening, now lets see. Um work and the issues there continue although some headway being made, decisions have been made and I'm feeling as though i can begin to look forward! I would question whether its the right one but its done now!
Time hangs heavy at the moment and during the past few weeks i know i have changed. I can honestly say i have been in some strange moods and certainly question the rights and wrongs of the day! I also believe in Karma and certainly revenge is a dish best served cold, my day will come!!
Now that's out of the way i can move on and hope to be a bit more positive. I miss Mikey very much and would love to be able to share with him what I'm doing, goodness only knows that 2012 is a year of big changes for me. I didn't think that there would be so many and indeed so exciting, challenging and life changing! Was that the purpose of the special significance of 2012, i don't know but we are only half way through! There are things to look forward to and i do feel able to do that. I feel that the past few weeks i am beginning to face the sad truth and its hard. Mikey would be horrified to think i have spent so much time on being sad and miserable. When you speak about dying and what you would like family and friends to do, the actual carrying out those very things you agreed to is hard. I wonder if the dying know that. When Gordon was ill and he said what he wanted, did he realise the consequences of those wishes, i don't think so.
Death to me has been a dreadful time, well i know it is for everyone but personally i have coped with my boyfriend being killed on his way home form mine on his motorcycle when i was 17. My brother dying when he was 47, the impact that had on me and the relationship afterwards with my parents and my sisters was unbearable at times. The breakdown of my relationship between my sister and law and nieces was a consequence of choosing between them and my own family. It haunts me still. Shortly after, Tim's parents died within 5 months of each other. The impact that had on Tim was profound and i certainly do not want to go down that road. It nearly destroyed us. The loss of my parents and the deep sadness around that was again really hard. Dad wanted to stay at home and we shared the care but still had to continue to work. I worked nights and would see to the boys and then do the early shift with mum and dad. Mum passed away two weeks after Mikey got married.
Mikey oh dear dear Mikey its been such a hard road to tread and i know that i will be on that road for the rest of my life. I cant come to terms with it at all, i know a said that i was but i lied! Just going through the motions and escaping by running. Thank goodness for that.
So Sundays run went well! the knee held up and i did 5 miles in 57 Min's. Not as fast as i have done in the past but considering the knee injury i was happy.
Today's training run went well despite the fact i was struggling! 5.65 miles in 1hr 04mins, not bad i think. So now the race tomorrow evening, lets hope the old legs hold up!!
So to bed after all tomorrow is another day..........................
Friday, 29 June 2012
Day 684-689
So its been almost a week!
To be honest so much has happened this week its been a problem getting up the motivation to sit here. Tims in bed and Dukes asleep, notw there is a surprise.
Monday i was on the phone a huge part of the day when i wasnt sitting outside in the sunshine!! I have reflected so much this week on what has happened recently that i have just run myself round in a circle.
On a positive side, hospital visit on Tuesady went well. I have to have MRI scan on the knee on the 14th July and see the consultant 2 weeks after. Appointments already made!! He said i could run if i wanted but only short distances and on soft ground, if i run on tarmac to make it short as possible. So i felt like a racehorse on Tuesday night, the going was soft so off i went. Did a reasonable 5 miles and the time was ok considering, Thursadys run was a bit bit shameful but hey ho saving myself for Sundays run. The annual Spud run.
Booked in for a race on Wednesday evening only a small 5k but its in a leauge and if i run 3 i get a t shirt!!
Booked a half Marathon in October, The great eastern run so i hope im fit by then, best get training!!! something to focus on.
I have been really lazy the last 3 weeks and just didnt realise how tired i was. I think i look better too! although the diet has gone west!! Best get back on the old weight watchers again.
Another hospital appointment today, check up from the skin problem i had and got the all clear!! but to return anytime if there is a concern. That was positive!
I now have numb fingers in my left hand! im cracking up, i think its from the fracture but not sure i suppose i will have to go to the Drs, its so annoying my little finger has forgotten it belongs to my hand and just doesnt do as its told! either the that or the brain isnt getting messages to it, now there is a thought!
At last got to shampoo Mikeys carpet. How strange its taken me so long to do it. I wonder if i am only now beginning to grieve, i just havent had the time before now. Maybe i should use this time i have off to consider that. Maybe Tim and i need to get away for a bit, we will see.
Spend some time at the coast next week if the weather is kind and blow away a few cobwebs.
I have raised over £1700 from my Marathon and hope to meet the target, Tims assured me i will as he hasnt given his donation yet!!! Fingers crossed.
I continue to feel very isolated and yet i have had support from the most unlikely places and it has been very welcome, i still cant discuss why i am where i am today, my turn will come i am sure. I keep remembering the proverb, people in glass houses shouldnt throw stones!
Its a year tomorrow since we collected Duke! he still acts like a pup!!
Well i better get to bed i suppose, i have another book to read! I dont know what the future has in store for me i will just take it a day at a time, i wont worry because, tomorrow is another day..................
To be honest so much has happened this week its been a problem getting up the motivation to sit here. Tims in bed and Dukes asleep, notw there is a surprise.
Monday i was on the phone a huge part of the day when i wasnt sitting outside in the sunshine!! I have reflected so much this week on what has happened recently that i have just run myself round in a circle.
On a positive side, hospital visit on Tuesady went well. I have to have MRI scan on the knee on the 14th July and see the consultant 2 weeks after. Appointments already made!! He said i could run if i wanted but only short distances and on soft ground, if i run on tarmac to make it short as possible. So i felt like a racehorse on Tuesday night, the going was soft so off i went. Did a reasonable 5 miles and the time was ok considering, Thursadys run was a bit bit shameful but hey ho saving myself for Sundays run. The annual Spud run.
Booked in for a race on Wednesday evening only a small 5k but its in a leauge and if i run 3 i get a t shirt!!
Booked a half Marathon in October, The great eastern run so i hope im fit by then, best get training!!! something to focus on.
I have been really lazy the last 3 weeks and just didnt realise how tired i was. I think i look better too! although the diet has gone west!! Best get back on the old weight watchers again.
Another hospital appointment today, check up from the skin problem i had and got the all clear!! but to return anytime if there is a concern. That was positive!
I now have numb fingers in my left hand! im cracking up, i think its from the fracture but not sure i suppose i will have to go to the Drs, its so annoying my little finger has forgotten it belongs to my hand and just doesnt do as its told! either the that or the brain isnt getting messages to it, now there is a thought!
At last got to shampoo Mikeys carpet. How strange its taken me so long to do it. I wonder if i am only now beginning to grieve, i just havent had the time before now. Maybe i should use this time i have off to consider that. Maybe Tim and i need to get away for a bit, we will see.
Spend some time at the coast next week if the weather is kind and blow away a few cobwebs.
I have raised over £1700 from my Marathon and hope to meet the target, Tims assured me i will as he hasnt given his donation yet!!! Fingers crossed.
I continue to feel very isolated and yet i have had support from the most unlikely places and it has been very welcome, i still cant discuss why i am where i am today, my turn will come i am sure. I keep remembering the proverb, people in glass houses shouldnt throw stones!
Its a year tomorrow since we collected Duke! he still acts like a pup!!
Well i better get to bed i suppose, i have another book to read! I dont know what the future has in store for me i will just take it a day at a time, i wont worry because, tomorrow is another day..................
Saturday, 23 June 2012
Day 683
Did i mention that its raining! well not so much today thank goodness but apparently more tonight. I at least managed to sit out in the garden, even though i was wrapped up against the wind. I was actually thinking that for the majority of my life i have spent inside! only surfacing to come home from work or for the few hours left in the day afterwards! Lying there with the warmish sun trying to poke through the clouds i thought about the old TB patients, wheeled out onto verandas what ever the weather to try and shift those bugs. Even though it wasn't warm today it was so nice to be in fresh air. That's maybe what it was all about!
Duke isn't the bravest of dogs! a loud noise next door had him vaulting the gate in the middle of the hall, I'm not sure who was more surprised him or me! Still he is only a year old. In fact its a year next Saturday that we bought him home! Still seems like yesterday.
We decided to take Tim's new bike out for a spin and hes still suffering tonight, i say that quite smugly as he has always said , oh it will only take you a few minutes and its not that far. Hum i think he may have another view on that now!
Final day of Ascot today, cant remember the last time i was able to watch ladies day on TV still it was not so nice this year although he fashions always have my attention.
Tim says i want a hair cut! i have said nope I'm growing a pony tail for next years marathon. I always think the runners look faster with their hair flowing or bobbing about. Needless to say i got a few comments about long hair on older women, which i hasten to say i have ignored.
Delivery of my new running shorts today! after seeing those pictures i decided to do a bit of Internet shopping, cousin Ange responsible for that after talking to her late one night on the net. They do look much better, still i thought the others looked OK until i saw the pictures, um now should i stand in front of the mirror, take a photo and see before i step out into the daylight i wonder, maybe i will. Mikey would have been in hysterics at the other ones, or ashamed of me, not sure which, i still haven't let Tim see them!
I have decided to close the door on my other problems, well at least until i hear anymore, its such a drain on me and makes me miserable so why worry, well much!! Its the weekend.
Just read a book, The woman in Black by Susan Hill. A bit creepy but a quick read to pass the time of day.
I'm looking at the carpet and wonder if i should give it a shampoo, no not now because as usual I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and its quiet, late and the middle of the night!. My time. Its so precious making sure i have time all to me. I have over the past few months ignored my needs and yet its been so beneficial, thinking, pondering and writing.
I'm also looking across at the rowing machine, that's for another day! maybe next week after the hospital visit. I do believe I'm repeating myself.
I did say when i started the blog that i may be able to go back and see how i have progressed on the journey i am on, still feel inclined not to. Too much hurt there and its still raw. Just keep going forward i think.
I really must dig out my passport application form and complete, especially if I'm running in Spain in December, haven't quite made up my mind yet, oh and i suppose it depends on what I'm doing. Ah well fill the form and have no expectations because then i will not be disappointed.
Its the annual Spud Run next week end, i wonder if i will be able to run! i hope so.
It looks like more rain next week but hopefully towards the end of the week its going to be brighter, i hope we can get to the coast for the day.
Crikey i best get and order the Star for the club and hope it arrives for next weekend!
So its to bed with another book! how lovely to be able to read until the wee hours knowing that i can have a lie in, need to look on the positive side of things for now but tomorrow, is another day..............
Duke isn't the bravest of dogs! a loud noise next door had him vaulting the gate in the middle of the hall, I'm not sure who was more surprised him or me! Still he is only a year old. In fact its a year next Saturday that we bought him home! Still seems like yesterday.
We decided to take Tim's new bike out for a spin and hes still suffering tonight, i say that quite smugly as he has always said , oh it will only take you a few minutes and its not that far. Hum i think he may have another view on that now!
Final day of Ascot today, cant remember the last time i was able to watch ladies day on TV still it was not so nice this year although he fashions always have my attention.
Tim says i want a hair cut! i have said nope I'm growing a pony tail for next years marathon. I always think the runners look faster with their hair flowing or bobbing about. Needless to say i got a few comments about long hair on older women, which i hasten to say i have ignored.
Delivery of my new running shorts today! after seeing those pictures i decided to do a bit of Internet shopping, cousin Ange responsible for that after talking to her late one night on the net. They do look much better, still i thought the others looked OK until i saw the pictures, um now should i stand in front of the mirror, take a photo and see before i step out into the daylight i wonder, maybe i will. Mikey would have been in hysterics at the other ones, or ashamed of me, not sure which, i still haven't let Tim see them!
I have decided to close the door on my other problems, well at least until i hear anymore, its such a drain on me and makes me miserable so why worry, well much!! Its the weekend.
Just read a book, The woman in Black by Susan Hill. A bit creepy but a quick read to pass the time of day.
I'm looking at the carpet and wonder if i should give it a shampoo, no not now because as usual I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and its quiet, late and the middle of the night!. My time. Its so precious making sure i have time all to me. I have over the past few months ignored my needs and yet its been so beneficial, thinking, pondering and writing.
I'm also looking across at the rowing machine, that's for another day! maybe next week after the hospital visit. I do believe I'm repeating myself.
I did say when i started the blog that i may be able to go back and see how i have progressed on the journey i am on, still feel inclined not to. Too much hurt there and its still raw. Just keep going forward i think.
I really must dig out my passport application form and complete, especially if I'm running in Spain in December, haven't quite made up my mind yet, oh and i suppose it depends on what I'm doing. Ah well fill the form and have no expectations because then i will not be disappointed.
Its the annual Spud Run next week end, i wonder if i will be able to run! i hope so.
It looks like more rain next week but hopefully towards the end of the week its going to be brighter, i hope we can get to the coast for the day.
Crikey i best get and order the Star for the club and hope it arrives for next weekend!
So its to bed with another book! how lovely to be able to read until the wee hours knowing that i can have a lie in, need to look on the positive side of things for now but tomorrow, is another day..............
Friday, 22 June 2012
Day 682
Reflective day today. Well there was nothing else much to do! raining again
Just thinking back 4 years.
1 2008.Tim had his brain hemorrhage. Tom married,
2 2009 Both boys separated, both got together again and Toms became final, Mikey tried again, Tim left work, Mikey's health worsened.
3 2010 broken wrist. Mikey's health worsened and separated from his wife. Lost Mikey.
4 2011 Struggled to come to terms with our loss, Tom moved back and work not so good.
5 2012 ah well we are still on that journey but already its not looking promising. Marathon run and tore a cartilage and now looks as if i may be making a career change. Will it get better i wonder, well surely it can not get worse than its been.
Does life go in cycles, I'm trying to think back and its been a real struggle for us the last 27 years, some good times but certainly very challenging.
Decision making day today, discussed with Tim and i feel comfortable with the choice i have made.
Had some welcome company which actually reinforced my choice, time to reinvent myself, well lets be honest i cant do any worse!! will have to think seriously if i should go for the face lift though!! Yep i have thought, i will stick to the magic creams!
Tim has bought a new bike! at last, so we may get out and about weather permitting for a few miles. Can only help us both become fitter. He took it out for a spin yesterday and found muscles he forgot he had, so it may be a slow process.
Phone call this morning from the hospital and they have cancelled my appointment for Monday but at least i do not have too long a wait as its for Tuesday morning instead. I really hope they can sort it out as quickly as possible. Well than may well be another first for me!
My sister called this morning and shes not well and may have to go into hospital, haven't heard any more so fingers crossed she will be OK!
I can feel another spa day coming on, so will have to arrange a sisters day out, i think its due anyway. Will try and sort something out this coming week.
Been invited to Papworth in July for fund raisers day. Tim thinks i should go so maybe i will.
Thank goodness my mood has lifted well for now, but tomorrow is another day...............
Just thinking back 4 years.
1 2008.Tim had his brain hemorrhage. Tom married,
2 2009 Both boys separated, both got together again and Toms became final, Mikey tried again, Tim left work, Mikey's health worsened.
3 2010 broken wrist. Mikey's health worsened and separated from his wife. Lost Mikey.
4 2011 Struggled to come to terms with our loss, Tom moved back and work not so good.
5 2012 ah well we are still on that journey but already its not looking promising. Marathon run and tore a cartilage and now looks as if i may be making a career change. Will it get better i wonder, well surely it can not get worse than its been.
Does life go in cycles, I'm trying to think back and its been a real struggle for us the last 27 years, some good times but certainly very challenging.
Decision making day today, discussed with Tim and i feel comfortable with the choice i have made.
Had some welcome company which actually reinforced my choice, time to reinvent myself, well lets be honest i cant do any worse!! will have to think seriously if i should go for the face lift though!! Yep i have thought, i will stick to the magic creams!
Tim has bought a new bike! at last, so we may get out and about weather permitting for a few miles. Can only help us both become fitter. He took it out for a spin yesterday and found muscles he forgot he had, so it may be a slow process.
Phone call this morning from the hospital and they have cancelled my appointment for Monday but at least i do not have too long a wait as its for Tuesday morning instead. I really hope they can sort it out as quickly as possible. Well than may well be another first for me!
My sister called this morning and shes not well and may have to go into hospital, haven't heard any more so fingers crossed she will be OK!
I can feel another spa day coming on, so will have to arrange a sisters day out, i think its due anyway. Will try and sort something out this coming week.
Been invited to Papworth in July for fund raisers day. Tim thinks i should go so maybe i will.
Thank goodness my mood has lifted well for now, but tomorrow is another day...............
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