The mood of Wednesday didn't last!!! no surprise there then. So here i am 3 days worth of blogging to catch up.
I have asked myself if i need the blog as much as i used to, and the answer is yes i do. But i cant get over the feeling that time is approaching to August and memories are increasingly difficult to cope with and i know its real. I have lost the anger that so often prompted written outbursts. I have lost the feeling of despair that often kept me company long into the early mornings. I feel that in some way i have lost me and another person is emerging. I'm not sure if its the person i want to be or the person i need to be.
There are some parts that are OK and others i miss. I guess with any grief comes change. Not just in ourselves but in our day to day lives.
We are not the carefree couple we used to be. We have become more serious and now fill our days with trivia! nothing concrete, a ship without a rudder. We are just afloat on the tides of life and as yet we have a course to set. Not yet though, we are just drifting.
The time will come i have no doubt when all the edges are more rounder. The pain is less and we just get on. I wonder though if that means we will be forgetting Mikey. I do hope not.
Chatting the other day to a friend who lost her son, reassured me that this is not so even after many years. It gave me great comfort talking to her even though it was upsetting. But you know what, it was OK. I didn't feel uncomfortable with her. I hope we can meet up again sometime and maybe have a coffee. I would like that.
Thursday! well what can i say. Had a good run! 5.8 miles we reached the white post marker!!! yippee, Sue is away now for two weeks so i wont have a partner. I shall try my best without her.
I was so tired though that i was in bed again by 10pm and slept soundly that was fortunate because the day i had yesterday was horrendous and left me completely drained.
I lost the will!! i could have laid down on my back and played possum, the world has become a nasty place at times. People, where has honesty, manners and pride disappeared to!!! humanity is dying. What is our human race going to be like in another 20 years!
Tom phoned today and he is really worried about Rocky his GSD. He took him to the vets today because he is losing weight. The vet thinks it may be a problem with his pancreas and if so the medication will cost £10 a day. Tom loves Rocky and will go with out himself to make sure Rocky gets his medication.If anything was to happen to Rocky Tom will be devastated. Rocky is the only company Tom has living so far from home. I'm not sure how he will cope. Lets keep our fingers crossed that the blood tests are not what the vet thinks. What a worry for him.
Duke continues to be a source of pleasure for Tim, mind you he is looking very tired these days! Duke is wearing him out. Cant believe how good he is. Its really as though he was human in his past life because he understands so much!
Tonight he slipped past the gate and got into Mikeys room and refused to leave, he even growled at me when i tried to get him out!!! Not an unpleasant growl more like he was saying , no chance this is my space. Eventually furry slipper clutched tightly in his mouth he made for the garden. Tim and i like a couple of pig farmers trying to herd him up. We were both running about with arms outstretched trying to catch him!! no luck until Tim rattled his food bowl!!
I may go for anther run tomorrow. We have entered the Thorney run on 14th August so need to practice!!! we may be going to Majorca in December for 10k or half marathon!! It wont be long till October and we will learn if we have a place in the Marathon next year. We can only hope. We had no luck getting tickets for the Olympics! although we tried in both ballots. Ah well some things are not to be i suppose.
Well I'm going to get to bed before Duke wakes up! Tim's on call tonight but tomorrow is another day!!!
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