Days 326/341

Well what can i say except that the last few days have been a nightmare one way or another!!

I really must get a grip, i am going backwards instead of forwards! not a good plan. So what has been going on, not sure where to start really, no time to have jotted down notes that would help. Now is that true? no, i guess i have had the time but not the incentive. Always a worry that.

Thursday, well i suppose it started off badly! had to go to Newmarket for a days meeting only to get a call to say that we had a team turn up at work and that was a worry, we are attempting to obtain an award and i really should have been there. The rest of the day i was thinking about that and how things were going. Got back to work and ended up staying until 8pm. So that put paid to the running!!! Lots of work still to do and all in 4 weeks!!

Friday and it was work, work, work! non stop i was exhausted by the time i got home! not fit for anything.

Tom phoned again and was talking for ages. He has so much to think about and that really does include his concerns about Rocky and his house. Still hopefully all of that can be resolved.

Duke continues to grow and is wearing Tim out!!! how on earth do these older women manage when they have a baby in their late 50,s. My hat off to them!!!

Chest infection remains lousy so maybe a good idea that i didn't run on Thursday!!

Do you know i haven't had time to take time to look around me and the world i live in. No time to ponder. But is that me? its so easy to slip back into old habits. I have tried so hard to move on in a different direction and it shames me to discover I'm failing. Well us fen folk are made of stern stuff so i better just shake myself out of this bad place I'm in. But its so hard sometimes. Its easier just to sink!!!

Mikey is constantly in my thoughts and i could just weep. I want to rage at the world and everyone in it, my temper is getting short and patience is in very short supply at the moment! not nice to be around. I want the time to grieve!! haven't i had enough, well the answer to that is no! Its my space my feeling and its about me!! selfish? i don't think so. But i am being overwhelmed by other things and I'm cross about that!! Gosh i can feel myself seething and really want to throw something, anything!! How odd i have never been one to do that! I think a lot and imagine all the things i would like to do but never action them!! but today, this week, i may just do that. Um 57 years worth of anger frustration and damn right restraint are about to be released. Lord help the person who is going to be at the receiving end!!! Praps i should just read a book!!!!

Then the computer packed up again!!! no connection for 3 days hence no catch up blogging!!! and no excuse of a holiday this time! i have spent hours talking to it and then today i spoke to a lovely lady called Pauline who was from Newcastle!!! what a star and all it needed was a damn pin sticking in the side of the router to get me up and running, how about that!!! so here i am.

Sunday morning up early and out for a run! didn't do well really struggled inhalers didn't work and could barely manage a couple of miles!!!! that made me so upset because i really thought by the time Sue came back i would be up the 6 miles! lets hope she hasn't done her daily runs around the cruise liner, i bet she has!!!!

Monday , well that started as the week ended last week and has gone steadily downhill since!!!! work load is hard and my word i cant squeeze enough time in the day. I really don't want to get back into the habit of going back in at night to finish off the work!!!

Today i managed to get computer fixed and went for my run!! How did i do? not as well as 2 weeks ago but much better than Sunday. Still not right with my chest infection but now think i have to accept that i need the steroids! maybe i should just have accepted them at the start but well i guess i cant be told!!

Duke has managed to chew up Tim's garden chair! oops and he was so happy to be able to jump up in that and be comfortable! He has had his last lot of injections so they will both be hitting the road for walks!

I came home today a bit later than normal for lunch and Tim didn't look well. He said he was OK and then decided to tell me that he felt unwell up town. When he got home he couldn't see well all the writing in the newspaper was back to front and his vision really affected. He felt dizzy but no headache and when he closed his eyes he could see all bright colours. I do wonder if it was a type of migraine without the headache! another worry. That's what worries me about letting outside influences overtake my home life!!! Tim seems OK now but a bit tetchy! The one thing he did say was 'it will soon be August' i think Mikey must be very much on his mind too
The rest of the week looks really hectic and each day packed with things to do. Friday i have got off as leave and I'm spending the day at Norwich.
Well to bed, and tomorrow is another day!