Well i missed another day yesterday. This seems to be getting a habit!! Truthfully i just went to bed and cried, this blasted knee. Have i got a low pain threshold? well i would have said no but to be reduced to the mess i was yesterday makes me wonder. It was another day and one i would rather have slept through. Had i sat and wrote anything i am sure i would have rendered the reader to commit the unthinkable act!! So i left the keyboard alone!!
Am i better today. Rats, no I'm not but feeling sorry for myself is just so damn tiring and depressing, so i really am trying today. Failing miserably though.
What is driving me on is the thought of how those with CF struggle daily knowing that their pain isn't going to go away, a knee so what! Michael is constantly in my thoughts and it makes me ashamed at how i am at the moment. I am however human and he wouldn't expect me to be any different. No doubt he would be talking with his dad saying how ridiculous i was in trying to attempt a Marathon, bets would be laid as to whether i would finish this plan of mine or is it another phase i was going through. Well i am determined to prove them all wrong. The conversation Tom and his dad had yesterday went something like this, Tom: just think all the money she has spent on gym equipment, joining fees on the gym, athletics etc then the clothing etc she could have donated that to CF and it would probably have been more than she can raise in sponsorship! Tim: yeah but you cant tell her!!! No faith that's what i say, the beasts. Mind you looking at me now limping along the only think I'm good for is the knackers yard and then someone would have to take me.
I do wonder what the future holds for me, i have been such a healthy specimen, never ailing. Until last year with my wrist i haven't had time off work only mat leave so it does come quite hard to discover that the body has just started to crumble.Perhaps this is just a blip?
A good job i have a sense of humour as well considering the comments i have had to endure at work! but the reverse of that is they are such a caring bunch of people who are not only supportive but genuinely want me to succeed because they know how important this marathon is to me. No just the achievement of doing it but the hope that i will be able to rest and have some peace, to look back then at Michael's life and his achievements because to me this is Mikeys run.
Today i had messages from two special people in my life, just when i needed them the most, almost uncanny. Thank you xx
Well my knee has become fixed under the chair and i may well have to take time inch by inch getting it moving but i feel better now emotionally than i did when i sat down to blog so on that note i will attempt to move and always remember that tomorrow is another day....................
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