Half way through the week already!!! It feels cold again today! even though the sun is really trying hard to make some effort to chase away winter. However the wind is getting up and there was a good blow across the fields today.
Tim went out today and had a train journey so that was good i rather think he enjoyed it. Tonight he was toying with the idea of getting another motorbike and asked if i would come on the back with him. I used to have a lovely bike and rode myself, would i enjoy being a pillion again. I'm not sure. Still we will wait and see what he decides. I know there is no chance that i could get into my leathers. I tried some time ago and the only item that fits is my helmet!! Lots of work to do if i should attempt to wear them again!!
Heard from the sisters oh deary me they have all put weight on this week. It makes me feel good!!! as i too put on a pound, shame on me! What a lot of effort has been made and its a gain.
I was eating a rice cake tonight and Tim asked if it was worth it and suggested a dummy may give me more comfort! now there is a thought. Still I'm going to keep on going.
Desperately hoping the physio is going to let me get back to some serious exercise soon, as like now!! but there is no point putting all this work and effort into getting me walking if i try something to soon. Patience has never been a strong point for me!
Work has been challenging to say the least and it has taken over my day yet again. I still consider at the moment its a good thing and certainly keeping misery at bay.
Just need to get fit and Tim happy and i think i can say we are beginning to move forward. Its been almost 6 months now since we lost Mikey its so very hard to believe that.
I feel as though i have been walking or at times crawling through treacle to get where i am today. I am aware that there is no let up, no respite from my emotional state. As yet we have not moved anything of Mikey's and wonder if we ever will. I am not saddened by them but they give me some kind of solace. Mikeys backpack remains where he always put it and we have no desire to open and disturb the meagre contents.
Tim and i cannot understand still, why Claire has not allowed us to have some of his things. Perhaps its a power thing? maybe its her way of grieving i don't know perhaps in the future she may reflect on the situation, who's to say. But i do wonder how she could possibly throw everything away as though Mikey hasn't existed. Perhaps its because she is young. We know that life does go on and we would not expect her to remain single, but surely some respect would not have hurt her. Things like photos of ours that Mikey had we will never ever be able to replace, what use are they to her. Well i suppose we will never know now.
I am surprised how i can write these words down down and with very little emotion, just pondering i suppose.
I can feel my bed calling so i really ought to make an effort. The one thing that is not getting any better is my sleeping!! However all things considered what with my back and now the ham string sleep hasn't been easy!! but we can as Mikey said hope for better things. On that note, Tomorrow is another day.......
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