Still the sun has been trying to get out giving the day an almost spring like feeling. The daffs are sprouting outside the bungalow. Now why haven't i noticed them before? The crocus are trying their hardest to flower. A change in the atmosphere, the fens are stirring and beginning to awaken from the winter.
The days are getting longer. At 4.30pm it was still daylight. It seems hard to believe that a few weeks ago it was still dark at 3.30pm.
I had some chocolate today, shame on me but i went swimming tonight so i hope i have burned off the calories other wise i will have the sisters to contend with!! cant have that.
The knee held up well so i am hoping that all will go well on Thursday. I can feel an evening with Roger coming on!
Its amazing really how low in mood you get when you are in pain and i just feel so much better emotionally at the moment. Still very aware that this can change but remain positive!
Had a phone call from the Drs surgery i seem to have missed a counselling session they booked for me. Now why do i need to go. Lesley is her name and she seems really very nice so perhaps i will give it a whirl.
Tim doesn't seem his usual self today and i don't know why. I have asked him but he says he is OK. I look at him now and see how much he has aged since Mikey died. Tim rarely speaks about Mikey, in fact he has very little to say full stop. Its me who seems to bring all conversation into the home. Perhaps with me not being able to do much recently has affected him too. I wish he would go and have a game of golf I'm sure it would do him good but it seems he doesn't want to mix with anyone. I asked him to contact Ash for a game of golf but he wont. I'm sure he misses the visits from his sister who used to pop round with a cake. Still they made their choices and they are all adults its up to them to sort it out.
I have never asked Tim to stop having contact with his sister and brother in law in fact have encouraged Tim to maintain their relationship, all i have asked is he does not discuss me at all. It matters not to me but families are important and they are all they have. It will be too late soon and its no good having regrets.
Goodness only knows what Mikey would make of this. It would not be what he wanted at all and would be so upset about the divide in the family. However about the situation that occurred following our loss i am and remain unforgiving. I can live with that.
Tonight when driving past Foxs boatyard, the smoke from the wood fires on the narrow boats, drifted across the bypass in fog like tendrils, the aroma wafting into the car. I can only imagine how cosy the boat dwellers must have been, all snug and warm, roasting in front of the fire.
What a lovely thought for the end of another very busy day at work. Because i feel an inner calm i wanted to share a photo of Mikey that makes feel good when i look at it. It also make me very sad but still........
Mikey 4 weeks before he died.
Tomorrow is another day
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