It has been an awful day. This morning Tim and i were deep in thought over a cup of tea before going to work. The morning went really quickly and i was kept busy moving stuff around.
Went home at lunch time all seemed OK until Tim became inconsolable. The day was just too much. Its so hard to explain how i feel today. I didn't want to go back to work but Tim said i should. Looking out of the window the weather reflected our mood. It was raining.
I was really worried about Tim and phoned him to see if he wanted me to come home but again he said no.
This afternoon at work was a disaster!!! I spent periods shut in the office upstairs and other periods seeing staff. I have to say i lost it. I just couldn't take my own advice and ended up feeling worse that ever. The rest of the afternoon i was not left on my own and the staff kept me busy.
Some may say why go to work, well that certainly was my biggest mistake. How do you know how you are going to feel. I never really expected such a tidal wave of emotion. The past few weeks have just been some abyss of effort that we have floundered in. Didn't know it at the time but that period of respite has been us trying to cope for each other.
I'm struggling tonight to write, how strange, not usually one to be short of words.
Tim's gone to bed and again i look at him and he has lost his light, they say your eyes are the window to your soul and Tims looks so sad.
Its all pretend, all the things we say we are looking forward to. We are just mapping time. Tim hasn't got much if anything planned ,his future looks so bleak unless he gets something to do. I don't care what he says, you cannot enjoy your own company for ever. The human race was made to socialise, its our nature. Lets hope he decides to either get a bike or a dog!!! something to do when i am at work.
This is such a lousy blog tonight so i am going to close, tomorrow is another day........
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