I missed yesterday!!! But i was in a real bad place.
If it was just misery i think i would have been able to manage her. I'm used to feeling her draw closer and am in part prepared for the emotions she makes me feel. But yesterday i felt like crawling under a stone and burying myself deep under the earths surface, awake and watching for the beast that almost ruined me. Staying there until i could counteract his attack. I had nothing to give yesterday. Sucked dry like a husk.
OK so i felt lousy but its only a cold, and yep work was the very pits and that combined with the time of year i suppose was my undoing. Not getting home from work until 0100hrs didn't help and the pounding headache i just fell asleep on the settee again. Now that's becoming a habit!
There was nothing about yesterday that roused in me any interest, camera abandoned on the car seat and nature didn't have me in her thrall. The fens was a bleak lonely place yesterday. My word how we are both missing Mikey.
Enough, begone this wretched mood. Today was another day!!!!
Snow!!! this morning, and the trip to the hospital at lunch time to have echo graph, not looking forward to that. The snow was a good excuse not to attend. However i was foiled in that attempt by my close colleagues who not only told me i had to go but Carol took me!!! The roads were horrendous. The car park in the hospital was bad!!!!! Still over and done with and was fascinated by watching my heart doing what it does best, beating!!! I think it went OK results should be at the Docs on Friday.
Managed work, don't know how really. I think everyone kept me occupied i cant remember anyone stopping talking around me today. I am blessed by having these people in my life. I wonder if they know at times they have been my salvation.
Late night shopping tonight. No one around and can just wander getting my basic shopping. I looked at the crackers and thought should i get some for Xmas lunch for Tom? i picked up a box but put them back on the shelf. I just cannot get myself over this dread. We all loved Xmas, me more than anyone, the shopping for other people etc but not this year, not this year. Will Tom understand? or will he go back home wishing he never visited. I don't know but i will try on the day.
Tim collected the car today that we have bought Tom. Tim said its strange to do this you know. Its not like a gift really is it? No its not and that's why we have done it. I bought his groceries for him tonight! because i don't know what else to do. At least he wont starve if he gets snowed in again!!
We will go out somewhere boxing day, we think we will walk along the beach at Holkam, we can take a flask!! Hope our colds will have gone by then, I'm sure they will. If Mikey was here we would be worried in case he caught it, thinking should we celebrate on another day?
Tim's sister rang him today and asked how he was and if Tom was coming down for Xmas. Tim said she said they were thinking of him. I expect they will call when i am out. I cant go there, that's a chapter on my life that is finished. I have moved on to the next.
Should i go and get Tom a shovel to go in the back of his car to help him clear the snow? i know he hasn't bothered. Well i will think about that !! Tomorrow is another day.....................
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