Day 118

I feel as though i have been walking in mud this week. Today has been the climax of trying to solve a very difficult situation and has just left me drained. Hopefully i will now be able to concentrate on things that really do matter and no longer waste valuable time on this problem any more. Well we can but hope.

Mikey is constantly in my thoughts and so is Christmas. I know i should not wish time away but am so looking forward to the new year. I am also thinking of my friend Audrey's family and am very aware that they to will be experiencing their first Christmas without her.

I keep thinking about our decorations and how this is the first time in 28 years the house is naked. A bleak house. I wonder if there was another reason behind the title of that very famous book.

I miss the robins the boys made but can not muster the enthusiasm or desire to get them out of the loft.
Tim hasn't said much really, he is just letting me work through this in my own way. I am grateful for that. I know he can see how i am trying to manage. Tonight a comment on the TV resulted in palpitation's the gulping of trying to stop the tears and knowing if they come the flood gates will open.
Misery hasn't got a grip on me at the moment it is grief.  We received a card today and the words are just so right and i do have to share them. A card make get lost but i hope this diary of mine will look after the words for me and this time next year i will re read my blog in the hope that i can see how my life has moved on, or not! The written word is so powerful and often the sender cannot find their own words to say what is in their hearts but a poem often can.

At this time of year

Memories sweet we recall 

Of times full of wonder

Watching new snowflakes fall

How the heart would be lifted

With joy at the sight

As slowly and softly

The land turned to white

So as Christmas is here

This thought warm and true

Filled with hope and encouragement

Comes softly to you

Natures wondrous beauty

Each season departs

But like love it lives on

In our minds and our hearts

And each season to come

Will enrich us ten fold

As new treasures are added

To fond memories of old

I think i will share these words with Mikeys sister. No i had only the boys but Mikey thought of this very special person as his sister, and she was always there for him especially in his darkest days. I can only but love her for that.

Tom now has to work Christmas Eve and Tim is going up to Doncaster to bring him home for the day and then he will be able to drive his car back. Tim has spent all day cleaning it etc.

I cant say i am looking forward at all to tomorrow but we will set off Mikeys lantern and hope if he is watching us feel our love that's being sent to him.

I just have to keep remembering that Tomorrow is another day...............