Day 122

Another day has passed. I have slept most of the day and have just come to!!

Its been a strange day really, that's another one!! Went for a long walk again and we talked about Mikey all the time. In some ways its been good. We can at least talk about how Mikey must have been feeling, his marriage breakdown and how he gave up on life.

We noticed a real deterioration in his health after they split up the first time, and we don't think he really recovered from that. I know i have spoken about this before in my earlier blogs but at least now i am more rational i think!!
Mike pushed himself to the limits in order to keep up with Claire but his body just could not tolerate that continued punishment. In the end he was just so tired both emotionally and physically. Mikey knew that this last time really was the end.
That's what i find so hard to deal with really. Why Claire just wouldn't let us have his belongings. What on earth does she want with them. The photographs which are ours that Mikey took home with him are irreplaceable to us. What use are they to her and why cant she let us have them? i don't know but i do appreciate that she will not let us have anything of Mikes. Sad isn't it.
Maybe if she ever becomes a parent she will look back to this time, i doubt that though. In order to do that you have to have a conscience and Claire does not have one in my opinion.

There were two items in Mikes room here that he always had a small ornament and his bear that spoke i think they bought each other one. Claire took both of those things from here without a thought to how i felt. What could i say to her on the day. Now there really isn't anything that meant anything to him.
I even allowed his friend to go into his room but according to Claire he said i was not very nice on that day. That i really don't understand. We know how much Mikey thought of Mitch and would never have offended him. We even asked Claire if he should come in the funeral car with us.

A 25yr old was discovered dead on Christmas day after being missing for a week. How dreadful is that our hearts go out to her parents. What memories Christmas will have for them in the future, how very sad. I would hate to be them. At last I'm beginning to have thoughts for other people. The parents of the two brothers who died in a car accident the same day as Micheal what ever must this Christmas been like for them, i cannot begin to imagine.

So today i slept, a sign of depression? or a sign of over eating more like!!

Training today!!! gosh limbs are like jelly. How quickly you slide back when you miss a few weeks. It looks as though it will be back to the start again. Oh well not to worry.

Tomorrow is another day.......................