Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Day 96

Just as cold again this morning!!! Mikey would not have been enjoying this at all. Cold air just robs you of breath and that's someone with normal lung capacity!!

I walked to work and i must have resembled a cartoon penguin waddling, slipping and sliding on the paths. Glancing round furtively when the foot slipped on ice and shot up in front of me arms flapping to get balance and desperately trying to gain purchase on the ground. Praying that no one witnessed that near miss!!! I must be mad!! Thank goodness for night! when i walked home at least i would not be recognisable should that happen again.

Tim's brother phoned him today which was really fab for him as no contact had been made since Mikeys funeral. Tim hasn't heard from his sister for a few weeks now. Well they wont phone if I'm at home!! What utter madness is that. Apparently they had informed his brother of the events around the funeral etc and the fact that they think the world of Mikes wife. Its good they have someone in their lives to replace the children they never had, mine are no longer there to borrow.

Tom has been chatting away to his dad today and to me this evening. Still snow bound and doubts if he will be able to get to work tomorrow. The snow in his garden is 11 inches deep. Where is our white stuff!!! just a bit of snow at the weekend which has remained frozen and that's it. I guess we have been very lucky.

Since our break away i do feel more able to knuckle down to work at last, my concentration has improved and memory appears clearer!! maybe i was suffering from sleep deprivation after all. The human body is a wonderful machine and takes so much abuse it really is a wonder that i haven't ceased functioning before now. Maybe i did but just didn't know it!!

I am going to have a good session with my friend Roger tonight and punish these bones of mine a little bit more. Physical pain is measurable its the inner pain that causes so many problems.
Misery remains absent at this time and if i can maintain that banishment of her for a few more weeks i truly believe there will be hope for me.
I can recall our chat with Mikey on the patio a few weeks prior to us losing him where we discussed how we would miss him and how he said we could be sad for a short while if he didn't get his transplant. Am i there yet?

Memories are our most precious possession and as yet i have not been able to open his bag or to go through our albums just yet but i can feel the tingling of my fingers and the desire to pull forth our memory boxes but just cant drum up enough courage to do so, maybe at the weekend, we will see.

I thought that i would lose the sharpness of my memory of his sweet face and smile, that hasn't happened and i so pray that i never do. He had such an infectious smile that he made you happy just looking at him. I am smiling right now!! 
But tomorrow is another day.................................

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