Day 31

We woke this morning to rain. But we had a purpose for today.

Tim got on the phone about the central heating and we should have someone out today thank goodness.

I went up to the banks and building society to try to sort those out before going to the solicitor this afternoon. That was a joke really anyway have to go to see someone at the bank next week!!!! cant get anything sorted today. Goodness what is the country coming to.

Arrived back home and no call about heating so Tim rang again and we were told someones coming today. So Tim said i better go to the solicitors by myself. Arranging a will and making sure you have all request or bequests arranged is not something i would advise anyone to do by themselves. Ever since Mikey died i have had to do all arrangements and that has been so hard. I wonder if Tim realises. Although i do think so because he has said he couldn't do the things needed to be done.
I hope i got it all right anyway she is going to send us a copy and then we will both have to sign. Tim has got to see the solicitor because in her words she has to make sure he wasn't made to sign with his arm pinned behind his back!! as if....

I called in to see Mark at Turners and paid Claire's bill. I hope Tim doesn't find out because he would be furious, but i cant let it go unpaid. That's so unfair to poor Mikey. The ashes are sorted and decisions have been made by me. So i will take full responsibility for any consequences that result.

When i got home Dr warrender had called in to see us both and luckily never discussed my appointment!!!
He was very fond of Mikey and asked what happened and how we were so i told him about Tim's headaches.

Dr W asked Tim about them and how he would describe them Tim said he didn't care if anything happened to him and didn't want a fuss. Dr W said now he knew he couldn't ignore it and neither should Tim. The thing is it may be nothing or it could be related to the hemorrhage he had two years ago. He asked if Tim had a headache today and Tim said no. Had he have said yes Dr W said he would have sent him immediately for a scan. He asked Tim to go up to the practice at 5.30pm.

Dr W was so understanding and said he couldn't imagine how we were feeling and just got us to talk about things. Tim said he thought that he was in denial because he cannot accept he will not see him again, he thinks the phone will go or Mikey will just walk through the door, and said no matter how long it will be he thinks Mikey is just asleep and not woken yet. It doesn't matter that we have had a funeral or anything its just like a bad dream.

Me i have just had so much to do, so many other things to worry about that it will hit me soon i think, i was asked how i felt and how can i possibly explain the emotion inside. Words will never be sufficient. We do wonder how other parents cope. Its not as if we are the only people this happens to. After all i expect everyday there are parents like us going through exactly the same thing.Where are they? Oh that damned CF.

Tim went up to the surgery and DrW is referring him urgently to neurologist and he should here by Friday re appointment. Tim's not happy because it means going back to Addenbrookes. Still lets hope it is nothing, but his BP was a bit high.

Well we still have no central heating!! they rang at 4pm to say they would be here first thing in the morning. So we went out for a drive again to get warm. Ended up going to Barr Hill Tesco for a look around. I bought some of those exercise trainers that are supposed to help exercise, tone and assist with slimming and posture. Load of rubbish really but they have made me 2 inches taller and given me motion sickness!!!
Tim said Mikey would laugh if he could see me and that he would look at his dad roll his eyes, pinch his lips together in a half smile and shake his head.  Quite right i can just see that look now. Neither of them would agree that they were good!!

Anyway I'm sitting here yet again in the cold so on that cheerful note i will close.

Tomorrow is another day.......................


The group trudged to the barn and Andrew opened the door with a huge sigh of relief. They all followed him into the gloomy building, suddenly aware that they were not alone.
How on earth had they missed the glow of the lantern and the aroma of cooking. That more than anything raised there awareness to the barns other occupants.

A giant of a man turned on their entrance and moved swiftly forward to greet them, followed swiftly by a slender young woman and two children and a scruffy dog wagging his tail.
Joshua was the local vet and one of the people Andrew and Jane had befriended many years ago, he was also made aware of the potential future events and agreed to work with them should they ever come to pass. Joshua was always one for contingency plans and took a lead with organising theirs.
Jennie his partner was a pharmacist in the local chemist and would have huge part to play in assisting with managing their medicinal supplies. The children were unknown to Andrews family but looked so anxious that they were introduced to the  group as Melody and Martin