Day 35

Rain, rain,rain.

Last day of holidays and we haven't really been anywhere this week. So i was determined that today we would do something different.
Well that was a mistake. That's an understatement!!!!

I was up early, well i never went to bed! I know Tim would like an excuse to stay home today. Well i think he would.
So i said lets go to Scarborough. That was one of the places i wanted to try. Never been and with Mikes words lingering that we should do something with our lives i embraced a change. So what that's its raining. Does it mean we never do anything unless its dry?
Ready and prepared even made a flask. Didn't pack any food as there  is always somewhere to get something to eat.

Mood and vibes from Tim were a bit grim but at least we are out. Down the A1 and the moans started. Complaints about going out when its raining etc etc. Tims parents always called him weary willy!! and with just cause me thinks. 39 years on you would think i knew better. Glutton for punishment!!!

So fed up with it i said well turn back then. Oh no was the stern reply I'm going to Scarborough now what ever. I knew then i was on a hiding to nothing.

3 long hours later with no stop for a pee!! we arrive in Scarborough and its still raining. Neither of us knew where to park or where to go but did it really matter we have all the time in the world. There it is again that word time. Well we follow the signs for the harbour and find a parking space but Tim decides that as there is no sign that we can park there he parks on the side of the road beside a wall. He gets out and gets a ticket.
I get out or at least try. The car is close to the wall and God forbid i catch the door on it, so i squeeze myself out only to find when i put my foot out its straight into a puddle completely over my trainers. One wet foot, empty the trainer of water and off we go. Oddly Tim is now a little more gracious, i am now bloody furious. I don't mind getting wet but i now blame him for being so inconsiderate. Do i say anything no just quietly seethe. NO CHANCE NOW OF A GOOD DAY.
We find somewhere to get a coffee and try to squeeze the water out of the sock. Tim suggests i look for somewhere that i can get socks from. This i did and put the socks on in the shop. Still mad. Pouring of rain both fed up. I suggest somewhere to eat, not a good idea. So i say its not much of a place in the rain. Wrong, wrong, wrong!!! About turn and head back to the car. Me following in his wake!!

Tim gets in the car, i wait outside because i cant get in, flooded on my side. Joy of joys that got another black look once in the car he drove off, me still not strapped in. His bloody moods OK maybe it was a mistake to come but hey why not just make the best of it. I can honestly say I'm not going to suggest another outing.
No conversation in the car, grim, grim and grimmer. Bad thoughts now negative thoughts, hateful mean horrible thoughts. Past present and future. How much of this is down to what we are experiencing over our loss. I don't know i really don't. I can see us living separate lives if we don't soon talk!!!
I suggest we stop for toilet break and then i will take over the driving.

We end up stopping at Blythe on the A1M. What a place to stop. We stopped here when we came home from Toms wedding Mikey and Claire. Me Jen Tim and Ash. We had something to eat and we were talking, not much but we did.
When we left i said Mikey parked here and Tim said i can even remember what he had to eat. Pie chips and beans, it cost £15 and they didn't eat it. We got in the car and as we were leaving i just started to cry. Memories. I was crying for Mikey, for the bad day we had had and for my feelings towards Tim. I cried for miles whilst looking out of the window. We got to Newark and Tim said theres something wrong ahead we are moving into one lane. There was smoke ahead. The traffic was still moving and then the smoke was really black and we stopped. 6 cars ahead a lorry had caught fire and was blocking the road. We sat there for nearly 2 hours. It was interesting in a macabre way. I took some photos!!! how sad is that. The mood in the car was a bit better and Tim started to say how the weather was bad and it didn't matter where we went we would have got wet, and that he would like to go back to Scarborough on a good day. Too late!!

I phoned Tom to have a chat and we kept losing the signal so i said i would phone when we got home.

No better when we got in the atmosphere was tangible!! Both of us in our own world.

Tims gone to bed and here i am! 

I think I'm going mad, didn't i say that yesterday. Well i think its true.

Had an email regarding joining the athletic club and they will help me prepare for the marathon so i will contact them next week. Give me my focus back and maybe some good advice and planning. They said about doing a spud run next year its 5 miles and then the great north run which is half a marathon before training in earnest next Nov for the big one. Sounds positive.
Well tomorrow is another day lets hope its better, i dont think it can be any worse.