Just so tired today. Everything is an effort. Maybe having this damn problem walking is getting me down. It could be.
Not heard from Tom since Monday so will give him a try over the week end. Not being able to walk will keep us house bound. Gosh that's a word for the elderly!!! surely not at that stage yet.
I went on the CF site last night and looked to see if Claire had added Mike to the remembrance board. His name was not there so i added it. There are so many names on the board, this demonstrated that there are many parents out there who must be going through what Tim and I are but how do we reach them. Do they want to be contacted. Do they want to talk like i do. I must give this some thought. It would appear that the Americans are more out going and will address the situation, English seem to be more reserved about sharing their emotions with others.
We have managed to survive another week and here we are its Saturday tomorrow again. A week with no exercise. I miss my lonely walk/jogs. I had time to myself. Locked in a world of music and pounding feet. It was good for me. I'm struggling with these exercises the physio gave me but persevering. I must admit that afterwards i can at least walk pain free for a few minutes.
Tim managed to get out in the garden and he was pleased with the work. Tim said he had sorted Mikes area out first and although the heavens opened this evening i did manage to get a glimpse of the work he had done. It looks so much better.Garden furniture next!!! prepare and protect the wood work ready for the hard winter to come.
I suppose i must be a little profit!!! ha Studying the crows for a few years has resulted in predicting the type of summer we have had. The hedgerows clear indication of long hard winter. So with that in mind i have asked my maintenance men to stock up on the salt for the paths etc. I have heard that there is going to be a shortage this year!! At least we will be prepared.
The next job for Tim is the garden shed roof. It needs re felting. I dread helping Tim because i usually suffer in some way. I can recall holding a fence post and Tim tried to hammer it in place using a sledge hammer. It was a six foot post so Tim stood on the chair, gave the post a hefty whack and it slipped of the post straight on my head. I have never been the same since. Nearly passing out and in agony he said are you alright. As i nodded he said well keep the post still and hit it again! All i can say is i must have been in shock. Who else and why else would anyone put themselves at risk again.
Tim was a little worried tonight. He said he went to light the gas oven, wondering why nothing was happening he looked and saw that he was trying to light the gas with his glasses case instead of the spark lighter!!! That revelation was followed by, i keep putting things in the wrong place and finding lost items in totally inappropriate places. I said its because he has a lot on his mind and concentration is poor. Well i hope that's all it is.
Perhaps we are having a bit of normality in our lives now, i don't know. Nothing has gone well since Mikey died, that could just be coincidence.
I bought another pair of shoes today. Third pair ina week. I love shoes and have loads some not even worn and still in their boxes! Its a weakness and something that makes me feel good, but only for a while!
I bought anew pair of Sketchers gladiator sandals on the Last Saturday that Mikey came home. He said what have you got on your feet. I said do you like them, the reply was no. I have to say that Mike did have a good eye for what looked nice or not. He was also honest in his remarks!! I haven't worn the sandals since. Nor the red sandals i bought the week Mike died. I wore them to hospital the day he died and cant bear to see the wretched thing, perversely i cant throw them away either. How very sad is that.
I was going to put some pictures and scanned newspaper articles, but the weather looks to be foul tomorrow so i just may ask Joni to come and help me!!!
I am so behind with my course work that i really should crack on with it. I'm still waiting for the certificate from Warrickshire College. Palliative care level 3 that i have passed. Oh well i suppose like anything else i will just have to wait!!!
To study then. and see what Tomorrow brings, it is after all another day!
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