Day 56

Thet say fact is stranger than fiction. Welcome to my world.

This morning i arose with no pain!!! i could walk, should i be renamed Lazereth!!!! The physio last night worked wonders. I left home with a light step and the hope that today would be good.

Well that was the first error of thought for the day. Last night i was feeling a bit down really but felt that in some way that Mike was close. Well if his sense of humour was in play and he had anything to do with the day, thanks Mike!!! It sure took my mind of things, and i really mean it when i say i got to work at 9am and blinked, it was 530pm!!!! The time today just flew past.

A most unbelievable experience that left me open mouthed and initially at a loss for words. Was i actually being told what i was hearing. Had i stepped out of my world into one of fantasy and comedy mixed together.

What!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Talk about Peyton Place (anyone who remembers) followed by Murder She Wrote, followed by Z cars (again for those who remember) and it must be followed by The Avengers. Later it has to be He who dares wins and then loves labours lost springs to mind. God only knows what the next chapter will be.
Is my week just about other peoples life's dramas, what concerns me most are those who quietly endure abuse from their partners they are the ones i really worry about. I cant help those because they wont let me. As for this mornings drama, is it a case of attempted murder or what!!!!
I wish i could fully explain here what happened but at the moment unable to , if i was to read it on another persons blog i would probably disbelieve it myself!!!!!

I hadn't even managed to get my coat off.!!!!

The day steadily progressed in a similar vein. I felt as though i was walking in mud. No matter how hard i tried to achieve something another problem would raise its ugly head. A very small group of us attempted to have 5 mins. The looks between us as yet another situation occurred were memorable. Followed by manic chuckles and utter despair.

At last time to go home!!! Tim waiting and away we go. Tonight we have walked along the prom by the sea with a bag of chips between us. The tide was in and i love the sound of the sea as it retreats from the shingle. I felt relaxed. It was a bit cold and the wind was chilly but the smell the quiet was good.

I has asked Tim earlier about his day. He had a visitor this morning who didn't really Cheer him up but at least it made a change to his usual routine.
Tim then told me about our garden visitors, how i wished i had been there to see them.
We had a Woodpecker visit the garden feeding on the insects, Tim said his plumage was astounding and he watched hi for several minutes. These birds are often heard around the garden but rarely seen so what a treat. I wish i had been able to get a photo, but soon i hope.A Yellow tit went into our bird box!! for 2 years nothing has ventured in. Mike actually took a photo in the summer of the box demonstrating cobwebs over the hole!!! Whilst these two visitors were investigating the garden a Robin sat on the fence watching them. How delightful was that. What  picture that would have made for Country file competition

We are beginning to take pleasure out of life again. Helped by our love of outdoors and nature. We have realised that with out these feelings there is no life. Tim speaks about the purpose of our existence, frequently verbalising the futility of being alive without joy. Its such a very small step and one that washes away by the black days but its a start.

Mikey is in our thoughts constantly and i wonder when writing, how Tom would feel reading the blog. Would this remind him of the times when he was small and Mike was getting attention. Without realising it those siblings who do not have CF must have felt left out and unloved. That isn't the case Tom. We love you dearly its just that Mikey needed that extra care and time. We have that now for you, we did the best we could at the time in the only way we knew how. If we made mistakes it wasn't through us not caring for you it was through trying to have as normal life as possible but revolving around hospital appointments, treatments etc. It was now, looking back a very hard time for all of us, and i wonder how on earth we managed. I am so proud of you both. You have turned out to be very special young men. I also have to say very handsome young men. What Mother wouldn't be proud.
Tom its been hard for you too. Especially what has happened in your personal life, coping so far from home, your marriage breaking up at the same time as Mikes, although for you to have to cope with that 1 month after getting married must have been horrendous. Then the re attempt only for it to fail again just before last Xmas. I don't know how you have coped really. Both of you have had such a hard time emotionally the last 18 months. Just know that we do love you!!! and we know that you cant accept that Mike has gone.

Its the week end and looking forward to the walks we will have and hopefully spend time liking each other all over again. We spoke tonight about where and when we met. Tim actually bought the subject up. Tim's not known for his sentimentality regarding us so it was a nice thing to talk about. We were only 17!! i love that song by Kins of Leon. In the car we were listening to Black Box Ride on Time One of my favourites! Reminded us of the times i would get onto the dance floor. I feel i could jump up now and dance, Trouble is my back would probably go.
It will soon be morning lets hope its dry and hope it will be peaceful because after all

Tomorrow is another day.