Day 54

I was determined that today would be good. Oh my goodness misery was hovering around all day. No firm grip but could feel her nipping at my heels all day.

Did work help? absolutely not. In fact horrendous day. Many hard things to do in the new year and the consequences for other people hangs heavily on my shoulders. I too will have to consider if i will be able to work with the decisions made higher up the work ladder. I have fought so hard today and even then I'm not sure if the requests!!! will be enough. The economic climate hangs like winter already.

Tonight i have chatted with Claire on line and i will not be going to see her this week end as it is Abbie's birthday. Abbie is Claire and Mikeys niece and Mikey loved her dearly. It would not be right to go on a day when they will all be together and spoil a happy day. So i will go the following weekend and take Mike with me. Not sure how i will feel.

I do try to keep positive, but worry about Tim. I bought him a radio today to have on in the kitchen. i don't know if it will help or not. I'm sure a puppy would be good for him. We really need to think seriously about it. Shall i book a weekend away? Tims been talking about it now for ages, but with my bad back i will not be able to walk anyway. Um. Physio tomorrow that may help.

I read on facebook tonight that one of Mikes friends Louise has had a transplant. I hope all goes well. Louise used to keep in touch with mike, they both spent a lot of time in Papworth at the same time. Mike really liked her parents, and said they always stopped and had a word with him. Mike would have been over the moon for her. Fingers crossed.
Whilst i am really happy for them all, i do feel sad that Mike didn't get that far. But it wasn't to be and i must not dwell on it.

Looking forward to completing the project regarding photography!!! lets hope i can do mike justice. Well they used to call me click happy i do hope that's what i become!!

Its so cold tonight. The Swans have arrived at Welney early this year and that's also an indicator that we will have a long hard cold winter. It may be a white Xmas.:( and no Mikey to see it. I am dreading Christmas this year. Tom has said he will be home no matter what, so that will be good although I'm sure Tim and I will be offering cold comfort to him. It is a few weeks to go yet and we may feel a little more able to cope. I hope so.

I hope i can soon get back on the road again, I'm missing the time!! missing the music!!! missing my focus!! just work, home, bed, work,home, bed. Its hard but we cant live on fresh air!

Well i better attempt to go to bed. Its earlier than usual,and in this grey state of mind i cant think straight. Don't even know if i can summon the energy to either. My though processes are shot!

Ah well Tomorrow is another day........