Wow where did nearly a week go! I only thought I had missed a day or two!
So much for my good intentions. On a positive I am here tonight, and its so cold! First snow of the year even if it was just a dusting and lasted a couple of minutes. If you blinked you would have missed it!
Goodness the weekend went so fast and I was marshalling again as I still couldn't run, I was on the water station and we ran out of water several times. The tap was on the other side of the field. Some very unhappy runners and quite right too. I have asked that next year they have decent containers so I do not have to keep filling up plastic cups from a water filled freezer box! 700 runners were at the event, you can just picture it cant you, and only me at the station!
Day out to Ely on Monday to celebrate my birthday, its was cold and wet. Still what should we have expected it is January.
Youngest sister has changed our holiday destination and month! and I booked a holiday only last week! we usually go in June but as I thought that was when we were going to Dorset camping I booked a holiday in May so not to clash. However the plan now is to go for a long weekend in Suffolk, in.... March! ah well should be fun at least not under canvas and no risk of hay fever!
No that means Feb out with sisters to celebrate sister number threes birthday, Suffolk in March I'm off to Brighton for the marathon weekend in April, Somerset in May, Devon in September and Snowdon again in October. Quite a busy year!
Physio Tuesday and it didn't go as well as I had hoped but I knew deep down it would not. So no running for at least another two weeks, more exercises and with weights, twice a day. I have only done them once today as knee has become more sore again.
Healthy eating continues and I am doing ok I think. Taken the men in the family by surprise!
Walking and cycling when I can. Cycled 10 miles on Tuesday evening kept my running buddy company. Attempted to cycle today but the wind was really strong and made the knee sore. So pushed it like an old lady! Not as bad a sister number 1 who when out for the day withdrew mums collapsible walking stick from her bag. Instead of taking it out and then give it a flick to put it together she held the handle and pulled it out of her back the stick coming out in one full length just like pulling hankies from a magicians hat! Amazing. I am going to hide it when we go out next time lol.
Have also walked 6 miles today Now what day do I get weighed, I have forgotten not to worry will check my book later after all tomorrow is another day..................... Love you Mikey xx
Thursday 14 January 2016
Friday 8 January 2016
7th and 8th January 2016
Crikey I here again! Something is working, maybe I'm just determined to keep up with things this year! Its all about being positive.
Yesterday I did walk to the running club and it was great to see everyone and I walked home. 5 miles in total, knee held up, a little sore but nothing as it has been.
I'm going to marshal at the Frostbite on Sunday, hope its not snowing or raining, a little bit of this unseasonal sunshine will be much appreciated! Tuesday I will cycle with another walking wounded, there are a few of us at the moment. Get the injuries over and done with now and then be fit for the summer. I prefer to run in the winter though, oh well never mind that, stay positive!!
I am so positive I have purchased another pair of running shoes and some new capris. I may even be a little slimmer when I get to wear them.
Healthy eating is still going well, although if I'm honest I do miss all that lovely unhealthy stuff, especially chocolate! I have lost 2 whole pounds this week, not the stone I thought I would lol! Still it is early days. They tell me gradual weight loss is best, umm well we will wait and see. It will be better for my joints if I'm not carrying excess baggage and may even go faster! now that is an incentive.
Continuing to do the exercises and I'm sure they are helping. Its all about strengthening the muscles and ligaments. Just have to be patient.
Weather much the same as the last few days, cold, windy and wet. Awaiting the so called snow bomb that is supposed to hit us next week. I imagine we will get a flurry as usual. Here in the fens we are very sheltered from severe weather. Odd dust storm in the summer but nothing much else.
Ah ha! booked a holiday yesterday, heading back to Somerset in the early Summer. We haven't been since 1976 when the petrol strikes were on. We went down on a motorbike and we were stranded at Devises for 4 hours waiting for a petrol station to open! Happy days!
8 days into January and have kept Misery at bay, now that is a positive!
Monday I am meeting up with my sisters as its my Birthday and I am looking forward to that. May here some news about our camping week away in the Summer, slightly less positive about that but I'm working on it!
Made a calendar using a photo of Mikey and it has turned out so well. Did it on line and arrived this week. Another positive, I can look at it without crying, some sadness but with a little joy remembering him on that day.
On that note I will close because tomorrow is another day...................
Yesterday I did walk to the running club and it was great to see everyone and I walked home. 5 miles in total, knee held up, a little sore but nothing as it has been.
I'm going to marshal at the Frostbite on Sunday, hope its not snowing or raining, a little bit of this unseasonal sunshine will be much appreciated! Tuesday I will cycle with another walking wounded, there are a few of us at the moment. Get the injuries over and done with now and then be fit for the summer. I prefer to run in the winter though, oh well never mind that, stay positive!!
I am so positive I have purchased another pair of running shoes and some new capris. I may even be a little slimmer when I get to wear them.
Healthy eating is still going well, although if I'm honest I do miss all that lovely unhealthy stuff, especially chocolate! I have lost 2 whole pounds this week, not the stone I thought I would lol! Still it is early days. They tell me gradual weight loss is best, umm well we will wait and see. It will be better for my joints if I'm not carrying excess baggage and may even go faster! now that is an incentive.
Continuing to do the exercises and I'm sure they are helping. Its all about strengthening the muscles and ligaments. Just have to be patient.
Weather much the same as the last few days, cold, windy and wet. Awaiting the so called snow bomb that is supposed to hit us next week. I imagine we will get a flurry as usual. Here in the fens we are very sheltered from severe weather. Odd dust storm in the summer but nothing much else.
Ah ha! booked a holiday yesterday, heading back to Somerset in the early Summer. We haven't been since 1976 when the petrol strikes were on. We went down on a motorbike and we were stranded at Devises for 4 hours waiting for a petrol station to open! Happy days!
8 days into January and have kept Misery at bay, now that is a positive!
Monday I am meeting up with my sisters as its my Birthday and I am looking forward to that. May here some news about our camping week away in the Summer, slightly less positive about that but I'm working on it!
Made a calendar using a photo of Mikey and it has turned out so well. Did it on line and arrived this week. Another positive, I can look at it without crying, some sadness but with a little joy remembering him on that day.
On that note I will close because tomorrow is another day...................
Wednesday 6 January 2016
5th and 6th January 2016
Ok so I missed yesterday as well but I was very tired form the night before shift.
I did manage to do my exercises and to get out for a walk yesterday even though it was raining for most of the day. My knee didn't feel too bad so I thought I may just get out for a walk or cycle today, managed a walk.
Sticking to the healthy eating and yes, I sit here with a peppermint tea. May have to change the flavour soon though just in case I get a little bored from it all.
I continue to feel positive about everything, even my injury. Maybe I'm putting to much belief in next Tuesdays Physio session but hey ho! I had also decided to walk run our park run next Saturday but now thinking about the terrain have decided against it. Its been nearly 12 weeks! I counted the weeks on the calendar so its been even longer than I thought. Don't want to risk e relapse! its been a long haul and hard work with the stretches. I'm bound to have one leg bigger than the other as I'm using weights on my left one! ah well not to worry.
I'm trying to fill my days with lots of activity and it seems to be working. Today as a family we were able to talk about Mikey and laugh at some of the things he got up to. It was lovely to see the three of us smiling. Maybe this is the start of the healing process for us all.
I think I may try to book some days away for us. I have already discussed our annual holidays and we are going to try somewhere different for one of the breaks!
Saw today the CF are doing a Run with Mickey at Disney Paris. Not sure when it is but will look into it possibly tomorrow.
I'm going to the club tomorrow, I have put a self imposed ban on myself from going in case I get depressed. Its time to man up! so I will help with the teas.
3 of my running buddies have been in touch to see how I am today, all men and all injured so we plan to get out together when we are fit. There are more injured so im not alone! Running is supposed to be good for you.
Of course the day never ends without me thinking of Mikey and I hope it never does, but with a little happiness today. So I will continue to strive to be positive! and on that note off to bed because tomorrow is another day..............
I did manage to do my exercises and to get out for a walk yesterday even though it was raining for most of the day. My knee didn't feel too bad so I thought I may just get out for a walk or cycle today, managed a walk.
Sticking to the healthy eating and yes, I sit here with a peppermint tea. May have to change the flavour soon though just in case I get a little bored from it all.
I continue to feel positive about everything, even my injury. Maybe I'm putting to much belief in next Tuesdays Physio session but hey ho! I had also decided to walk run our park run next Saturday but now thinking about the terrain have decided against it. Its been nearly 12 weeks! I counted the weeks on the calendar so its been even longer than I thought. Don't want to risk e relapse! its been a long haul and hard work with the stretches. I'm bound to have one leg bigger than the other as I'm using weights on my left one! ah well not to worry.
I'm trying to fill my days with lots of activity and it seems to be working. Today as a family we were able to talk about Mikey and laugh at some of the things he got up to. It was lovely to see the three of us smiling. Maybe this is the start of the healing process for us all.
I think I may try to book some days away for us. I have already discussed our annual holidays and we are going to try somewhere different for one of the breaks!
Saw today the CF are doing a Run with Mickey at Disney Paris. Not sure when it is but will look into it possibly tomorrow.
I'm going to the club tomorrow, I have put a self imposed ban on myself from going in case I get depressed. Its time to man up! so I will help with the teas.
3 of my running buddies have been in touch to see how I am today, all men and all injured so we plan to get out together when we are fit. There are more injured so im not alone! Running is supposed to be good for you.
Of course the day never ends without me thinking of Mikey and I hope it never does, but with a little happiness today. So I will continue to strive to be positive! and on that note off to bed because tomorrow is another day..............
Sunday 3 January 2016
3rd and 4th January
Gain a day gain a friend so they say! Sadly my excuse is that I will be working tomorrow night. I now work 1 night a week to keep my registration up to date. Mondays were the day of the week that did not interfere with running, and I got to chose! So short of nurses everywhere. I will not have the opportunity to write tomorrow.
It has rained all day so not managed to get out on the road but I have done my exercises, ate healthily and kept my word to stay on here regularly! Yes I know its only the third day but that means I have already equalled my number of posts for the whole of last year!
I have also kept to the herbal teas, well I have had 3 so that's better than nothing, three less coffees!
I DID TREAT MYSELF TO A VERY SPECIAL MUG OF CHOCOLATE THOUGH!
I admitted it so not cheating.
Last night I also managed to register with the Park runs and my barcode came through today! first one is the pilot race and the official towns first park run will be on the 23rd January. Think I may be marshalling though. Injury will not be up to a bit of cross country!
The lady I sat with at hospital passed away today, I'm glad I was able to give the family a little, much needed rest.
Whilst I am trying to stay positive and keep my mind on doing other things I have to say I lapsed today and did feel sorry for myself. My running buddies ran 14 miles today and I cant even run a bath! However I didn't stay low for long just got cracking with the exercises.
Plan for tomorrow is much of the same except get out on my bike, what ever the weather even if its just a few miles. I need to!
Maybe I should try to make my pages more interesting, um not sure how to do that though ah well tomorrow is another day........
It has rained all day so not managed to get out on the road but I have done my exercises, ate healthily and kept my word to stay on here regularly! Yes I know its only the third day but that means I have already equalled my number of posts for the whole of last year!
I have also kept to the herbal teas, well I have had 3 so that's better than nothing, three less coffees!
I DID TREAT MYSELF TO A VERY SPECIAL MUG OF CHOCOLATE THOUGH!
I admitted it so not cheating.
Last night I also managed to register with the Park runs and my barcode came through today! first one is the pilot race and the official towns first park run will be on the 23rd January. Think I may be marshalling though. Injury will not be up to a bit of cross country!
The lady I sat with at hospital passed away today, I'm glad I was able to give the family a little, much needed rest.
Whilst I am trying to stay positive and keep my mind on doing other things I have to say I lapsed today and did feel sorry for myself. My running buddies ran 14 miles today and I cant even run a bath! However I didn't stay low for long just got cracking with the exercises.
Plan for tomorrow is much of the same except get out on my bike, what ever the weather even if its just a few miles. I need to!
Maybe I should try to make my pages more interesting, um not sure how to do that though ah well tomorrow is another day........
Saturday 2 January 2016
1st and 2nd January 2016
No excuses! but I was asked to sit with a relatives elderly mother in law at hospital last night which I did willingly as they helped our son during a crisis.
That's a positive start its ages since I actually sat in a hospital ward watching the hustle and bustle, but they were so short staffed only 3 for 26 acutely ill patients. They never stopped all night.
I hasten to add that I didn't skip the exercise programme yesterday or today! And the healthy eating has commenced and carried on for 2 days, now that has to be positive. On top of that been out for a stroll with the dog tonight!
Tomorrow I will try my road bike and see how that goes, its boring sitting in doors with no place to go!
Had the details of Snowdon trip in October come through today, another positive.
Discovered a fellow runner is also out lame like me so I may have a running buddy when I return until I'm fit to join my old group, so another positive! well for me not so much for him though, ah well every cloud has a silver lining so they say.
Something new Mikey is... herbal teas. Um I think they may be an acquired taste but today its peppermint, not too bad I expect I can learn to like them. Especially if I can lose the weight. I am determined this time. I have so little will power though. Love all the nice tasting foods that lay on the hips having been tasted by the lips!
Next week I'm going to book a holiday for me and Tim to get away for a week. Will try May this year to break the cycle.
I really want this injury to heal, its been 9 weeks already and I got out of breath on the exercise bike. You lose fitness so quickly and its harder to get back when you are older. I'm following the recovery plan to the letter and it has improved but no where as it should be. Hamstring hanging together by a thread! and that ligament is under pressure. Lots of work to do.
I am also going to try and get to bed earlier. 2 and 3 in the morning isn't good so on that note I will close after all, tomorrow is another day.....................
That's a positive start its ages since I actually sat in a hospital ward watching the hustle and bustle, but they were so short staffed only 3 for 26 acutely ill patients. They never stopped all night.
I hasten to add that I didn't skip the exercise programme yesterday or today! And the healthy eating has commenced and carried on for 2 days, now that has to be positive. On top of that been out for a stroll with the dog tonight!
Tomorrow I will try my road bike and see how that goes, its boring sitting in doors with no place to go!
Had the details of Snowdon trip in October come through today, another positive.
Discovered a fellow runner is also out lame like me so I may have a running buddy when I return until I'm fit to join my old group, so another positive! well for me not so much for him though, ah well every cloud has a silver lining so they say.
Something new Mikey is... herbal teas. Um I think they may be an acquired taste but today its peppermint, not too bad I expect I can learn to like them. Especially if I can lose the weight. I am determined this time. I have so little will power though. Love all the nice tasting foods that lay on the hips having been tasted by the lips!
Next week I'm going to book a holiday for me and Tim to get away for a week. Will try May this year to break the cycle.
I really want this injury to heal, its been 9 weeks already and I got out of breath on the exercise bike. You lose fitness so quickly and its harder to get back when you are older. I'm following the recovery plan to the letter and it has improved but no where as it should be. Hamstring hanging together by a thread! and that ligament is under pressure. Lots of work to do.
I am also going to try and get to bed earlier. 2 and 3 in the morning isn't good so on that note I will close after all, tomorrow is another day.....................
Thursday 31 December 2015
New years Eve 2015
My goodness we have been on a very long 5 year journey. Tomorrow will be the start of a different route. Trying to be positive, remembering Mikey with joy and the good times. Its time to try and move forward otherwise grief just overwhelms you. It has the dark shadows, the cloak of despair which are to be removed and lifted. I have no doubt that from time to time I will sink into those low dark places but perhaps not so often and not for so long.
I need to find peace within me, I need to live and on my terms. Sometimes anger clouds your judgements and thought processes. Its only because of good friends who have propped me up and allowed me to do what I had to do, with no judgement. It is without doubt because of them I will be able to start a new journey.
Mikey never ever wanted us to be sad and yet when you lose a child no matter the age you cant help it. There are no guide books to tell you how to behave, no manuals to tell you how to fix a broken heart and no way to get back what you have lost. I think the truest love is to live a life in honour of the person you have lost. I don't mean live their life but not waste a precious gift of life we all have.
The one person who was the strongest was Mikey, we knew that but never fully appreciated just how hard it must have been for him. In a way I wonder if we have let him down but I will not dwell on that, I have to let negative thoughts go. This page will I trust do that for me.
I have set myself goals over the past 5 years and I have achieved them! and I think I lost my life's rudder for the last few months certainly after the London Marathon.
The decisions to leave work were the best. I think that had been haunting me for a long time. It certainly gave me the space I needed. Having counselling also helped. Why do these things take so long, ah well perhaps I was not ready.
So I have set myself new achievable targets, new goals and if all goes well will be sitting here this time next year congratulating myself, positive thoughts.
Every day is special and I will attempt to show that in my writings.
So with mixed feelings I close my blog for the last time this year, its not forever because.... tomorrow is another day......
I need to find peace within me, I need to live and on my terms. Sometimes anger clouds your judgements and thought processes. Its only because of good friends who have propped me up and allowed me to do what I had to do, with no judgement. It is without doubt because of them I will be able to start a new journey.
Mikey never ever wanted us to be sad and yet when you lose a child no matter the age you cant help it. There are no guide books to tell you how to behave, no manuals to tell you how to fix a broken heart and no way to get back what you have lost. I think the truest love is to live a life in honour of the person you have lost. I don't mean live their life but not waste a precious gift of life we all have.
The one person who was the strongest was Mikey, we knew that but never fully appreciated just how hard it must have been for him. In a way I wonder if we have let him down but I will not dwell on that, I have to let negative thoughts go. This page will I trust do that for me.
I have set myself goals over the past 5 years and I have achieved them! and I think I lost my life's rudder for the last few months certainly after the London Marathon.
The decisions to leave work were the best. I think that had been haunting me for a long time. It certainly gave me the space I needed. Having counselling also helped. Why do these things take so long, ah well perhaps I was not ready.
So I have set myself new achievable targets, new goals and if all goes well will be sitting here this time next year congratulating myself, positive thoughts.
Every day is special and I will attempt to show that in my writings.
So with mixed feelings I close my blog for the last time this year, its not forever because.... tomorrow is another day......
Tuesday 29 December 2015
30th December 2015
I have only managed 3 blogs this year, shame on me. I guess because each day is the same! I do often ask myself how did I manage to get here today. I think what I mean is we are now 6 Christmas's without Mikey and where has the time gone. How have we managed to reach another milestone. The world hasn't stopped spinning and looking back have I really achieved anything. We mourn and yet what has it done to change circumstances, nothing. I do believe there are lessons to learn, whether I will heed them is another thing all together.
We cant change who we are or what we have done. Was it right at the time? yes I do think so. But and isn't there always a but, on reflection I should have got my butt into gear much sooner. Have I been feeling sorry for myself, yes I do think so but having such a traumatic event in your life probably shapes your emotions and feelings for the future.
I have done the one thing I set out to do, maybe took me longer but I have gained so much from running. Certainly given me the time to focus and channel unhealthy energies into the sweat and pain of a run. For the past couple of months I have been unsure of what to do, I think I have lost my running mojo and there seems no reason to get back. Being injured again doesn't help! hamstring this time and its a beast. 8 weeks so far! 8 weeks of not being able to walk properly, pain as soon as I put weight on my leg. Ah now there is a dirty word, weight, may have some contributing factor! So from the 1st Jan going to really try to lose some weight, but I have so little will power.
I think having been shrouded in Misery for so long when you surface its a reality shock. I feel as if I have been living in smog, at the moment not sure who I am! and realise I need to do something about it.
I have been writing this in small sessions today. I have had physio and whilst I cant run yet it is looking more positive, hopefully when I go back in 2 weeks and if the exercises I do continue to strengthen the ligaments of the hamstring I will be able to get out again. So, I have ordered new trainers, always a positive! Had my bike tyres pumped up! as I can now cycle. I will try to exercise everyday and I will get fit! I have put my head above the parapet and going for it!
I have also considered my next challenge, Will do a half marathon in October and run for a charity. Mikeys friend was a very good musician and his mum started a charity in his name to help any budding musicians to get a bit of help. Mikey would be pleased with that I know. Done! now I have said it will have to do it.
I will also make a conscious effort to blog daily. It helped me through some dark times so maybe will again. I can remember in the early days being told that the grieving process can take years, and it has. I also know that Mikey would be horrified that we have spent so long in the process. He wanted us to remember him with happiness not sadness. It has been so hard to do that, but I feel i'm ready to move on. I also think that our oldest son has been affected by us and that even he doesn't quite know what to say and do! Now that's not right is it, so I am also making a huge effort to bring the joy back in all our lives. Trouble is I start with good intensions and some how get it wrong, but at least I will try!
Im now off to do my exercises, have to but weight on my ankle! had to search for them! have every piece of fitness equipment there is, just look at it mostly and could only find one ankle weight, still being positive I only need one! I have the band! to do hamstring stretches, um tried it earlier only to pull it off my foot, result was being twanged around the neck, not as successful as I had hoped but I can only get better! Im doing most of the stretches on my back due to having a back problem! thought it would reduce the risk of injury! I bet the physio never considered that one!
Another day over, tomorrow is another day.................................
We cant change who we are or what we have done. Was it right at the time? yes I do think so. But and isn't there always a but, on reflection I should have got my butt into gear much sooner. Have I been feeling sorry for myself, yes I do think so but having such a traumatic event in your life probably shapes your emotions and feelings for the future.
I have done the one thing I set out to do, maybe took me longer but I have gained so much from running. Certainly given me the time to focus and channel unhealthy energies into the sweat and pain of a run. For the past couple of months I have been unsure of what to do, I think I have lost my running mojo and there seems no reason to get back. Being injured again doesn't help! hamstring this time and its a beast. 8 weeks so far! 8 weeks of not being able to walk properly, pain as soon as I put weight on my leg. Ah now there is a dirty word, weight, may have some contributing factor! So from the 1st Jan going to really try to lose some weight, but I have so little will power.
I think having been shrouded in Misery for so long when you surface its a reality shock. I feel as if I have been living in smog, at the moment not sure who I am! and realise I need to do something about it.
I have been writing this in small sessions today. I have had physio and whilst I cant run yet it is looking more positive, hopefully when I go back in 2 weeks and if the exercises I do continue to strengthen the ligaments of the hamstring I will be able to get out again. So, I have ordered new trainers, always a positive! Had my bike tyres pumped up! as I can now cycle. I will try to exercise everyday and I will get fit! I have put my head above the parapet and going for it!
I have also considered my next challenge, Will do a half marathon in October and run for a charity. Mikeys friend was a very good musician and his mum started a charity in his name to help any budding musicians to get a bit of help. Mikey would be pleased with that I know. Done! now I have said it will have to do it.
I will also make a conscious effort to blog daily. It helped me through some dark times so maybe will again. I can remember in the early days being told that the grieving process can take years, and it has. I also know that Mikey would be horrified that we have spent so long in the process. He wanted us to remember him with happiness not sadness. It has been so hard to do that, but I feel i'm ready to move on. I also think that our oldest son has been affected by us and that even he doesn't quite know what to say and do! Now that's not right is it, so I am also making a huge effort to bring the joy back in all our lives. Trouble is I start with good intensions and some how get it wrong, but at least I will try!
Im now off to do my exercises, have to but weight on my ankle! had to search for them! have every piece of fitness equipment there is, just look at it mostly and could only find one ankle weight, still being positive I only need one! I have the band! to do hamstring stretches, um tried it earlier only to pull it off my foot, result was being twanged around the neck, not as successful as I had hoped but I can only get better! Im doing most of the stretches on my back due to having a back problem! thought it would reduce the risk of injury! I bet the physio never considered that one!
Another day over, tomorrow is another day.................................
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