Hey Mikey its midnight the bells are chiming and its the end of another year and the beginning of a new one. The 3rd new year you have missed! Maybe i should say another year we have missed you.
Its raining, the fireworks are going off and the sky outside is ablaze with Chinese lanterns mine will come tonight, when its dry. After all I'm a danger to myself at the best of times, so when its wet and windy there will be little hope for you receiving said lantern!
Duke is proving to be a bit of a baby! the fireworks upset him and i have just been wearing 70kg of fur, muscle, teeth and claws as a medallion! oh and that's when hes not trying to sit on my lap! i may have to put the radio on for him, he loves music, now how bizarre is that!
2012 has been an eventful year. Its only now when i look back i can actually think about how many things have changed.
A year of ups and downs, highs and lows. Astonishing feats, how on earth i completed a marathon i really don't know. I believe you were there with me spurring me on. I can only just do 5 miles now! i have been injured though, does that count?
Your Dad has decide to get fit this year, ah well lets hope he does do that, may give him an interest and something to talk about.
This time last year i was training for the run of my life! and am now looking forward to some early morning runs. The knee has improved shame about the back and all the rest of me though. Well its a new year and we must think of new things to do again each month.
So i have enrolled on a core fitness challenge, looks hard!!! Still i will give it a whirl.
It has been so hard since changing jobs to focus on what is important in our home lives. So easy to lose sight of that and yet again i find myself on the endless wheel of work!
So today i take stock and re evaluate the year ahead.
Tom has settled i think and appears a bit better than he was, i suppose he too has had to adapt and make changes to his life. Never easy is it Mike, you probably know that more than any of us. Its still hard to grasp the fact that you complained so little. in fact Mikey you never once grumbled at all to us. What a wonderful man you were and still are in our hearts.
So many people still remember you Mikey, you are not forgotten.
May is going to be an eventful month, your birthday, a special wedding and another effort for CF. Can you see us Mikey? oh i hope so. Hope, its that word again, so small and yet so meaningful, a word we shouldn't just use everyday but we do.
At last Duke has curled up with his Monkey and appears settled! for now.
I'm still taking loads of photos and getting as much pleasure as i did when i first started using it. Still not got to grips with all it can do so sent for a copy of Nikon for dummies, well needs must. I have the use of an ipad now. I can almost hear you laughing at that and then the words that its a waste on someone like me, and you would be right! ah well at some point i had to move with the times, but my trusty phone remains the same, a brick, but a working brick!
This year more of your friends have joined you and i hope the party is still going on, if you can if its possible think kindly of us and know that we love you you still.
For us, tomorrow is just another day...................
Monday 31 December 2012
Wednesday 26 December 2012
DAY 860-871
Well Mikey Christmas is just about over, thank goodness.
I know you loved this time of year but we have very little joy now about the whole period. Tom makes us remember. If we didn't have Tom i think we would give up on the whole process.
So how have the last 10 days passed.
The weather as usual has been pretty grim. Rain rain and more rain.
My car has been going well and i love it. So pleased i made my mind up and had it.
The knee is recovering well but i have put the back out as well although thanks to physio and the exercises it seems to be on the mend.
I have another race next weekend and not sure if I'm really fit. The new exercises are showing up muscles i forgot i had! and i have been visited by Mr dead legs and have struggled round the streets.
Work is good and the travelling to and fro gives me time to think and by the time i get home I'm chilled! now that does make a change.
The scenery has been quite remarkable, i can see the same view daily but i can see something changing each time i gaze across the fens.
The fields are water logged and huge lakes of water are covering the new planting, i wonder what next years harvest will be like.
Coming home the other evening, well it was Christmas Eve and i managed to get off a little bit earlier so it was just getting dark. The country roads were like ribbons shining with the wetness with the moon catching light on them, it was mystical and very calming. I could have drove all night. Oops a name of a song.
Tom bought me a telescope and i will now be able to star gaze to my hearts content. I attempted to see the moon tonight, with little success. I could see it OK with the eye, but focusing the equipment another matter entirely!
Duke has been in his first fight! oh Mikey you would adore him. He is almost human and i often wonder what hes thinking. Still a small terrier bit his nose when he went to play with it. Poor Duke came off the worst and has now a lovely scar on the tip of his nose. As dad said his modelling days are over!
As you can imagine i have put weight on, now there is a surprise, so the diet is under way! again yes i know I'm always on a diet, but this time i hope it stays off. Linda has done really well and looks 10 years younger, so here's hoping lol!
People still remember you Mikey and write messages on your Wall, Claire Cruickshank always thinks of you.
Maddy is getting married in May and I'm sure you would have loved to have been there, i hope we get photos and will share them with you.
Never a day goes by without us thinking about you and we all feel that there is a huge pert of our family gone and will never be able to fill that void. To be honest Mikey we just cant get on as you wanted us to, but we do try.
I think dad may take up running in the new year! cant wait to see him in shorts. I will have to post a photo when that happens. Tom is now quite keen on cycling and does seem to enjoy it.
Scott has moved into Nans house so yet another whitwell in Eastwood. Its comforting knowing that its still in the family.
Tom was on the Tornado steam train from Welyn to Norwich he was conducting it through. We went to Ely and watched it come through the station. There was Tom with his head out of the cab checking the signals, huge grin on his face, surrounded by these huge bouts of steam. What a sight and what a privilege to be on it.
Well i better get to bed, work in the morning, i did have to go in today for a while but i didn't mind.
I bought Dad Moby Dick on audio CD ready for the really bad weather. Do you remember how the three of you used to sit and listen to stories on tape on Sunday mornings.
Nite Mikey love you xxx.
So till the next time, we still only function a day at a time and at night we go to bed thinking, tomorrow is another day......................
I know you loved this time of year but we have very little joy now about the whole period. Tom makes us remember. If we didn't have Tom i think we would give up on the whole process.
So how have the last 10 days passed.
The weather as usual has been pretty grim. Rain rain and more rain.
My car has been going well and i love it. So pleased i made my mind up and had it.
The knee is recovering well but i have put the back out as well although thanks to physio and the exercises it seems to be on the mend.
I have another race next weekend and not sure if I'm really fit. The new exercises are showing up muscles i forgot i had! and i have been visited by Mr dead legs and have struggled round the streets.
Work is good and the travelling to and fro gives me time to think and by the time i get home I'm chilled! now that does make a change.
The scenery has been quite remarkable, i can see the same view daily but i can see something changing each time i gaze across the fens.
The fields are water logged and huge lakes of water are covering the new planting, i wonder what next years harvest will be like.
Coming home the other evening, well it was Christmas Eve and i managed to get off a little bit earlier so it was just getting dark. The country roads were like ribbons shining with the wetness with the moon catching light on them, it was mystical and very calming. I could have drove all night. Oops a name of a song.
Tom bought me a telescope and i will now be able to star gaze to my hearts content. I attempted to see the moon tonight, with little success. I could see it OK with the eye, but focusing the equipment another matter entirely!
Duke has been in his first fight! oh Mikey you would adore him. He is almost human and i often wonder what hes thinking. Still a small terrier bit his nose when he went to play with it. Poor Duke came off the worst and has now a lovely scar on the tip of his nose. As dad said his modelling days are over!
As you can imagine i have put weight on, now there is a surprise, so the diet is under way! again yes i know I'm always on a diet, but this time i hope it stays off. Linda has done really well and looks 10 years younger, so here's hoping lol!
People still remember you Mikey and write messages on your Wall, Claire Cruickshank always thinks of you.
Maddy is getting married in May and I'm sure you would have loved to have been there, i hope we get photos and will share them with you.
Never a day goes by without us thinking about you and we all feel that there is a huge pert of our family gone and will never be able to fill that void. To be honest Mikey we just cant get on as you wanted us to, but we do try.
I think dad may take up running in the new year! cant wait to see him in shorts. I will have to post a photo when that happens. Tom is now quite keen on cycling and does seem to enjoy it.
Scott has moved into Nans house so yet another whitwell in Eastwood. Its comforting knowing that its still in the family.
Tom was on the Tornado steam train from Welyn to Norwich he was conducting it through. We went to Ely and watched it come through the station. There was Tom with his head out of the cab checking the signals, huge grin on his face, surrounded by these huge bouts of steam. What a sight and what a privilege to be on it.
Well i better get to bed, work in the morning, i did have to go in today for a while but i didn't mind.
I bought Dad Moby Dick on audio CD ready for the really bad weather. Do you remember how the three of you used to sit and listen to stories on tape on Sunday mornings.
Nite Mikey love you xxx.
So till the next time, we still only function a day at a time and at night we go to bed thinking, tomorrow is another day......................
Saturday 15 December 2012
Day 807-860
Can hardly believe its been so long since i last wrote on here.
Why? i suppose because i have been so miserable that i felt it unworthy of me to include writings when i was actually feeling so sorry for myself.
What happened, well i had the run i spoke about and it went well, i picked up the car and it was really good and then my back went. It has been one thing after another and apart from not being able to sit for very long i was in so much discomfort!
I ended up having physio on the back instead of the knee. Couldn't turn over in bed, hardly get out and just standing was the pits. Walking was better.
Tim thought it was the car and for a few weeks i thought it may have to go! I was unable to go to the Hilton, missed running and generally as i say feeling sorry for myself.
Eventually i was put on medication which did the trick with the exercises and boy that wasn't without risks in itself!
One gym ball and discovering when laying over it i couldn't get my hands of feet off the ground to do the stretch and then couldn't get off the wretched thing because i couldn't roll onto my knee. 7 am in the morning and Tim had to help me off it, started to push it and i was heading south, so he pushed me back until we realised if he had the feet i could propel on my hands to the bed. it was quite comical now i think about it but not at the time. I checked out the box and the ball was for people 5 foot 2 and over, i am 5 foot so the 2 extra inches were a problem!! and Tim had inflated it as much as he could to hold the weight!!! Today i purchased a smaller one
I managed to get to the club but only walked for several weeks and then ran for a minute and walked for 5. Backs now much better and i had my first proper run last Tuesday and ran 4 miles and the time wasn't too shabby. Race New Years Eve so I'm hoping i can manage that. Thursday was miserable again as i had just had physio and was given a running rehab programme, and that was so hard work, i was worn out for the run and it was so cold. It was minus 5, and i could feel myself tightening up and thought best not. Did a couple of miles and headed back. I will see how Tuesday goes. The thing was several of us were injured and all doing run and walks. Good company.
The days have been so strange too, the weather has been so changeable. I enjoy the early morning rides to work, the scenery changes everyday, its times like these that i wish i could paint.
The wash has been flooded and the Hereward relay cancelled and hoping to repeat it in February. I had an offer to do the LA marathon with CF but i have been advised no Marathons until the end of next year. I contacted them and hopefully may be offered a place in the NY marathon in 2014. We will see, i still have no passport.
Start training in the new year for the 40 mile walk in May.
Received a wedding invite to Mikey's very best friend in May too, he would have been thrilled that she was so happy, i am looking forward to that.
Managed to get out with the girls last week on Mums birthday and went for a meal in Jamie Oliver's restaurant.
I haven't been out with the camera for a few weeks but today we went to Ely to watch Tom drive through on the Tornado steam train. It was wonderful to see this huge piece of transport coming towards us on the track, steaming away and Tom, head of of the cab grinning away he had been booked on it to work from Welyn to Norwich what an opportunity.
I thought i would fill pages to make up for what i have missed but its a shamefully short piece!
Christmas is almost upon us and i do so dread this time. Its not been the same since we lost Mikey and it was his favourite time of the year. He would be so organised and have his pressies done well in advance. Gosh i miss him so much. He has been very much in our thoughts lately, its hard to appreciate that this will be our third Christmas without him
That's what i mean, how on earth can i write such meaningless stuff about how i am when i remember what he had to endure, truly puts me to shame.
Well i was going to inflate my new ball but i think it can wait after all tomorrow is another day!
Why? i suppose because i have been so miserable that i felt it unworthy of me to include writings when i was actually feeling so sorry for myself.
What happened, well i had the run i spoke about and it went well, i picked up the car and it was really good and then my back went. It has been one thing after another and apart from not being able to sit for very long i was in so much discomfort!
I ended up having physio on the back instead of the knee. Couldn't turn over in bed, hardly get out and just standing was the pits. Walking was better.
Tim thought it was the car and for a few weeks i thought it may have to go! I was unable to go to the Hilton, missed running and generally as i say feeling sorry for myself.
Eventually i was put on medication which did the trick with the exercises and boy that wasn't without risks in itself!
One gym ball and discovering when laying over it i couldn't get my hands of feet off the ground to do the stretch and then couldn't get off the wretched thing because i couldn't roll onto my knee. 7 am in the morning and Tim had to help me off it, started to push it and i was heading south, so he pushed me back until we realised if he had the feet i could propel on my hands to the bed. it was quite comical now i think about it but not at the time. I checked out the box and the ball was for people 5 foot 2 and over, i am 5 foot so the 2 extra inches were a problem!! and Tim had inflated it as much as he could to hold the weight!!! Today i purchased a smaller one
I managed to get to the club but only walked for several weeks and then ran for a minute and walked for 5. Backs now much better and i had my first proper run last Tuesday and ran 4 miles and the time wasn't too shabby. Race New Years Eve so I'm hoping i can manage that. Thursday was miserable again as i had just had physio and was given a running rehab programme, and that was so hard work, i was worn out for the run and it was so cold. It was minus 5, and i could feel myself tightening up and thought best not. Did a couple of miles and headed back. I will see how Tuesday goes. The thing was several of us were injured and all doing run and walks. Good company.
The days have been so strange too, the weather has been so changeable. I enjoy the early morning rides to work, the scenery changes everyday, its times like these that i wish i could paint.
The wash has been flooded and the Hereward relay cancelled and hoping to repeat it in February. I had an offer to do the LA marathon with CF but i have been advised no Marathons until the end of next year. I contacted them and hopefully may be offered a place in the NY marathon in 2014. We will see, i still have no passport.
Start training in the new year for the 40 mile walk in May.
Received a wedding invite to Mikey's very best friend in May too, he would have been thrilled that she was so happy, i am looking forward to that.
Managed to get out with the girls last week on Mums birthday and went for a meal in Jamie Oliver's restaurant.
I haven't been out with the camera for a few weeks but today we went to Ely to watch Tom drive through on the Tornado steam train. It was wonderful to see this huge piece of transport coming towards us on the track, steaming away and Tom, head of of the cab grinning away he had been booked on it to work from Welyn to Norwich what an opportunity.
I thought i would fill pages to make up for what i have missed but its a shamefully short piece!
Christmas is almost upon us and i do so dread this time. Its not been the same since we lost Mikey and it was his favourite time of the year. He would be so organised and have his pressies done well in advance. Gosh i miss him so much. He has been very much in our thoughts lately, its hard to appreciate that this will be our third Christmas without him
That's what i mean, how on earth can i write such meaningless stuff about how i am when i remember what he had to endure, truly puts me to shame.
Well i was going to inflate my new ball but i think it can wait after all tomorrow is another day!
Monday 22 October 2012
Days 791-806
16 days cant believe it. Its shameful that my time has been spent in mundane things!
Where to start still not downloaded the photos!
My knee is really getting so much better. I started off going to the club and managed 3 mile walks twice a week and have been out cycling. Started to cycle to the club last week and even managed a ride out yesterday.
I have had physio and that's all going well i think! loads of exercises and back on the 5th November. This week is my last week of walking i think i may just manage a little run! i can do 5 minute runs and 5 minute walks for 3 miles. I may just try that on Thursday, we will see if not leave it till next week.
I have remained very busy in my new job and each day i face a new challenge! I'm getting home tired and in the dark now. Winter draws ever closer i fear.
I had an amazing ride home the other evening The sun was just setting and the sky had an orange glow, the fields had a mist rising up and as i was driving along the dual carriage way a flock of geese swooped down and were flying along the centre of the road in front of me, just like a winged escort. Beautiful.
I haven't as yet been out with Tim and Duke in the evenings but i am sure it will not be long now. The weight has crept on during this period of exercise drought and that has to be taken in control again.
I didn't get in the London Marathon yet again but have managed to get a team of 6 from the club to do a 65k walk across the downs in Surrey during May of next year all for CF. What have we let ourselves in for. I cannot read a map and there will be no signage, we have to find our own way all in 17 hrs! more training to come.
Mikey said do something different and i continue to try and do that. Its hard to accept sometimes that i would never have done anything if we hadn't lost him. I would have just meandered my way though living, quite happy with my lot, but just see what i would have missed, so Mikey thank you. What a task you set us.
I have managed to find the car i have wanted for a long time. Stuck to my guns and could not be persuaded to change my mind. A first in the car stakes, yet again Mikey you would have said about time too! Tim has been quite relentless in his tactics but i didn't waver! a wobbly moment or two but at last after many miles out looking and trawling the car websites tracked one down. Off i went last weekend all alone, deal done. Collect it next week. i will of course put a snap on here!!!
So this weekend Tim had stomach bug, i awake Sunday unable to see out of my left eye. I had been bitten in the night by a gnat several times. What joy i looked like nelson! The memory of those wretched insect bites a few weeks ago came sharply to mind to it was start on the antihistamines and hope for the best, a bit better today and horror of horrors once up on Sunday received a phone call to say my bank cards had been compromised and the fraud police were on the phone telling me how many attempts to remove funds from my account had taken place!! Lucky for me they didn't sanction them and as we were talking the card was being activated. I hope they catch the rotten people!
Today it was off on a course yet again travelling to Wokingham this time. Train to London, tube to Paddington, across to reading, then Wokingham and return in the rush hour. Eek what a journey i left home at 0530 and arrived home at 2100hrs a long day!
Going to an Awards ceremony at the Hilton in November! another cocktail dress.! fish out of water springs to mind. Then i have the marshaling event the same weekend, two more training days out!! not looking forward to that. Travelling oh my word.
So I'm off to bed tonight worn out! Age thing i guess. Still tomorrow is another day......................
Where to start still not downloaded the photos!
My knee is really getting so much better. I started off going to the club and managed 3 mile walks twice a week and have been out cycling. Started to cycle to the club last week and even managed a ride out yesterday.
I have had physio and that's all going well i think! loads of exercises and back on the 5th November. This week is my last week of walking i think i may just manage a little run! i can do 5 minute runs and 5 minute walks for 3 miles. I may just try that on Thursday, we will see if not leave it till next week.
I have remained very busy in my new job and each day i face a new challenge! I'm getting home tired and in the dark now. Winter draws ever closer i fear.
I had an amazing ride home the other evening The sun was just setting and the sky had an orange glow, the fields had a mist rising up and as i was driving along the dual carriage way a flock of geese swooped down and were flying along the centre of the road in front of me, just like a winged escort. Beautiful.
I haven't as yet been out with Tim and Duke in the evenings but i am sure it will not be long now. The weight has crept on during this period of exercise drought and that has to be taken in control again.
I didn't get in the London Marathon yet again but have managed to get a team of 6 from the club to do a 65k walk across the downs in Surrey during May of next year all for CF. What have we let ourselves in for. I cannot read a map and there will be no signage, we have to find our own way all in 17 hrs! more training to come.
Mikey said do something different and i continue to try and do that. Its hard to accept sometimes that i would never have done anything if we hadn't lost him. I would have just meandered my way though living, quite happy with my lot, but just see what i would have missed, so Mikey thank you. What a task you set us.
I have managed to find the car i have wanted for a long time. Stuck to my guns and could not be persuaded to change my mind. A first in the car stakes, yet again Mikey you would have said about time too! Tim has been quite relentless in his tactics but i didn't waver! a wobbly moment or two but at last after many miles out looking and trawling the car websites tracked one down. Off i went last weekend all alone, deal done. Collect it next week. i will of course put a snap on here!!!
So this weekend Tim had stomach bug, i awake Sunday unable to see out of my left eye. I had been bitten in the night by a gnat several times. What joy i looked like nelson! The memory of those wretched insect bites a few weeks ago came sharply to mind to it was start on the antihistamines and hope for the best, a bit better today and horror of horrors once up on Sunday received a phone call to say my bank cards had been compromised and the fraud police were on the phone telling me how many attempts to remove funds from my account had taken place!! Lucky for me they didn't sanction them and as we were talking the card was being activated. I hope they catch the rotten people!
Today it was off on a course yet again travelling to Wokingham this time. Train to London, tube to Paddington, across to reading, then Wokingham and return in the rush hour. Eek what a journey i left home at 0530 and arrived home at 2100hrs a long day!
Going to an Awards ceremony at the Hilton in November! another cocktail dress.! fish out of water springs to mind. Then i have the marshaling event the same weekend, two more training days out!! not looking forward to that. Travelling oh my word.
So I'm off to bed tonight worn out! Age thing i guess. Still tomorrow is another day......................
Sunday 7 October 2012
Days 782-790
OK so its been a week!. The leg has been a tad stiff and sore when sitting so i have avoided my usual spot in front of this screen!!
Well I'm here now and i have had almost unusual week i guess. Only in as much that i have really chilled out. I have rested the leg, i have walked i have tried the exercise bile, um looks like Roger and i will become friends again this winter. i also plan to use the rowing machine i bought earlier this year and haven't been able to use because of the knee.
I have really been trying hard to get fit and i managed a short 1 mile walk on Tuesday. Friend picked me up and we went to the club. Then Thursday we managed 3 miles! felt good so i took the car out late one night to see how i managed. Yay did well and haven't looked back. It was and is still a little sore after driving, but I'm back at the hospital Wednesday and will see if they are pleased with the progress. Physio booked for the following week. It will be two weeks on Wednesday and only another 2 weeks before i can run.
We haven't managed to get out as much as we planned. I was due the annual leave and we thought we may get away for a few days, but as i had just started my new job i thought best just use the leave to recuperate! Next year we do want to get away for a few days. Maybe back to one of the lodges in Devon in the early Spring, best not plan anything though.
My new job is well just fab. The people are so nice! just wish i had moved ages ago, but we get stuck in this comfort rut and happily go with the flow. Still a challenge is good for the soul i believe.
The weather is changing and Autumn draws ever nearer. The fens are returning to that barren landscape. In a few weeks it will be the black soil and nothing growing. Depressing. Its foggy tonight, my journeys to work will be a little more stressful and take that little bit longer to get to and fro, still a small price to pay.
The evenings are becoming cooler, not yet ready to put the heating on, but it will not be long i fear.
Cant understand this country! how is it that the local council has now embarked on the Christmas theme. Get the lights up now! its bad enough negotiating through the centre of town at the moment, the roads are up all over. Madness, the frosts will react to the new tarmac, sink and crack and we will have lousy roads again! complete waste of our tax payers money!! The street lights are being turned off early in the mornings, i know because I'm still awake! Yet here they are stringing up hundreds of coloured bulbs across the streets!
I have heard from some of the staff at my old place of work, just pleased i have moved on and not to interested now. Sad but there it is.
Mikey loved Christmas and i now find it so hard! i try and have asked Tom if he wants to put some decs up but he said no. Relief i think. Will it ever be a joyful time for us again, i rather think not. Would be good to hibernate for a couple of weeks, or become every scrooge like! I have a photo somewhere of Mikey as the ghost of Christmas past, how apt!
Sisters want another day out, Lin rang today to see if i can make Friday, but i have just had the past week and a half off! sods law isn't it. Still hope to go shopping with them before Christmas.
Duke continues to grow and is a beast now, a lovable beast all the same, he gets through leads like a child with there shoes!
I suppose i best get to bed, still not sleeping well but i have become accustomed to that now. I do so miss Mikey, every day i think of him, every single day. At the strangest moments, Crying on the way to work, a tear coming home from shopping, it doesn't go away, the pain the anguish and the hope that its all a mistake. I'm not an unintelligent person, lord knows i know but.................. I think we have learnt how to hide our true feelings, they become our own and not to be shared, that emotional wreck is just for private!
Misery has been avoiding me recently and for that i am grateful. I remember well that dreadful feeling of despair, its fading into the background somewhat now, is this healing, i don't know is it because we are so drained thee is not enough to quench misery's thirst, i think that's it!
Photos, good gracious i have forgotten to down load them. I will do it now and i will post on here tomorrow, i will return, because after all tomorrow is another day................................
Well I'm here now and i have had almost unusual week i guess. Only in as much that i have really chilled out. I have rested the leg, i have walked i have tried the exercise bile, um looks like Roger and i will become friends again this winter. i also plan to use the rowing machine i bought earlier this year and haven't been able to use because of the knee.
I have really been trying hard to get fit and i managed a short 1 mile walk on Tuesday. Friend picked me up and we went to the club. Then Thursday we managed 3 miles! felt good so i took the car out late one night to see how i managed. Yay did well and haven't looked back. It was and is still a little sore after driving, but I'm back at the hospital Wednesday and will see if they are pleased with the progress. Physio booked for the following week. It will be two weeks on Wednesday and only another 2 weeks before i can run.
We haven't managed to get out as much as we planned. I was due the annual leave and we thought we may get away for a few days, but as i had just started my new job i thought best just use the leave to recuperate! Next year we do want to get away for a few days. Maybe back to one of the lodges in Devon in the early Spring, best not plan anything though.
My new job is well just fab. The people are so nice! just wish i had moved ages ago, but we get stuck in this comfort rut and happily go with the flow. Still a challenge is good for the soul i believe.
The weather is changing and Autumn draws ever nearer. The fens are returning to that barren landscape. In a few weeks it will be the black soil and nothing growing. Depressing. Its foggy tonight, my journeys to work will be a little more stressful and take that little bit longer to get to and fro, still a small price to pay.
The evenings are becoming cooler, not yet ready to put the heating on, but it will not be long i fear.
Cant understand this country! how is it that the local council has now embarked on the Christmas theme. Get the lights up now! its bad enough negotiating through the centre of town at the moment, the roads are up all over. Madness, the frosts will react to the new tarmac, sink and crack and we will have lousy roads again! complete waste of our tax payers money!! The street lights are being turned off early in the mornings, i know because I'm still awake! Yet here they are stringing up hundreds of coloured bulbs across the streets!
I have heard from some of the staff at my old place of work, just pleased i have moved on and not to interested now. Sad but there it is.
Mikey loved Christmas and i now find it so hard! i try and have asked Tom if he wants to put some decs up but he said no. Relief i think. Will it ever be a joyful time for us again, i rather think not. Would be good to hibernate for a couple of weeks, or become every scrooge like! I have a photo somewhere of Mikey as the ghost of Christmas past, how apt!
Sisters want another day out, Lin rang today to see if i can make Friday, but i have just had the past week and a half off! sods law isn't it. Still hope to go shopping with them before Christmas.
Duke continues to grow and is a beast now, a lovable beast all the same, he gets through leads like a child with there shoes!
I suppose i best get to bed, still not sleeping well but i have become accustomed to that now. I do so miss Mikey, every day i think of him, every single day. At the strangest moments, Crying on the way to work, a tear coming home from shopping, it doesn't go away, the pain the anguish and the hope that its all a mistake. I'm not an unintelligent person, lord knows i know but.................. I think we have learnt how to hide our true feelings, they become our own and not to be shared, that emotional wreck is just for private!
Misery has been avoiding me recently and for that i am grateful. I remember well that dreadful feeling of despair, its fading into the background somewhat now, is this healing, i don't know is it because we are so drained thee is not enough to quench misery's thirst, i think that's it!
Photos, good gracious i have forgotten to down load them. I will do it now and i will post on here tomorrow, i will return, because after all tomorrow is another day................................
Friday 28 September 2012
Days 762 -781
My word almost 3 weeks have passed since i last blogged and what a lot has happened! where do i start.
Best get to those wretched insect bites i received, they eventually caused me so many problems that resulted in blood poisoning!! that made me feel lousy, what with the antibiotics, anti histamines my concentrations shot!
Still manged to get a place in the new years eve run at Littleport, yippee! the site was full in less than 10hrs. So lucky me.
Oxford for 2 days!!! what a trip, not used to the underground, i had quite an adventure. Who would have thought that by changing a job one could be so transformed. Certainly true what they say a change is as good as a rest. Work is going really well and maybe i can now admit that i should have done it ages ago. Still sometimes you cant see the wood for the trees and carry on in what appears to be a safe and comfortable place. The thought of change is far worse than change itself.
I had a blow out on the way home from work, cant remember if i posted that but included just in case i did forget!
Lots of photos to add to this site but that will be for tomorrow i fear.
I eventually had the op on my knee, and it was quite a revelation and in many ways has been a reassuring one. Strange thing to say.
So i arrive at the hospital wave bye to Tim, turn and see him drive off and thought what if i don't wake up. I wasn't concerned or worried just very accepting that this may happen. Still walked through he door with out a care in the world. How odd.
Taken to the op suite, given a gown, asked to pee and then the medics came round and a walk to theatre! in as many minutes as it has taken me to write this. Very quick, and then the dreaded anaesthetic and i thought of Mikey.
If i was to say i dreamt of Mike, that wouldn't be true, however i did experience a strange thing. maybe in my imagination, maybe it did happen i am not sure. All i know is that i was aware of Mikey and i had the sensation that he was strong, he wasn't alone, i was aware of two other people? not sure because i didn't see faces or whole beings, just 3 light sources. They were Mikes friends not mine, i was not aware that i knew them but they were not strangers. Very odd, Almost as if they were supporting each other. Did i get some message. Not that i am aware. I wish i had and yet it was quite comforting.
I woke up with no feeling of sickness and no awareness that i had had an operation. If Mike went to sleep like that then the only way you know that it went well or not was to wake up and discover that, So i am very content for a better word that he did just sleep. There maybe some kindness in that thought.
So i was awake, cup of tea, physio to get me walking, up stairs and down stairs dress and ready for home all in 4 hours!
I had a cartilage partially removed and i had a deformity on each side of the femur which had caused ulcers to the cartilage! so they shaved the bone as well and now i am up and walking.
Well the crutches went after a few hours i was a hazard to myself!!
Did the exercises and then yesterday went for a walk into a shop! big mistake in some ways, however i felt good. Until.............
I had on a pressure bandage and it is to stay in place for 72hrs so it should come off on Saturday. It was Thursday!! yes there i was walking around a garden centre and i could feel the bandage slipping. Anyone who remembers terry nappies on a child will be able to recognise what happened next. Slowly it started to appear below my three quarter trousers and walking a quickly as i could we started to hunt for a ladies!! and before i got there. it had slipped right down to the ankle, just like the elastic had gone in a pair of knickers!o. How embarrassing! There i stood in the loos trying to undo this wretched roll of bandage and wool roll and re do. I had help from a fellow user who was completely bemused by what she was actually doing! i quickly said operation and swelling and i was tied up like a kipper!! at least it got me home where i iced the leg and replaced the bandage in a my professional manner. It didn't last however because i spent most of today hitching it up until i managed to purchase a stronger bandage. Now i wonder if its too tight. Still it comes off tomorrow!
Its feeling a tad sore now.
I received an Elvis in the post yesterday too. Elvis is on the front cover of the LVM magazine saying sorry you didn't get in, so i will have to see if i can get a club place. I will try very hard to get one but if not then it may be Edinburgh again.
Well the leg is playing me up so i will retire for the night and hope it soon feels better. After all tomorrow is another day............................
Best get to those wretched insect bites i received, they eventually caused me so many problems that resulted in blood poisoning!! that made me feel lousy, what with the antibiotics, anti histamines my concentrations shot!
Still manged to get a place in the new years eve run at Littleport, yippee! the site was full in less than 10hrs. So lucky me.
Oxford for 2 days!!! what a trip, not used to the underground, i had quite an adventure. Who would have thought that by changing a job one could be so transformed. Certainly true what they say a change is as good as a rest. Work is going really well and maybe i can now admit that i should have done it ages ago. Still sometimes you cant see the wood for the trees and carry on in what appears to be a safe and comfortable place. The thought of change is far worse than change itself.
I had a blow out on the way home from work, cant remember if i posted that but included just in case i did forget!
Lots of photos to add to this site but that will be for tomorrow i fear.
I eventually had the op on my knee, and it was quite a revelation and in many ways has been a reassuring one. Strange thing to say.
So i arrive at the hospital wave bye to Tim, turn and see him drive off and thought what if i don't wake up. I wasn't concerned or worried just very accepting that this may happen. Still walked through he door with out a care in the world. How odd.
Taken to the op suite, given a gown, asked to pee and then the medics came round and a walk to theatre! in as many minutes as it has taken me to write this. Very quick, and then the dreaded anaesthetic and i thought of Mikey.
If i was to say i dreamt of Mike, that wouldn't be true, however i did experience a strange thing. maybe in my imagination, maybe it did happen i am not sure. All i know is that i was aware of Mikey and i had the sensation that he was strong, he wasn't alone, i was aware of two other people? not sure because i didn't see faces or whole beings, just 3 light sources. They were Mikes friends not mine, i was not aware that i knew them but they were not strangers. Very odd, Almost as if they were supporting each other. Did i get some message. Not that i am aware. I wish i had and yet it was quite comforting.
I woke up with no feeling of sickness and no awareness that i had had an operation. If Mike went to sleep like that then the only way you know that it went well or not was to wake up and discover that, So i am very content for a better word that he did just sleep. There maybe some kindness in that thought.
So i was awake, cup of tea, physio to get me walking, up stairs and down stairs dress and ready for home all in 4 hours!
I had a cartilage partially removed and i had a deformity on each side of the femur which had caused ulcers to the cartilage! so they shaved the bone as well and now i am up and walking.
Well the crutches went after a few hours i was a hazard to myself!!
Did the exercises and then yesterday went for a walk into a shop! big mistake in some ways, however i felt good. Until.............
I had on a pressure bandage and it is to stay in place for 72hrs so it should come off on Saturday. It was Thursday!! yes there i was walking around a garden centre and i could feel the bandage slipping. Anyone who remembers terry nappies on a child will be able to recognise what happened next. Slowly it started to appear below my three quarter trousers and walking a quickly as i could we started to hunt for a ladies!! and before i got there. it had slipped right down to the ankle, just like the elastic had gone in a pair of knickers!o. How embarrassing! There i stood in the loos trying to undo this wretched roll of bandage and wool roll and re do. I had help from a fellow user who was completely bemused by what she was actually doing! i quickly said operation and swelling and i was tied up like a kipper!! at least it got me home where i iced the leg and replaced the bandage in a my professional manner. It didn't last however because i spent most of today hitching it up until i managed to purchase a stronger bandage. Now i wonder if its too tight. Still it comes off tomorrow!
Its feeling a tad sore now.
I received an Elvis in the post yesterday too. Elvis is on the front cover of the LVM magazine saying sorry you didn't get in, so i will have to see if i can get a club place. I will try very hard to get one but if not then it may be Edinburgh again.
Well the leg is playing me up so i will retire for the night and hope it soon feels better. After all tomorrow is another day............................
Sunday 9 September 2012
Day 759,760,761
Wow that's a week gone by and the weekend is also over and back to work tomorrow.
Its certainly been different! i wonder does it count though? well in my book yes it does!
The weather has been so hot this week and travelling to work with the sun in my face and not forgetting my eyes! has been some what interesting. Driving skills being honed at long last! Tim would say over due and goodness only knows what Tom thinks. He has little faith in me, i wonder why? Tom called round after yet another cycle ride and tried to help me with this ipad. He gave up and said you are dangerous, you cant understand the working of a computer at all!!! Get someone to do it for you, well i had down loaded an app and i was proud of myself!!! Mikey just the same, they found it hard trying to explain things to me and usually gave up!
Anyway i digress!
Late finishing Friday and the drive along the bypass was beautiful the sun was just setting, so i got the camera out, whist driving, yes i know a danger to myself and others. But i just held it out of the window and hoped. What i wasn't expecting was a photo very similar to Mikey's fb page photo, really uncanny.
Saturday lazed in the garden and played with the ipad, well playing???? a chore which i abandoned when Tim suggested a walk with Duke. Camera as always with me and off we went. It was wonderful, i could hear the raucous noise of the Crows, yes they are back and flying towards the trees to settle for the night. I was getting quite worried that i had not seen any for such a long time. I really like the noise they make. Tim thinks I'm odd and asked what bird would you like to settle in the tree in our garden and my response surprised him. Owls, was my swift reply. Tim said he could live with that! Coming to the end of our walk we watched a man sitting in the sun on the river bank fishing, his wife watching from their garden under a parasol, drink on the table. A really lazy picture. A catch! the fish rising out of the water, i shouted across the river, hold it up! To my surprise as the camera clicked so did my brain! My cousin David and wife Diane. A conversation took place across the water. Makes a change from the garden fence.
We finished the evening watching a film. We needed to keep busy today.
Today was so hot and it was the Grunty Fen half marathon, i hadn't entered because i thought i was having the knee done, so pleased as it would have been murder in the heat!! So garden, ipad!!!!! and then a ride this evening. Sue has turned her ankle and thought a cycle ride would be good. I'm running well at the moment so we rode for 16 miles! i had a numb backside by the time i reached home. It was then an evening with George Gently followed by a blog.
It was with much sadness on Saturday that we became aware of the loss of another young man to CF. Mikeys friend Matt lost his battle against CF. Mikey would have said if he was here, the bar tab keeps getting smaller. So Matt, breathe easy, enjoy the party that awaits you on the other side, your friends are waiting.
For us, tomorrow is another day.............................
Its certainly been different! i wonder does it count though? well in my book yes it does!
The weather has been so hot this week and travelling to work with the sun in my face and not forgetting my eyes! has been some what interesting. Driving skills being honed at long last! Tim would say over due and goodness only knows what Tom thinks. He has little faith in me, i wonder why? Tom called round after yet another cycle ride and tried to help me with this ipad. He gave up and said you are dangerous, you cant understand the working of a computer at all!!! Get someone to do it for you, well i had down loaded an app and i was proud of myself!!! Mikey just the same, they found it hard trying to explain things to me and usually gave up!
Anyway i digress!
Late finishing Friday and the drive along the bypass was beautiful the sun was just setting, so i got the camera out, whist driving, yes i know a danger to myself and others. But i just held it out of the window and hoped. What i wasn't expecting was a photo very similar to Mikey's fb page photo, really uncanny.
Saturday lazed in the garden and played with the ipad, well playing???? a chore which i abandoned when Tim suggested a walk with Duke. Camera as always with me and off we went. It was wonderful, i could hear the raucous noise of the Crows, yes they are back and flying towards the trees to settle for the night. I was getting quite worried that i had not seen any for such a long time. I really like the noise they make. Tim thinks I'm odd and asked what bird would you like to settle in the tree in our garden and my response surprised him. Owls, was my swift reply. Tim said he could live with that! Coming to the end of our walk we watched a man sitting in the sun on the river bank fishing, his wife watching from their garden under a parasol, drink on the table. A really lazy picture. A catch! the fish rising out of the water, i shouted across the river, hold it up! To my surprise as the camera clicked so did my brain! My cousin David and wife Diane. A conversation took place across the water. Makes a change from the garden fence.
We finished the evening watching a film. We needed to keep busy today.
Today was so hot and it was the Grunty Fen half marathon, i hadn't entered because i thought i was having the knee done, so pleased as it would have been murder in the heat!! So garden, ipad!!!!! and then a ride this evening. Sue has turned her ankle and thought a cycle ride would be good. I'm running well at the moment so we rode for 16 miles! i had a numb backside by the time i reached home. It was then an evening with George Gently followed by a blog.
It was with much sadness on Saturday that we became aware of the loss of another young man to CF. Mikeys friend Matt lost his battle against CF. Mikey would have said if he was here, the bar tab keeps getting smaller. So Matt, breathe easy, enjoy the party that awaits you on the other side, your friends are waiting.
For us, tomorrow is another day.............................
Thursday 6 September 2012
Day 754.755,756,757,758
Gosh its almost the end of the week, apart from a few games on facebook i have been so tired at the end of each day!!
Its taking a bit of getting used to this driving to work lark. Today the children were back to school and the traffic was very heavy. I have varied the time of leaving as its been 1900hrs before getting home so it really is a 12 hr day!
The new job is challenging but the staff have been pretty amazing but as in all new roles change for others becomes difficult. What with people wanting to see the new person in charge and then visits from the owner of the company and estates manager coming to view the premises as a massive referb is going to take place this year. All very exciting.
Meeting today which was unplanned went well in to the day and it did mean juggling previous appointments. Ah well the joys of management.
Really looking forward to the week end and having a rest!
Managed to get home, just for Tuesdays run and really enjoyed it until we got out into the country side. Pollen was high and i forgot my inhaler!! yes resulted in slower sections but still manged good times. Cant wait to get the knee sorted.
Tonight's run went well and although a little slow because i had to stop at the local co op and ask to use the loo!!! Caught up with the rest of the pack though!! 10k in 1hr 7mins. Could be better!!!
Tim's finding it strange and is cycling to Toms every day to let Rocky out as Toms shifts are longer this week. Found cycling up Tesco hill and the wind rather difficult at the beginning of the week but a little fitter now!
Tim continues to remark each day how good i look. I do mean not so tired!! and although i am its a good tired.
Well Mikey its hard to believe all these changes i am making in my life!! very different to 2 years ago. I am trying hard to do something different each month, but i do wonder if this is what you meant!!! still who knows now what will happen.
I know October will be knee surgery, do you think that's a bit drastic though!
I wish i hadn't turned round just now, the room looks like a bomb has hit hit!! so best tidy up before bed!
I didn't go for a walk with Tim tonight and he came home telling me i should have gone, and had my camera because he came face to face with a very large fox in Cavalry park! it was in a garden and walked straight in front of him. I always miss the unusual!!!
I'm going to log my run, have a read, I'm almost finished book 4 of the game of Thrones, book 5 sitting ready.
Weighed myself and haven't lost a bean! My 10 year old niece came to me at the club and said auntie Sue I'm taller than you. I looked at her and said i cant me that small, and to my dismay everyone said i was. One of the runners took out her camera took a photo and said evidence!
Watching her sprint across the field i felt so envious of her youth. I felt like i was the Toby jug to the wine glass!
Bed, because, tomorrow is another day................................
Its taking a bit of getting used to this driving to work lark. Today the children were back to school and the traffic was very heavy. I have varied the time of leaving as its been 1900hrs before getting home so it really is a 12 hr day!
The new job is challenging but the staff have been pretty amazing but as in all new roles change for others becomes difficult. What with people wanting to see the new person in charge and then visits from the owner of the company and estates manager coming to view the premises as a massive referb is going to take place this year. All very exciting.
Meeting today which was unplanned went well in to the day and it did mean juggling previous appointments. Ah well the joys of management.
Really looking forward to the week end and having a rest!
Managed to get home, just for Tuesdays run and really enjoyed it until we got out into the country side. Pollen was high and i forgot my inhaler!! yes resulted in slower sections but still manged good times. Cant wait to get the knee sorted.
Tonight's run went well and although a little slow because i had to stop at the local co op and ask to use the loo!!! Caught up with the rest of the pack though!! 10k in 1hr 7mins. Could be better!!!
Tim's finding it strange and is cycling to Toms every day to let Rocky out as Toms shifts are longer this week. Found cycling up Tesco hill and the wind rather difficult at the beginning of the week but a little fitter now!
Tim continues to remark each day how good i look. I do mean not so tired!! and although i am its a good tired.
Well Mikey its hard to believe all these changes i am making in my life!! very different to 2 years ago. I am trying hard to do something different each month, but i do wonder if this is what you meant!!! still who knows now what will happen.
I know October will be knee surgery, do you think that's a bit drastic though!
I wish i hadn't turned round just now, the room looks like a bomb has hit hit!! so best tidy up before bed!
I didn't go for a walk with Tim tonight and he came home telling me i should have gone, and had my camera because he came face to face with a very large fox in Cavalry park! it was in a garden and walked straight in front of him. I always miss the unusual!!!
I'm going to log my run, have a read, I'm almost finished book 4 of the game of Thrones, book 5 sitting ready.
Weighed myself and haven't lost a bean! My 10 year old niece came to me at the club and said auntie Sue I'm taller than you. I looked at her and said i cant me that small, and to my dismay everyone said i was. One of the runners took out her camera took a photo and said evidence!
Watching her sprint across the field i felt so envious of her youth. I felt like i was the Toby jug to the wine glass!
Bed, because, tomorrow is another day................................
Saturday 1 September 2012
Day 751,752,753
Gosh i was so tired i think the last two days i wanted the time to sit properly and write!!
Thursday was mind blowing. I didn't stop until 1630 and i had hoped to be away from work at 4pm as i had spent so much time travelling the two days previous.
Still lovely people and the home is enormous!! 105 beds on two floors. Managed to get lost on more that one occasion. I expect i will get used to it. I hope so anyway.
Just got home in time to change and cycle to training. No time to stretch always a bad thing for me. Still, had a decent run for me these days 5.6 miles in an hour! Once my knee is done i will not be able to run for a few weeks! just as I'm starting to get back to lasting the distance.
Friday was much the same, still trying to find my way around the home and getting used to the staff. They have made me welcome and I'm looking forward to returning on Monday. I also managed to get a new chair! To say i felt intimidated by a chair is an understatement it was huge. My predecessor was a very big man. My feet didn't touch the floor!
The travelling is a bit tiresome but i will adjust I'm sure. Friday evening home from Lynn about 6pm was very busy but it is still the holiday period. I wonder how it will be once the schools open!
Today we managed a 16 mile walk and an evening walk across the fields. Lovely sunsets on the right and parachute drops on the left, bizarre! To top it off the cats were out in force this evening. Lining up beside the ditches and hedgerows waiting for field mice i expect as the harvesting is still underway.
September and i am getting concerned about the crows, hardly any to be seen but we do seem to have huge increase in the gull population, i wonder if the re is any connection? will think about that one!
Toms been to see us twice today, once on the way home from work and another after a game of golf! Tomorrow hes off out with friends to Cannock Chase. Pleased to see him enjoying himself at last!
I am now going to tuck myself up with a cup of tea and watch the last disc of Series1 Game of Thrones. Reading the books and just about to start book 4.
Tomorrow i will cook a nice Sunday roast and Tim's going to come out with me in the evening so i can have a run. My friends away and Tim doesn't want me to run alone, oh he will be on a cycle!
I wonder how we will get on. Ah well tomorrow is another day........................
Thursday was mind blowing. I didn't stop until 1630 and i had hoped to be away from work at 4pm as i had spent so much time travelling the two days previous.
Still lovely people and the home is enormous!! 105 beds on two floors. Managed to get lost on more that one occasion. I expect i will get used to it. I hope so anyway.
Just got home in time to change and cycle to training. No time to stretch always a bad thing for me. Still, had a decent run for me these days 5.6 miles in an hour! Once my knee is done i will not be able to run for a few weeks! just as I'm starting to get back to lasting the distance.
Friday was much the same, still trying to find my way around the home and getting used to the staff. They have made me welcome and I'm looking forward to returning on Monday. I also managed to get a new chair! To say i felt intimidated by a chair is an understatement it was huge. My predecessor was a very big man. My feet didn't touch the floor!
The travelling is a bit tiresome but i will adjust I'm sure. Friday evening home from Lynn about 6pm was very busy but it is still the holiday period. I wonder how it will be once the schools open!
Today we managed a 16 mile walk and an evening walk across the fields. Lovely sunsets on the right and parachute drops on the left, bizarre! To top it off the cats were out in force this evening. Lining up beside the ditches and hedgerows waiting for field mice i expect as the harvesting is still underway.
September and i am getting concerned about the crows, hardly any to be seen but we do seem to have huge increase in the gull population, i wonder if the re is any connection? will think about that one!
Toms been to see us twice today, once on the way home from work and another after a game of golf! Tomorrow hes off out with friends to Cannock Chase. Pleased to see him enjoying himself at last!
I am now going to tuck myself up with a cup of tea and watch the last disc of Series1 Game of Thrones. Reading the books and just about to start book 4.
Tomorrow i will cook a nice Sunday roast and Tim's going to come out with me in the evening so i can have a run. My friends away and Tim doesn't want me to run alone, oh he will be on a cycle!
I wonder how we will get on. Ah well tomorrow is another day........................
Wednesday 29 August 2012
Day 750
Home again, home again jiggedy jig! phew. and what a day today proved to be. Oh my word!!
Early start again and managed to get some photos of the sunrise, not as spectacular as yesterday but at least i tried. Taking photos from the car had other drivers slow up thinking they had been caught by the near by speed cameras! Oops
Settled down with my book on the train ready for the off, oh must change at Cambridge, climbing all these stairs on the stations has played havoc with the knee and had it screaming with outrage at the pressures put on it these past two days!
Off to Liverpool street station and must remember to go to fenchurch and not Billericay!!!
More stairs!! and find a taxi. Not the most pleasant breed of people are they if you are not going long distances!!! still they are there to provide a service after all.
No time to wait and its off to Leigh on Sea. What a trip, stopped at every station i think but loads of seats. Managed to get to my destination on time! once discovering how far i needed to go it was another taxi!
The home i went to was outstanding, cant describe how lavish it was!!! But was ready to finish just after 2pm. That really played havoc with all my plans!!!!
Caught an early train to Fenchurch street, raining!!! negotiated my way out eventually and another taxi ride to Liverpool street station and straight onto a train to Cambridge. Not sure about getting connection to March but would worry about that later.
Sister Linda text me and then went onto net to find me connection times, what a star!!!
Safely home about an hour before i thought i would be.
This evening Tom came to see how i managed! and stayed till late. Lovely and now i am to be let lose by myself tomorrow.
I would imagine the staff will find it hard me coming into the home, they will not have a clue who i am or what to expect, having said that it will be just the same for me.
Funnily enough Tim said tonight how me being away and travelling all over made him think very much of Mikey and we both became a little emotional, its hard still not to become upset. The thing about today has been this feeling of anticipation, waiting, and its all to do with not having Mikey here to share everything with. The need to talk and tell him what i have been doing has been overwhelming and still now i just wish......................... Its not going to happen is it?
So i remain very tired and have another early start tomorrow, not as early i hasten to say but still..........
Do you know i think i need a run. I missed Tuesdays training. Ah well tomorrow is another day.............
Early start again and managed to get some photos of the sunrise, not as spectacular as yesterday but at least i tried. Taking photos from the car had other drivers slow up thinking they had been caught by the near by speed cameras! Oops
Settled down with my book on the train ready for the off, oh must change at Cambridge, climbing all these stairs on the stations has played havoc with the knee and had it screaming with outrage at the pressures put on it these past two days!
Off to Liverpool street station and must remember to go to fenchurch and not Billericay!!!
More stairs!! and find a taxi. Not the most pleasant breed of people are they if you are not going long distances!!! still they are there to provide a service after all.
No time to wait and its off to Leigh on Sea. What a trip, stopped at every station i think but loads of seats. Managed to get to my destination on time! once discovering how far i needed to go it was another taxi!
The home i went to was outstanding, cant describe how lavish it was!!! But was ready to finish just after 2pm. That really played havoc with all my plans!!!!
Caught an early train to Fenchurch street, raining!!! negotiated my way out eventually and another taxi ride to Liverpool street station and straight onto a train to Cambridge. Not sure about getting connection to March but would worry about that later.
Sister Linda text me and then went onto net to find me connection times, what a star!!!
Safely home about an hour before i thought i would be.
This evening Tom came to see how i managed! and stayed till late. Lovely and now i am to be let lose by myself tomorrow.
I would imagine the staff will find it hard me coming into the home, they will not have a clue who i am or what to expect, having said that it will be just the same for me.
Funnily enough Tim said tonight how me being away and travelling all over made him think very much of Mikey and we both became a little emotional, its hard still not to become upset. The thing about today has been this feeling of anticipation, waiting, and its all to do with not having Mikey here to share everything with. The need to talk and tell him what i have been doing has been overwhelming and still now i just wish......................... Its not going to happen is it?
So i remain very tired and have another early start tomorrow, not as early i hasten to say but still..........
Do you know i think i need a run. I missed Tuesdays training. Ah well tomorrow is another day.............
Tuesday 28 August 2012
Day 749
Making the time before i crawl into bed!!!
Up with the crack of dawn to make my way to Ely to catch the train to London.
It was glorious, seeing the sunrise instead of sunset made a pleasant change and how beautiful the start of the day was. We have no mountains here but this morning you could be forgiven for actually thinking we had. The early morning changes with the cloud formation dark on the horizon, we had our very own mountain range made of clouds. Mystical, especially with Ely cathedral pushing herself proudly through the early morning mist that was around Sutton. The sun gradually rising a Sharp silver halo to those clouds close by, the warmth already penetrating the damp soil and there we had it, smokey tendrils of moisture rising ever upwards. Amazing!
Manged to get on the right strain, change at Cambridge, and onto London Liverpool street. From there to Billericay.
I passed Stratford and there was the Olympic stadium. I gazed with wonder and for the first time it actually hit home that i had run there in that very place. I could hardly believe it. The journey itself was tinged with sadness and made me think very much of Mikey.
It was however the journey home that nearly had me weeping into my book.
A young family boarded the train at Stratford and the little boy was the sweetest of children. He glanced over and smiled. That was it i so envied the parents and thought how much joy our children gave us when they were that age. I desperately wanted to say treasure these moments because once gone they truly cannot be recovered, never to return again. But who wants to be told that!! i would have thought they were bonkers if i had be approached like that!
The day itself was mind numbing, so much to take in the brain went into overload. Impossible to absorb all the information. Didn't manage to get it all done but i was told that some one from head office would come to see me and go over what was missed. Lovely people and made me feel very welcome. Oh and i took some photos just to convince myself and everyone else, that yes i did manage to get to destination and return! Oh and no sign of the Lion!!!
So I'm exhausted!!! and ready for bed, so only a short one tonight, but tomorrow is another day....................
Up with the crack of dawn to make my way to Ely to catch the train to London.
It was glorious, seeing the sunrise instead of sunset made a pleasant change and how beautiful the start of the day was. We have no mountains here but this morning you could be forgiven for actually thinking we had. The early morning changes with the cloud formation dark on the horizon, we had our very own mountain range made of clouds. Mystical, especially with Ely cathedral pushing herself proudly through the early morning mist that was around Sutton. The sun gradually rising a Sharp silver halo to those clouds close by, the warmth already penetrating the damp soil and there we had it, smokey tendrils of moisture rising ever upwards. Amazing!
Manged to get on the right strain, change at Cambridge, and onto London Liverpool street. From there to Billericay.
I passed Stratford and there was the Olympic stadium. I gazed with wonder and for the first time it actually hit home that i had run there in that very place. I could hardly believe it. The journey itself was tinged with sadness and made me think very much of Mikey.
It was however the journey home that nearly had me weeping into my book.
A young family boarded the train at Stratford and the little boy was the sweetest of children. He glanced over and smiled. That was it i so envied the parents and thought how much joy our children gave us when they were that age. I desperately wanted to say treasure these moments because once gone they truly cannot be recovered, never to return again. But who wants to be told that!! i would have thought they were bonkers if i had be approached like that!
The day itself was mind numbing, so much to take in the brain went into overload. Impossible to absorb all the information. Didn't manage to get it all done but i was told that some one from head office would come to see me and go over what was missed. Lovely people and made me feel very welcome. Oh and i took some photos just to convince myself and everyone else, that yes i did manage to get to destination and return! Oh and no sign of the Lion!!!
So I'm exhausted!!! and ready for bed, so only a short one tonight, but tomorrow is another day....................
Monday 27 August 2012
Day 748
It could only happen to me!!! Off to Essex tomorrow only to discover there is a Lion on the loose!!! whats the betting i don't come face to face with it. Mikey you would be laughing now and no doubt sending worrying messages!!!
I'm all ready i think, lots to learn so a mix of anticipation and anxiety! still nothing ventured so they say!!! Rail cards, maps, time tables etc and and camera just in case i see the lion! all in my Mary Poppins bag.
Cant explain how much i value all the messages i have received, makes me feel loved!! that's a special gift that only people can give isn't it. Makes you think that there is hope for the human race after all. I know there is one person who reads this blog and she lives across the other side of the world. I love her messages and i think its amazing that she takes the time to offer support and share her wonderful photos and stories with me.
Bought myself a cycle helmet today, i look a right Dilly but the roads are getting so busy now. Tim said i looked OK but well i wonder............
Sister Jen, oh dear, chatted to her today to see how her running went and I'm sitting here smiling just thinking about what occurred and i really shouldn't! I'm sure she wont mind me sharing. So off she goes last week, locking everything up, including her husband in the garden. This lead to him climbing over the garden wall, fracturing his heel and Jen going to A and E instead of her run!! In their 60,s can you picture it??? Its not funny is it? still smiling..................
Been for a run tonight with my buddy, her language was quite choice when i told her how far we was going to go, not what you would expect from someone of her social standing!!!! So we compromised and had a ride as well afterwards!.
So to bed its getting late and i have to be up really early, why am i worrying after all tomorrow is another day.....................
I'm all ready i think, lots to learn so a mix of anticipation and anxiety! still nothing ventured so they say!!! Rail cards, maps, time tables etc and and camera just in case i see the lion! all in my Mary Poppins bag.
Cant explain how much i value all the messages i have received, makes me feel loved!! that's a special gift that only people can give isn't it. Makes you think that there is hope for the human race after all. I know there is one person who reads this blog and she lives across the other side of the world. I love her messages and i think its amazing that she takes the time to offer support and share her wonderful photos and stories with me.
Bought myself a cycle helmet today, i look a right Dilly but the roads are getting so busy now. Tim said i looked OK but well i wonder............
Sister Jen, oh dear, chatted to her today to see how her running went and I'm sitting here smiling just thinking about what occurred and i really shouldn't! I'm sure she wont mind me sharing. So off she goes last week, locking everything up, including her husband in the garden. This lead to him climbing over the garden wall, fracturing his heel and Jen going to A and E instead of her run!! In their 60,s can you picture it??? Its not funny is it? still smiling..................
Been for a run tonight with my buddy, her language was quite choice when i told her how far we was going to go, not what you would expect from someone of her social standing!!!! So we compromised and had a ride as well afterwards!.
So to bed its getting late and i have to be up really early, why am i worrying after all tomorrow is another day.....................
Sunday 26 August 2012
Day 746/747
Ah well it didn't last but still not too tardy! Making the most of tonight as i will be hitting the sack early for the next few days. Early starts! Need to be in Ely for the 0545 train!!! jeez i hope i get up!!
Day in the garden again, making the most of the last few days peace and quiet, catching up on some reading, doing some studying! and out for a ride this evening. Nothing interesting.
I had fab afternoon yesterday shopping, cant believe i spent so much on a bag, but sometimes you just have to push the boat out. Um but i think was pushing and baling at the same time!! Then i hit Marks and Sparks, Per Una , love it. So did they yesterday.
Storms oh my word, we had hours of thunder and lightening and torrential rain. I dodged the showers in the City but got caught on the cycle ride home from the station! Still hey ho it was worth it. No Tim waiting and tutting outside the shops, lovely!
There was some localised flooding and houses in Knights End had sandbags at the doors so must have been bad. I did take loads of photos of the lightning but sadly must have missed each time. Ah well practise makes perfect.
I then spent a bit of time checking the routes of my days out this week. Oh my good gracious, I'm bound to get lost. Me lose in London alone! really doesn't bear thinking about. I still get lost when i go out on my training runs!
Knee was rather sore yesterday. I think it was all the stairs i climbed at the stations, need to do some stretching tomorrow. I'm off for a run tomorrow instead of Tuesday as i will not be home in time. Lets hope i manage Thursday.
Lovely chat with friend on line, i have missed her company and must try to meet up outside of working hours.
Today is the last day of my just giving page, and i will have to contact Papworth again to let them know. I will then have a cheque apparently to have photo taken with for hand over to the CF unit. Not sure when that will be.
Cant believe that we will hear in October if we are successful in the London Marathon ballot. I will try and raise money for Papworth again, but its so hard these days as everyone is struggling with the cost of living.
So to bed, Mikey this week is going to be really interesting!!!! but for now tomorrow is another day........................................
Day in the garden again, making the most of the last few days peace and quiet, catching up on some reading, doing some studying! and out for a ride this evening. Nothing interesting.
I had fab afternoon yesterday shopping, cant believe i spent so much on a bag, but sometimes you just have to push the boat out. Um but i think was pushing and baling at the same time!! Then i hit Marks and Sparks, Per Una , love it. So did they yesterday.
Storms oh my word, we had hours of thunder and lightening and torrential rain. I dodged the showers in the City but got caught on the cycle ride home from the station! Still hey ho it was worth it. No Tim waiting and tutting outside the shops, lovely!
There was some localised flooding and houses in Knights End had sandbags at the doors so must have been bad. I did take loads of photos of the lightning but sadly must have missed each time. Ah well practise makes perfect.
I then spent a bit of time checking the routes of my days out this week. Oh my good gracious, I'm bound to get lost. Me lose in London alone! really doesn't bear thinking about. I still get lost when i go out on my training runs!
Knee was rather sore yesterday. I think it was all the stairs i climbed at the stations, need to do some stretching tomorrow. I'm off for a run tomorrow instead of Tuesday as i will not be home in time. Lets hope i manage Thursday.
Lovely chat with friend on line, i have missed her company and must try to meet up outside of working hours.
Today is the last day of my just giving page, and i will have to contact Papworth again to let them know. I will then have a cheque apparently to have photo taken with for hand over to the CF unit. Not sure when that will be.
Cant believe that we will hear in October if we are successful in the London Marathon ballot. I will try and raise money for Papworth again, but its so hard these days as everyone is struggling with the cost of living.
So to bed, Mikey this week is going to be really interesting!!!! but for now tomorrow is another day........................................
Friday 24 August 2012
Day 745
Well its a bit late but at least i made it before bed. Next week however may be a little different. But interesting I'm sure.
Today i had a visit from a friend from ex work and she returned some of my belongings at last! but shes off on hols now but lovely to see her even if it was just briefly over the gate so to speak.
I at last heard from my new job and confirmed times etc for Tues!! rather nervous and yet looking forward to a new challenge. Challenges a plenty and that's just travelling for my induction.
I think its fair to say my sense of direction is a tad flawed so deary me how i will cope next week i really do not know. Thursday and Friday will be fine its Tuesday and Wednesday that's the problem.
Tuesday i have to be in Billericay!!! looked at the drive and its down near where Mikey lived, cant face that journey by myself. We came that way when i was training earlier in the year and it really upset me. We didn't go down very often at all because Tim hated the M25. To late to wish we had now.
Wednesday i have to be in Leigh on Sea!! near Southend. Never been that far South before so how i will cope crossing London alone well it bemuses me. Still I'm sure i will manage. I expect to be tired. Leave Ely just after 5 and get home at 8pm so i will fall into bed Tuesday night and out the next morning.
The following week its Ipswich and then two weeks later i think its Oxford!!!
Had all my papers sent through today and my word looks like i will be busy! After the trials and tribulations since June i can feel a little relieved.
I can feel another shopping day coming on!!!
Had another visitor later in the day now that was a surprise.
So Mikey lots of changes and I'm certainly doing something different each month. I wondered what i would do when the Marathon in May was completed but i need not have worried! June uncertainty about work and at home. July finished work. August start new job!!!! Not sure what September will bring but October op on cartilages. Then we will see!! in the meantime, tomorrow is another day.............
Today i had a visit from a friend from ex work and she returned some of my belongings at last! but shes off on hols now but lovely to see her even if it was just briefly over the gate so to speak.
I at last heard from my new job and confirmed times etc for Tues!! rather nervous and yet looking forward to a new challenge. Challenges a plenty and that's just travelling for my induction.
I think its fair to say my sense of direction is a tad flawed so deary me how i will cope next week i really do not know. Thursday and Friday will be fine its Tuesday and Wednesday that's the problem.
Tuesday i have to be in Billericay!!! looked at the drive and its down near where Mikey lived, cant face that journey by myself. We came that way when i was training earlier in the year and it really upset me. We didn't go down very often at all because Tim hated the M25. To late to wish we had now.
Wednesday i have to be in Leigh on Sea!! near Southend. Never been that far South before so how i will cope crossing London alone well it bemuses me. Still I'm sure i will manage. I expect to be tired. Leave Ely just after 5 and get home at 8pm so i will fall into bed Tuesday night and out the next morning.
The following week its Ipswich and then two weeks later i think its Oxford!!!
Had all my papers sent through today and my word looks like i will be busy! After the trials and tribulations since June i can feel a little relieved.
I can feel another shopping day coming on!!!
Had another visitor later in the day now that was a surprise.
So Mikey lots of changes and I'm certainly doing something different each month. I wondered what i would do when the Marathon in May was completed but i need not have worried! June uncertainty about work and at home. July finished work. August start new job!!!! Not sure what September will bring but October op on cartilages. Then we will see!! in the meantime, tomorrow is another day.............
Thursday 23 August 2012
Day 744
Yes I'm here again! cant quite get my head around the fact I'm keeping up to date!
Not sure whats happening with this blinking computer but will have to have it seen to. My resistance must be low because I'm getting loads of virus,s!
So nothing really remarkable has occurred today! Another quiet morning followed by an afternoon shopping! yay just love it. A quiet afternoon sorting photos, and a visit from Tom before my run. So all in all today passed by as it usually does.
Driving to Lynn this afternoon gave me time to reflect on the seasons. The leaves are already starting to drop but the crows remain quite elusive and I'm not sure what that means. No raucous noises from the trees or the surrounding fields. Very strange.
The bird we found yesterday was just sitting on the road with some leaves and i missed it initially. Tim spotted it, as it was well camouflaged.
The tarmac roads are cracking badly. Not sure if this is due to the weather and dryness or due to heavy traffic use. The roads around here are far busier than they ever used to be.
I wonder what our Autumn and winter will be like. I move to quickly into the advancing year!
Still haven't heard about travel arrangements etc for next week. If nothing tomorrow then i will call an check but it is now very close to the time I'm due to start. I hate rushing arrangements.
Another friend has contacted me which is wonderful, she no longer works where i did and has made good career choice. I'm not alone!!
Tom was impressed with the quality of the photos i took yesterday so i must continue to practise. I understand its all in the eye!
Tonight's run went really well, in fact better than pre marathon, just need to keep it up. What a shame its happened so close to the op! I know i will be set back again in the winter. Tonight though i was pushed and i thought not sure if i will complete this, but i made the commitment once i was running on the other side of the river. Amazed at my time 6.2 miles 1hr 09mins! cracking for me. Now I'm worn out. Lets hope Sundays run is good too! I was told that the body takes some time to recover from the demands of a Marathon and i can certainly support that notion. You really do get a buzz from a good run.
How nice it is to end the day with positive thoughts. I never know when those dark days will happen, but when they do its so grim. Everything becomes grey and you are just going through the motions of living. Mikey would never have wanted us to feel like that. No one has ever come back and told us what its like after death, i wonder if Stephen Hawkins view is correct. He believes we are just computers and when we die the switch is off and there is nothing at all. Gone no afterlife just gone!! Cold thought and whilst i am not religious i do have to believe in something. It may be that I'm wrong but in order to cope with loss we do what we can to get through. I cannot accept that all what Mikey was has no significance and no meaning. He contributed so much and his memories are an essence that keeps us going. So Stephen Hawkins, clever man you may well be but have you no soul? perhaps that's a debate for another day!
After that i remain positive and my shopping bags are calling me. I need a quick reminder of my purchases! Now what was it, um new skirt! will i ever wear it? new shoes, now there is a surprise! new top, um different for me but i do need to change my look. Ah i will say about toms comment in a sec. Running socks, they even have L and R on so i don't get in a muddle!!!! Yet again i was taking the wrong route whilst running tonight and needed calling back!
I cant remember if i wrote this in one of my earlier blogs this week, i may have done but i have never been back and read any of the blogs. Maybe i will one day but certainly not now.
Anyway i said i would like a little convertible for me!! Tom laughed and said not a good idea mum as your cheeks will flap against the trees as you go past them. Don't you love them really!!! i appear to be an item of ridicule!! Earlier Tim and Tom checked some pictures of me running. Tim said when did you get that green top? i had to look because i haven't got a green top. It was a rather large gentleman that runs for another club and yes, i was behind him but passed him on the next bend!! Beasts both of them as they laughed their heads off!
Well to browse and bed, and not worry about work, after all tomorrow is another day................
Not sure whats happening with this blinking computer but will have to have it seen to. My resistance must be low because I'm getting loads of virus,s!
So nothing really remarkable has occurred today! Another quiet morning followed by an afternoon shopping! yay just love it. A quiet afternoon sorting photos, and a visit from Tom before my run. So all in all today passed by as it usually does.
Driving to Lynn this afternoon gave me time to reflect on the seasons. The leaves are already starting to drop but the crows remain quite elusive and I'm not sure what that means. No raucous noises from the trees or the surrounding fields. Very strange.
The bird we found yesterday was just sitting on the road with some leaves and i missed it initially. Tim spotted it, as it was well camouflaged.
The tarmac roads are cracking badly. Not sure if this is due to the weather and dryness or due to heavy traffic use. The roads around here are far busier than they ever used to be.
I wonder what our Autumn and winter will be like. I move to quickly into the advancing year!
Still haven't heard about travel arrangements etc for next week. If nothing tomorrow then i will call an check but it is now very close to the time I'm due to start. I hate rushing arrangements.
Another friend has contacted me which is wonderful, she no longer works where i did and has made good career choice. I'm not alone!!
Tom was impressed with the quality of the photos i took yesterday so i must continue to practise. I understand its all in the eye!
Tonight's run went really well, in fact better than pre marathon, just need to keep it up. What a shame its happened so close to the op! I know i will be set back again in the winter. Tonight though i was pushed and i thought not sure if i will complete this, but i made the commitment once i was running on the other side of the river. Amazed at my time 6.2 miles 1hr 09mins! cracking for me. Now I'm worn out. Lets hope Sundays run is good too! I was told that the body takes some time to recover from the demands of a Marathon and i can certainly support that notion. You really do get a buzz from a good run.
How nice it is to end the day with positive thoughts. I never know when those dark days will happen, but when they do its so grim. Everything becomes grey and you are just going through the motions of living. Mikey would never have wanted us to feel like that. No one has ever come back and told us what its like after death, i wonder if Stephen Hawkins view is correct. He believes we are just computers and when we die the switch is off and there is nothing at all. Gone no afterlife just gone!! Cold thought and whilst i am not religious i do have to believe in something. It may be that I'm wrong but in order to cope with loss we do what we can to get through. I cannot accept that all what Mikey was has no significance and no meaning. He contributed so much and his memories are an essence that keeps us going. So Stephen Hawkins, clever man you may well be but have you no soul? perhaps that's a debate for another day!
After that i remain positive and my shopping bags are calling me. I need a quick reminder of my purchases! Now what was it, um new skirt! will i ever wear it? new shoes, now there is a surprise! new top, um different for me but i do need to change my look. Ah i will say about toms comment in a sec. Running socks, they even have L and R on so i don't get in a muddle!!!! Yet again i was taking the wrong route whilst running tonight and needed calling back!
I cant remember if i wrote this in one of my earlier blogs this week, i may have done but i have never been back and read any of the blogs. Maybe i will one day but certainly not now.
Anyway i said i would like a little convertible for me!! Tom laughed and said not a good idea mum as your cheeks will flap against the trees as you go past them. Don't you love them really!!! i appear to be an item of ridicule!! Earlier Tim and Tom checked some pictures of me running. Tim said when did you get that green top? i had to look because i haven't got a green top. It was a rather large gentleman that runs for another club and yes, i was behind him but passed him on the next bend!! Beasts both of them as they laughed their heads off!
Well to browse and bed, and not worry about work, after all tomorrow is another day................
Wednesday 22 August 2012
Day 743
I'm getting good at this. I seem to be on a bit of a roll.
After the trials of yesterday and the fence work, today has been rather relaxing! In fact its been a good day.
Lazy morning followed by lunch in the garden. Catching up on emails and messages. A stroll to town and browsing through nick knacks. a lovely chat with a fellow local, that's a novelty these days.
Watching Farkle run and win! what a good horse he is and then a gentle walk taking some photos and trying out the bigger lens!
By now it was late evening, time for sitting down and chatting! how Tim hates the computer. I watch him look at it as if its some alien entity that has taken root in our home, something to plan to destroy at a later date. He hasn't yet worked out how to get past the female guardian of the wretched thing! Ah well pay back time me thinks.
Still waiting for confirmation about next week. If not heard by Friday morning i will assume that all the paperwork not back yet. So frustrating the waiting. Cant plan!!
Had a message from another of Mikey's friends today and it was lovely but sad knowing that she too is /was a parent of a young man with CF. 5 years and she misses her son more than ever. Did make me feel normal in a strange way!
How many times have i mentioned in this blog that i love the fens. Yet again she put on such a display for me that the camera was going off on its own!! I have Mikey to thank for that. I hope a hobby i will continue with into my old age, well until i cannot get out and about anyway.
So i will put some pics on, because it feels right.
Work in progress
not too bad just needs treating now!
Harvesting
the birds came out so clearly
Oooh its getting really late best get to bed, can always put some more on later, after all tomorrow is another day.............................................
After the trials of yesterday and the fence work, today has been rather relaxing! In fact its been a good day.
Lazy morning followed by lunch in the garden. Catching up on emails and messages. A stroll to town and browsing through nick knacks. a lovely chat with a fellow local, that's a novelty these days.
Watching Farkle run and win! what a good horse he is and then a gentle walk taking some photos and trying out the bigger lens!
By now it was late evening, time for sitting down and chatting! how Tim hates the computer. I watch him look at it as if its some alien entity that has taken root in our home, something to plan to destroy at a later date. He hasn't yet worked out how to get past the female guardian of the wretched thing! Ah well pay back time me thinks.
Still waiting for confirmation about next week. If not heard by Friday morning i will assume that all the paperwork not back yet. So frustrating the waiting. Cant plan!!
Had a message from another of Mikey's friends today and it was lovely but sad knowing that she too is /was a parent of a young man with CF. 5 years and she misses her son more than ever. Did make me feel normal in a strange way!
How many times have i mentioned in this blog that i love the fens. Yet again she put on such a display for me that the camera was going off on its own!! I have Mikey to thank for that. I hope a hobby i will continue with into my old age, well until i cannot get out and about anyway.
So i will put some pics on, because it feels right.
Work in progress
not too bad just needs treating now!
the birds came out so clearly
Oooh its getting really late best get to bed, can always put some more on later, after all tomorrow is another day.............................................
Tuesday 21 August 2012
Day 741,742
Well it didn't last did it! still missing one day isn't so bad.
So busy yesterday building the fence and the saga continues! Nothing ever easy or simple in my life.
Up early in order to collect supplies to get cracking. Um those nails, should be with heads or without! both afterall men can never tell you exactly what they want and um why don't they go themselves it would make life so much more simple. Still as i said , not in this household.
On my return work in progress and one slat standing alone, um now that doesn't look too promising. The thought was that rather than dismantle the existing fence and use the slats which are the correct size to see if i could buy some more and that way still keep the fence up whilst new one being built. OK so off i go on my bike, the traffic horrendous just outside and there are traffic lights and workmen out in force. Get to DIY no slats but a 6 foot ready prepared piece not what we wanted but easier and cheaper to dismantle the new piece. Now I'm not too good on a bike at the best of times and trying to balance a 6ftx3ft piece on the handlebars was too risky even for me . So i may as well carry it home. You can imagine it cant you. It could only be a woman that carries her own garden fence through the high street to stop and talk over it. The looks and comments i got were varied! does no one walk or carry things anymore!
Husband waiting as i walk down the drive, wheres your bike! needless to say it was hot and sticky and i felt a heatwave rage come on, quietly simmering just below the surface.
Work quickly began on dismantling it. Cup of tea, and by the way i need some bolts and a bit of creosote!!! excuse me what was that!
Sipping the tea and beginning to feel refreshed decided the best way forward and which route to go to the shops after all this time i may be best going to the local hardware store.
3 shops later i managed to get all said requirements and i hadn't managed to get my bits. That would have to be later then.
Bolts appear not to be quite long enough. Oh and why is that i as??? rage now simmering gently over the sides in buckets of heavily dripped sarcasm i asked if it would ave been better to go himself as i had had every bolt off the displays only to discover the bit sticking out was the same what ever the size you buy!! it was then that the hack saw was suggested. Time for male species to back off!!! a dangerous breed is the female species when seriously miffed!
Oh and did i mention the long walk back to collect my bike, um i thought not.
Late afternoon work complete! and i was exhausted, what was that? had i booked the car in for a service grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Late afternoon tea in the garden and a late night walk out with Duke and the day was done, well not quite because whilst doing some research found some very interesting news.
Yay, yippee, handstands, cartwheels etc etc, who was it that says revenge is a dish best served cold!!! well i enjoyed a lovely slice last night and savouring a little more today. Delicious!
A slightly different day today. Visitors this morning bought Ti ms sister and husband to the door. The first time i have been in the house the same time as them since before Mikey's funeral. Quite strange really. Still the morning had gone before i knew it, lunch and then a ride out before running was the plan. Mid lunch Tom arrived and stayed for most of the afternoon. Oh dear when Tim and Tom get bees in their bonnets its like a war zone and I'm stuck in the middle! why is it that no one wants to give ground. As a peacemaker, usually you upset one or the other. Time to run!!!!
Had a really good run tonight, a little cooler and the knee felt OK plus i was in the mood to burn off some energy! We made really good time tonight. Just to round the night off we had a ride through flagrass to cool the muscles down! The nights are really drawing in and we needed lights on at 2030hrs.
Still a little frosty at home! but quickly thawed and a pleasant evening watching the Queens mother in law. Fascinating story.
Mickeys friend told us during her visit that another of his friends was very poorly at the moment. How sad it is an how cruel CF is. If only we had a cure it would be wonderful. Its that thought and that situation that makes me realise just how insignificant everything else in life is. Live for the moment because tomorrow may never come!
But for the most of us mere mortals that's what we think about isn't it, today, tomorrow , yesterday. Every day i close my blog with the same words. But for me its just that, tomorrow is just another day..........................
So busy yesterday building the fence and the saga continues! Nothing ever easy or simple in my life.
Up early in order to collect supplies to get cracking. Um those nails, should be with heads or without! both afterall men can never tell you exactly what they want and um why don't they go themselves it would make life so much more simple. Still as i said , not in this household.
On my return work in progress and one slat standing alone, um now that doesn't look too promising. The thought was that rather than dismantle the existing fence and use the slats which are the correct size to see if i could buy some more and that way still keep the fence up whilst new one being built. OK so off i go on my bike, the traffic horrendous just outside and there are traffic lights and workmen out in force. Get to DIY no slats but a 6 foot ready prepared piece not what we wanted but easier and cheaper to dismantle the new piece. Now I'm not too good on a bike at the best of times and trying to balance a 6ftx3ft piece on the handlebars was too risky even for me . So i may as well carry it home. You can imagine it cant you. It could only be a woman that carries her own garden fence through the high street to stop and talk over it. The looks and comments i got were varied! does no one walk or carry things anymore!
Husband waiting as i walk down the drive, wheres your bike! needless to say it was hot and sticky and i felt a heatwave rage come on, quietly simmering just below the surface.
Work quickly began on dismantling it. Cup of tea, and by the way i need some bolts and a bit of creosote!!! excuse me what was that!
Sipping the tea and beginning to feel refreshed decided the best way forward and which route to go to the shops after all this time i may be best going to the local hardware store.
3 shops later i managed to get all said requirements and i hadn't managed to get my bits. That would have to be later then.
Bolts appear not to be quite long enough. Oh and why is that i as??? rage now simmering gently over the sides in buckets of heavily dripped sarcasm i asked if it would ave been better to go himself as i had had every bolt off the displays only to discover the bit sticking out was the same what ever the size you buy!! it was then that the hack saw was suggested. Time for male species to back off!!! a dangerous breed is the female species when seriously miffed!
Oh and did i mention the long walk back to collect my bike, um i thought not.
Late afternoon work complete! and i was exhausted, what was that? had i booked the car in for a service grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Late afternoon tea in the garden and a late night walk out with Duke and the day was done, well not quite because whilst doing some research found some very interesting news.
Yay, yippee, handstands, cartwheels etc etc, who was it that says revenge is a dish best served cold!!! well i enjoyed a lovely slice last night and savouring a little more today. Delicious!
A slightly different day today. Visitors this morning bought Ti ms sister and husband to the door. The first time i have been in the house the same time as them since before Mikey's funeral. Quite strange really. Still the morning had gone before i knew it, lunch and then a ride out before running was the plan. Mid lunch Tom arrived and stayed for most of the afternoon. Oh dear when Tim and Tom get bees in their bonnets its like a war zone and I'm stuck in the middle! why is it that no one wants to give ground. As a peacemaker, usually you upset one or the other. Time to run!!!!
Had a really good run tonight, a little cooler and the knee felt OK plus i was in the mood to burn off some energy! We made really good time tonight. Just to round the night off we had a ride through flagrass to cool the muscles down! The nights are really drawing in and we needed lights on at 2030hrs.
Still a little frosty at home! but quickly thawed and a pleasant evening watching the Queens mother in law. Fascinating story.
Mickeys friend told us during her visit that another of his friends was very poorly at the moment. How sad it is an how cruel CF is. If only we had a cure it would be wonderful. Its that thought and that situation that makes me realise just how insignificant everything else in life is. Live for the moment because tomorrow may never come!
But for the most of us mere mortals that's what we think about isn't it, today, tomorrow , yesterday. Every day i close my blog with the same words. But for me its just that, tomorrow is just another day..........................
Sunday 19 August 2012
Day 740
Yay!! another day managing to blog. Must be a record for some time.
Its been hot!oh my word, summer has flown in but the days are getting shorter so e cant enjoy the balmy evenings outside as well as we would like, ah well.
Today we did sit out listening to the cricket, love the commentary.
Tom arrived just in time for BBQ, Dukes first, it was hilarious watching him. Tom managed to get home last night OK but said, those lights, they don't light the road up! they are only good enough to let other road users I'm there! Well what could i say..............
Tom was saying how hot it is in his bungalow, well have you any fans, no they are still in Doncaster!!! a year on i hasten to say. So when he left he took our spare, lets hope tonight mine doesn't fail!!
The gate! yes we have said we needed to sort a new one for the car port, Duke is now managing to bend the hinges and before long he will be running down the road. So i decided to go and fetch some timber. Ha! bought it, having first gone down 5 layers on the stack to obtain what i thought were straight pieces and then reached the car, um would it fit. So glowing profusely i put the back seats down covered the car the best i could, still had the sheets in the car from decorating at Toms. Thank goodness for an estate!! driving home with the wood gradually slipping towards me as i negotiated round abouts! blessed things who's idea was that! Anyway reached home safely and started to unload! Husband appears. Yes!!! he eyes each piece and starts to inform me that they were not all straight, grrrrrrrrrr. Smiling nicely hinted that at least i had been but they could always go back if he wished!! Dd he need anything else no had everything. So off i went gain to collect the items i wanted for the afternoon. Shops close at 4pm and it as now 1540hrs! Friend phoned about our run and that was set for 7pm.
Home again and husband says, the nails are not long enough. Glancing casually at my watch i said oh dear the shops are closed. Silence...................
Set off tonight for my run but so hot, madness!! When i reached Sues we decided to cycle tonight so we managed 12 miles in just over an hour, not bad going i thought! By the time we finished it was getting dark and it looks as if we may need to start the early Sunday runs or go a bit earlier in the evening!
It will soon be dark for our training runs and then the frostbite season soon starts.
I'm going to try and download Keane's Strangeland album onto my ipod! tricky. Tom told me today i should not be in charge of equipment if i do not know how to use it. He threw his hands into the air earlier when he was explaining the Internet and computer. Just left me to it. I remember Mikey saying and doing just the same! Old dogs new tricks springs to mind!
Right i best go and try to get into bed before 3! i do seem to be having problems getting up in the mornings! oh and i need to check train times for next week, oh and i have clinic appointment at 11am! Nails! yes i suppose i will be traipsing to town for those as well. Ah well tomorrow is another day.........................
Its been hot!oh my word, summer has flown in but the days are getting shorter so e cant enjoy the balmy evenings outside as well as we would like, ah well.
Today we did sit out listening to the cricket, love the commentary.
Tom arrived just in time for BBQ, Dukes first, it was hilarious watching him. Tom managed to get home last night OK but said, those lights, they don't light the road up! they are only good enough to let other road users I'm there! Well what could i say..............
Tom was saying how hot it is in his bungalow, well have you any fans, no they are still in Doncaster!!! a year on i hasten to say. So when he left he took our spare, lets hope tonight mine doesn't fail!!
The gate! yes we have said we needed to sort a new one for the car port, Duke is now managing to bend the hinges and before long he will be running down the road. So i decided to go and fetch some timber. Ha! bought it, having first gone down 5 layers on the stack to obtain what i thought were straight pieces and then reached the car, um would it fit. So glowing profusely i put the back seats down covered the car the best i could, still had the sheets in the car from decorating at Toms. Thank goodness for an estate!! driving home with the wood gradually slipping towards me as i negotiated round abouts! blessed things who's idea was that! Anyway reached home safely and started to unload! Husband appears. Yes!!! he eyes each piece and starts to inform me that they were not all straight, grrrrrrrrrr. Smiling nicely hinted that at least i had been but they could always go back if he wished!! Dd he need anything else no had everything. So off i went gain to collect the items i wanted for the afternoon. Shops close at 4pm and it as now 1540hrs! Friend phoned about our run and that was set for 7pm.
Home again and husband says, the nails are not long enough. Glancing casually at my watch i said oh dear the shops are closed. Silence...................
Set off tonight for my run but so hot, madness!! When i reached Sues we decided to cycle tonight so we managed 12 miles in just over an hour, not bad going i thought! By the time we finished it was getting dark and it looks as if we may need to start the early Sunday runs or go a bit earlier in the evening!
It will soon be dark for our training runs and then the frostbite season soon starts.
I'm going to try and download Keane's Strangeland album onto my ipod! tricky. Tom told me today i should not be in charge of equipment if i do not know how to use it. He threw his hands into the air earlier when he was explaining the Internet and computer. Just left me to it. I remember Mikey saying and doing just the same! Old dogs new tricks springs to mind!
Right i best go and try to get into bed before 3! i do seem to be having problems getting up in the mornings! oh and i need to check train times for next week, oh and i have clinic appointment at 11am! Nails! yes i suppose i will be traipsing to town for those as well. Ah well tomorrow is another day.........................
Saturday 18 August 2012
Day 739
Wonders of wonders here i am again! Its been the hottest day of the year today and its still very warm.
Day in the garden. I noticed for the second day running no bird song, no bees hummimg and realised that this is the norm now. I cant remember a day when i have sat out and heard these normal summer day sounds. I wonder if its because the town has built up and the changes to our environment. Certainly nature seems to be drifting father away from us.
After we lost Mikey i still heard the owl outside his window that kept him awake nights at a time, but even he hasn't returned recently. I miss that screeching noise and the odd hoot.
My crows! they too have been very quite, i must get out and about more and see whats occurring.
This evening Tim took me out so i could see the harvest being gathered, i love this time of year from now until the end of October. The landscape is changing every day. The combines today were leaving clouds of dry dust in their wake and the horizon was scattered with these grimy coloured clouds. Tractors were moving at speed for a change, taking the crop to the silos, for the first time tonight i saw the grain store alight, farmers are working late it would appear. Only a few days of sunshine to get the crop in before the rain comes! I managed to get some snaps and will try and post them tomorrow. I have been busy all day, well at times during the day! printing off photos for my albums. Loads of them. Well we will not go there! i spent most of yesterdays blog reflecting the whys and where fores.
This evening Tom had me driving out to the back of beyond with some cycle lights!!! now who goes out in the evening unprepared. The things we do. I took the wrong turning, now that's about normal for me, no sense of direction hence my forthcoming travels will be by train! i thought Billericay was in Ireland, well not really but that's how bad i am! So a six point turn on a country lane with ditches on either side, not an experience i want to repeat! only to find him creeping about in the gloom trying to scare me witless when i found him! Some things don't change. Why he needs to be out in the sticks is beyond me but as he says, you have to try something different and i guess you do, but please, giving your mother a heart attack surely is a bit extreme!
Once he checked that there was batteries included! by using the headlights of the car, he announced he would see me tomorrow for dinner and he would be bringing his washing! I took that statement to be my marching orders! So i left him with his friends to fix the lights to his bike and eventually find his way home.
This time last week we were getting settled for the Wicken adventure how time really does fly.
Its still odd how i have these waves of sadness, followed by good memories of Mikey, never seem to have one without the other. Mike remains constantly in our minds and today he would have loved it. He would have been n his shorts, no socks with his trainers, laces undone, baseball hat and his shades! but that would have been on a good day and he didn't get many of those towards the end of his summer.
The computer is still playing up! full of Trojans that i swept out today still may have to have Dave back to sort it again. Tim will love that!
I'm going to watch another episode of the Game of Thrones whilst i stick my pics in order of dates in the books! I will then try to sleep, ah well tomorrow is another day................
Day in the garden. I noticed for the second day running no bird song, no bees hummimg and realised that this is the norm now. I cant remember a day when i have sat out and heard these normal summer day sounds. I wonder if its because the town has built up and the changes to our environment. Certainly nature seems to be drifting father away from us.
After we lost Mikey i still heard the owl outside his window that kept him awake nights at a time, but even he hasn't returned recently. I miss that screeching noise and the odd hoot.
My crows! they too have been very quite, i must get out and about more and see whats occurring.
This evening Tim took me out so i could see the harvest being gathered, i love this time of year from now until the end of October. The landscape is changing every day. The combines today were leaving clouds of dry dust in their wake and the horizon was scattered with these grimy coloured clouds. Tractors were moving at speed for a change, taking the crop to the silos, for the first time tonight i saw the grain store alight, farmers are working late it would appear. Only a few days of sunshine to get the crop in before the rain comes! I managed to get some snaps and will try and post them tomorrow. I have been busy all day, well at times during the day! printing off photos for my albums. Loads of them. Well we will not go there! i spent most of yesterdays blog reflecting the whys and where fores.
This evening Tom had me driving out to the back of beyond with some cycle lights!!! now who goes out in the evening unprepared. The things we do. I took the wrong turning, now that's about normal for me, no sense of direction hence my forthcoming travels will be by train! i thought Billericay was in Ireland, well not really but that's how bad i am! So a six point turn on a country lane with ditches on either side, not an experience i want to repeat! only to find him creeping about in the gloom trying to scare me witless when i found him! Some things don't change. Why he needs to be out in the sticks is beyond me but as he says, you have to try something different and i guess you do, but please, giving your mother a heart attack surely is a bit extreme!
Once he checked that there was batteries included! by using the headlights of the car, he announced he would see me tomorrow for dinner and he would be bringing his washing! I took that statement to be my marching orders! So i left him with his friends to fix the lights to his bike and eventually find his way home.
This time last week we were getting settled for the Wicken adventure how time really does fly.
Its still odd how i have these waves of sadness, followed by good memories of Mikey, never seem to have one without the other. Mike remains constantly in our minds and today he would have loved it. He would have been n his shorts, no socks with his trainers, laces undone, baseball hat and his shades! but that would have been on a good day and he didn't get many of those towards the end of his summer.
The computer is still playing up! full of Trojans that i swept out today still may have to have Dave back to sort it again. Tim will love that!
I'm going to watch another episode of the Game of Thrones whilst i stick my pics in order of dates in the books! I will then try to sleep, ah well tomorrow is another day................
Friday 17 August 2012
Day 738
How odd, this page just came up without me signing in. Must be in shock because I'm here the next day!!
Goodness its so warm, no air this evening. Lets hope i wake in the morning a pound lighter. I have my doubts about that though.
It remains hard to get motivated! the more time off work the less i think i want to start, on the other hand it is quite boring. I'm not used to it. 2 months off work and i haven't really done anything useful at all! i suppose once I'm back in working mode i will wish i had done more when i had the opportunity, ah well such is life.
I'm trying to put together some albums of my running, the Olympic run and marathon but i was questioning myself today who they are for? and why I'm doing it. Maybe they will be used in my later years to trigger my memories. Sad that that's all they will do. I'm a hoarder, the loft full of things that may come in useful sometime. That time never comes does it, so why on earth i continue to behave in the same manner bemuses me. Perhaps i should have a sort out, after all Tom will be left to do that at some stage and do i really want him to have that task. Like me he too is a hoarder and then he will be surrounded by a load of useless things that he will never look at even though he thinks he will!
The thought of some one else browsing through my knicker draw fills me with horror! So do i start throwing bits away? goodness my wardrobes, loft, cupboards etc are heaving with clothes that i may just get into some day. The chances are if that ever happens it will be the return of said fashion, possibly the third time round. I still have platform soled shoes in the loft from the 70's i suppose i could bring them down, i guess they are called retro now!
Isn't the mind a peculiar thing. How many of us sit a let our thoughts drift to the what ifs, the maybes and perhaps. We should just live day to day but we are a nation of planners, we plan for our weddings, our babies and our old age, why on earth are we so intent on passing our time away with useless things! Is it what makes us who we are? then there are times perhaps i could be someone else, but then i wouldn't be who i am or have the people in my life would i. You see a typical situation of time wasting!!!
I guess this blog has now changed to a diary, or has it. Its still my private place where i can shrug off the worries of the day and it has certainly kept me sane over the last two years. For that i thank Mikey who kept a blog and gave me the idea, so very long ago now it seems.
Thank goodness for Duke these last few weeks or i think we would have gone mad, Tim at least has something to do and something who depends on him for his well being, always good be needed. Maybe that's whats wrong with me at the moment, i don't feel needed.
I keep telling myself to get a grip, but as you can tell its not working!
Well i have read the books i wanted to read for ages and never had the time, watched the DVDs that i have been wanting to see, so I'm all caught up! what next!! i will no doubt be letting my mind drift when i crawl into bed at some godforsaken time. Wait for the eyelids to drop unaided, wake with the light on, specs on the nose still or under the armpits if I'm not so lucky. I have ruined so many pairs of specs that way recently, i have a hoard of those as well!! all colours.
Accessing FB is still problematic so i suppose my little computer man will have to be called out again! i have all the protection but these beastly viruses creep in undetected. I have to say it also makes me question the world we live in, how easy it is for all our information to be obtained by pressing a button. I wonder who has been scanning these pages, a bit like the knicker draw scenario ist it. Um food for thought, or nightmares if you think too hard.
Harvesting is going on all around us and the air is heavy with dust, i must try and get some photographs, we haven't been out for ages. I will suggest it to Tim tomorrow, depending on what time i get up!!!
Do you know i sit here looking at the fan wondering why on earth i haven't put it on. Wish we had air conditioning but i suppose it will be years before all houses are built with that as a normal feature.
Well Dukes asking to go out Tim's asleep, as usual so i best let him out, make a cup of tea and watch a movie! and try to sleep.
Ah well tomorrow is another day.......................
Goodness its so warm, no air this evening. Lets hope i wake in the morning a pound lighter. I have my doubts about that though.
It remains hard to get motivated! the more time off work the less i think i want to start, on the other hand it is quite boring. I'm not used to it. 2 months off work and i haven't really done anything useful at all! i suppose once I'm back in working mode i will wish i had done more when i had the opportunity, ah well such is life.
I'm trying to put together some albums of my running, the Olympic run and marathon but i was questioning myself today who they are for? and why I'm doing it. Maybe they will be used in my later years to trigger my memories. Sad that that's all they will do. I'm a hoarder, the loft full of things that may come in useful sometime. That time never comes does it, so why on earth i continue to behave in the same manner bemuses me. Perhaps i should have a sort out, after all Tom will be left to do that at some stage and do i really want him to have that task. Like me he too is a hoarder and then he will be surrounded by a load of useless things that he will never look at even though he thinks he will!
The thought of some one else browsing through my knicker draw fills me with horror! So do i start throwing bits away? goodness my wardrobes, loft, cupboards etc are heaving with clothes that i may just get into some day. The chances are if that ever happens it will be the return of said fashion, possibly the third time round. I still have platform soled shoes in the loft from the 70's i suppose i could bring them down, i guess they are called retro now!
Isn't the mind a peculiar thing. How many of us sit a let our thoughts drift to the what ifs, the maybes and perhaps. We should just live day to day but we are a nation of planners, we plan for our weddings, our babies and our old age, why on earth are we so intent on passing our time away with useless things! Is it what makes us who we are? then there are times perhaps i could be someone else, but then i wouldn't be who i am or have the people in my life would i. You see a typical situation of time wasting!!!
I guess this blog has now changed to a diary, or has it. Its still my private place where i can shrug off the worries of the day and it has certainly kept me sane over the last two years. For that i thank Mikey who kept a blog and gave me the idea, so very long ago now it seems.
Thank goodness for Duke these last few weeks or i think we would have gone mad, Tim at least has something to do and something who depends on him for his well being, always good be needed. Maybe that's whats wrong with me at the moment, i don't feel needed.
I keep telling myself to get a grip, but as you can tell its not working!
Well i have read the books i wanted to read for ages and never had the time, watched the DVDs that i have been wanting to see, so I'm all caught up! what next!! i will no doubt be letting my mind drift when i crawl into bed at some godforsaken time. Wait for the eyelids to drop unaided, wake with the light on, specs on the nose still or under the armpits if I'm not so lucky. I have ruined so many pairs of specs that way recently, i have a hoard of those as well!! all colours.
Accessing FB is still problematic so i suppose my little computer man will have to be called out again! i have all the protection but these beastly viruses creep in undetected. I have to say it also makes me question the world we live in, how easy it is for all our information to be obtained by pressing a button. I wonder who has been scanning these pages, a bit like the knicker draw scenario ist it. Um food for thought, or nightmares if you think too hard.
Harvesting is going on all around us and the air is heavy with dust, i must try and get some photographs, we haven't been out for ages. I will suggest it to Tim tomorrow, depending on what time i get up!!!
Do you know i sit here looking at the fan wondering why on earth i haven't put it on. Wish we had air conditioning but i suppose it will be years before all houses are built with that as a normal feature.
Well Dukes asking to go out Tim's asleep, as usual so i best let him out, make a cup of tea and watch a movie! and try to sleep.
Ah well tomorrow is another day.......................
Thursday 16 August 2012
DAYS 735-737
Um a daytime blog, i think this is a first!! Reason being my fb page has been phished so its damned hard to access even with the changes i have made!
So its been a strange 3 days, there seems to be a bit of a void in my life. I sit here and wait for something to happen or something to do, somewhere to go. I am missing Mikey in a most unusual way. Not with the overwhelming sadness but its like when i used to get home from work and get ready to go and visit, but the visit never happens! really strange.
Toms been spending a little more time with us, probably because he is on holiday this week.
Monday we had a lovely visit from Mikes friend maybe that's why i am remembering all sorts of things , not sure.
Race last night and oddly made the best time for a 5k for months! had my running legs on apparently! Taken off 3 minutes since my July race so that's fab!! long may it last. Just so frustrating that i have to wait till October now for my op. Get the results of the ballot for London Marathon in October as well. Fingers crossed. More training.
The weather is so warm again, however thank goodness last night was cooler following the rain. Traffic was bad and we got diverted, when we reached the meet we were practically thrown out of the car and put to the start! literally minutes before the klaxon sounded. No sign of Arthur tonight!!
Tim's just popped out across the fields with Duke who has now got an ear infection, may have a grass seed down there somewhere, back to vets in two weeks!
May add some more later if i can get access!!!
If not tomorrow is another day...................
So its been a strange 3 days, there seems to be a bit of a void in my life. I sit here and wait for something to happen or something to do, somewhere to go. I am missing Mikey in a most unusual way. Not with the overwhelming sadness but its like when i used to get home from work and get ready to go and visit, but the visit never happens! really strange.
Toms been spending a little more time with us, probably because he is on holiday this week.
Monday we had a lovely visit from Mikes friend maybe that's why i am remembering all sorts of things , not sure.
Race last night and oddly made the best time for a 5k for months! had my running legs on apparently! Taken off 3 minutes since my July race so that's fab!! long may it last. Just so frustrating that i have to wait till October now for my op. Get the results of the ballot for London Marathon in October as well. Fingers crossed. More training.
The weather is so warm again, however thank goodness last night was cooler following the rain. Traffic was bad and we got diverted, when we reached the meet we were practically thrown out of the car and put to the start! literally minutes before the klaxon sounded. No sign of Arthur tonight!!
Tim's just popped out across the fields with Duke who has now got an ear infection, may have a grass seed down there somewhere, back to vets in two weeks!
May add some more later if i can get access!!!
If not tomorrow is another day...................
Monday 13 August 2012
Day 730-734
Couldn't do it! just couldn't write my blog for the past few days. It didn't matter how often i sat here i was so reluctant to write.
I'm not sure what to do now, it seems as though everything w aid we would do, we now have and its really hard to find any motivation. Will it return, i hope so.
The Olympics was special to us and we watched avidly, rarely missing anything. Tom,. who had no interest found himself watching and enjoying the whole two weeks. Lovely to hear him and Tim discussing the events. It was always Mikey who would either pick up the phone and speak to his Dad or vice versa. Usually Mikey though.
How strange it was that the Olympics was on at this time when its hardest for us and the closing ceremony on his anniversary. It made the day in some way more bearable. Of course the Perseid meteor shower on the same day. A remarkable day all in all.
A day of smiles and a day of wonder.
We set out late on Saturday to Wicken Fen to catch the shower at its peak in the early hours of the 12th. An eventful night.
We arrived at Wicken to find my sister and her husband and youngest daughter waiting. I arrived with her eldest daughter and a friend. We donned our head torches, carried our seats and rucksacks and headed out into the darkness. I couldn't quite understand why i was not shining any light on the path ahead until i was told i was blinding everyone as mine was on upside down. How wonderful it was when put on correctly the vision improved and my way was clear! Traipsing through foliage and sticking to the path became an adventure. Water on one side and tress on the other, no railings on the bridge we crossed and scanty info from the web site. Last years visit cloudy in my memories! We picked our site, lovely bench and plenty of free space, silence, no not at all!! music blaring across the fen we sat listening to the sounds of Madness, Dexys Midnight Runners and all the rest of 70,s groups until a slow number came on and we knew it was coming to a close. We heard the DJ giving his closing words and then we could listen to the sounds of nature, or so we thought.
We watched the most amazing shooting star streak across the sky a glorious sight a meteor indeed, the wide fiery tail just wonderful, we all oohed and ahhhed at the spectacle.
So we had our hot coffee poured and ready for the next and then Hamish raised the alarm. Having earlier scared the girls with ghostly tails the reaction to the following event was and should not be seen as surprising!
With no lights on, pitch dark our hearing had obviously became more sensitive the noise Hamish heard and the gasp of there is someone on the path in front of us had us all swivelling on our seats and the old heart started to race, Can you see them i heard the noise. I said it was my friend Sue in her gum packet, turning to her i found an empty seat! it was in fact Sue having thought to herself she may see more standing, silently rose and stood on the path in front of us like a phantom!! The relief was instantaneous followed by loads of giggles and sips of coffee to calm the nerves. All seated and once again watching the sky. And then!!!
Seated with our heads tilted back and just hearing the ducks in the background and the sounds of the owls hunting and the rabbits screaming, an unusual noise, a crunching and a flash of light. Did anyone see that, once again all of us on the edges of our seats peering into the night. Where, over there is that someone walking. After some deliberation we decided no, but then, the light came back, first white then lower down a red glow, eyes??? no we wouldn't see eyes glowing, um Hamish's words came back as a sharp reminder. Did anyone else hear a whinny? no i thought i heard it and a sniffling noise, no surely not. Well there are some horse lose but not this side says Joy with some confidence!. Oops we heard about the enormous pond spiders, they were protected because they are as big as dinner plates so we were told!! no surely not! How odd that the imagination goes into overdrive at a rapid rate of notts!
The light began to move, its someone out there. Enough is enough so i switched my headlamp on and faced the foe. Cant let them know we are worried can we. Joy whispering frantically to turn it off. No everyone put theres on safety in numbers. Well it started to move towards us and then another. Has some one got a dog with them and a light on the collar i wondered. The light at the front was very high. Its a horse with a light on it!! no it cant be and as it got closer we saw several shapes outlined. Um more than one then as the light got closer we could see it was another group of people out to watch the stars. As the got closer we could see the cameras and bags of food. Oh look they have a take away, what a good idea. Foreign visitors speaking in heavily accented English. I thought they asked for the seat, i replied its taken. Hamish said something. They continued passed and set up came several yards away.Hamish said they said he though Perseid but to me it sounded like seat. Anyway once again we settled down to wait.
This time the sounds we heard were very real and very close and rather worrying. Lord only knew what was in store for us now. Stomping of very angry hooves, neighing and you could hear the snuffling noise of lips being blown out. We shone our torches across the field but could see nothing, the more light the more frantic the noise. Is it a wild boar someone said. Blooming heck surely not, now they are dangerous. The other group were also becoming restless. As a group we faced towards the noise yet again. After several minutes and another coffee we decided it was the horses and they were not too happy about being kept up so late. They were probably as scared as we were!! Mikey would have been roaring with laughter.
So yet again we settled to watch the show, whining , whining noises. Gnats. Hoods up to protect ourselves we looked a dangerous group of individuals!
All in all night and morning to remember as we tried to find our way back to the car park. I eventually got to bed at 5am.
Tom came round for lunch which was lovely for me to have him share our day.
Sue text about our Sunday run, so we did that. We decide to cycle to the prison, lock our bikes up and run through the pocket park, however when we reached the club house we spied a gap in the fence so we lifted the front of our cycle sup and made our way into the grounds, locked our cycles and went for a good run. Back to the club house and we decided to go for a ride as well. Home in time to watch the closing ceremony of the Olympics.
Tom came back to watch it with us. A good end to an eventful day. Mikey i think you would have been proud of us.
Sue, Joni, Olivia and Joy
Olivia, Joni and Me
Trying to get the lantern off the ground
Hamish dont let go, its too low
Phew
for you Mikey xx
And so, tomorrow is another day......................................
I'm not sure what to do now, it seems as though everything w aid we would do, we now have and its really hard to find any motivation. Will it return, i hope so.
The Olympics was special to us and we watched avidly, rarely missing anything. Tom,. who had no interest found himself watching and enjoying the whole two weeks. Lovely to hear him and Tim discussing the events. It was always Mikey who would either pick up the phone and speak to his Dad or vice versa. Usually Mikey though.
How strange it was that the Olympics was on at this time when its hardest for us and the closing ceremony on his anniversary. It made the day in some way more bearable. Of course the Perseid meteor shower on the same day. A remarkable day all in all.
A day of smiles and a day of wonder.
We set out late on Saturday to Wicken Fen to catch the shower at its peak in the early hours of the 12th. An eventful night.
We arrived at Wicken to find my sister and her husband and youngest daughter waiting. I arrived with her eldest daughter and a friend. We donned our head torches, carried our seats and rucksacks and headed out into the darkness. I couldn't quite understand why i was not shining any light on the path ahead until i was told i was blinding everyone as mine was on upside down. How wonderful it was when put on correctly the vision improved and my way was clear! Traipsing through foliage and sticking to the path became an adventure. Water on one side and tress on the other, no railings on the bridge we crossed and scanty info from the web site. Last years visit cloudy in my memories! We picked our site, lovely bench and plenty of free space, silence, no not at all!! music blaring across the fen we sat listening to the sounds of Madness, Dexys Midnight Runners and all the rest of 70,s groups until a slow number came on and we knew it was coming to a close. We heard the DJ giving his closing words and then we could listen to the sounds of nature, or so we thought.
We watched the most amazing shooting star streak across the sky a glorious sight a meteor indeed, the wide fiery tail just wonderful, we all oohed and ahhhed at the spectacle.
So we had our hot coffee poured and ready for the next and then Hamish raised the alarm. Having earlier scared the girls with ghostly tails the reaction to the following event was and should not be seen as surprising!
With no lights on, pitch dark our hearing had obviously became more sensitive the noise Hamish heard and the gasp of there is someone on the path in front of us had us all swivelling on our seats and the old heart started to race, Can you see them i heard the noise. I said it was my friend Sue in her gum packet, turning to her i found an empty seat! it was in fact Sue having thought to herself she may see more standing, silently rose and stood on the path in front of us like a phantom!! The relief was instantaneous followed by loads of giggles and sips of coffee to calm the nerves. All seated and once again watching the sky. And then!!!
Seated with our heads tilted back and just hearing the ducks in the background and the sounds of the owls hunting and the rabbits screaming, an unusual noise, a crunching and a flash of light. Did anyone see that, once again all of us on the edges of our seats peering into the night. Where, over there is that someone walking. After some deliberation we decided no, but then, the light came back, first white then lower down a red glow, eyes??? no we wouldn't see eyes glowing, um Hamish's words came back as a sharp reminder. Did anyone else hear a whinny? no i thought i heard it and a sniffling noise, no surely not. Well there are some horse lose but not this side says Joy with some confidence!. Oops we heard about the enormous pond spiders, they were protected because they are as big as dinner plates so we were told!! no surely not! How odd that the imagination goes into overdrive at a rapid rate of notts!
The light began to move, its someone out there. Enough is enough so i switched my headlamp on and faced the foe. Cant let them know we are worried can we. Joy whispering frantically to turn it off. No everyone put theres on safety in numbers. Well it started to move towards us and then another. Has some one got a dog with them and a light on the collar i wondered. The light at the front was very high. Its a horse with a light on it!! no it cant be and as it got closer we saw several shapes outlined. Um more than one then as the light got closer we could see it was another group of people out to watch the stars. As the got closer we could see the cameras and bags of food. Oh look they have a take away, what a good idea. Foreign visitors speaking in heavily accented English. I thought they asked for the seat, i replied its taken. Hamish said something. They continued passed and set up came several yards away.Hamish said they said he though Perseid but to me it sounded like seat. Anyway once again we settled down to wait.
This time the sounds we heard were very real and very close and rather worrying. Lord only knew what was in store for us now. Stomping of very angry hooves, neighing and you could hear the snuffling noise of lips being blown out. We shone our torches across the field but could see nothing, the more light the more frantic the noise. Is it a wild boar someone said. Blooming heck surely not, now they are dangerous. The other group were also becoming restless. As a group we faced towards the noise yet again. After several minutes and another coffee we decided it was the horses and they were not too happy about being kept up so late. They were probably as scared as we were!! Mikey would have been roaring with laughter.
So yet again we settled to watch the show, whining , whining noises. Gnats. Hoods up to protect ourselves we looked a dangerous group of individuals!
All in all night and morning to remember as we tried to find our way back to the car park. I eventually got to bed at 5am.
Tom came round for lunch which was lovely for me to have him share our day.
Sue text about our Sunday run, so we did that. We decide to cycle to the prison, lock our bikes up and run through the pocket park, however when we reached the club house we spied a gap in the fence so we lifted the front of our cycle sup and made our way into the grounds, locked our cycles and went for a good run. Back to the club house and we decided to go for a ride as well. Home in time to watch the closing ceremony of the Olympics.
Tom came back to watch it with us. A good end to an eventful day. Mikey i think you would have been proud of us.
Olivia, Joni and Me
Hamish dont let go, its too low
for you Mikey xx
And so, tomorrow is another day......................................
Wednesday 8 August 2012
Days 724-729
Its been a strange week. A week where i have desperately tried to keep busy and positive and yet it is without doubt one of the most difficult periods of the year.
So i have found my mood swinging from one extreme to the other.
The Olympics have been amazing and we know how much Mikey would have been enjoying them and making may a comment about the athletes prowess. The mens 100 metres a sure topic of conversation. So a sad time in many ways. The one good thing is that i have been able to watch them all and with no worries about time!
Misery has been relentless in her pursuit recently, she seems to have this instinct when you are at a low ebb and then attacks with such ferocity that i have been wrapped yet again in her black embrace. Often whilst driving! I cant begin to say how hard this week is, preparing the memorial for the paper, I'm only pleased that i had asked last year for the paper to keep my notice on file and then at least i didn't have to go through re reading it out over the phone, but just in case my friend found a copy on her computer and sent it to me. So very kind. Still that's done now until Friday when the Cambs Times is delivered and we will see it again in black and white.
We are going to Wicken Fen again this weekend to watch the Perseid Meteor shower and to set of some sky lanterns for Mikey, a few more of us going this year.
I have been for two interviews and been lucky to have been offered them both. I'm going for the one with the opportunity to do Diploma in Dementia and then a Degree. Not sure of start date, well that's because i haven't told them i have accepted! perhaps know more tomorrow! After all the turmoil of the last 8 weeks i do believe that all things happen for a reason and up to now it would appear that leaving my job has been the best thing for me. I didn't see it at the time but i know time will tell however I'm feeling positive. Looking forward to a new challenge!
Running, well i ran alone last night and managed 5.7 miles! so quite pleased but today the knee has been sore. Sister Jen went for a trial session with her local running club! goodness after watching me in one race it has inspired her to join the ranks of street runners. I hope she does well.
I have booked a place in the Great Eastern run and should be doing a half marathon but do wonder if i will be fit enough. I need to get some longer runs in now if i can manage it otherwise i will not be able to do it even if fit!!
Up to Doncaster all day today helping out at Toms, Duke has become quite a seasoned traveller!
I must remember camera, tripod and head light for the weekend! still i needn't worry about that now, after all Tomorrow is another day.........................
So i have found my mood swinging from one extreme to the other.
The Olympics have been amazing and we know how much Mikey would have been enjoying them and making may a comment about the athletes prowess. The mens 100 metres a sure topic of conversation. So a sad time in many ways. The one good thing is that i have been able to watch them all and with no worries about time!
Misery has been relentless in her pursuit recently, she seems to have this instinct when you are at a low ebb and then attacks with such ferocity that i have been wrapped yet again in her black embrace. Often whilst driving! I cant begin to say how hard this week is, preparing the memorial for the paper, I'm only pleased that i had asked last year for the paper to keep my notice on file and then at least i didn't have to go through re reading it out over the phone, but just in case my friend found a copy on her computer and sent it to me. So very kind. Still that's done now until Friday when the Cambs Times is delivered and we will see it again in black and white.
We are going to Wicken Fen again this weekend to watch the Perseid Meteor shower and to set of some sky lanterns for Mikey, a few more of us going this year.
I have been for two interviews and been lucky to have been offered them both. I'm going for the one with the opportunity to do Diploma in Dementia and then a Degree. Not sure of start date, well that's because i haven't told them i have accepted! perhaps know more tomorrow! After all the turmoil of the last 8 weeks i do believe that all things happen for a reason and up to now it would appear that leaving my job has been the best thing for me. I didn't see it at the time but i know time will tell however I'm feeling positive. Looking forward to a new challenge!
Running, well i ran alone last night and managed 5.7 miles! so quite pleased but today the knee has been sore. Sister Jen went for a trial session with her local running club! goodness after watching me in one race it has inspired her to join the ranks of street runners. I hope she does well.
I have booked a place in the Great Eastern run and should be doing a half marathon but do wonder if i will be fit enough. I need to get some longer runs in now if i can manage it otherwise i will not be able to do it even if fit!!
Up to Doncaster all day today helping out at Toms, Duke has become quite a seasoned traveller!
I must remember camera, tripod and head light for the weekend! still i needn't worry about that now, after all Tomorrow is another day.........................
Thursday 2 August 2012
day 720-723
At last i got some answers about the knee. A bit of a surprise! not only did i tear a cartilage but i tore two in the same knee. The medial and the lateral ones so i well and truly did some damage. No wonder I'm struggling! well that makes me feel a little better anyway. So it looks like i will have the op at the beginning of September and hopefully i will be fit to run the Great East run in October but I'm not too sure as i will not have been able to train for it. Ah well i guess there will always be another time.
Run went well on Tuesday only did 3 miles as i had the race on Wednesday. That went well too. Jen my sister came to watch as she lived close to the venue, it was good to have someone come and support me. Sue also came and watched but she was not well enough to run. Managed to get my t shirt!!! before the race, just in case. Managed to run 3 Min's faster than last time so pleased with that.
Training tonight did another 3.25 and had no problems so maybe i should stick to the little runs for now. well i will see how Sunday goes. Tim thinks i should cycle more in between to keep my fitness up and perhaps he is right!
Work well i have been lucky i suppose to get asked to attend some interviews but i wont bank on anything just yet. Want to sort my knee out really before i get back to work.
We are coming up to the anniversary again and are going to Wicken Fen to see the Perseid meteor shower in the middle of the night. Always an adventure of sorts. We will let off some lanterns for Mikey. I must also put a piece in the paper, i find that so hard but Tim mentioned it today.
I have been glued to the Olympics and to think i have been able to watch everyday that's a novel experience and one i didn't know how i would manage to achieve when we said we would do that . Its true, things happen for a reason. The athletics start tomorrow.
Just reading back through the page as Duke was rattling the door blind to be let out! and noticed i have been using the word managed quite a lot! how appropriate.
I cant believe it been 8 weeks since i last worked! the time has gone and i haven't really missed it. Must have been dragging me down for that to have happened! I have kept quite busy though. On the plus side had lots of lie ins! I have also been baking to my sister Linda's amazement! Now why is that i wonder. I made Tim a pasty, he said it was years since i made him one, when i put it on his plate he looked and said blimey Sue Capn Ahabs strapped to its back!! i think it was a bit on the big side! still Duke enjoyed it.
The nights are drawing in already and it will soon be Autumn and we really have had no summer, maybe we will have an Indian summer again.
Not sure what i am doing tomorrow but it looks like another visit to Doncaster on Saturday to do some more decorating!
I completed a questionnaire yesterday and it frequently asked if i planned for the future and i had to answer no. At this moment in time we live day to day, is there any other way i wonder.
I have done some retail therapy this week! lovely more jeans! i really don't need any but those and shoes are my weakness! it could be worse. Now come to think of it my running kit has grown quite considerably!
I had a visit from a friend today and it was lovely to see her! i know its been hard for her as well because we worked together but she decided to pop in on her lunch break and we didn't talk work!!!!! hope its not going to be so long before we meet up again. Well i better look at my notices, because tomorrow is another day...........
Run went well on Tuesday only did 3 miles as i had the race on Wednesday. That went well too. Jen my sister came to watch as she lived close to the venue, it was good to have someone come and support me. Sue also came and watched but she was not well enough to run. Managed to get my t shirt!!! before the race, just in case. Managed to run 3 Min's faster than last time so pleased with that.
Training tonight did another 3.25 and had no problems so maybe i should stick to the little runs for now. well i will see how Sunday goes. Tim thinks i should cycle more in between to keep my fitness up and perhaps he is right!
Work well i have been lucky i suppose to get asked to attend some interviews but i wont bank on anything just yet. Want to sort my knee out really before i get back to work.
We are coming up to the anniversary again and are going to Wicken Fen to see the Perseid meteor shower in the middle of the night. Always an adventure of sorts. We will let off some lanterns for Mikey. I must also put a piece in the paper, i find that so hard but Tim mentioned it today.
I have been glued to the Olympics and to think i have been able to watch everyday that's a novel experience and one i didn't know how i would manage to achieve when we said we would do that . Its true, things happen for a reason. The athletics start tomorrow.
Just reading back through the page as Duke was rattling the door blind to be let out! and noticed i have been using the word managed quite a lot! how appropriate.
I cant believe it been 8 weeks since i last worked! the time has gone and i haven't really missed it. Must have been dragging me down for that to have happened! I have kept quite busy though. On the plus side had lots of lie ins! I have also been baking to my sister Linda's amazement! Now why is that i wonder. I made Tim a pasty, he said it was years since i made him one, when i put it on his plate he looked and said blimey Sue Capn Ahabs strapped to its back!! i think it was a bit on the big side! still Duke enjoyed it.
The nights are drawing in already and it will soon be Autumn and we really have had no summer, maybe we will have an Indian summer again.
Not sure what i am doing tomorrow but it looks like another visit to Doncaster on Saturday to do some more decorating!
I completed a questionnaire yesterday and it frequently asked if i planned for the future and i had to answer no. At this moment in time we live day to day, is there any other way i wonder.
I have done some retail therapy this week! lovely more jeans! i really don't need any but those and shoes are my weakness! it could be worse. Now come to think of it my running kit has grown quite considerably!
I had a visit from a friend today and it was lovely to see her! i know its been hard for her as well because we worked together but she decided to pop in on her lunch break and we didn't talk work!!!!! hope its not going to be so long before we meet up again. Well i better look at my notices, because tomorrow is another day...........
Sunday 29 July 2012
DAY 698-719
My goodness 3 weeks have passed so i expect to sit here for hours!
Whilst i have been pretty miserable over the past few weeks, nothing compares to what i was feeling when i first started to write this blog. If anything i have learnt that no matter what life throws at you we as humans have this odd ability to just get on with things, often the only way we as individuals can.
There is definitely no right or wrong way, you wake in the morning and you go to bed in the evening, you do sleep and we know that's whats occurred because we awake x number of hours later not being able to recall the fact that we closed our eyes and our last thoughts were during the night and now the suns shining through the window! That's how the days have been. Of course i have done various things and been to places and filled the time. So where was i 3 weeks ago.
Um.
Going back to Papworth was much harder than i thought it would be. Not for the reasons that worried me but oddly the fact that i was still angry that Mikey hadn't received his transplant! It had been raining and the event was in the park next to the hospital. How strange it was when i got out of the car and looked across to the very windows that we had spent so much time behind, looking across to the parkland from Mikey's room in the CF unit. That really hurt. I also missed being in there, now how odd is that. Maybe because such a huge part of our lives were spent visiting Mikey and whilst we may have been enjoying the views those very people we loved hated what we could see and would have given anything not to be looking out of those windows. Even though i know Mikey was suffering in those last few months i would have given anything to have been able to go and see him there. That's what hurt, him not being there. Bizarre! and yet true. And so i listened to other peoples stories, most older heart transplant people and thought i cant do this and when the Surgeon came i thought no way, i have done my bit, i came and now i want to go home! and i did sobbing all the way! I have to go back! for the photo with the cheque, not sure when but at least i am somewhat prepared now, another first over with.
I had my MRI scan on my knee and have spent the last few weeks waiting for the outcome of that, not much longer to wait I'm off to see the consultant tomorrow! lets hope that will be sorted out quickly.
This blog may well be muddled as i flit from one subject to another but hey ho! its my page so i guess its OK!
Work became such a trial, well not being there was should i say. The fact that i couldn't speak to anyone etc etc, The RCN have been fabulous, thank goodness for them. Anyway the company and i have parted and at least i have the ability to take time and regroup myself! I often questioned could the little man take on corporate companies and win, the answer is sort of! More about that later. So at least i now knew what i was not going to be doing and could think about the future.
I have spent the last two weeks enjoying my time off! and the sun has been out.
I have had a couple of small races and my word i was pitiful! lets think, ah well Stamford. It took ages to get there. An evening meet. We had a storm, the peak reaching us on our way to the club house to sign in!! the heavens opened, thunder, lightning, hail stones. In our kit running across a rugby field. Feet were sodden and squelching, clothes were sticking to our skins, and in my case not a pretty sight! Lycra, and wet Lycra on a pleasantly plump older person is not in any way flattering! Still it was only a short run. Oh my word, there were hills, and it was a two lap road race. We finished but not a cup of tea to be had. The knee really didn't like the hills!!! and it took hours to thaw through! and dry out.
The second race was last week and i wasn't happy!!! it was a challenge against Wisbech. I was told it would be 6 miles. Well i have been struggling with 3 but thought i would give it a go, especially as i may not be able to run for a while. Well my word! we were set off in different groups and i was given a faster time to get round in and no way could i do that. It was cross country across fields where the grass and weeds were as big as triffids! and it was hot, i mean hot!!! i spent some time walking with a man whose knee had gone as well, he flagged down a car and got a lift back i kept going, in a fashion! i was worn out!! Not only that i had been for an interview in the morning, just got back and went up the club to prepare the sarnies etc for the evening, got home changed and back to run. Nothing to eat, I'm sure that's what it was, after all a car will not go with out fuel so why on earth would a body! well that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! oh and it was closer to 7 miles!!!
The run on Thursday was just as bad the knee gave up and i thought that's it now, i cant do anymore so I'm waiting for tomorrow! but i have one more little race at Werrington on Wednesday and then i get a t shirt!!!! the things we do for a printed shirt!!
Tom goes extreme cycling and has taken my sunglasses! so i ended up running in some new ones, cant say I'm over struck with them and they didn't make me go faster!
Tim and i have spent several days in Doncaster sorting Toms house out, decorating and gardening!! we are going two days this week again. We took Duke and it was so funny seeing him walk on laminate flooring! he looked like Bambi all legs and no grip!
The Olympics have started. The last time Mikey was at home we talked about the Olympics and he stood in the room and asked if we thought he would be here for them. He hoped he would have had a trnasplant . We said we would watch them for him if he wasnt. Never thinking that we would and never realising that he would not be here. And so we are spending the time watching the events and thinking about Mikey and wondering which he would have really enjoyed. We know it would have been the track events. Mikey loved the winter Olympics too and stayed up late watching them. I guess that will be another first for us then. But for now the next two weeks will be special, sad and then what? because we have had this time to fous on, what will our tomorrows be for? i dont know.
its two weeks to the 12th and it will be two years. Two long sad years. It could have been yesterday. I was watching a TV programme late one night and it was a mother talking about losing her child and she was heartbroken and her loss occurred 5 years ago and to her it was like yesterday too. We miss Mikey so very much, we will never be the same, the hurt is no less the frequency of our pain isn't as often. We function and we are getting on with our lives. They will never be the same and we are learning to adapt. I still cry in the early hours of the morning, i don't sleep as well as i should. I run because it hurts, that way i know i have some feelings.
Well to bed then because that what we do, ah well tomorrow is another day.......................
Whilst i have been pretty miserable over the past few weeks, nothing compares to what i was feeling when i first started to write this blog. If anything i have learnt that no matter what life throws at you we as humans have this odd ability to just get on with things, often the only way we as individuals can.
There is definitely no right or wrong way, you wake in the morning and you go to bed in the evening, you do sleep and we know that's whats occurred because we awake x number of hours later not being able to recall the fact that we closed our eyes and our last thoughts were during the night and now the suns shining through the window! That's how the days have been. Of course i have done various things and been to places and filled the time. So where was i 3 weeks ago.
Um.
Going back to Papworth was much harder than i thought it would be. Not for the reasons that worried me but oddly the fact that i was still angry that Mikey hadn't received his transplant! It had been raining and the event was in the park next to the hospital. How strange it was when i got out of the car and looked across to the very windows that we had spent so much time behind, looking across to the parkland from Mikey's room in the CF unit. That really hurt. I also missed being in there, now how odd is that. Maybe because such a huge part of our lives were spent visiting Mikey and whilst we may have been enjoying the views those very people we loved hated what we could see and would have given anything not to be looking out of those windows. Even though i know Mikey was suffering in those last few months i would have given anything to have been able to go and see him there. That's what hurt, him not being there. Bizarre! and yet true. And so i listened to other peoples stories, most older heart transplant people and thought i cant do this and when the Surgeon came i thought no way, i have done my bit, i came and now i want to go home! and i did sobbing all the way! I have to go back! for the photo with the cheque, not sure when but at least i am somewhat prepared now, another first over with.
I had my MRI scan on my knee and have spent the last few weeks waiting for the outcome of that, not much longer to wait I'm off to see the consultant tomorrow! lets hope that will be sorted out quickly.
This blog may well be muddled as i flit from one subject to another but hey ho! its my page so i guess its OK!
Work became such a trial, well not being there was should i say. The fact that i couldn't speak to anyone etc etc, The RCN have been fabulous, thank goodness for them. Anyway the company and i have parted and at least i have the ability to take time and regroup myself! I often questioned could the little man take on corporate companies and win, the answer is sort of! More about that later. So at least i now knew what i was not going to be doing and could think about the future.
I have spent the last two weeks enjoying my time off! and the sun has been out.
I have had a couple of small races and my word i was pitiful! lets think, ah well Stamford. It took ages to get there. An evening meet. We had a storm, the peak reaching us on our way to the club house to sign in!! the heavens opened, thunder, lightning, hail stones. In our kit running across a rugby field. Feet were sodden and squelching, clothes were sticking to our skins, and in my case not a pretty sight! Lycra, and wet Lycra on a pleasantly plump older person is not in any way flattering! Still it was only a short run. Oh my word, there were hills, and it was a two lap road race. We finished but not a cup of tea to be had. The knee really didn't like the hills!!! and it took hours to thaw through! and dry out.
The second race was last week and i wasn't happy!!! it was a challenge against Wisbech. I was told it would be 6 miles. Well i have been struggling with 3 but thought i would give it a go, especially as i may not be able to run for a while. Well my word! we were set off in different groups and i was given a faster time to get round in and no way could i do that. It was cross country across fields where the grass and weeds were as big as triffids! and it was hot, i mean hot!!! i spent some time walking with a man whose knee had gone as well, he flagged down a car and got a lift back i kept going, in a fashion! i was worn out!! Not only that i had been for an interview in the morning, just got back and went up the club to prepare the sarnies etc for the evening, got home changed and back to run. Nothing to eat, I'm sure that's what it was, after all a car will not go with out fuel so why on earth would a body! well that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! oh and it was closer to 7 miles!!!
The run on Thursday was just as bad the knee gave up and i thought that's it now, i cant do anymore so I'm waiting for tomorrow! but i have one more little race at Werrington on Wednesday and then i get a t shirt!!!! the things we do for a printed shirt!!
Tom goes extreme cycling and has taken my sunglasses! so i ended up running in some new ones, cant say I'm over struck with them and they didn't make me go faster!
Tim and i have spent several days in Doncaster sorting Toms house out, decorating and gardening!! we are going two days this week again. We took Duke and it was so funny seeing him walk on laminate flooring! he looked like Bambi all legs and no grip!
The Olympics have started. The last time Mikey was at home we talked about the Olympics and he stood in the room and asked if we thought he would be here for them. He hoped he would have had a trnasplant . We said we would watch them for him if he wasnt. Never thinking that we would and never realising that he would not be here. And so we are spending the time watching the events and thinking about Mikey and wondering which he would have really enjoyed. We know it would have been the track events. Mikey loved the winter Olympics too and stayed up late watching them. I guess that will be another first for us then. But for now the next two weeks will be special, sad and then what? because we have had this time to fous on, what will our tomorrows be for? i dont know.
its two weeks to the 12th and it will be two years. Two long sad years. It could have been yesterday. I was watching a TV programme late one night and it was a mother talking about losing her child and she was heartbroken and her loss occurred 5 years ago and to her it was like yesterday too. We miss Mikey so very much, we will never be the same, the hurt is no less the frequency of our pain isn't as often. We function and we are getting on with our lives. They will never be the same and we are learning to adapt. I still cry in the early hours of the morning, i don't sleep as well as i should. I run because it hurts, that way i know i have some feelings.
Well to bed then because that what we do, ah well tomorrow is another day.......................
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