At last time to blog! it really is becoming the norm and i feel very sad that i have been reduced to this mindless being just trawling my way through the days.
I cant remember the number of times i have said that work has taken over my life, but in fact it has. Talk about the proverbial mouse on the wheel, well here i am.
Constantly i have to keep telling myself to get a grip and change, i don't. I wonder what it will take! Have i made the point i wonder.
Recently misery found me and i was lost in her dark embrace for many days even the Run in the Olympic park didn't really lift the veils of despair. I truly began to feel as though this time there was no way of escaping. I guess by sitting here writing i have!
The run was very emotional and i wonder if i some how thought that at the end all would be well and Mikey would be back with us, is that what i am hoping for when the Marathon is run? i have spent the last 18 months since we lost Mikey focusing on the day and just hope that at the end all my grief is going to be there with a vengeance.
It does worry me now, to so long concentrate on achieving this goal, and then what!! Perhaps i haven't dealt with it, how will i manage!
The warm end to March reminded us so much of Mikey and how he would have had his shorts on as soon as the sun came out. Sun glasses and cap and his beautiful smile. Such bitter sweet memories. How we miss him.
Who ever said time is a great healer, lied!
I think tonight's blog is going to go from one day to another in a haphazard way and have little to no order to it. That's how my mind is at the moment. No order and muddled. I would almost say confused but that may well cause too many issues if i started to consider that!
Sue my buddy is still not fit and i will be running alone in Edinburgh, the prospect of that is daunting, so the ipod is well full and i have some shiny new earphones that hook over the ears, i just hope the music will keep me going when all else fails.
I have been really unwell since the Olympic run with a chest infection and was unable to run for over a week. This has set my training back and Sundays long run was murder!!!! i have now purchased a whole bag of lolly pops hoping they will give me some energy and keep my mouth moist, i will try them out this coming Sunday. I think i got the cold when we had to wait so long before the start of our Olympic run.
i was in the Pink wave, the last group to go and we was still waiting in the cold when up on the big screen came the first finishers!!! It was an incredible day really, as we ran into the stadium from outside into the tunnels we heard the music play and it was the theme tune to Chariots of fire, bought a lump to the throat. Mikey was with me, i had a big picture of him on the back of my shirt. 55 Min's to complete the 5 miles and i stopped to take photos and to go to the loo!!! so i was happy with the time and there were hills!!!
I was booked to go up to London this week end to watch the Marathon but need to get my miles in training so i will offer my seat to someone else, Sues not going either so i would not have had a buddy to talk to anyway.
I have in a huge box beside me an exercise bike! purchased on Saturday and still not opened. Work Friday night and again Saturday and tonight got a call as well. Just cannot manage all these disturbed days/nights and Tim is fast losing his patience. Sadly in my line of work you cannot just say no, or so what!! Who would be a nurse i ask myself. Perhaps i should re train. I need to see some very dear friends, i could do with their common sense and compassion, i miss them!! ah well time off soon i hope.
Tim's snoring away in bed i cant sleep in fact not sure if i should in case i get a call! what a state to get into.
I invested in a foam roller to exercise the calf muscles, i must admit it is pretty damned good and sure does stretch out the muscles and crushes a few knots!! of which i seem to have many.
I have purchased a pair of shorts because i do not like the heat. Well i looked at myself in them and collapsed in a heap with laughing. It really shouldn't be allowed that women of a certain age are able to purchase these on line!! not sure if the streets are ready for this. What with having to wear compression socks i look like an elderly school girl, well that is stretching things but with the compression shorts working on the upper thigh and the socks working on the calf you can just imagine what the flesh looks like in between even those with little imagination must get the picture. And my legs are so pale i wonder if i should use a false tan, chances are i will make a mistake with the application!! so best not.
Do you know this has been the best medicine sitting here tonight and i will make sure i do this nightly!! so until next time, after all tomorrow is another day...........................
