So its been almost a week!
To be honest so much has happened this week its been a problem getting up the motivation to sit here. Tims in bed and Dukes asleep, notw there is a surprise.
Monday i was on the phone a huge part of the day when i wasnt sitting outside in the sunshine!! I have reflected so much this week on what has happened recently that i have just run myself round in a circle.
On a positive side, hospital visit on Tuesady went well. I have to have MRI scan on the knee on the 14th July and see the consultant 2 weeks after. Appointments already made!! He said i could run if i wanted but only short distances and on soft ground, if i run on tarmac to make it short as possible. So i felt like a racehorse on Tuesday night, the going was soft so off i went. Did a reasonable 5 miles and the time was ok considering, Thursadys run was a bit bit shameful but hey ho saving myself for Sundays run. The annual Spud run.
Booked in for a race on Wednesday evening only a small 5k but its in a leauge and if i run 3 i get a t shirt!!
Booked a half Marathon in October, The great eastern run so i hope im fit by then, best get training!!! something to focus on.
I have been really lazy the last 3 weeks and just didnt realise how tired i was. I think i look better too! although the diet has gone west!! Best get back on the old weight watchers again.
Another hospital appointment today, check up from the skin problem i had and got the all clear!! but to return anytime if there is a concern. That was positive!
I now have numb fingers in my left hand! im cracking up, i think its from the fracture but not sure i suppose i will have to go to the Drs, its so annoying my little finger has forgotten it belongs to my hand and just doesnt do as its told! either the that or the brain isnt getting messages to it, now there is a thought!
At last got to shampoo Mikeys carpet. How strange its taken me so long to do it. I wonder if i am only now beginning to grieve, i just havent had the time before now. Maybe i should use this time i have off to consider that. Maybe Tim and i need to get away for a bit, we will see.
Spend some time at the coast next week if the weather is kind and blow away a few cobwebs.
I have raised over £1700 from my Marathon and hope to meet the target, Tims assured me i will as he hasnt given his donation yet!!! Fingers crossed.
I continue to feel very isolated and yet i have had support from the most unlikely places and it has been very welcome, i still cant discuss why i am where i am today, my turn will come i am sure. I keep remembering the proverb, people in glass houses shouldnt throw stones!
Its a year tomorrow since we collected Duke! he still acts like a pup!!
Well i better get to bed i suppose, i have another book to read! I dont know what the future has in store for me i will just take it a day at a time, i wont worry because, tomorrow is another day..................
Friday 29 June 2012
Saturday 23 June 2012
Day 683
Did i mention that its raining! well not so much today thank goodness but apparently more tonight. I at least managed to sit out in the garden, even though i was wrapped up against the wind. I was actually thinking that for the majority of my life i have spent inside! only surfacing to come home from work or for the few hours left in the day afterwards! Lying there with the warmish sun trying to poke through the clouds i thought about the old TB patients, wheeled out onto verandas what ever the weather to try and shift those bugs. Even though it wasn't warm today it was so nice to be in fresh air. That's maybe what it was all about!
Duke isn't the bravest of dogs! a loud noise next door had him vaulting the gate in the middle of the hall, I'm not sure who was more surprised him or me! Still he is only a year old. In fact its a year next Saturday that we bought him home! Still seems like yesterday.
We decided to take Tim's new bike out for a spin and hes still suffering tonight, i say that quite smugly as he has always said , oh it will only take you a few minutes and its not that far. Hum i think he may have another view on that now!
Final day of Ascot today, cant remember the last time i was able to watch ladies day on TV still it was not so nice this year although he fashions always have my attention.
Tim says i want a hair cut! i have said nope I'm growing a pony tail for next years marathon. I always think the runners look faster with their hair flowing or bobbing about. Needless to say i got a few comments about long hair on older women, which i hasten to say i have ignored.
Delivery of my new running shorts today! after seeing those pictures i decided to do a bit of Internet shopping, cousin Ange responsible for that after talking to her late one night on the net. They do look much better, still i thought the others looked OK until i saw the pictures, um now should i stand in front of the mirror, take a photo and see before i step out into the daylight i wonder, maybe i will. Mikey would have been in hysterics at the other ones, or ashamed of me, not sure which, i still haven't let Tim see them!
I have decided to close the door on my other problems, well at least until i hear anymore, its such a drain on me and makes me miserable so why worry, well much!! Its the weekend.
Just read a book, The woman in Black by Susan Hill. A bit creepy but a quick read to pass the time of day.
I'm looking at the carpet and wonder if i should give it a shampoo, no not now because as usual I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and its quiet, late and the middle of the night!. My time. Its so precious making sure i have time all to me. I have over the past few months ignored my needs and yet its been so beneficial, thinking, pondering and writing.
I'm also looking across at the rowing machine, that's for another day! maybe next week after the hospital visit. I do believe I'm repeating myself.
I did say when i started the blog that i may be able to go back and see how i have progressed on the journey i am on, still feel inclined not to. Too much hurt there and its still raw. Just keep going forward i think.
I really must dig out my passport application form and complete, especially if I'm running in Spain in December, haven't quite made up my mind yet, oh and i suppose it depends on what I'm doing. Ah well fill the form and have no expectations because then i will not be disappointed.
Its the annual Spud Run next week end, i wonder if i will be able to run! i hope so.
It looks like more rain next week but hopefully towards the end of the week its going to be brighter, i hope we can get to the coast for the day.
Crikey i best get and order the Star for the club and hope it arrives for next weekend!
So its to bed with another book! how lovely to be able to read until the wee hours knowing that i can have a lie in, need to look on the positive side of things for now but tomorrow, is another day..............
Duke isn't the bravest of dogs! a loud noise next door had him vaulting the gate in the middle of the hall, I'm not sure who was more surprised him or me! Still he is only a year old. In fact its a year next Saturday that we bought him home! Still seems like yesterday.
We decided to take Tim's new bike out for a spin and hes still suffering tonight, i say that quite smugly as he has always said , oh it will only take you a few minutes and its not that far. Hum i think he may have another view on that now!
Final day of Ascot today, cant remember the last time i was able to watch ladies day on TV still it was not so nice this year although he fashions always have my attention.
Tim says i want a hair cut! i have said nope I'm growing a pony tail for next years marathon. I always think the runners look faster with their hair flowing or bobbing about. Needless to say i got a few comments about long hair on older women, which i hasten to say i have ignored.
Delivery of my new running shorts today! after seeing those pictures i decided to do a bit of Internet shopping, cousin Ange responsible for that after talking to her late one night on the net. They do look much better, still i thought the others looked OK until i saw the pictures, um now should i stand in front of the mirror, take a photo and see before i step out into the daylight i wonder, maybe i will. Mikey would have been in hysterics at the other ones, or ashamed of me, not sure which, i still haven't let Tim see them!
I have decided to close the door on my other problems, well at least until i hear anymore, its such a drain on me and makes me miserable so why worry, well much!! Its the weekend.
Just read a book, The woman in Black by Susan Hill. A bit creepy but a quick read to pass the time of day.
I'm looking at the carpet and wonder if i should give it a shampoo, no not now because as usual I'm sitting here with a cup of coffee and its quiet, late and the middle of the night!. My time. Its so precious making sure i have time all to me. I have over the past few months ignored my needs and yet its been so beneficial, thinking, pondering and writing.
I'm also looking across at the rowing machine, that's for another day! maybe next week after the hospital visit. I do believe I'm repeating myself.
I did say when i started the blog that i may be able to go back and see how i have progressed on the journey i am on, still feel inclined not to. Too much hurt there and its still raw. Just keep going forward i think.
I really must dig out my passport application form and complete, especially if I'm running in Spain in December, haven't quite made up my mind yet, oh and i suppose it depends on what I'm doing. Ah well fill the form and have no expectations because then i will not be disappointed.
Its the annual Spud Run next week end, i wonder if i will be able to run! i hope so.
It looks like more rain next week but hopefully towards the end of the week its going to be brighter, i hope we can get to the coast for the day.
Crikey i best get and order the Star for the club and hope it arrives for next weekend!
So its to bed with another book! how lovely to be able to read until the wee hours knowing that i can have a lie in, need to look on the positive side of things for now but tomorrow, is another day..............
Friday 22 June 2012
Day 682
Reflective day today. Well there was nothing else much to do! raining again
Just thinking back 4 years.
1 2008.Tim had his brain hemorrhage. Tom married,
2 2009 Both boys separated, both got together again and Toms became final, Mikey tried again, Tim left work, Mikey's health worsened.
3 2010 broken wrist. Mikey's health worsened and separated from his wife. Lost Mikey.
4 2011 Struggled to come to terms with our loss, Tom moved back and work not so good.
5 2012 ah well we are still on that journey but already its not looking promising. Marathon run and tore a cartilage and now looks as if i may be making a career change. Will it get better i wonder, well surely it can not get worse than its been.
Does life go in cycles, I'm trying to think back and its been a real struggle for us the last 27 years, some good times but certainly very challenging.
Decision making day today, discussed with Tim and i feel comfortable with the choice i have made.
Had some welcome company which actually reinforced my choice, time to reinvent myself, well lets be honest i cant do any worse!! will have to think seriously if i should go for the face lift though!! Yep i have thought, i will stick to the magic creams!
Tim has bought a new bike! at last, so we may get out and about weather permitting for a few miles. Can only help us both become fitter. He took it out for a spin yesterday and found muscles he forgot he had, so it may be a slow process.
Phone call this morning from the hospital and they have cancelled my appointment for Monday but at least i do not have too long a wait as its for Tuesday morning instead. I really hope they can sort it out as quickly as possible. Well than may well be another first for me!
My sister called this morning and shes not well and may have to go into hospital, haven't heard any more so fingers crossed she will be OK!
I can feel another spa day coming on, so will have to arrange a sisters day out, i think its due anyway. Will try and sort something out this coming week.
Been invited to Papworth in July for fund raisers day. Tim thinks i should go so maybe i will.
Thank goodness my mood has lifted well for now, but tomorrow is another day...............
Just thinking back 4 years.
1 2008.Tim had his brain hemorrhage. Tom married,
2 2009 Both boys separated, both got together again and Toms became final, Mikey tried again, Tim left work, Mikey's health worsened.
3 2010 broken wrist. Mikey's health worsened and separated from his wife. Lost Mikey.
4 2011 Struggled to come to terms with our loss, Tom moved back and work not so good.
5 2012 ah well we are still on that journey but already its not looking promising. Marathon run and tore a cartilage and now looks as if i may be making a career change. Will it get better i wonder, well surely it can not get worse than its been.
Does life go in cycles, I'm trying to think back and its been a real struggle for us the last 27 years, some good times but certainly very challenging.
Decision making day today, discussed with Tim and i feel comfortable with the choice i have made.
Had some welcome company which actually reinforced my choice, time to reinvent myself, well lets be honest i cant do any worse!! will have to think seriously if i should go for the face lift though!! Yep i have thought, i will stick to the magic creams!
Tim has bought a new bike! at last, so we may get out and about weather permitting for a few miles. Can only help us both become fitter. He took it out for a spin yesterday and found muscles he forgot he had, so it may be a slow process.
Phone call this morning from the hospital and they have cancelled my appointment for Monday but at least i do not have too long a wait as its for Tuesday morning instead. I really hope they can sort it out as quickly as possible. Well than may well be another first for me!
My sister called this morning and shes not well and may have to go into hospital, haven't heard any more so fingers crossed she will be OK!
I can feel another spa day coming on, so will have to arrange a sisters day out, i think its due anyway. Will try and sort something out this coming week.
Been invited to Papworth in July for fund raisers day. Tim thinks i should go so maybe i will.
Thank goodness my mood has lifted well for now, but tomorrow is another day...............
Thursday 21 June 2012
Day 681
Tim's in bed, Dukes asleep and its pouring of rain, again. I still find sleeping really hard and spend so much time these days on the Internet. Passes the time. I have tried today to start shedding some oz the papers i have collected over the years, stuff that will be of no use to me in the future and its unwanted! Lots to shred.
Being housebound today has enabled me to get several long awaited tasks done, one good thing about having time on my hands. Found a lovely photo of Mikey today, taken at Toms wedding, gosh that was 4 years ago. Time does pass then!
Must try to post it.
Just noticed that this blog is making weird things happen to my spelling mistakes, ah well another thing to learn.
I feel as if I'm on a roller coaster at the moment, just cant get off! Its better than comparing myself to the hamster on the wheel though.
I have to say out of the darkest periods there does seem some light at the end of the tunnel, no its not an on coming train but a fab cousin from overseas, so if you are reading this Liz, thanks for today! It really is surprising how much a kind word means to you when you are feeling low in mood. Tim doesn't know what to say at the moment, possibly for fear of saying the wrong thing!
What a turbulent few years we have had, its hard to appreciate what the human species can endure, and yet we do. In the light of whats past, this is nothing just an end to one thread and the start of another. Life's journey, lord knows when mine was mapped out someone was having a bad day!!
Manged to get out for a run tonight, not many at the club, must be the football or the weather. I managed few miles and thought best not make it any worse before Monday.
Had some interesting phone calls today, and sent off some post!
Toms phoned and his asthma is playing up could be because he is living near the fields. It looks like we may be heading up North to do some decorating, Toms off for 3 weeks in July and wants some help with his house. It looks as though i will have the time to help him, knee permitting!
Gosh its 2 am! best get some sleep.
I'm feeling more positive now, but tomorrow is another day....................
Being housebound today has enabled me to get several long awaited tasks done, one good thing about having time on my hands. Found a lovely photo of Mikey today, taken at Toms wedding, gosh that was 4 years ago. Time does pass then!
Must try to post it.
Just noticed that this blog is making weird things happen to my spelling mistakes, ah well another thing to learn.
I feel as if I'm on a roller coaster at the moment, just cant get off! Its better than comparing myself to the hamster on the wheel though.
I have to say out of the darkest periods there does seem some light at the end of the tunnel, no its not an on coming train but a fab cousin from overseas, so if you are reading this Liz, thanks for today! It really is surprising how much a kind word means to you when you are feeling low in mood. Tim doesn't know what to say at the moment, possibly for fear of saying the wrong thing!
What a turbulent few years we have had, its hard to appreciate what the human species can endure, and yet we do. In the light of whats past, this is nothing just an end to one thread and the start of another. Life's journey, lord knows when mine was mapped out someone was having a bad day!!
Manged to get out for a run tonight, not many at the club, must be the football or the weather. I managed few miles and thought best not make it any worse before Monday.
Had some interesting phone calls today, and sent off some post!
Toms phoned and his asthma is playing up could be because he is living near the fields. It looks like we may be heading up North to do some decorating, Toms off for 3 weeks in July and wants some help with his house. It looks as though i will have the time to help him, knee permitting!
Gosh its 2 am! best get some sleep.
I'm feeling more positive now, but tomorrow is another day....................
Wednesday 20 June 2012
Page 678-680
I feel very let down. Its really sad when those you have become very close to you now feel so distant from.
Why am i surprised i ask myself and yet i am. Tim has always said I'm gullible and my word that's true.
Today has been the pits really and where are those that said they would always be there. I guess its all about survival but i wonder what will happen in a few weeks time! Maybe i will have changed.
I think we have all heard about David and Goliath well that could be me because at this time i am in fighting mood.
Luckily there are those who still have faith in me and they are the ones who matter. I cant believe how short some memories are.
Whats so annoying is i cant even discuss the reasons why i feel this way.
I will however soon be able to do that and i cant wait. Tim and Tom are being so supportive and that means a great deal. In fact Tom has been to see me every day, they worry for me.
I just feel so sad, not like when we lost Mikey but its a disillusioned sadness, ah well tomorrow is another day
Why am i surprised i ask myself and yet i am. Tim has always said I'm gullible and my word that's true.
Today has been the pits really and where are those that said they would always be there. I guess its all about survival but i wonder what will happen in a few weeks time! Maybe i will have changed.
I think we have all heard about David and Goliath well that could be me because at this time i am in fighting mood.
Luckily there are those who still have faith in me and they are the ones who matter. I cant believe how short some memories are.
Whats so annoying is i cant even discuss the reasons why i feel this way.
I will however soon be able to do that and i cant wait. Tim and Tom are being so supportive and that means a great deal. In fact Tom has been to see me every day, they worry for me.
I just feel so sad, not like when we lost Mikey but its a disillusioned sadness, ah well tomorrow is another day
Sunday 17 June 2012
Day 663-677
Well such a lot has happened in the last two weeks. Its really hard to know where to start.
I suppose the best place is work!! Well its been no secret has it that its been hard these past few months. Things came to a head on the 8th. I was due for some leave on the 10th and was looking forward to some very welcome time off. Our wedding anniversary was on the 16th and i was about to book a boat for the day, Tim has always fancied a go. Anyway luckily i didn't!!
Perhaps i should say i realised how things were going on the 7th and had in some ways prepared myself for what was to come. So on the 8th found myself leaving work very early and at present not working!!! i wait now for the outcomes. I am however prepared and had been keeping records over the last few months. I suppose the report i sent in the week before didn't help!! but there you are.
I wondered why i wasn't concerned when i left, instead i felt relief!
The past week i have of course reflected back but still come to the same place. The worst thing that could ever happen to me already did! i lost a child and nothing actually compares to that. I'm alive and i wont starve, so i wait!
I have caught up on so many jobs i haven't had time for before, i have just chilled and that's been good. The weather could have been kinder but i hope the next week will be better.
The knee, well i have been back to the Dr's and hes sending me off to hospital to get it seen. I hope then it will get sorted to enable me to get back running. I missed the age related race lace last week and I'm sure i would have improved on my last time! ah well there will be others I'm sure. Maybe i will be fit for the spud race! i have already entered. Then i may enter the Great East Run in October.
We had a real fen blow yesterday and i managed to get some pictures, i will try and put them on tomorrow. Manged to get out for some walks and i have started back on the diet, well having just eaten a whole bag of jelly beans it may well start tomorrow!
I have so far raised over £1500 from my marathon run on my just giving site! what a fabulous achievement if i do say so myself and i still have some to come in! I must ask my buddy if she has collected her sponsorship money yet.
Well Mikey has been very much in our thoughts and i am at present attempting to scan all the old photos! and had to get a new printer. Goodness that was a task in itself trying to get set up. No Mikey to help or should i say he would tell me many times how to do it and then give up because i was still having problems! just not into all these gadgets!
Duke is growing at an alarming rate! he is huge and can now clear the gate between the kitchen and the rest of the bungalow! only however when he is startled and wants some company!!!
We went for a walk last week and he fell in the river, I'm not sure who was worried more, Duke or Tim. Poor Tim set off at speed when he heard the splash, i with the knee could only limp along to see what was occurring. Next thing, there was Duke soaking wet looking totally bemused. Looked over his shoulder at the river, grunted and shook himself!
Today i have managed to do some much needed surgery on Dukes best friends. His beloved Monkey had his arm stitched back on, his seagull unfortunately had to have his foot amputated and the resulting stitch work was pretty damn good!, his cows voice box is beyond saving and tomorrow i will attempt to remove it and hope a silent cow will be of some comfort to him!
I have managed to put a zip in Tim's winter coat! nothing like being prepared, i did wonder if my machine was up to the task though, at 54 years of age its still going fairly strong! a few temperamental moments but all in all you cant beat a Singer!! Job done!
We may attempt a bit of decorating this week, well over due. The lounge i think!!! i can almost feel a new pair of curtains coming on, well we will see, i rather like my old ones!!
I have bought myself some new DVD,s so when Tim's watching the football i will have something to do!!
I am hoping Tim will get himself a bike and then we can get out together, at least i can do that. I keep looking at my rowing machine and wonder would it hurt if i used it? yep i think it would so i will wait till after the 25th before i do more damage!!
I'm reading! and getting through my pile of paperbacks that have just been gathering dust! bliss!!
I don't know what the future will be for me yet, but as Tom aid maybe this is a blessing in disguise! you have always worked its time for a rest! Si that's exactly what I'm doing. Not sure if I'm just trying to reassure myself or not but at this moment i feel better than i have for ages so I'm not going to worry after all, tomorrow is another day..........................
I suppose the best place is work!! Well its been no secret has it that its been hard these past few months. Things came to a head on the 8th. I was due for some leave on the 10th and was looking forward to some very welcome time off. Our wedding anniversary was on the 16th and i was about to book a boat for the day, Tim has always fancied a go. Anyway luckily i didn't!!
Perhaps i should say i realised how things were going on the 7th and had in some ways prepared myself for what was to come. So on the 8th found myself leaving work very early and at present not working!!! i wait now for the outcomes. I am however prepared and had been keeping records over the last few months. I suppose the report i sent in the week before didn't help!! but there you are.
I wondered why i wasn't concerned when i left, instead i felt relief!
The past week i have of course reflected back but still come to the same place. The worst thing that could ever happen to me already did! i lost a child and nothing actually compares to that. I'm alive and i wont starve, so i wait!
I have caught up on so many jobs i haven't had time for before, i have just chilled and that's been good. The weather could have been kinder but i hope the next week will be better.
The knee, well i have been back to the Dr's and hes sending me off to hospital to get it seen. I hope then it will get sorted to enable me to get back running. I missed the age related race lace last week and I'm sure i would have improved on my last time! ah well there will be others I'm sure. Maybe i will be fit for the spud race! i have already entered. Then i may enter the Great East Run in October.
We had a real fen blow yesterday and i managed to get some pictures, i will try and put them on tomorrow. Manged to get out for some walks and i have started back on the diet, well having just eaten a whole bag of jelly beans it may well start tomorrow!
I have so far raised over £1500 from my marathon run on my just giving site! what a fabulous achievement if i do say so myself and i still have some to come in! I must ask my buddy if she has collected her sponsorship money yet.
Well Mikey has been very much in our thoughts and i am at present attempting to scan all the old photos! and had to get a new printer. Goodness that was a task in itself trying to get set up. No Mikey to help or should i say he would tell me many times how to do it and then give up because i was still having problems! just not into all these gadgets!
Duke is growing at an alarming rate! he is huge and can now clear the gate between the kitchen and the rest of the bungalow! only however when he is startled and wants some company!!!
We went for a walk last week and he fell in the river, I'm not sure who was worried more, Duke or Tim. Poor Tim set off at speed when he heard the splash, i with the knee could only limp along to see what was occurring. Next thing, there was Duke soaking wet looking totally bemused. Looked over his shoulder at the river, grunted and shook himself!
Today i have managed to do some much needed surgery on Dukes best friends. His beloved Monkey had his arm stitched back on, his seagull unfortunately had to have his foot amputated and the resulting stitch work was pretty damn good!, his cows voice box is beyond saving and tomorrow i will attempt to remove it and hope a silent cow will be of some comfort to him!
I have managed to put a zip in Tim's winter coat! nothing like being prepared, i did wonder if my machine was up to the task though, at 54 years of age its still going fairly strong! a few temperamental moments but all in all you cant beat a Singer!! Job done!
We may attempt a bit of decorating this week, well over due. The lounge i think!!! i can almost feel a new pair of curtains coming on, well we will see, i rather like my old ones!!
I have bought myself some new DVD,s so when Tim's watching the football i will have something to do!!
I am hoping Tim will get himself a bike and then we can get out together, at least i can do that. I keep looking at my rowing machine and wonder would it hurt if i used it? yep i think it would so i will wait till after the 25th before i do more damage!!
I'm reading! and getting through my pile of paperbacks that have just been gathering dust! bliss!!
I don't know what the future will be for me yet, but as Tom aid maybe this is a blessing in disguise! you have always worked its time for a rest! Si that's exactly what I'm doing. Not sure if I'm just trying to reassure myself or not but at this moment i feel better than i have for ages so I'm not going to worry after all, tomorrow is another day..........................
Saturday 2 June 2012
Page 638-662 First!!!
Its been a month!!! Not having a computer for a while didn't hep i suppose but my word how bad am i.
I really have been so stressed with work and had to return several evenings. This meant not getting to bed until the early hours and then up the next day well the same day actually!!
How often i have questioned what im doing and yet the stubborn part of just will not give in. Tim's so fed up i think he has given up arguing about the amount of time i spend at work. Will it change anything, well i guess only time will tell.
I'm at a funny age to start something different and truth to tell i just cant be bothered, I'm tired!
I feel my whole existence is work driven and that's wrong surely. The joy i may have had from running is diminished and over shadowed by it. I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel but i can honestly say i think its blocked!
I have some leave coming up and I'm not even looking forward to that. How bad is that!! I think i worry about the volume of work when i return.
So whats happened in the month i have been away from here.
Well the fact that we still miss Mikey is still with us and i don't think it will change. I wondered what i would do once i had run the marathon, and i need to run. I need something to keep me focused and grounded and i think this is it.
I injured my knee just before the marathon and had physio to keep me going. Had it strapped just in case, well it went at mile 13 and i really struggled with the rest of the race and now have been told its a torn cartilage and will most probably need an operation!!! i hope not, if i do i want it done now!!!!!
I'm going to ramble tonight i can feel it! i will flit from topic to topic but hey ho it will make things more interesting.
I have been asked since the Marathon if i feel proud of my achievement and i can honestly say no . I don't feel anything. I'm really pleased that i have managed to do something and to have raised some money for the CF unit. I hope Mikey would have been proud of me. Somehow as soon as i crossed the finish like i thought oh, it wasn't what i expected. I think i must have had a different idea on what sensations i would have, but none. It could be because i was in so much discomfort from the knee and i was so tired! Then having to catch a bus and not actually enjoying the day! Mind you the heat was unbearable and relentless! seeing grown men being resuscitated on the side of the road didn't make me feel good. I was also passed by an extreme ironing board, an ice cream cone, superman and an enormous teddy! I was however given a jelly baby by a spectator! Hosed down from peoples garden sprinklers and had a bucket of water thrown over me by children, well two buckets full as i was going so slow they had time to fill another. Nearly scared witless when running through the country park when i was trying to get a drink only to hear the bushes rustle, thinking the worse i hastily screwed the bottle top on , only to have a soldier emerge from the shrubbery in full battle dress saying, awight! So feeling rather sorry for myself decided to ring my buddy for some support! no reply, i later found out she was sitting having a scone and cup of tea in BHS!!
I didn't get a blister or sore legs no cramp! but a wretched knee!
Finished!!!!
I really have been so stressed with work and had to return several evenings. This meant not getting to bed until the early hours and then up the next day well the same day actually!!
How often i have questioned what im doing and yet the stubborn part of just will not give in. Tim's so fed up i think he has given up arguing about the amount of time i spend at work. Will it change anything, well i guess only time will tell.
I'm at a funny age to start something different and truth to tell i just cant be bothered, I'm tired!
I feel my whole existence is work driven and that's wrong surely. The joy i may have had from running is diminished and over shadowed by it. I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel but i can honestly say i think its blocked!
I have some leave coming up and I'm not even looking forward to that. How bad is that!! I think i worry about the volume of work when i return.
So whats happened in the month i have been away from here.
Well the fact that we still miss Mikey is still with us and i don't think it will change. I wondered what i would do once i had run the marathon, and i need to run. I need something to keep me focused and grounded and i think this is it.
I injured my knee just before the marathon and had physio to keep me going. Had it strapped just in case, well it went at mile 13 and i really struggled with the rest of the race and now have been told its a torn cartilage and will most probably need an operation!!! i hope not, if i do i want it done now!!!!!
I'm going to ramble tonight i can feel it! i will flit from topic to topic but hey ho it will make things more interesting.
I have been asked since the Marathon if i feel proud of my achievement and i can honestly say no . I don't feel anything. I'm really pleased that i have managed to do something and to have raised some money for the CF unit. I hope Mikey would have been proud of me. Somehow as soon as i crossed the finish like i thought oh, it wasn't what i expected. I think i must have had a different idea on what sensations i would have, but none. It could be because i was in so much discomfort from the knee and i was so tired! Then having to catch a bus and not actually enjoying the day! Mind you the heat was unbearable and relentless! seeing grown men being resuscitated on the side of the road didn't make me feel good. I was also passed by an extreme ironing board, an ice cream cone, superman and an enormous teddy! I was however given a jelly baby by a spectator! Hosed down from peoples garden sprinklers and had a bucket of water thrown over me by children, well two buckets full as i was going so slow they had time to fill another. Nearly scared witless when running through the country park when i was trying to get a drink only to hear the bushes rustle, thinking the worse i hastily screwed the bottle top on , only to have a soldier emerge from the shrubbery in full battle dress saying, awight! So feeling rather sorry for myself decided to ring my buddy for some support! no reply, i later found out she was sitting having a scone and cup of tea in BHS!!
I didn't get a blister or sore legs no cramp! but a wretched knee!
Finished!!!!
Page 638-662
I cant believe i have just sat here writing for nearly an hour! and forgot to save my stauff and lost it all! how stupid am i. The only good thing is i have had a good rant about all and sundry so feel slightly better about things than i did earlier. Howevr i really havent got it in me to start all over again! I was only trying to put a pivture or two of the Marathon at the end of my blog tonight!
I think that just about says everything about how life has been this past month!
Work has been the most miserable time and it really is what drives me on. I say drives rather loosely because there is no driver thats for sure. Im on this downward spiral and cannot see a way yet of stopping to get off. Tim would obviously like me to leave and get another job but frankly i haven t got the motivation to do that. I just must want to wallow in misery of some sort.
The days remain bleak! and im so tired all of the time. Im going back to work until the early hours and im not as young as i once was. Is it worth it. Well the simple answer is no of course not. But that doesnt pay the bills!
I can honestly say that i do not enjoy my job as i once did. The pressures from above are relentless and even days off or holidays are disturbed.
I have a torn cartilage the physio thinks! that was doen during the marathon. I spent the time in Scotland in misery afterwards. Well from Mile 13 but im saving it for tomorrow and i will come back. I have to do this, i need to do this and maybe thats what has been wrong these past few weeks. I havent off loaded and its essential to my well being that i do.
Just to show i finished
The knee is starting to swell!!
I think that just about says everything about how life has been this past month!
Work has been the most miserable time and it really is what drives me on. I say drives rather loosely because there is no driver thats for sure. Im on this downward spiral and cannot see a way yet of stopping to get off. Tim would obviously like me to leave and get another job but frankly i haven t got the motivation to do that. I just must want to wallow in misery of some sort.
The days remain bleak! and im so tired all of the time. Im going back to work until the early hours and im not as young as i once was. Is it worth it. Well the simple answer is no of course not. But that doesnt pay the bills!
I can honestly say that i do not enjoy my job as i once did. The pressures from above are relentless and even days off or holidays are disturbed.
I have a torn cartilage the physio thinks! that was doen during the marathon. I spent the time in Scotland in misery afterwards. Well from Mile 13 but im saving it for tomorrow and i will come back. I have to do this, i need to do this and maybe thats what has been wrong these past few weeks. I havent off loaded and its essential to my well being that i do.
Just to show i finished
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