Monday and the last day of January. A month of this year already gone.
Time is passing us by and we are just going along for the ride. No stopping just this endless wheel of constantly moving forward. Its relentless and there is nothing you or me can do about it. There is no control and like it or not we are on this journey of life.
Is there this tapestry already made for us? is there such a thing as fate? i don't know but what i do realise is that we were given a very short straw. I was once told that as individuals we are given a load that we can carry, all i can say to that i must have very broad shoulders and very much wish i hadn't. Bit of a deep thought for this time of night!
Once again work is keeping me fully occupied with little time to think about anything else during the day and i am coming home exhausted. Tim and i have little time to really sit and talk to each other which is why i must book some leave just to get away again, maybe for a week end. I doubt if we will though!! Its just so easy to slip back into old habits!
I did ask Tim to go for a walk tonight. The knee feels a lot better and its about time i made an effort. Its good to get out in the fresh air. It was freezing!!! and i wish i had put on a thicker woolie! and maybe a hat but i look like a loon! cant say they suit me.
Knee held up well so its off to swim tomorrow night! lets hope the water is warm. Then physio on Thursday and maybe just maybe i will be told i can get back to some running. We will see.
Tim spoke to Tom today and yet again he is back into the old frame of mind that he wishes he was back home and hates it in Doncaster. Perhaps seeing us again at the week end made him wish he was closer to home. We cant change that sadly but we can only hope the transfer happens this year! Surely its time for a little good fortune?
I was looking at Mikeys photo tonight and its so hard to accept that we will never see him again. I miss him so very much and time hasn't eased that at all. The pain of seeing him pass away before us haunts me still and its that memory that those close to us didn't witness. Thank goodness for that so how can they understand the anguish Tim and i live with every day. How can they imagine our feelings. Should we even expect them to, probably not. Our candles continue to be lit every night, a beacon in our window to show Mikey the way home. I expect however he would not want to return here on earth if he is no longer in pain and why would he. I continue to have selfish thoughts and still feel resentment of others, is that normal i don't know. I do try to put those thought s away but its a bit like having an onion and you peel one layer away and there is another. Each time you reach another layer you still cry. No hope for me i think.
Will we ever get over our loss? no i don't think we will. Will we be able to live with our loss, yes i expect we will. Will be ever be happy, no i don't think so, can we live with that, yes i expect we will.
Can something good come out of losing Mikey, I'm not sure. I hope that raising money when i do my run will in some way help others like him and i know that would make him feel good so i will concentrate on that!!
I remember every night that tomorrow is another day.......................
Monday 31 January 2011
Sunday 30 January 2011
Day 155
Another early start to the day and i nearly missed Jacks Christening. Overlaid!! Thank goodness for Tim.
Collected Joni and Sat Nav on, its sad but i cant even find my way 25 miles away!
Phone call on the way and Yep it was Linda to say she was going to be a little late. Well she got there just in time for the closing hymn!!
It was another day of joy spending time with the family. Its about quality time and being grateful for the time we spend together.
All of us feeling rather smug, Joy and i have lost half a stone, yippee and Linda has a pound to go to make her stone loss!
Jen has fallen by the way side but hopefully the pep talk from us all will give her the boost she needs!
The past three days have flown by and my mind has been so busy with other thoughts that i guess i have had respite from misery. I feel that she has been pushed back and i am managing to keep her at bay. Well for now at least. Tim continues to be a great support and i wonder if i tell him that enough.
It was time to go to Eastwood and take flowers for mum and dad. I cant drum up the courage to return just yet. Its strange but in the early days of losing Mikey i would find myself sitting on the bench beside them. It was comforting, but now it doesn't feel the same.
We have decided to go to the Ritz on April the 8th as Jens 60th is on the 13th. We will also book up for the London eye. Dave doesn't think we will get Linda aboard but as Joy said, you don't know how persuasive the three of us can be! What she means is we will just push her on hold her down and up we will go!!!
A weekend in York at the close of Summer will be the next trip!! what a lot to look forward to!
Tom driving his Capri home
Tom and Tim deep in conversation outside Toms
The knee continues to improve slowly and i think i will start some more gentle exercise tomorrow.
Tom continues to laugh and despair of all my efforts and Mikey i know would be doing the same. Mikey would however tell you if he thought you were doing well! Never afraid to admit he was wrong. A beautiful son with all the best parts of me and Tim.
Still struggling to get photos loaded from Camera but will keep trying!!!
Well in three weeks we will be seeing the medium i wonder what we will hear!! I don't know if i believe in all this but you just never know. Stranger things happen and there are an awful lot of people who do get a lot of comfort from going so we shall see.
I am going to really try to get some early nights! famous last words!!!! the bags under my eyes are starting to look like back packs so i must try something!!
Hope i will soon be back on the road again, I'm feeling positive but always, always aware that tomorrow is another day.................
Collected Joni and Sat Nav on, its sad but i cant even find my way 25 miles away!
Phone call on the way and Yep it was Linda to say she was going to be a little late. Well she got there just in time for the closing hymn!!
It was another day of joy spending time with the family. Its about quality time and being grateful for the time we spend together.
All of us feeling rather smug, Joy and i have lost half a stone, yippee and Linda has a pound to go to make her stone loss!
Jen has fallen by the way side but hopefully the pep talk from us all will give her the boost she needs!
The past three days have flown by and my mind has been so busy with other thoughts that i guess i have had respite from misery. I feel that she has been pushed back and i am managing to keep her at bay. Well for now at least. Tim continues to be a great support and i wonder if i tell him that enough.
It was time to go to Eastwood and take flowers for mum and dad. I cant drum up the courage to return just yet. Its strange but in the early days of losing Mikey i would find myself sitting on the bench beside them. It was comforting, but now it doesn't feel the same.
We have decided to go to the Ritz on April the 8th as Jens 60th is on the 13th. We will also book up for the London eye. Dave doesn't think we will get Linda aboard but as Joy said, you don't know how persuasive the three of us can be! What she means is we will just push her on hold her down and up we will go!!!
A weekend in York at the close of Summer will be the next trip!! what a lot to look forward to!
Tom driving his Capri home
Tom and Tim deep in conversation outside Toms
The knee continues to improve slowly and i think i will start some more gentle exercise tomorrow.
Tom continues to laugh and despair of all my efforts and Mikey i know would be doing the same. Mikey would however tell you if he thought you were doing well! Never afraid to admit he was wrong. A beautiful son with all the best parts of me and Tim.
Still struggling to get photos loaded from Camera but will keep trying!!!
Well in three weeks we will be seeing the medium i wonder what we will hear!! I don't know if i believe in all this but you just never know. Stranger things happen and there are an awful lot of people who do get a lot of comfort from going so we shall see.
I am going to really try to get some early nights! famous last words!!!! the bags under my eyes are starting to look like back packs so i must try something!!
Hope i will soon be back on the road again, I'm feeling positive but always, always aware that tomorrow is another day.................
Saturday 29 January 2011
Day 153 and 154
Well what a day we had yesterday. By the time i got home and checked the photos it was far to late to blog especially as i had to be up to go to Doncaster early this morning, but back to the beginning.
Jen picked me up and whilst i was waiting the postie came and joy of joys with Tim's belated birthday present, so i left home with the hope that it was a sign that the day would be good, i wasn't disappointed.
Jens driving is shall we say interesting! but we got to Joys clutching our items of clothing to fit on or so i thought!
Joy was waiting for us at her gate and we were so pleased to see each other. Joys home is a delight and always guaranteed a warm welcome. After a few minutes the phone rang, yep it was Linda, late as usual but almost there.
Linda arrived bags in hand, Joy put the coffee on and i hogged the place directly in front of her lovely wood fire!!!
Joy lives out in the sticks with very little passing traffic, in fact the passing traffic is her neighbor!! The common is a haven for wild life and the traveller community leave their horses on the common so we were lucky to get into the garden gate/ The one horse of the day was tethered thank goodness, no Hamish to shoo them away for us should the herd be there!
Jen then let on she had forgotten her item!! not to be left out we soon said she would have to try something of ours!! I'm the shortest and Jen at the moment the biggest. Any clue as to what would happen!!
Undress in front of each other no opportunity to be bashful!! The next hour and a half had us all in hysterical laughter and the pictures taken are not for public viewing. Jen made us swear to a confidentiality clause!!! i just wish you could see them but on the other hand I'm sure we would be arrested!!!
Linda's Kat Slater dress was a hoot!!! and my green dress was so small now that the shoulders came up to my ears and the neck was used as a sling for my chin!!! how the heck i will get to lose enough weight for it to be pulled down into position lord only knows i was zipped in by the girls!! Jen had to fit an orange top on that she rather liked it was, we thought one size to small. Over the head and then Linda to the front and joy to the back pulling pushing and heaving until Jen was in! Hardly able to breathe and i was taking the photos hahahahahaha. Well she said what do you think. I can only say none of could say a word because we hurt so much with laughing. Eventually once rescued from the offending piece of clothing we then realised it was in fact three sizes too small which had us rolling about again!
We all went home with a bag of swapped clothing only to re cycle again when we lose weight!!
Out to lunch to Ely and for a walk around, maybe shop!!!
As Linda has bad knees and a bad back and Jens back was bad, my knee is improving, Joy drove. Once parked we supported each other along the river side. Again much hilarity because we didn't know who would fall over first!! Arms linked to hold each other up or was it to pull the other one down none of us worked it out!!!
Found a pub and all decided to stick to the diet and were very good when ordering. Long chat about how we were doing and shared useful tips etc it really was fab. Lunch arrived and Jens was inedible, the waitress then said to Jen they had lots of complaints about it!! rather than wait for another meal i asked the waitress to take mine to the kitchen and put it in two bowls so we could share!!!! we had a few looks anyway on her return Jen was told the soup had now been taken off the menu!!
The sun was shining and we accosted a member of the public to take a photo of us all. This will be posted at the bottom of the blog!!!
Grand walk around the Cathedral and grounds and then to the shops!!! It just got better and better!! headed for coffee i bought cos i lost the least weight!!! thank goodness no cakes!!
We had the bestest day of carefree abandon and it was as if we were all girls again. Meet again in a month!!! well we will see each other Sunday for Jacks Christening but that on Sunday.
I got home just after 5 and was told by Tim that Tom has booked Rocky in for Doggy day care on Saturday so we can go up and see him. I am terrified of dogs!!! so that was something else to look forward to.
So it was another early start and off to Doncaster to see Tom.
Tom has bought a Capri and wanted his dad to take him to Scunthorpe to fetch it home. So off we went and the scenery was beautiful. Another sunny day!!
Got the car and followed him home and managed to get some good photos of him on the road. The sound of the engine roared and reminded us both of when the car was very popular when we were younger. The engine growled at you and you could feel the vibration under your feet when standing next to it!!!
It was fab to see and spend time together.
Managed to get home just in time to get a pressie for little Jack!!
What to wear for the Christening, well wardrobe full and nothing fits!!!! hope what I'm wearing stays together all day!!
Here is the picture of us all together
Jennie, Me Joy and Linda
Today they taught me that 'Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass...its learning to dance in the rain.'
I'm sure i am a victim of body snatchers and i am the host in the one they left behind. I want the old one back pretty sharpish!!! i will put some more pics on tomorrow but i better get to bed because its another early start. Oh and i had a Mc D today shame on me but Tomorrow is another day..............
Jen picked me up and whilst i was waiting the postie came and joy of joys with Tim's belated birthday present, so i left home with the hope that it was a sign that the day would be good, i wasn't disappointed.
Jens driving is shall we say interesting! but we got to Joys clutching our items of clothing to fit on or so i thought!
Joy was waiting for us at her gate and we were so pleased to see each other. Joys home is a delight and always guaranteed a warm welcome. After a few minutes the phone rang, yep it was Linda, late as usual but almost there.
Linda arrived bags in hand, Joy put the coffee on and i hogged the place directly in front of her lovely wood fire!!!
Joy lives out in the sticks with very little passing traffic, in fact the passing traffic is her neighbor!! The common is a haven for wild life and the traveller community leave their horses on the common so we were lucky to get into the garden gate/ The one horse of the day was tethered thank goodness, no Hamish to shoo them away for us should the herd be there!
Jen then let on she had forgotten her item!! not to be left out we soon said she would have to try something of ours!! I'm the shortest and Jen at the moment the biggest. Any clue as to what would happen!!
Undress in front of each other no opportunity to be bashful!! The next hour and a half had us all in hysterical laughter and the pictures taken are not for public viewing. Jen made us swear to a confidentiality clause!!! i just wish you could see them but on the other hand I'm sure we would be arrested!!!
Linda's Kat Slater dress was a hoot!!! and my green dress was so small now that the shoulders came up to my ears and the neck was used as a sling for my chin!!! how the heck i will get to lose enough weight for it to be pulled down into position lord only knows i was zipped in by the girls!! Jen had to fit an orange top on that she rather liked it was, we thought one size to small. Over the head and then Linda to the front and joy to the back pulling pushing and heaving until Jen was in! Hardly able to breathe and i was taking the photos hahahahahaha. Well she said what do you think. I can only say none of could say a word because we hurt so much with laughing. Eventually once rescued from the offending piece of clothing we then realised it was in fact three sizes too small which had us rolling about again!
We all went home with a bag of swapped clothing only to re cycle again when we lose weight!!
Out to lunch to Ely and for a walk around, maybe shop!!!
As Linda has bad knees and a bad back and Jens back was bad, my knee is improving, Joy drove. Once parked we supported each other along the river side. Again much hilarity because we didn't know who would fall over first!! Arms linked to hold each other up or was it to pull the other one down none of us worked it out!!!
Found a pub and all decided to stick to the diet and were very good when ordering. Long chat about how we were doing and shared useful tips etc it really was fab. Lunch arrived and Jens was inedible, the waitress then said to Jen they had lots of complaints about it!! rather than wait for another meal i asked the waitress to take mine to the kitchen and put it in two bowls so we could share!!!! we had a few looks anyway on her return Jen was told the soup had now been taken off the menu!!
The sun was shining and we accosted a member of the public to take a photo of us all. This will be posted at the bottom of the blog!!!
Grand walk around the Cathedral and grounds and then to the shops!!! It just got better and better!! headed for coffee i bought cos i lost the least weight!!! thank goodness no cakes!!
We had the bestest day of carefree abandon and it was as if we were all girls again. Meet again in a month!!! well we will see each other Sunday for Jacks Christening but that on Sunday.
I got home just after 5 and was told by Tim that Tom has booked Rocky in for Doggy day care on Saturday so we can go up and see him. I am terrified of dogs!!! so that was something else to look forward to.
So it was another early start and off to Doncaster to see Tom.
Tom has bought a Capri and wanted his dad to take him to Scunthorpe to fetch it home. So off we went and the scenery was beautiful. Another sunny day!!
Got the car and followed him home and managed to get some good photos of him on the road. The sound of the engine roared and reminded us both of when the car was very popular when we were younger. The engine growled at you and you could feel the vibration under your feet when standing next to it!!!
It was fab to see and spend time together.
Managed to get home just in time to get a pressie for little Jack!!
What to wear for the Christening, well wardrobe full and nothing fits!!!! hope what I'm wearing stays together all day!!
Here is the picture of us all together
Jennie, Me Joy and Linda
Today they taught me that 'Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass...its learning to dance in the rain.'
I'm sure i am a victim of body snatchers and i am the host in the one they left behind. I want the old one back pretty sharpish!!! i will put some more pics on tomorrow but i better get to bed because its another early start. Oh and i had a Mc D today shame on me but Tomorrow is another day..............
Thursday 27 January 2011
Day 152
Shame on me, i used the car again!!! Didn't last long with the cycling i really must try harder.
Work continues to be challenging but good. The atmosphere is buzzing and we are laughing for a great deal of the day. How good is that. Time is going so fast. I woke on Monday and here it is now early hours of Friday morning. Girls day has arrived and the day of reckoning is here. Blast i hope i still weight the same as yesterday!!!
Tims birthday and his pressie didn't arrive!! Tim had said don't bother with a gift this year but as soon as no gift in sight, what is the first thing that's said. Yep it was, i didn't even get a present from you but someone from your work place called round with a card and chockie gift. Shame on me again!! So off to tesco and bought him his favourite sweets and then the gall of the man when he offered me one, and i took it i was accused of eating his present as well!!! Shame on me yet again!! Well he did offer and i have been sooo good!!
Tim missed Mikeys call and card today, he never forgot, but yet again Tom turned up trumps and remembered. He rang his dad and then said he had sent an e card but he would have to wait until i got home to open the computer for him!! Tim is going to have to move with the times. He is how ever spending a lot of time on here browsing!!!
Sorted out my article of clothing for tomorrow. Oh my word we have to fit them on. I will end up looking like a demented slug in mine!!! and Lin says shes taking pictures!! do i put them here for all to see. Why not, i may as give every reader a laugh and brighten up their day!!
A meal out afterwards and a stroll along the river at Ely is the plan, thats if Linda gets there on time. At least in that she is reliable. You can rely on her to be late!!! Dad and Mum used to chuckle about it all the time.
Jen is going to pick me up and all meet at Joys first for the dreaded weigh and shame!! i may as well claim the booby prize, my treat to coffees then!! No cake! i have some pride!!
Knee is really improving every day I'm so pleased its the rest of me thats still failing!! who would have thought it. A consolation is my running partners back is still playing her up and so she is waiting for me to be fit before go back to athletics. How kind is that, at least we will be at the same level still.
A positive day today, i think because i am just so busy to think and thats why I'm coping. I wouldn't have said a few weeks ago that work helped but it does it gets you through time!!! but tomorrow is another day.....
Work continues to be challenging but good. The atmosphere is buzzing and we are laughing for a great deal of the day. How good is that. Time is going so fast. I woke on Monday and here it is now early hours of Friday morning. Girls day has arrived and the day of reckoning is here. Blast i hope i still weight the same as yesterday!!!
Tims birthday and his pressie didn't arrive!! Tim had said don't bother with a gift this year but as soon as no gift in sight, what is the first thing that's said. Yep it was, i didn't even get a present from you but someone from your work place called round with a card and chockie gift. Shame on me again!! So off to tesco and bought him his favourite sweets and then the gall of the man when he offered me one, and i took it i was accused of eating his present as well!!! Shame on me yet again!! Well he did offer and i have been sooo good!!
Tim missed Mikeys call and card today, he never forgot, but yet again Tom turned up trumps and remembered. He rang his dad and then said he had sent an e card but he would have to wait until i got home to open the computer for him!! Tim is going to have to move with the times. He is how ever spending a lot of time on here browsing!!!
Sorted out my article of clothing for tomorrow. Oh my word we have to fit them on. I will end up looking like a demented slug in mine!!! and Lin says shes taking pictures!! do i put them here for all to see. Why not, i may as give every reader a laugh and brighten up their day!!
A meal out afterwards and a stroll along the river at Ely is the plan, thats if Linda gets there on time. At least in that she is reliable. You can rely on her to be late!!! Dad and Mum used to chuckle about it all the time.
Jen is going to pick me up and all meet at Joys first for the dreaded weigh and shame!! i may as well claim the booby prize, my treat to coffees then!! No cake! i have some pride!!
Knee is really improving every day I'm so pleased its the rest of me thats still failing!! who would have thought it. A consolation is my running partners back is still playing her up and so she is waiting for me to be fit before go back to athletics. How kind is that, at least we will be at the same level still.
A positive day today, i think because i am just so busy to think and thats why I'm coping. I wouldn't have said a few weeks ago that work helped but it does it gets you through time!!! but tomorrow is another day.....
Wednesday 26 January 2011
Day 151
My mood swings are as frequent as a hormonal teenager! Pity they are not for the same reason!
Still today has been a good day, work has kept me really busy and i have enjoyed the challenges that work has given me. A few weeks ago i would never had said that.
Its almost 6 months since we lost Mikey. Our sense of loss remains as great today as then but we are getting through the days. We are getting better at keeping our feelings to ourselves and just sharing our feelings with each other.
I still find it very difficult when the conversation turns to Mikey from others and apart from Tim and Tom i am uncomfortable in case i start crying again.
Keeping a tight rein on my emotions comes at a cost and i guess I'm lucky i work with a close group of people who understand me, warts and all.
My knee is feeling much better and i am once again looking forward to getting out running, soon i hope. Still feeling really tired from this chest infection and hope that soon resolves, then i can get back to normal!!
It was raining this morning and to my shame i jumped in the car instead of cycling! must try better!! It talks of snow for the weekend!
Flicking through the diary of 2002 and also discovered that that year Mikey had his port fitted so it would appear he had lots of changes in his life then. Its hard to imagine how we managed really. I was working in a unit for the brain injured and that was really hard work, at the same time Mikey was having his IV's at home, i was working full time ,taking him to appointments etc. Tim was working then too so i was juggling all roles. As a parent of a child with CF its amazing what you can do when pushed to the limits. That may be what we miss as well, the constant worry. We no longer have that. Poor Tom he really did miss out on so much of our time, and looking back he never once complained about it.
Tim's birthday tomorrow! i hope his pressie comes. I have ordered from Play.com! another first Mikey!!
Few more weeks and we will go and see Sally Morgan at the Cresset, getting a little bit anxious about it, but apparently she is a very good medium, we shall see.
Well better go and drink another litre of juice, it will soon be Friday. Linda rang today and she has lost 12 pounds!!!! i have lost up to today a measly 4 pounds!!! how has she done it!! and she isn't exercising. I must be doing something wrong. Oh and must sort out that item of clothing to squeeze into!! and take along to Joys eeek well i do have plenty to chose from!
Swimming tomorrow and try to burn those few extra ounces every little helps and if i fail today i just need to remember in all things that, Tomorrow is another day...........
Still today has been a good day, work has kept me really busy and i have enjoyed the challenges that work has given me. A few weeks ago i would never had said that.
Its almost 6 months since we lost Mikey. Our sense of loss remains as great today as then but we are getting through the days. We are getting better at keeping our feelings to ourselves and just sharing our feelings with each other.
I still find it very difficult when the conversation turns to Mikey from others and apart from Tim and Tom i am uncomfortable in case i start crying again.
Keeping a tight rein on my emotions comes at a cost and i guess I'm lucky i work with a close group of people who understand me, warts and all.
My knee is feeling much better and i am once again looking forward to getting out running, soon i hope. Still feeling really tired from this chest infection and hope that soon resolves, then i can get back to normal!!
It was raining this morning and to my shame i jumped in the car instead of cycling! must try better!! It talks of snow for the weekend!
Flicking through the diary of 2002 and also discovered that that year Mikey had his port fitted so it would appear he had lots of changes in his life then. Its hard to imagine how we managed really. I was working in a unit for the brain injured and that was really hard work, at the same time Mikey was having his IV's at home, i was working full time ,taking him to appointments etc. Tim was working then too so i was juggling all roles. As a parent of a child with CF its amazing what you can do when pushed to the limits. That may be what we miss as well, the constant worry. We no longer have that. Poor Tom he really did miss out on so much of our time, and looking back he never once complained about it.
Tim's birthday tomorrow! i hope his pressie comes. I have ordered from Play.com! another first Mikey!!
Few more weeks and we will go and see Sally Morgan at the Cresset, getting a little bit anxious about it, but apparently she is a very good medium, we shall see.
Well better go and drink another litre of juice, it will soon be Friday. Linda rang today and she has lost 12 pounds!!!! i have lost up to today a measly 4 pounds!!! how has she done it!! and she isn't exercising. I must be doing something wrong. Oh and must sort out that item of clothing to squeeze into!! and take along to Joys eeek well i do have plenty to chose from!
Swimming tomorrow and try to burn those few extra ounces every little helps and if i fail today i just need to remember in all things that, Tomorrow is another day...........
Tuesday 25 January 2011
Day 149/150
I suppose i should be ashamed of myself as i missed yesterday but i was so tired. The high of the day before didn't last!! and i was so low yesterday i guess that wretched misery found me yet again, I thought i was getting rather good at evading her clutches but she continues to descend when you least expect it.
I wonder why i refer to her as she? perhaps putting a name to her makes it easier to explain the feelings i have. I don't know but i suppose it will do. It works for me and i guess that's something.
I really have tried to put myself back into the swing of things at work and i realised just how hard it is to get re motivated into something i usually relish, still i do hope i will at some point return to the old me. Maybe with some changes though.
The experience of losing a child has a profound effect on my whole outlook on life. That may not be such a good thing but only time will tell.
What some people consider important i no longer do and cannot imagine why they continue to do so! it could be that their lives are not as full to overflowing as mine. That doesn't mean i have an exciting lifestyle just mine is so full of memories and thoughts of Mikey and what happened and how life could have been so different for him. So in the grand scheme of things so what if you don't get all your jobs done today? it will still be there the next day and will be done if not by you another person. Its not life threatening and the worse that can happen is no employment you don't die from it. Its about putting things in perspective. That's how i look at my role now.
As i have said before i hate Tuesdays and Thursdays now that could be contributing to my mood!
Tims birthday on Thursday and i know he will miss the card from Mikey. Its so sad all these events that triple the sense of loss we feel. I still say every day how unfair life is but whatever i say or do is not going to change a damn thing. If i could turn back time, how far would i go? now that is a question because it could result in the non existence of our family our relationships etc etc, so perhaps its a good thing we cant.
I remember my niece telling me that she had asked Mikey if he wished he didn't have his illness and he said no, its what makes me who i am. Gosh i wish i had his heart and soul i would be a better person than i am.
Its easy to wish for change but as Mikey said we wouldn't be who we were still i am only human and quietly consider where the need for change would be. Maybe I'm not the person to make those decisions but the friends who know me are. Oh perish the thought i probably wouldn't like to know just how many changes i would have to have!!!
Looking forward to the week end and to get out and take some photographs of the changes going on in the fens, talks of being dry and i would like to see just how the Crows are doing! Spring cant be too far away and although we have had snow very late in the year i am ever hopeful of the sun coming out soon.
Received conformation of our holiday booking so something to look forward to.
Friday is getting closer and this damn weight isn't shifting , oh dear i will be put to shame by the sisters!! still my leg no longer resembles a turkey drumstick its down to the size of a healthy chicken drumstick now, oh to be the size of a sparrow. I don't think that will happen but you never know and, tomorrow is another day.............
I wonder why i refer to her as she? perhaps putting a name to her makes it easier to explain the feelings i have. I don't know but i suppose it will do. It works for me and i guess that's something.
I really have tried to put myself back into the swing of things at work and i realised just how hard it is to get re motivated into something i usually relish, still i do hope i will at some point return to the old me. Maybe with some changes though.
The experience of losing a child has a profound effect on my whole outlook on life. That may not be such a good thing but only time will tell.
What some people consider important i no longer do and cannot imagine why they continue to do so! it could be that their lives are not as full to overflowing as mine. That doesn't mean i have an exciting lifestyle just mine is so full of memories and thoughts of Mikey and what happened and how life could have been so different for him. So in the grand scheme of things so what if you don't get all your jobs done today? it will still be there the next day and will be done if not by you another person. Its not life threatening and the worse that can happen is no employment you don't die from it. Its about putting things in perspective. That's how i look at my role now.
As i have said before i hate Tuesdays and Thursdays now that could be contributing to my mood!
Tims birthday on Thursday and i know he will miss the card from Mikey. Its so sad all these events that triple the sense of loss we feel. I still say every day how unfair life is but whatever i say or do is not going to change a damn thing. If i could turn back time, how far would i go? now that is a question because it could result in the non existence of our family our relationships etc etc, so perhaps its a good thing we cant.
I remember my niece telling me that she had asked Mikey if he wished he didn't have his illness and he said no, its what makes me who i am. Gosh i wish i had his heart and soul i would be a better person than i am.
Its easy to wish for change but as Mikey said we wouldn't be who we were still i am only human and quietly consider where the need for change would be. Maybe I'm not the person to make those decisions but the friends who know me are. Oh perish the thought i probably wouldn't like to know just how many changes i would have to have!!!
Looking forward to the week end and to get out and take some photographs of the changes going on in the fens, talks of being dry and i would like to see just how the Crows are doing! Spring cant be too far away and although we have had snow very late in the year i am ever hopeful of the sun coming out soon.
Received conformation of our holiday booking so something to look forward to.
Friday is getting closer and this damn weight isn't shifting , oh dear i will be put to shame by the sisters!! still my leg no longer resembles a turkey drumstick its down to the size of a healthy chicken drumstick now, oh to be the size of a sparrow. I don't think that will happen but you never know and, tomorrow is another day.............
Sunday 23 January 2011
Day 148
Another week-end almost over!! and have not been able to get out as much as usual, but things are improving!!
Tim took me out in the car and we worked a cycle route out for me so once home i wheeled the trusty steed out for an airing.
Managed to do 4 miles today and only had a bit of a twinge so that's positive.
Did the exercises religiously band and all and yep knee aches now!! but whats the saying no pain no gain!
I really cannot afford to get to far behind this year its almost the end of January!!
Time, once again it plays such an important part of my life!!
Tim is really being supportive and says its uncanny that as soon as i start to do something for me everything goes belly up. I would have thought i am due some good luck!
I had a good rummage through my drawers today and found an Alice band. Whats that got to do with anything you may ask, well after yesterday and a good look in the mirror i am well over due for a make over.
I have let myself go recently i even went out today with no make up. That is bad............ I don't think the boys have ever seen me leave the house without some effort being made, so its serious me time.
Had a look in the wardrobes, and shock horror found over 20 pairs of jeans, what on earth possesses someone to buy so many, half of them still have the labels on. Do you know i thought i sorted these out a while ago. Did i just push them back in the hope they would fit me at some time!!
Well i tried my bike leathers on, why, well why not. Jesus i couldn't get them up and over the knees. Yep the knees swollen but boy not that much. I am almost ashamed of myself. Note almost, got to keep some pride!
The only kit that fitted was the helmet!!! E bay i wonder??? No you never know i just may get another motorbike. Will i??? See Mikey always said we could never make a decision!!!!
I think i just spied a hula hoop under Mikeys bed, yep i did ummmmmmmm maybe i can use that over the next few nights. Meet with the sisters Friday and have to have lost something by then. A pound this week would do me nicely.
Its tragic the state of mind a woman in her fifties gets herself into when she can see time passing her by, next thing you know i will have blinked and i will be retiring. Oh my word will Tim and I be able to spend every waking minute together. Nope it just wont work we will have to find some hobbies!!! Golf again, maybe.
I feel really positive again tonight and can imagine this body of mine being a lean mean running machine by the end of the year, ha!! am i kidding myself? no i am just keeping these positive vibes going, until the next set back. Oooops they didnt last long, oh well i better get some rest because i am going to cycle to work all week, come rain or shine!! swim on Tuesday and Thursday anything to get fit!!! and hopefully look to start running again at the end of the month. That will be 4 weeks, um i wonder if that's long enough for the hamstring to be healed? i will ask when i go to physio next.
Mikey, this is one thing i am going to stick at so don't be there shaking your head with that look on your face! just you wait and see. i will do you proud.
Tomorrow really is another day.....................
Tim took me out in the car and we worked a cycle route out for me so once home i wheeled the trusty steed out for an airing.
Managed to do 4 miles today and only had a bit of a twinge so that's positive.
Did the exercises religiously band and all and yep knee aches now!! but whats the saying no pain no gain!
I really cannot afford to get to far behind this year its almost the end of January!!
Time, once again it plays such an important part of my life!!
Tim is really being supportive and says its uncanny that as soon as i start to do something for me everything goes belly up. I would have thought i am due some good luck!
I had a good rummage through my drawers today and found an Alice band. Whats that got to do with anything you may ask, well after yesterday and a good look in the mirror i am well over due for a make over.
I have let myself go recently i even went out today with no make up. That is bad............ I don't think the boys have ever seen me leave the house without some effort being made, so its serious me time.
Had a look in the wardrobes, and shock horror found over 20 pairs of jeans, what on earth possesses someone to buy so many, half of them still have the labels on. Do you know i thought i sorted these out a while ago. Did i just push them back in the hope they would fit me at some time!!
Well i tried my bike leathers on, why, well why not. Jesus i couldn't get them up and over the knees. Yep the knees swollen but boy not that much. I am almost ashamed of myself. Note almost, got to keep some pride!
The only kit that fitted was the helmet!!! E bay i wonder??? No you never know i just may get another motorbike. Will i??? See Mikey always said we could never make a decision!!!!
I think i just spied a hula hoop under Mikeys bed, yep i did ummmmmmmm maybe i can use that over the next few nights. Meet with the sisters Friday and have to have lost something by then. A pound this week would do me nicely.
Its tragic the state of mind a woman in her fifties gets herself into when she can see time passing her by, next thing you know i will have blinked and i will be retiring. Oh my word will Tim and I be able to spend every waking minute together. Nope it just wont work we will have to find some hobbies!!! Golf again, maybe.
I feel really positive again tonight and can imagine this body of mine being a lean mean running machine by the end of the year, ha!! am i kidding myself? no i am just keeping these positive vibes going, until the next set back. Oooops they didnt last long, oh well i better get some rest because i am going to cycle to work all week, come rain or shine!! swim on Tuesday and Thursday anything to get fit!!! and hopefully look to start running again at the end of the month. That will be 4 weeks, um i wonder if that's long enough for the hamstring to be healed? i will ask when i go to physio next.
Mikey, this is one thing i am going to stick at so don't be there shaking your head with that look on your face! just you wait and see. i will do you proud.
Tomorrow really is another day.....................
Saturday 22 January 2011
Day 145,146 and 147
My goodness i know i felt rough when i blogged on Wednesday but had no idea i was going to lose almost 3 days!!!
I really have been feeling lousy and the events of Thursday really did take their toll and i suppose it literally was the final straw that broke the camels back.
I think i have said before how people in general can surprise you!!!!
a good walk around the new city hospital was a revelation and extremely tiring. Yet again i found loads of space in the STD clinic car park!! People will soon start to talk.
I waited to bring a friend home so nearly 2 hours to walk about and have a coffee and used the time to write the assessment up, will save time doing it at home.
Back to work and maybe the least said about that the better!! Once again it is the people closest to you that surprise you. No more though!!!!!
I found the whole episode very draining and what with feeling under the weather i think its time for a change!!
Night visit was also quite challenging but all things done will hopefully lead to more improvements.
Friday!!! i lost it really i went to work for a few hours in the afternoon. Yet again not as i expected!! i had thought to get some respite at least but that wasn't to be either. Fell asleep on the sofa at 6pm and didn't wake until 0130, crawled to bed and woke at 9am this morning. Not sure if i have flu or not. Keep coming over hot and cold, headaches and rotten cough. Still i mustn't grumble. Mikey is constantly in my thoughts and the admiration i have for those with CF continues to grow.
I have always been so healthy and now to find myself with all these very minor issues and yet they are so debilitating. Goodness only knows how people cope with disabilities. Its so hard to get yourself motivated.
I had the run to keep me going and since the knee i am just floundering. Still after today's physio session i can at least do some exercise. No running yet!!! I am to cycle short distances, swim but only the crawl, no breast stroke. That's going to be fun cos i don't think i have done the crawl since i was at school!! Exercises to do with this large red band!!! well i am going to do them religiously!! so far the treatment has worked so I'm not going to mess up now!!
Do i sound depressing, my word it really will not do. Tim's sister has been in touch with Tim again, its good for him to talk to someone else apart from me!!!
Toms been on the phone almost everyday and i think Tim is going up to Doncaster next week to see him, i think its to do with cars. Now there is a surprise!!!!!
I have booked our summer holidays and they are the same weeks as last year and in the same place. Something to look forward to at the same time last year we went just as Claire decided she didn't want to be with Mikey at least not as his wife!!
The sun tried to come out today and Tim took me out for a ride in the car. Made a change and i didn't fall asleep!!! that could have been because i slept for 15 solid hours. Must have needed it.
Although the sun was shining it was that milky sunshine effect when the sky was a blur where the sun was no bright shining orb.
The fields lay dormant although you know there is this anticipation of change in the air. The fens have almost beaten their adversary, winter! and the hope of the forthcoming spring almost has the air humming. The water filled ditches appears like a shiny snake through the fields, not yet sparkling in the sun but getting there. The river at Kings Lynn had receded leaving huge muddy banks behind it. The tides out at Sunny Hunny then. Perhaps a walk along the prom next week. Linda has a caravan at Hunny so may be we will call in for a cuppa, she said we can go anytime.
Decided to cycle to the library before it closed and change my books not to far and certainly no hills! The only hill we have in town is norwood side bridge! it goes over a railway line!! as i have said the fens are flat!!
Went fine didn't give me any additional pain. Good until i went round a corner and there were three young lads about 8-10 i would think, and one of them said to his friend watch it you don't want to knocked over by an old lady!!! can you believe that old!!! me !!!! and the sad thing is i guess i am am to those, boys but i feel so young inside!! the body may be on the downward slope but my mind is still that of a young girl in her twenties!! isn't that sad. Is that why so many women try to turn back the ravages of time by having a face lift or botox etc. I may yet join them!!! Maybe its the hair? i am trying to grow it i quite fancy the feel of a ponytail again. I remember when i had it all cut off, Tim didn't speak to me for three days and both the boys cried. I can still render Tim speechless and the boys only to tears of laughter lately. Oh well.
Maybe a shopping trip will cheer me up, although even that is fraught with danger! i always buy clothes a size too small!!! i persuade myself i will slim
Sisters have been really supportive and have left loads of messages. Friday is getting closer to our meeting. Linda is striding ahead with the weight loss with Joy and i trailing behind. I am in last place!!! Best make a last ditch attempt to lose at least a pound before then. Saying that i have managed to lose 3 pounds in the last two weeks. They must have come off in my sleep!!
Well i suppose i better try and get some sleep. I'm still in Mikeys room, the cough keeps Tim awake, strange how the home still resonates with the sound of coughing. Its comforting somehow and yet downright miserable in others, Ah well Tomorrow is another day..............
I really have been feeling lousy and the events of Thursday really did take their toll and i suppose it literally was the final straw that broke the camels back.
I think i have said before how people in general can surprise you!!!!
a good walk around the new city hospital was a revelation and extremely tiring. Yet again i found loads of space in the STD clinic car park!! People will soon start to talk.
I waited to bring a friend home so nearly 2 hours to walk about and have a coffee and used the time to write the assessment up, will save time doing it at home.
Back to work and maybe the least said about that the better!! Once again it is the people closest to you that surprise you. No more though!!!!!
I found the whole episode very draining and what with feeling under the weather i think its time for a change!!
Night visit was also quite challenging but all things done will hopefully lead to more improvements.
Friday!!! i lost it really i went to work for a few hours in the afternoon. Yet again not as i expected!! i had thought to get some respite at least but that wasn't to be either. Fell asleep on the sofa at 6pm and didn't wake until 0130, crawled to bed and woke at 9am this morning. Not sure if i have flu or not. Keep coming over hot and cold, headaches and rotten cough. Still i mustn't grumble. Mikey is constantly in my thoughts and the admiration i have for those with CF continues to grow.
I have always been so healthy and now to find myself with all these very minor issues and yet they are so debilitating. Goodness only knows how people cope with disabilities. Its so hard to get yourself motivated.
I had the run to keep me going and since the knee i am just floundering. Still after today's physio session i can at least do some exercise. No running yet!!! I am to cycle short distances, swim but only the crawl, no breast stroke. That's going to be fun cos i don't think i have done the crawl since i was at school!! Exercises to do with this large red band!!! well i am going to do them religiously!! so far the treatment has worked so I'm not going to mess up now!!
Do i sound depressing, my word it really will not do. Tim's sister has been in touch with Tim again, its good for him to talk to someone else apart from me!!!
Toms been on the phone almost everyday and i think Tim is going up to Doncaster next week to see him, i think its to do with cars. Now there is a surprise!!!!!
I have booked our summer holidays and they are the same weeks as last year and in the same place. Something to look forward to at the same time last year we went just as Claire decided she didn't want to be with Mikey at least not as his wife!!
The sun tried to come out today and Tim took me out for a ride in the car. Made a change and i didn't fall asleep!!! that could have been because i slept for 15 solid hours. Must have needed it.
Although the sun was shining it was that milky sunshine effect when the sky was a blur where the sun was no bright shining orb.
The fields lay dormant although you know there is this anticipation of change in the air. The fens have almost beaten their adversary, winter! and the hope of the forthcoming spring almost has the air humming. The water filled ditches appears like a shiny snake through the fields, not yet sparkling in the sun but getting there. The river at Kings Lynn had receded leaving huge muddy banks behind it. The tides out at Sunny Hunny then. Perhaps a walk along the prom next week. Linda has a caravan at Hunny so may be we will call in for a cuppa, she said we can go anytime.
Decided to cycle to the library before it closed and change my books not to far and certainly no hills! The only hill we have in town is norwood side bridge! it goes over a railway line!! as i have said the fens are flat!!
Went fine didn't give me any additional pain. Good until i went round a corner and there were three young lads about 8-10 i would think, and one of them said to his friend watch it you don't want to knocked over by an old lady!!! can you believe that old!!! me !!!! and the sad thing is i guess i am am to those, boys but i feel so young inside!! the body may be on the downward slope but my mind is still that of a young girl in her twenties!! isn't that sad. Is that why so many women try to turn back the ravages of time by having a face lift or botox etc. I may yet join them!!! Maybe its the hair? i am trying to grow it i quite fancy the feel of a ponytail again. I remember when i had it all cut off, Tim didn't speak to me for three days and both the boys cried. I can still render Tim speechless and the boys only to tears of laughter lately. Oh well.
Maybe a shopping trip will cheer me up, although even that is fraught with danger! i always buy clothes a size too small!!! i persuade myself i will slim
Sisters have been really supportive and have left loads of messages. Friday is getting closer to our meeting. Linda is striding ahead with the weight loss with Joy and i trailing behind. I am in last place!!! Best make a last ditch attempt to lose at least a pound before then. Saying that i have managed to lose 3 pounds in the last two weeks. They must have come off in my sleep!!
Well i suppose i better try and get some sleep. I'm still in Mikeys room, the cough keeps Tim awake, strange how the home still resonates with the sound of coughing. Its comforting somehow and yet downright miserable in others, Ah well Tomorrow is another day..............
Wednesday 19 January 2011
Day 144
Strange day. Missing our admin at work and hope she keeps well. So off to the Docs again this morning. Chest infection and i have now got antibiotics again and loads of other stuff. Gosh how do people manage to remember all their medicines!!! i feel like a walking chemist now. The cost is astounding!!
Just hope after all this i start to feel better. Knee does seem to be getting better. Chest feels really tight tonight. Damn and blast it. A new body would do me fine.
Found an old diary of mine tonight 2002 lots of notes about Mikey, hospital appointments, when on IV,s when he had his peg fitted. Then his driving assessment at thetford. It doesn't seem that long ago and yet its 9 years ago. The same year that Mike lost his friend Dan in a car accident, its unbelievable now looking back
I wonder if we will be like his parents. They have coped to some degree i think, and his brother.
I will blog more tomorrow but i just cant concentrate tonight, my throat feels tight as well. Oh i do hope I'm not allergic to any of these pills!!! Maybe just me.
What a moaning Minnie i am,!! oh well Tomorrow is another day........
Just hope after all this i start to feel better. Knee does seem to be getting better. Chest feels really tight tonight. Damn and blast it. A new body would do me fine.
Found an old diary of mine tonight 2002 lots of notes about Mikey, hospital appointments, when on IV,s when he had his peg fitted. Then his driving assessment at thetford. It doesn't seem that long ago and yet its 9 years ago. The same year that Mike lost his friend Dan in a car accident, its unbelievable now looking back
I wonder if we will be like his parents. They have coped to some degree i think, and his brother.
I will blog more tomorrow but i just cant concentrate tonight, my throat feels tight as well. Oh i do hope I'm not allergic to any of these pills!!! Maybe just me.
What a moaning Minnie i am,!! oh well Tomorrow is another day........
Tuesday 18 January 2011
Day 143
Have you ever woken up just knowing that everything is wrong in the world. You feel wrong, people are wrong, just about nothing is right!!! and you don't even know why?
Well that's how i felt this morning. Then the sun came out and all was well in the world. Those few hours earlier though just make you feel rotten.
If i was a man i expect you could say i was itching for a fight. Anyone would do, and i think the money should be on me!!!
Still that was earlier and now its OK.
The knee feels better not right but certainly better than yesterday. I can now walk upstairs, Yay!!!
Every day i little bit better.
Tim told me at lunch time i was becoming rotund!!! how dare he. OK so i have put some weight on recently but i ask you, was there any need for that!!!
He is trying to help i know because i am very aware that any weight carried now will affect the knee! But still i was quite miffed. Thank goodness my mood had improved before he told me.
Worry does make you behave oddly. A friend is off to hospital tomorrow, she has cancer and surgery booked for the morning. You just never know whats around the corner. First me again!!!! and its a limb, now Lin i really thought we would be OK this year, but its not to be. Still as a team we have achieved so much. Illness and tragedies certainly put things into perspective and the minor tribulations of work seem almost pitiful. At the end of the day that's exactly what it is, a job. Health is far more important and time should not be wasted about, as i say trivial things. They will always be there tomorrow
Mikeys loss has had profound effect on us as a family and i don't expect anyone to be able to imagine how we have felt or are still feeling unless they have been in the same position. It does however change you. Is that for the better or not?? i expect only time will tell. My tolerance level has become less though!
Well that's got that off my chest!!
Tims been for his walk again and i swear his waistline has shrunk a couple of inches whilst mine has increased. I am eating far less than him!! maybe I'm not eating enough. I will think hard about that!!
Anyway i am off to shower and the freeze my knee again and then to bed with a book. A positive mood but tomorrow is another day...........
Well that's how i felt this morning. Then the sun came out and all was well in the world. Those few hours earlier though just make you feel rotten.
If i was a man i expect you could say i was itching for a fight. Anyone would do, and i think the money should be on me!!!
Still that was earlier and now its OK.
The knee feels better not right but certainly better than yesterday. I can now walk upstairs, Yay!!!
Every day i little bit better.
Tim told me at lunch time i was becoming rotund!!! how dare he. OK so i have put some weight on recently but i ask you, was there any need for that!!!
He is trying to help i know because i am very aware that any weight carried now will affect the knee! But still i was quite miffed. Thank goodness my mood had improved before he told me.
Worry does make you behave oddly. A friend is off to hospital tomorrow, she has cancer and surgery booked for the morning. You just never know whats around the corner. First me again!!!! and its a limb, now Lin i really thought we would be OK this year, but its not to be. Still as a team we have achieved so much. Illness and tragedies certainly put things into perspective and the minor tribulations of work seem almost pitiful. At the end of the day that's exactly what it is, a job. Health is far more important and time should not be wasted about, as i say trivial things. They will always be there tomorrow
Mikeys loss has had profound effect on us as a family and i don't expect anyone to be able to imagine how we have felt or are still feeling unless they have been in the same position. It does however change you. Is that for the better or not?? i expect only time will tell. My tolerance level has become less though!
Well that's got that off my chest!!
Tims been for his walk again and i swear his waistline has shrunk a couple of inches whilst mine has increased. I am eating far less than him!! maybe I'm not eating enough. I will think hard about that!!
Anyway i am off to shower and the freeze my knee again and then to bed with a book. A positive mood but tomorrow is another day...........
Monday 17 January 2011
Day 142
At last today it feels as though the clouds have lifted and parted leaving me feeling much lighter in mood.
This could be because the pain in the knee is less, that work went well today or because i had a lovely long conversation with Tom. I think that was the answer!
Sometimes the days just seem so pointless, others you don't know whats wrong or why its been a bad day. Grieving remains a mystery to me even now and its been 5 months.
I still expect to see Mikey or to speak to him. His pictures keep him very much alive at the time of looking, The pain of our loss remains the same.
Yet other days are good, when memories are comforting and when you can focus on the positive.
I don't think i have had such a long period of time of feeling totally miserable. Initially you are almost numb and you blink to find six weeks have passed. I know they have because of the blog. How strange is that.
So tonight i am comfortable sitting here and pondering on my day.
Tim has been out for a nightly walk! sadly i cant go with him yet. The knee is improving and i don't want to upset things at the moment. If it is a ham string it may get better quite quickly!! Lets hope so.
I think because of how the pain is decreasing i can yet again see my goal. It doesn't seem quite so impossible now. Even the healthy eating is appealing!!!
There is hope for me yet. That's what Mikey, wanted hope!! that's made me feel sad so i am going to close now and trust that tomorrow is another day..................
This could be because the pain in the knee is less, that work went well today or because i had a lovely long conversation with Tom. I think that was the answer!
Sometimes the days just seem so pointless, others you don't know whats wrong or why its been a bad day. Grieving remains a mystery to me even now and its been 5 months.
I still expect to see Mikey or to speak to him. His pictures keep him very much alive at the time of looking, The pain of our loss remains the same.
Yet other days are good, when memories are comforting and when you can focus on the positive.
I don't think i have had such a long period of time of feeling totally miserable. Initially you are almost numb and you blink to find six weeks have passed. I know they have because of the blog. How strange is that.
So tonight i am comfortable sitting here and pondering on my day.
Tim has been out for a nightly walk! sadly i cant go with him yet. The knee is improving and i don't want to upset things at the moment. If it is a ham string it may get better quite quickly!! Lets hope so.
I think because of how the pain is decreasing i can yet again see my goal. It doesn't seem quite so impossible now. Even the healthy eating is appealing!!!
There is hope for me yet. That's what Mikey, wanted hope!! that's made me feel sad so i am going to close now and trust that tomorrow is another day..................
Sunday 16 January 2011
day 142
Another day of misery, self inflicted though so who can i blame but myself.
Been ice packing and trying to get the swelling down as my sister says, leg looks like a turkey drumstick!!!!
Tims set me up in Mikeys room yet again. It seems strange but i was put in here last January when i broke my wrist. That didn't hurt half as much as this though!!
Its going to be short and sweet tonight leg is getting bigger as i look at it so to bed methinks.
Tomorrow is another day................
Been ice packing and trying to get the swelling down as my sister says, leg looks like a turkey drumstick!!!!
Tims set me up in Mikeys room yet again. It seems strange but i was put in here last January when i broke my wrist. That didn't hurt half as much as this though!!
Its going to be short and sweet tonight leg is getting bigger as i look at it so to bed methinks.
Tomorrow is another day................
Saturday 15 January 2011
Day 141
Physio today!! It may be a torn cartilage or it may be my hamstring!!! how on earth that can be i don't know, but it appears that is the case. So its ice packs for 20 minutes 3 times a day keep walking some exercise where i have to bend my knee behind me whilst standing and don't limp!!! that's the hard part.
So bags of ice applied during the day and here's hoping.
Bless my friends who read this daily and send me messages of support. I love you loads.
It has been a long day! Tim took me out for a ride in the car today because i have been stuck indoors for a week, but i slept most of the time. Just really run down, knee, chest infection and headaches. Jesus I'm a wreck.
Sisters have all lost weight which is fab! me i put on 2 lb!! never mind. Joy thought it would be good to go to the Ritz for tea as a treat when we all have lost a stone. I think that's a really good idea and said yes. That's a surprise from someone who never ventures far from home!! Well Mikey told us to do something different every month so i will!!
Tim has started to use Roger in the afternoons so maybe he will keep me company on the road when I'm fit. I must get fit, i must get fit. If i keep saying it maybe i will.
I'm sitting here with the ice pack on, well its ice in a plastic bag! and i can feel something trickling down my leg, i just hope its water!!! I'm not going to look yet.
We have managed at last to get the digital arial and a digi box, its only taken us two years to do. Mikey kept telling us to get it and to stop putting it off. We are a little slow with progress!
I went and bought one for Mikeys TV so i can see the channels too when Tim's looking at sport!! How long it will sit in the box goodness knows. It took me ages to sort out the computer and now Mikes not here to tell me what to do. Still he got so fed up trying to explain about the computer he would probably tell me when i asked that he would not have anything to do with it because i don't listen. Ha i do listen! its the understanding that's the problem. He told me my phone is a brick!!! well maybe it is but i can phone and i can receive, what more do you need.
The knee is feeling numb, what a relief!!!
I think i will book our holidays tomorrow, it will give me something to look forward to.
Gosh the wind is getting up, its rattling the car port roof sounds as if its going to take off. Oh i hope not!! it would expose Tim's car to the elements and that would not be good!! Just think if we still had our little MX5 i would never have been able to get in and out of it, so its just as well we changed it. The Mazda we now have is a stunningly good looking beast but my little Corsa does me just fine to run about in. I said to Tim that i will probably still have it when it becomes a classic car. I have no desire to change.
Well the joint is cooked for lunch tomorrow and my knee has become frozen so all appears well at this time.!! Think i will try to order Tims birthday present um sounds like a plan.
Well I'm going to make a coffee, get a book and hit the sack and see if i can then get some sleep.
Tomorrow is another day.................
So bags of ice applied during the day and here's hoping.
Bless my friends who read this daily and send me messages of support. I love you loads.
It has been a long day! Tim took me out for a ride in the car today because i have been stuck indoors for a week, but i slept most of the time. Just really run down, knee, chest infection and headaches. Jesus I'm a wreck.
Sisters have all lost weight which is fab! me i put on 2 lb!! never mind. Joy thought it would be good to go to the Ritz for tea as a treat when we all have lost a stone. I think that's a really good idea and said yes. That's a surprise from someone who never ventures far from home!! Well Mikey told us to do something different every month so i will!!
Tim has started to use Roger in the afternoons so maybe he will keep me company on the road when I'm fit. I must get fit, i must get fit. If i keep saying it maybe i will.
I'm sitting here with the ice pack on, well its ice in a plastic bag! and i can feel something trickling down my leg, i just hope its water!!! I'm not going to look yet.
We have managed at last to get the digital arial and a digi box, its only taken us two years to do. Mikey kept telling us to get it and to stop putting it off. We are a little slow with progress!
I went and bought one for Mikeys TV so i can see the channels too when Tim's looking at sport!! How long it will sit in the box goodness knows. It took me ages to sort out the computer and now Mikes not here to tell me what to do. Still he got so fed up trying to explain about the computer he would probably tell me when i asked that he would not have anything to do with it because i don't listen. Ha i do listen! its the understanding that's the problem. He told me my phone is a brick!!! well maybe it is but i can phone and i can receive, what more do you need.
The knee is feeling numb, what a relief!!!
I think i will book our holidays tomorrow, it will give me something to look forward to.
Gosh the wind is getting up, its rattling the car port roof sounds as if its going to take off. Oh i hope not!! it would expose Tim's car to the elements and that would not be good!! Just think if we still had our little MX5 i would never have been able to get in and out of it, so its just as well we changed it. The Mazda we now have is a stunningly good looking beast but my little Corsa does me just fine to run about in. I said to Tim that i will probably still have it when it becomes a classic car. I have no desire to change.
Well the joint is cooked for lunch tomorrow and my knee has become frozen so all appears well at this time.!! Think i will try to order Tims birthday present um sounds like a plan.
Well I'm going to make a coffee, get a book and hit the sack and see if i can then get some sleep.
Tomorrow is another day.................
Friday 14 January 2011
Day 140
I had just about given up trying to write tonight. I couldn't get on facebook for some reason!
What a day. Misery found me and there was no escape. Her grip was tenatious and i had to succumb.
Cry? i have cried buckets today. Maybe i am depressed or just maybe its the grip of misery that has brought me to my knees.
I miss Mikey, i was driving back to work having been home for lunch and i just had this picture of him, head back and laughing. The the cough and laughing some more and i so wanted to see him again, i still do.
Just when you think you have some control over your life you discover that all that you are is a pretense. The efforts made over the last few weeks have been for nothing because you see its just a thin fragile cover offering minimal protection. A Mothers loss is so profound i cant explain.
Maybe its a combination of things, i don't know. Maybe its work, its been so hard this week. Maybe its the pain from this wretched knee that's preventing me from just going for a short walk, i have become a prisoner in my home, apart from work.
I just feel so old today. I looked at myself in the mirror and i didn't recognise the person looking back. Where have i gone. Reaching in to try and bring a spark of the old me proved to much of an effort. I cant be bothered.
Sisters have left messages, i cant be bothered to answer. I feel sad. I am sad. Am i wallowing in self pity. Perhaps i am. I don't care anymore.
Over the past few days i have said how i am determined to keep on and try the marathon, am i just kidding myself, gosh if i don't drag myself up from these depths i will be lost. But that's for another day not now. I know i said yesterday that if i wrote how i felt it would make the reader feel almost as bad as i do but its written now and this is after all my blog, my page, my space so i wont apologise, well not today
Physio in the morning maybe that will make me feel a bit better. Poor Tim, i walked in tonight he took one look at me and stopped me from taking my shoes off and he did it for me. There, that must show how i looked. To be pitied obviously!!
Looking around the scenery is as bleak as i feel, nature is crying with me, its raining!! The fields are grim, the birds are keeping out of sight. Except for that one blinking magpie.Yes just the one, one for sorrow! that would be right.
Ah well tomorrow is another day
What a day. Misery found me and there was no escape. Her grip was tenatious and i had to succumb.
Cry? i have cried buckets today. Maybe i am depressed or just maybe its the grip of misery that has brought me to my knees.
I miss Mikey, i was driving back to work having been home for lunch and i just had this picture of him, head back and laughing. The the cough and laughing some more and i so wanted to see him again, i still do.
Just when you think you have some control over your life you discover that all that you are is a pretense. The efforts made over the last few weeks have been for nothing because you see its just a thin fragile cover offering minimal protection. A Mothers loss is so profound i cant explain.
Maybe its a combination of things, i don't know. Maybe its work, its been so hard this week. Maybe its the pain from this wretched knee that's preventing me from just going for a short walk, i have become a prisoner in my home, apart from work.
I just feel so old today. I looked at myself in the mirror and i didn't recognise the person looking back. Where have i gone. Reaching in to try and bring a spark of the old me proved to much of an effort. I cant be bothered.
Sisters have left messages, i cant be bothered to answer. I feel sad. I am sad. Am i wallowing in self pity. Perhaps i am. I don't care anymore.
Over the past few days i have said how i am determined to keep on and try the marathon, am i just kidding myself, gosh if i don't drag myself up from these depths i will be lost. But that's for another day not now. I know i said yesterday that if i wrote how i felt it would make the reader feel almost as bad as i do but its written now and this is after all my blog, my page, my space so i wont apologise, well not today
Physio in the morning maybe that will make me feel a bit better. Poor Tim, i walked in tonight he took one look at me and stopped me from taking my shoes off and he did it for me. There, that must show how i looked. To be pitied obviously!!
Looking around the scenery is as bleak as i feel, nature is crying with me, its raining!! The fields are grim, the birds are keeping out of sight. Except for that one blinking magpie.Yes just the one, one for sorrow! that would be right.
Ah well tomorrow is another day
Thursday 13 January 2011
Day 138/139
Well i missed another day yesterday. This seems to be getting a habit!! Truthfully i just went to bed and cried, this blasted knee. Have i got a low pain threshold? well i would have said no but to be reduced to the mess i was yesterday makes me wonder. It was another day and one i would rather have slept through. Had i sat and wrote anything i am sure i would have rendered the reader to commit the unthinkable act!! So i left the keyboard alone!!
Am i better today. Rats, no I'm not but feeling sorry for myself is just so damn tiring and depressing, so i really am trying today. Failing miserably though.
What is driving me on is the thought of how those with CF struggle daily knowing that their pain isn't going to go away, a knee so what! Michael is constantly in my thoughts and it makes me ashamed at how i am at the moment. I am however human and he wouldn't expect me to be any different. No doubt he would be talking with his dad saying how ridiculous i was in trying to attempt a Marathon, bets would be laid as to whether i would finish this plan of mine or is it another phase i was going through. Well i am determined to prove them all wrong. The conversation Tom and his dad had yesterday went something like this, Tom: just think all the money she has spent on gym equipment, joining fees on the gym, athletics etc then the clothing etc she could have donated that to CF and it would probably have been more than she can raise in sponsorship! Tim: yeah but you cant tell her!!! No faith that's what i say, the beasts. Mind you looking at me now limping along the only think I'm good for is the knackers yard and then someone would have to take me.
I do wonder what the future holds for me, i have been such a healthy specimen, never ailing. Until last year with my wrist i haven't had time off work only mat leave so it does come quite hard to discover that the body has just started to crumble.Perhaps this is just a blip?
A good job i have a sense of humour as well considering the comments i have had to endure at work! but the reverse of that is they are such a caring bunch of people who are not only supportive but genuinely want me to succeed because they know how important this marathon is to me. No just the achievement of doing it but the hope that i will be able to rest and have some peace, to look back then at Michael's life and his achievements because to me this is Mikeys run.
Today i had messages from two special people in my life, just when i needed them the most, almost uncanny. Thank you xx
Well my knee has become fixed under the chair and i may well have to take time inch by inch getting it moving but i feel better now emotionally than i did when i sat down to blog so on that note i will attempt to move and always remember that tomorrow is another day....................
Am i better today. Rats, no I'm not but feeling sorry for myself is just so damn tiring and depressing, so i really am trying today. Failing miserably though.
What is driving me on is the thought of how those with CF struggle daily knowing that their pain isn't going to go away, a knee so what! Michael is constantly in my thoughts and it makes me ashamed at how i am at the moment. I am however human and he wouldn't expect me to be any different. No doubt he would be talking with his dad saying how ridiculous i was in trying to attempt a Marathon, bets would be laid as to whether i would finish this plan of mine or is it another phase i was going through. Well i am determined to prove them all wrong. The conversation Tom and his dad had yesterday went something like this, Tom: just think all the money she has spent on gym equipment, joining fees on the gym, athletics etc then the clothing etc she could have donated that to CF and it would probably have been more than she can raise in sponsorship! Tim: yeah but you cant tell her!!! No faith that's what i say, the beasts. Mind you looking at me now limping along the only think I'm good for is the knackers yard and then someone would have to take me.
I do wonder what the future holds for me, i have been such a healthy specimen, never ailing. Until last year with my wrist i haven't had time off work only mat leave so it does come quite hard to discover that the body has just started to crumble.Perhaps this is just a blip?
A good job i have a sense of humour as well considering the comments i have had to endure at work! but the reverse of that is they are such a caring bunch of people who are not only supportive but genuinely want me to succeed because they know how important this marathon is to me. No just the achievement of doing it but the hope that i will be able to rest and have some peace, to look back then at Michael's life and his achievements because to me this is Mikeys run.
Today i had messages from two special people in my life, just when i needed them the most, almost uncanny. Thank you xx
Well my knee has become fixed under the chair and i may well have to take time inch by inch getting it moving but i feel better now emotionally than i did when i sat down to blog so on that note i will attempt to move and always remember that tomorrow is another day....................
Tuesday 11 January 2011
Day 137
My birthday, its the end of the day now and its been eventful to say the least.
No card from Mikey but Tom bless him not only left me a message on facebook and sent an e card!!! but phoned me today as well. That meant so much to me.
Friends what would we do without them. They are there when you need them, they remember you, they hold you up when you feel like sinking, they keep me afloat.
Tim bought me two diamond charms for my bracelet, how thoughtful and a surprise too.
My knee has really got me down today. I feel so incredibly old and stupid. I do so want to do the marathon and yet i fell at the first hurdle. But I'm determined, its not going to get the better of me! but i am so frustrated.
This afternoon i got down on the floor of my office upstairs and couldn't get up!. My back went into spasm and there i was like a new born infant, helpless. I phoned for some help, and no reply!!! 10 Min's and it felt like eternity. It was so embarrassing to have someone find you in such a state and then be helped up.
Sharon and Bev, life savers! never criticised just offered comfort and help, still i felt so incredibly foolish.
Misery has again found me, enveloping me in her cloak, she laughs with glee to yet again hold me captive in her embrace. How i fought her today and the struggle was almost lost it has been so hard to keep positive today. I would crawl into a hole but! i just dare not get down on all fours for fear of not standing again!!
So i am sitting here yet again trying to make sense of things and trying to grasp the concept that everything happens for a reason. I still have no answers.
I thank the very special person who bought me a book as a gift today. Its called Chicken Soup for the grieving soul. It has been a comfort and also sad so i can only read bits at a time but i found this quote
they are not the stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy ( inspired by eskimo legend)
So with that thought in mind i will remember to reach for the skies and double by efforts and keep in mind that tomorrow is another day.........................
No card from Mikey but Tom bless him not only left me a message on facebook and sent an e card!!! but phoned me today as well. That meant so much to me.
Friends what would we do without them. They are there when you need them, they remember you, they hold you up when you feel like sinking, they keep me afloat.
Tim bought me two diamond charms for my bracelet, how thoughtful and a surprise too.
My knee has really got me down today. I feel so incredibly old and stupid. I do so want to do the marathon and yet i fell at the first hurdle. But I'm determined, its not going to get the better of me! but i am so frustrated.
This afternoon i got down on the floor of my office upstairs and couldn't get up!. My back went into spasm and there i was like a new born infant, helpless. I phoned for some help, and no reply!!! 10 Min's and it felt like eternity. It was so embarrassing to have someone find you in such a state and then be helped up.
Sharon and Bev, life savers! never criticised just offered comfort and help, still i felt so incredibly foolish.
Misery has again found me, enveloping me in her cloak, she laughs with glee to yet again hold me captive in her embrace. How i fought her today and the struggle was almost lost it has been so hard to keep positive today. I would crawl into a hole but! i just dare not get down on all fours for fear of not standing again!!
So i am sitting here yet again trying to make sense of things and trying to grasp the concept that everything happens for a reason. I still have no answers.
I thank the very special person who bought me a book as a gift today. Its called Chicken Soup for the grieving soul. It has been a comfort and also sad so i can only read bits at a time but i found this quote
they are not the stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy ( inspired by eskimo legend)
So with that thought in mind i will remember to reach for the skies and double by efforts and keep in mind that tomorrow is another day.........................
Monday 10 January 2011
Day 136
Oh boy it was hard getting out of bed this morning. Didn't get much sleep because of this wretched knee.
Went to the Docs and i have either grazed my cartilage or torn it, he will know in 4 weeks!!! how come, well if its better then its a graze if not he will send me to have telescope in to have a look around!! in the mean time physio may help, luckily going on Saturday Came out with script for antibiotics, anti inflammatory and tablet for osteoporosis!! I feel on top of the world! if i was a horse i would be shot.
Cancelled athletics for one week and hope i will be able to at least do some walking. Will try swimming tomorrow.
I honestly believe that having something really positive to work towards is making it easier for me to get through the days. Its late at night now when i have more time to think about things. How Mikey must have felt during the night i will never know i can only imagine the horrors the mind would play on him. Isn't it enough that CF takes the physical side of their lives without adding so much emotional turmoil. Are those with CF so strong to cope with all of this. What an incredibly brave group of young adults. They truly are amazing. The sad thing is we cant make it better, we cant take away their pains, so what can we do? I suppose its to make their lives mean something so that their passing has some value and that we can ensure that their legacy to life is remembered and celebrated. I do hope that is what i will achieve for him over the coming months.
I was asked today how many children i had, i replied two. This then led to the usual questions how old what are they doing etc etc. I then had to say well i only have one that's living but i feel that i still have two sons. That wont change will it? Time will tell i expect.
I hope overnight some miracle will occur, i know i wont get Mikey back but hope the knee will be resolved i will feel as fit as a butchers dog and all will be well with the world. Not going to happen is it? still tomorrow is another day.................................
Went to the Docs and i have either grazed my cartilage or torn it, he will know in 4 weeks!!! how come, well if its better then its a graze if not he will send me to have telescope in to have a look around!! in the mean time physio may help, luckily going on Saturday Came out with script for antibiotics, anti inflammatory and tablet for osteoporosis!! I feel on top of the world! if i was a horse i would be shot.
Cancelled athletics for one week and hope i will be able to at least do some walking. Will try swimming tomorrow.
I honestly believe that having something really positive to work towards is making it easier for me to get through the days. Its late at night now when i have more time to think about things. How Mikey must have felt during the night i will never know i can only imagine the horrors the mind would play on him. Isn't it enough that CF takes the physical side of their lives without adding so much emotional turmoil. Are those with CF so strong to cope with all of this. What an incredibly brave group of young adults. They truly are amazing. The sad thing is we cant make it better, we cant take away their pains, so what can we do? I suppose its to make their lives mean something so that their passing has some value and that we can ensure that their legacy to life is remembered and celebrated. I do hope that is what i will achieve for him over the coming months.
I was asked today how many children i had, i replied two. This then led to the usual questions how old what are they doing etc etc. I then had to say well i only have one that's living but i feel that i still have two sons. That wont change will it? Time will tell i expect.
I hope overnight some miracle will occur, i know i wont get Mikey back but hope the knee will be resolved i will feel as fit as a butchers dog and all will be well with the world. Not going to happen is it? still tomorrow is another day.................................
Sunday 9 January 2011
Day 135
OK so i got up early this morning to go to the meet and yes the knee just is not behaving itself. Sure enough Lisa and Keith were waiting for me. There was no way i was going to walk a lamp post distance let alone a run so i went home feeling very dejected!!
I so want to do this and am finding obstacles already and its only the first week. So i have rested today. Literally just sat down or laid on the settee all day!
Leg in the support popped the pills and am hoping!! See what the Doc says.
I'm looking at the hula hoop um, i wonder if that will work standing on one leg. Shall i try? best not, liable to fall over and do more damage to this failing body of mine!!
Spoke to Lin today and she is having problems to. Spent the conversation comparing knees!!! and our weights.
Tim was on the floor wiping the tiles and i had this sudden impulse to leap on his back, feeling a moment of youth here. Duly did and only for Tim to say, hey Sue don't mind you getting on but tell the other two to get off!!! So much for feeling good. I have to say it did make me laugh though.
Its been another day that i have managed to get through without hurting so much. Missing Mikey is never going to stop but the pain of his loss has not been so profound for the past week. I wonder if its because i have had so much else to think about. Maybe.
Its my birthday on Tuesday and this will be the first one with no humorouss card from Mikey. Mikey always remembered birthdays, mothers days and fathers days etc. Tom, well it just goes past him he rarely remembers. Mikes cards are usually about botox or weight orientated!! love him xx.
It would have been Audreys birthday on Tuesday as well, last year we were at a conference the day after. Now she is no longer with us, it will be almost a year since she died in a horrific accident going home from work. Now another very close colleague has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Is there no end to tragedy. I will try and support her but i know it will be hard.
I had a beautiful basket of spring flowers in a basket for Xmas from Mikey's swimming teacher/school lunch supervisor sadly i am useless with plants but today i took time to nurture the plants and lo and behold i have just looked and they have resurrected!! how lovely to see these blooms on a miserable day. I will endeavour to spend more time on them in the future.
The evenings seem to be getting longer well at least the day light appears to be lasting longer another sign that winter is on the decline and Spring will be here soon. The seasons change so quickly.
I have blogged early tonight and will attempt to do so each day. If the knee improves i will try to get out for morning run to keep up with Sue who will be racing ahead of me!! Perhaps a good swim would help?
I'm going to bed with the hope that i will be walking better, i will have to wait and see but tomorrow is another day.....................
I so want to do this and am finding obstacles already and its only the first week. So i have rested today. Literally just sat down or laid on the settee all day!
Leg in the support popped the pills and am hoping!! See what the Doc says.
I'm looking at the hula hoop um, i wonder if that will work standing on one leg. Shall i try? best not, liable to fall over and do more damage to this failing body of mine!!
Spoke to Lin today and she is having problems to. Spent the conversation comparing knees!!! and our weights.
Tim was on the floor wiping the tiles and i had this sudden impulse to leap on his back, feeling a moment of youth here. Duly did and only for Tim to say, hey Sue don't mind you getting on but tell the other two to get off!!! So much for feeling good. I have to say it did make me laugh though.
Its been another day that i have managed to get through without hurting so much. Missing Mikey is never going to stop but the pain of his loss has not been so profound for the past week. I wonder if its because i have had so much else to think about. Maybe.
Its my birthday on Tuesday and this will be the first one with no humorouss card from Mikey. Mikey always remembered birthdays, mothers days and fathers days etc. Tom, well it just goes past him he rarely remembers. Mikes cards are usually about botox or weight orientated!! love him xx.
It would have been Audreys birthday on Tuesday as well, last year we were at a conference the day after. Now she is no longer with us, it will be almost a year since she died in a horrific accident going home from work. Now another very close colleague has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Is there no end to tragedy. I will try and support her but i know it will be hard.
I had a beautiful basket of spring flowers in a basket for Xmas from Mikey's swimming teacher/school lunch supervisor sadly i am useless with plants but today i took time to nurture the plants and lo and behold i have just looked and they have resurrected!! how lovely to see these blooms on a miserable day. I will endeavour to spend more time on them in the future.
The evenings seem to be getting longer well at least the day light appears to be lasting longer another sign that winter is on the decline and Spring will be here soon. The seasons change so quickly.
I have blogged early tonight and will attempt to do so each day. If the knee improves i will try to get out for morning run to keep up with Sue who will be racing ahead of me!! Perhaps a good swim would help?
I'm going to bed with the hope that i will be walking better, i will have to wait and see but tomorrow is another day.....................
Saturday 8 January 2011
Day 133/134
Oh my, oh my. Missed another blog yesterday this will not do!
I knew that doing this athletic business would be tough but my word i really didn't appreciate just how bad it would be and its only week one!
The swollen knee, has developed into a whopping big knee! Yesterday it was so hard to walk but it was much better when i kept moving it. My back does seem to be improving though, still not 100% but much much better. Made appointment with the Doctor for Monday to check the knee out and physio appointment for Saturday morning. What a shower!
Last night i went out for drink and meal with a friend i haven't seen in nearly 30 years, she was home from Australia for a while. It was wonderful she hadn't changed a bit. Shame Tim wouldn't come he would have enjoyed the company of Steve, Catherine's husband. We are all going to meet up when they return next year!
It was as if we were back when we were teenagers, it certainly gave me a boost. We talked about our children and Mikey and i was able to talk without bursting into tears how awful that would have been.
It does seem that at last i can control my emotions better than i could, so that is progress.
Next week will be 5 months since we lost Mikey, it seems like yesterday.
Mikey i have ordered things of the Internet!! without help and they arrived so i must have done it right. Bright pink running sweat top its cool! I have to say when I'm dressed i do look the part, what a shame the body wearing the kit doesn't match up. Still i suppose at my age what did i really expect!
Tim is being really supportive and has told me to rest the knee rather than mess it up completely and am supposed to go in the morning at 0830 so i will get up and see how things are. We watched some cross country running this morning and we were both laughing at where i would be now, the answer was still at the start line! the others just finishing! I asked if he would come and watch me run and he said that he would get a better view if he was in front of the telly!! Um.
Off to town this afternoon and bought a knee support. Reading the instructions i observed the knee had to be measured. Up to the counter and asked for tape measure. OK! but i did need to make sure it was the right size. I had a medium in my hand thinking that would be about right. Horror of horrors i needed large. I have never had large of anything before. It must be the swelling surely!!
Onto the scales when i got home and i haven't lost a bean!!
Into Tesco later and purchased a keep fit DVD, when I'm going to do it i have no idea but the spirits willing!! I will read the instructions!!!
Bought a high vis vest as well whilst they are on offer, for the better weather when just wearing a t shirt. I am hopeful you see.
We are worried about Tom at the moment he seems to be very unhappy and very lonely, he misses being away from us and i think his job gives him too much time to think about everything. Lets hope he gets the transfer nearer to home this year.
Its not started too well has it. Me injured, now that sounds very sporty!!! still its only pain and it will go away, sometime soon i hope. We are only 8 days into the year though. I wonder if its better now than later. I think i said that before! Is my mind going as well.
I better get to bed and see if a nights rest will help and if not, tomorrow is always another day.
I knew that doing this athletic business would be tough but my word i really didn't appreciate just how bad it would be and its only week one!
The swollen knee, has developed into a whopping big knee! Yesterday it was so hard to walk but it was much better when i kept moving it. My back does seem to be improving though, still not 100% but much much better. Made appointment with the Doctor for Monday to check the knee out and physio appointment for Saturday morning. What a shower!
Last night i went out for drink and meal with a friend i haven't seen in nearly 30 years, she was home from Australia for a while. It was wonderful she hadn't changed a bit. Shame Tim wouldn't come he would have enjoyed the company of Steve, Catherine's husband. We are all going to meet up when they return next year!
It was as if we were back when we were teenagers, it certainly gave me a boost. We talked about our children and Mikey and i was able to talk without bursting into tears how awful that would have been.
It does seem that at last i can control my emotions better than i could, so that is progress.
Next week will be 5 months since we lost Mikey, it seems like yesterday.
Mikey i have ordered things of the Internet!! without help and they arrived so i must have done it right. Bright pink running sweat top its cool! I have to say when I'm dressed i do look the part, what a shame the body wearing the kit doesn't match up. Still i suppose at my age what did i really expect!
Tim is being really supportive and has told me to rest the knee rather than mess it up completely and am supposed to go in the morning at 0830 so i will get up and see how things are. We watched some cross country running this morning and we were both laughing at where i would be now, the answer was still at the start line! the others just finishing! I asked if he would come and watch me run and he said that he would get a better view if he was in front of the telly!! Um.
Off to town this afternoon and bought a knee support. Reading the instructions i observed the knee had to be measured. Up to the counter and asked for tape measure. OK! but i did need to make sure it was the right size. I had a medium in my hand thinking that would be about right. Horror of horrors i needed large. I have never had large of anything before. It must be the swelling surely!!
Onto the scales when i got home and i haven't lost a bean!!
Into Tesco later and purchased a keep fit DVD, when I'm going to do it i have no idea but the spirits willing!! I will read the instructions!!!
Bought a high vis vest as well whilst they are on offer, for the better weather when just wearing a t shirt. I am hopeful you see.
We are worried about Tom at the moment he seems to be very unhappy and very lonely, he misses being away from us and i think his job gives him too much time to think about everything. Lets hope he gets the transfer nearer to home this year.
Its not started too well has it. Me injured, now that sounds very sporty!!! still its only pain and it will go away, sometime soon i hope. We are only 8 days into the year though. I wonder if its better now than later. I think i said that before! Is my mind going as well.
I better get to bed and see if a nights rest will help and if not, tomorrow is always another day.
Thursday 6 January 2011
Day 132
Oh my, oh my this athletic business is sooo hard!!!
Bless Carol my in work therapist she is covering my back with stuff to ease the muscles!!! and i am in pain!! nope not grumbling just stating a fact. If you could see me now I'm bent over like an old crone, ah well i suppose those crows of mine will come in handy. Its spreading around the front of my ribs though so even bending forwards is miserable.
I guess misery has found a new weapon to inflict her pain on me this year. Not so often in despair now but real physical pain grrrrrr I am keeping a weather eye out for a change in her tactics though, she almost caught me tonight. Out with the group again but i told them to go on and leave me and i would be fine, liar!!!!! i was lonely and felt so damn useless. What a time to do my back again!!! i felt a tear coming on, but i am so determined to do this. Other runners who were out and doing different distances kept coming past offering encouragement which was really nice. We did 3.9miles and i did manage to run 10 lamp post distances and only managed 2.5 on Tuesday. Anyway a lady called Lisa asked me to come back on Sunday but i told her i didn't want to hold her back, she kindly told me i was doing her a favour because she was just returning after a really bad injury. I think i will, it may help me keep up with the rest of the group on Tuesday.
Sisters have been e mailing me and giving me support so that's really good!!
They say running is supposed to be good for you and does become addictive!! well we will wait and see about that. At this rate there will not be a healthy part of me left!!
One of the GPs came in today and said he would sponsor me!!! how good is that.
Booked some holidays for next year and went to book tonight, but Tim not sure if he wants to go to Devon for two weeks like he said at the beginning of the week. Men!!!! they change there minds more often than we do.
Not sure about my swimming next week and which night to go probably Thursday or may be Wednesday. Poor Tim will be on his own more often than not at this rate. Um not sure how that will be after a few weeks i suppose only time will tell. He could join the athletic club as well if he wanted to. It would be good to have something in common. I will try to get him to come.
Better try and get some rest cos i know what will happen in the morning! gosh i do hope these muscles of mine soon rediscover their elasticity!!! I have just noticed my right knee looks decidedly bigger than the left, damn and blast!!!! shucks a knee support will sort that out, wont it? Ah well, tomorrow is another day............
Bless Carol my in work therapist she is covering my back with stuff to ease the muscles!!! and i am in pain!! nope not grumbling just stating a fact. If you could see me now I'm bent over like an old crone, ah well i suppose those crows of mine will come in handy. Its spreading around the front of my ribs though so even bending forwards is miserable.
I guess misery has found a new weapon to inflict her pain on me this year. Not so often in despair now but real physical pain grrrrrr I am keeping a weather eye out for a change in her tactics though, she almost caught me tonight. Out with the group again but i told them to go on and leave me and i would be fine, liar!!!!! i was lonely and felt so damn useless. What a time to do my back again!!! i felt a tear coming on, but i am so determined to do this. Other runners who were out and doing different distances kept coming past offering encouragement which was really nice. We did 3.9miles and i did manage to run 10 lamp post distances and only managed 2.5 on Tuesday. Anyway a lady called Lisa asked me to come back on Sunday but i told her i didn't want to hold her back, she kindly told me i was doing her a favour because she was just returning after a really bad injury. I think i will, it may help me keep up with the rest of the group on Tuesday.
Sisters have been e mailing me and giving me support so that's really good!!
They say running is supposed to be good for you and does become addictive!! well we will wait and see about that. At this rate there will not be a healthy part of me left!!
One of the GPs came in today and said he would sponsor me!!! how good is that.
Booked some holidays for next year and went to book tonight, but Tim not sure if he wants to go to Devon for two weeks like he said at the beginning of the week. Men!!!! they change there minds more often than we do.
Not sure about my swimming next week and which night to go probably Thursday or may be Wednesday. Poor Tim will be on his own more often than not at this rate. Um not sure how that will be after a few weeks i suppose only time will tell. He could join the athletic club as well if he wanted to. It would be good to have something in common. I will try to get him to come.
Better try and get some rest cos i know what will happen in the morning! gosh i do hope these muscles of mine soon rediscover their elasticity!!! I have just noticed my right knee looks decidedly bigger than the left, damn and blast!!!! shucks a knee support will sort that out, wont it? Ah well, tomorrow is another day............
Wednesday 5 January 2011
Day 130/131
Yes, i missed yesterday. I really couldn't sit!!!
First day back at work and back still playing up but bearable. So i went to the next athletic meeting with Sue who has joined with me and is going to do marathon with me. That's good to have a partner because we will keep each other going.
Sue i discovered had a bad ankle after Sunday. That made me feel a little better. Selfish of me to think like that? maybe but she was like a gazelle on Sunday so to think she had a little problem just made me feel less of a handicap to her going on Tuesday.
Manged to get the right turning into the field, lots of cars and there were lots of runners all going off in different directions. Keith asked us how we were and having told him about our fitness level he kindly advised us what to do. We wasn't sure who would be taking us out at that time. We were given a lady called Marion who was just returning back to running after an absence. So off we went to the road stretch!!
Not sure if we were a bit of a handicap to her so we said if she wanted to run we were happy to be left alone. Lamp post to lamp post! We were told the mile measurements! Half a mile one way and half back. We all walked the first half and then Marion said she would run. Walking back we were quite happy but i then decided i really needed to use the bathroom!!! jee how would i manage 26 miles if i cant do 1!!! anyway we met Marion who was coming back for another lap, headed off to the club house, told the people in there that we would go back out, felt a bit foolish to be honest but we will remember to use the facilities first next time!
We managed to do a little running but kept forgetting how many lamp posts we had passed. Ended up on more than one occasion doubled up laughing. So we had a good night. We did 3 miles in total and eventually spent a lot of the time dodging cars as the workers were leaving the prison. We didn't have a cup of tea with everyone because we forgot to take any money and therefore no 20p for a cuppa. Didn't think it right to start off owing them money!!!
Got home at down for a cup of tea and my back ceased up and i was in agony!! had to go to bed early.
Today managed to get up just!!! Dosed my self with ibuprofen, Carol bless her covered my back with Volteral gel and it eased somewhat. To the point that as I'm sitting here its reasonably comfortable.
I also managed to get hair coloured and now growing it into a different style!!! Mike you would be well proud. Not sure what you would think of it, but its early days and i understand i now have to train not only myself but also my hair!!! A new me for the New year. A bit battered at the moment but the only way is up, surely!!!
Tims been fab and very supportive. Cooking my meals and making sure i don't eat too much!! So he encouraging me to lose a bit of weight in order for me to cover ground a bit faster!! Well we will see about that.
What a journey this is going to be. Fraught with danger to ones self!!! Well I'm wearing the right running tights!! the only benefit is that my legs don't stick together on fabric they sort of glide against each other. Hahahaha. I am certainly not a picture of loveliness, well not yet!!!
Earlier today i thought i would have to miss the next meeting but i think i may just make it, i hope so but, Tomorrow is another day!!!!
First day back at work and back still playing up but bearable. So i went to the next athletic meeting with Sue who has joined with me and is going to do marathon with me. That's good to have a partner because we will keep each other going.
Sue i discovered had a bad ankle after Sunday. That made me feel a little better. Selfish of me to think like that? maybe but she was like a gazelle on Sunday so to think she had a little problem just made me feel less of a handicap to her going on Tuesday.
Manged to get the right turning into the field, lots of cars and there were lots of runners all going off in different directions. Keith asked us how we were and having told him about our fitness level he kindly advised us what to do. We wasn't sure who would be taking us out at that time. We were given a lady called Marion who was just returning back to running after an absence. So off we went to the road stretch!!
Not sure if we were a bit of a handicap to her so we said if she wanted to run we were happy to be left alone. Lamp post to lamp post! We were told the mile measurements! Half a mile one way and half back. We all walked the first half and then Marion said she would run. Walking back we were quite happy but i then decided i really needed to use the bathroom!!! jee how would i manage 26 miles if i cant do 1!!! anyway we met Marion who was coming back for another lap, headed off to the club house, told the people in there that we would go back out, felt a bit foolish to be honest but we will remember to use the facilities first next time!
We managed to do a little running but kept forgetting how many lamp posts we had passed. Ended up on more than one occasion doubled up laughing. So we had a good night. We did 3 miles in total and eventually spent a lot of the time dodging cars as the workers were leaving the prison. We didn't have a cup of tea with everyone because we forgot to take any money and therefore no 20p for a cuppa. Didn't think it right to start off owing them money!!!
Got home at down for a cup of tea and my back ceased up and i was in agony!! had to go to bed early.
Today managed to get up just!!! Dosed my self with ibuprofen, Carol bless her covered my back with Volteral gel and it eased somewhat. To the point that as I'm sitting here its reasonably comfortable.
I also managed to get hair coloured and now growing it into a different style!!! Mike you would be well proud. Not sure what you would think of it, but its early days and i understand i now have to train not only myself but also my hair!!! A new me for the New year. A bit battered at the moment but the only way is up, surely!!!
Tims been fab and very supportive. Cooking my meals and making sure i don't eat too much!! So he encouraging me to lose a bit of weight in order for me to cover ground a bit faster!! Well we will see about that.
What a journey this is going to be. Fraught with danger to ones self!!! Well I'm wearing the right running tights!! the only benefit is that my legs don't stick together on fabric they sort of glide against each other. Hahahaha. I am certainly not a picture of loveliness, well not yet!!!
Earlier today i thought i would have to miss the next meeting but i think i may just make it, i hope so but, Tomorrow is another day!!!!
Monday 3 January 2011
Day 129
I managed to get out of bed this morning, so that's a plus! Back still painful but i think the rest did me good.
Very overcast this morning but Tim thought it would be good if we did something today as its the last day of the holidays.
Decided to go to Sheringham, one of our favourite places on the Norfolk coast.
Driving through the Fens the smell of rotten vegetation permeated through the car. The fields looked sodden, huge areas of water lay on the fields where new shoots were appearing. The fields of winter cabbages and leaks were dying. This was where the smell was coming from. I wonder if this was similar to when the Potato famine in Ireland occurred. It has been said that you could smell the rotten potatoes across the sea to England. Thank goodness there is no other comparison.
If i could describe the landscape now, the fields that were once black ploughed fields resemble a mans new beard growth. There is a haze of green coming through where new growth is trying to push through. It wont be long now before colour comes back into our lives. The birds are making nests and the crows, yes i know I'm always talking about them are gathering in large numbers i the tree tops. An owl flying along side the road swooping into the ditches. A glorious sight on a miserable January day.
A deer lay by the side of the road on the approach to Sherringham, a small monk jack knocked over during the night or early hours. It looked so sad alone by the road.
The sea was grey today, how strange that we can see the horizon in all directions in front of us. A flat yet undulating expanse of water and behind us as far as the eye can see flat landscape again as far as we can see. A dry ocean!
The steam train was running today. The last mince pie run of the season!! It has a fascination for young and old, these majestic trains, almost living beasts hissing and breathing noisily. The whistle blows, the toot of the horn and then the great breath and effort of moving forwards gradually gaining momentum, breathing becomes less laboured until it pulls out of the station with ease, great bouts of black smoke pouring from the funnel. A joyful change in tempo as it is let lose to run, the smoke now white and the smell of burning coal drifts across the spectators. No wonder so many come to watch. Tim bought Mikey here in the Summer, just the two of them and then we managed another day when i took some time off. It was a cold day then.
Tonight Tim has given me a massage!! my word i wouldn't employ him, but i managed to dig out a machine i bought years ago, checked that it worked and Tim used that. It was fab. See boys the useless items i buy do come in handy!!1. OK so i did buy it 20 years ago, but who's counting!! It still works. Now i wonder if that facial steamer that's in the cupboard still works. Lord knows i can do with all the help i can get at the moment. Not for my back!! but lets just say my chins are heading south!!
I think the wheat bags have helped tonight as well as the vitamin tablets, anti-inflammatory tablets and the stick on patches!!! at this rate i should be as fit as a butchers dog soon. If not there is always that lovely physio i can go and see. Um, there's a thought.
I do hope i am being more positive. Mikey is always in our thoughts and everything I'm doing is for him. Its a small token of saying thank you to all the team that looked after him at Papworth. So i will persevere, run! or walk through the pain barrier nothing is going to stop me now!!
Sisters are doing well!! looks like i will get the booby prise when we meet at the end of the month, or i will be paying for lunches!! that's one jacket potato, four forks and a black coffee each then!! Jens been walking, Linda, well i better not discuss here what she has been up to and Joy now then she has been very quiet, i bet shes joined a gym knowing her!!
Tomorrow i must try and down load some photos from the camera!! I'm getting a little slack, ah well i can only say its pain that's stopped me, no well maybe not.
It talks of a smattering of snow tomorrow but not going to settle. Thank goodness. I fell and broke my wrist a year ago this month. So much has happened since then, I'm not going to dwell on that, must look forward, and where I'm going!!!
It is with some trepidation I'm thinking of my next meeting at the athletic club but as Keith said, Run a lamp post distance and walk two lamp post distance and then gradually increase. I will have to see how i get on. I have tried to do a tip toe run in the bungalow tonight, well a few steps, eek!
ah well Tomorrow is another day...........
Very overcast this morning but Tim thought it would be good if we did something today as its the last day of the holidays.
Decided to go to Sheringham, one of our favourite places on the Norfolk coast.
Driving through the Fens the smell of rotten vegetation permeated through the car. The fields looked sodden, huge areas of water lay on the fields where new shoots were appearing. The fields of winter cabbages and leaks were dying. This was where the smell was coming from. I wonder if this was similar to when the Potato famine in Ireland occurred. It has been said that you could smell the rotten potatoes across the sea to England. Thank goodness there is no other comparison.
If i could describe the landscape now, the fields that were once black ploughed fields resemble a mans new beard growth. There is a haze of green coming through where new growth is trying to push through. It wont be long now before colour comes back into our lives. The birds are making nests and the crows, yes i know I'm always talking about them are gathering in large numbers i the tree tops. An owl flying along side the road swooping into the ditches. A glorious sight on a miserable January day.
A deer lay by the side of the road on the approach to Sherringham, a small monk jack knocked over during the night or early hours. It looked so sad alone by the road.
The sea was grey today, how strange that we can see the horizon in all directions in front of us. A flat yet undulating expanse of water and behind us as far as the eye can see flat landscape again as far as we can see. A dry ocean!
The steam train was running today. The last mince pie run of the season!! It has a fascination for young and old, these majestic trains, almost living beasts hissing and breathing noisily. The whistle blows, the toot of the horn and then the great breath and effort of moving forwards gradually gaining momentum, breathing becomes less laboured until it pulls out of the station with ease, great bouts of black smoke pouring from the funnel. A joyful change in tempo as it is let lose to run, the smoke now white and the smell of burning coal drifts across the spectators. No wonder so many come to watch. Tim bought Mikey here in the Summer, just the two of them and then we managed another day when i took some time off. It was a cold day then.
Tonight Tim has given me a massage!! my word i wouldn't employ him, but i managed to dig out a machine i bought years ago, checked that it worked and Tim used that. It was fab. See boys the useless items i buy do come in handy!!1. OK so i did buy it 20 years ago, but who's counting!! It still works. Now i wonder if that facial steamer that's in the cupboard still works. Lord knows i can do with all the help i can get at the moment. Not for my back!! but lets just say my chins are heading south!!
I think the wheat bags have helped tonight as well as the vitamin tablets, anti-inflammatory tablets and the stick on patches!!! at this rate i should be as fit as a butchers dog soon. If not there is always that lovely physio i can go and see. Um, there's a thought.
I do hope i am being more positive. Mikey is always in our thoughts and everything I'm doing is for him. Its a small token of saying thank you to all the team that looked after him at Papworth. So i will persevere, run! or walk through the pain barrier nothing is going to stop me now!!
Sisters are doing well!! looks like i will get the booby prise when we meet at the end of the month, or i will be paying for lunches!! that's one jacket potato, four forks and a black coffee each then!! Jens been walking, Linda, well i better not discuss here what she has been up to and Joy now then she has been very quiet, i bet shes joined a gym knowing her!!
Tomorrow i must try and down load some photos from the camera!! I'm getting a little slack, ah well i can only say its pain that's stopped me, no well maybe not.
It talks of a smattering of snow tomorrow but not going to settle. Thank goodness. I fell and broke my wrist a year ago this month. So much has happened since then, I'm not going to dwell on that, must look forward, and where I'm going!!!
It is with some trepidation I'm thinking of my next meeting at the athletic club but as Keith said, Run a lamp post distance and walk two lamp post distance and then gradually increase. I will have to see how i get on. I have tried to do a tip toe run in the bungalow tonight, well a few steps, eek!
ah well Tomorrow is another day...........
Sunday 2 January 2011
Day 128
Well up early this morning. Kit on and off to an early start, still quite nervous.
Cold and frosty and arrived at the club good time, having driven by the entrance to the field ooops.
Was introduced to a lovely man called Keith who would be taking us out. First on the track with a little walking and running. Warm up exercises. Then off on the road and down by the prison, through the wildlife park. We did 1.9 miles and all OK. I was a little out of breath but fine.
Turned to do return trip and my back went into spasm and had dreadful job running so had to walk most of the way back!!!! and its still painful. I am supposed to go back on Tuesday. Got heat pads on so hope that helps. Its my upper back. I think it was because i held myself so tight with being out of breath!!!
I spoke to Tim tonight and said how bad i felt and i guess that's how Mikey and others with CF must feel for most of their lives. Its a dreadful feeling. How i admire them all, they are so incredibly brave. So i didn't grumble about being out of breath even though i was in misery. I'm not going to lie, its just that i am not as brave as them!!!
Arrived home at 10am and we went out for a drive. It was a nice day and i didn't sleep in the car. But this afternoon i have to say i dropped off in the chair.
Out for a walk tonight and back is fine for walking tried to run and back spasmed again. With rest i hope all will be well. It would appear in about 8 weeks we should be fit to run a reasonable distance, we will see!!!!
I think Mikey would be proud of what i have done today! or thought i was absolutely stark staring mad!! and would also be laughing at the state I'm in, shaking his head side to side and saying mother! looking across at his dad with that look he had when he thought you were daft.
I know how much Mikey loved sport and couldn't do it. I was never one for sport really but was able so the tables are turned and here i am. I am mad!!!
My friends who have sent messages etc today, thank you!!!!
I just hope i can get out of bed in the morning!!!!! Well tomorrow is another day...............
Cold and frosty and arrived at the club good time, having driven by the entrance to the field ooops.
Was introduced to a lovely man called Keith who would be taking us out. First on the track with a little walking and running. Warm up exercises. Then off on the road and down by the prison, through the wildlife park. We did 1.9 miles and all OK. I was a little out of breath but fine.
Turned to do return trip and my back went into spasm and had dreadful job running so had to walk most of the way back!!!! and its still painful. I am supposed to go back on Tuesday. Got heat pads on so hope that helps. Its my upper back. I think it was because i held myself so tight with being out of breath!!!
I spoke to Tim tonight and said how bad i felt and i guess that's how Mikey and others with CF must feel for most of their lives. Its a dreadful feeling. How i admire them all, they are so incredibly brave. So i didn't grumble about being out of breath even though i was in misery. I'm not going to lie, its just that i am not as brave as them!!!
Arrived home at 10am and we went out for a drive. It was a nice day and i didn't sleep in the car. But this afternoon i have to say i dropped off in the chair.
Out for a walk tonight and back is fine for walking tried to run and back spasmed again. With rest i hope all will be well. It would appear in about 8 weeks we should be fit to run a reasonable distance, we will see!!!!
I think Mikey would be proud of what i have done today! or thought i was absolutely stark staring mad!! and would also be laughing at the state I'm in, shaking his head side to side and saying mother! looking across at his dad with that look he had when he thought you were daft.
I know how much Mikey loved sport and couldn't do it. I was never one for sport really but was able so the tables are turned and here i am. I am mad!!!
My friends who have sent messages etc today, thank you!!!!
I just hope i can get out of bed in the morning!!!!! Well tomorrow is another day...............
Saturday 1 January 2011
Day 127
First day of a new year!!!
Not been to the sales this year, i need to lose weight, and get fit!! How many times have i said that. I know the boys always used to say how many times have we heard that before!! well this year will be different.
My sisters and i are all keeping each other going this year and we plan to see much more of each other!! My money is on Linda losing the most weight!!! when she gets the bit between her teeth nothing stops her. Then Joy and Jen and i bringing up the rear!! Jen cycled to Paris last year on an ordinary push bike so maybe the two of us are the more athletic!! hahahaha.
It has been an easy day for me today. I do believe its because i have tomorrow to worry about. I have just got all my kit ready and am so nervous. I have put my inhaler in the pocket of my waterproof just in case.
I know its a beginners class but i expect to be trailing way behind everyone else!!
Just in case my back plays up i have been wearing one of those heat pads and i have one ready to stick on in the morning. It talks of frost tonight!!
It started off this morning with rain so we have been watching films all day and then out for our walk this evening.
Tom rang again today and he would like us to go up for the day later on this year but still when its winter! so he can take us to the lake district. That will be nice so i will find out when his free week is and then we can arrange something, i can book a travel inn for the night. I still have some leave to take.
I am going to really make a huge effort now to get back to some normality. I am aware that i am going to have some bad days but i have so much now to concentrate on. Not only will i blog my usual stuff but will also include my journey to fitness for next year! Should make interesting reading!!! At least the running will not affect my fingers!!!
Tim is feeling a bit left out i think. He doesn't say much but i do hope he will support me and start to come out of himself. A dog is going to be a must.
So in the next few weeks i must get my passport. Paris in February i hope. Florida at the end of the year and our monthly meetings with the sisters and then 3 monthly shopping days out!!! Mikey you would be proud. Do something different every month you told me. January, i have joined the athletic club. Now surely that's different?
Well i better go to bed it is early for me its only 0100hrs!!! up at 0700hrs!! defrost the car and then defrost this body of mine. Because tomorrow is another day...............
Not been to the sales this year, i need to lose weight, and get fit!! How many times have i said that. I know the boys always used to say how many times have we heard that before!! well this year will be different.
My sisters and i are all keeping each other going this year and we plan to see much more of each other!! My money is on Linda losing the most weight!!! when she gets the bit between her teeth nothing stops her. Then Joy and Jen and i bringing up the rear!! Jen cycled to Paris last year on an ordinary push bike so maybe the two of us are the more athletic!! hahahaha.
It has been an easy day for me today. I do believe its because i have tomorrow to worry about. I have just got all my kit ready and am so nervous. I have put my inhaler in the pocket of my waterproof just in case.
I know its a beginners class but i expect to be trailing way behind everyone else!!
Just in case my back plays up i have been wearing one of those heat pads and i have one ready to stick on in the morning. It talks of frost tonight!!
It started off this morning with rain so we have been watching films all day and then out for our walk this evening.
Tom rang again today and he would like us to go up for the day later on this year but still when its winter! so he can take us to the lake district. That will be nice so i will find out when his free week is and then we can arrange something, i can book a travel inn for the night. I still have some leave to take.
I am going to really make a huge effort now to get back to some normality. I am aware that i am going to have some bad days but i have so much now to concentrate on. Not only will i blog my usual stuff but will also include my journey to fitness for next year! Should make interesting reading!!! At least the running will not affect my fingers!!!
Tim is feeling a bit left out i think. He doesn't say much but i do hope he will support me and start to come out of himself. A dog is going to be a must.
So in the next few weeks i must get my passport. Paris in February i hope. Florida at the end of the year and our monthly meetings with the sisters and then 3 monthly shopping days out!!! Mikey you would be proud. Do something different every month you told me. January, i have joined the athletic club. Now surely that's different?
Well i better go to bed it is early for me its only 0100hrs!!! up at 0700hrs!! defrost the car and then defrost this body of mine. Because tomorrow is another day...............
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