Day 404/405

OK so i missed yesterday but in the whole scheme of things that's pretty good for me just lately!!!
What did i do yesterday, ah yes shopping oh and call from work, i didn't actually mind that one because it was about my area!! so that's an anytime is fine call!!

Did i get my jeans, well hey yes, did i get a shirt, no!!! but i did buy a dress!!! We took Duke out and Tim had him practicing on steps, going up and down. Quite an experience i understand from Tim!!

Mikey's friend had a port inserted yesterday, i hope that went well.

Went running, didn't do too well because of the ankle. I really should rest it but i miss the fun of a run!! it really is so good for relieving stress.

Early night because of getting up early to catch the train to Norwich to see my fave coz Ang

Early train to Ely, had a delay as a vehicle hit the barriers!! but got to Norwich only 10 Min's late!!

What a day i have had, Walked miles. Lovely. Saw so may interesting things. Ang is a font of information a right oracle. The Cathedral was magnificent and we spend ages looking round, taking pictures. Wonderful.

The castle and its history. All the tiny lanes with such unusual shops!! Bought a beautiful new witch pin!!

Wonderful lunch out, photos tomorrow!!

Didn't do much shopping but got a bargain in East sale, skirt that should have been £67.00 had been reduced down 5 times to £12.50!!! and its a size 8 yep 8!!! I'm sure their sizes are generous though!

Shirt from M and S and a lovely book about Edith Cavell which i started to read on the way home!!

Those that know me are aware of my accident tendencies! We decided to sit for a minute, bag on the seat, went to sit and missed! ended up in a pile on the floor! There was an excuse, who makes seating that goes round in a circle!!  Norwich council do so be aware!

Arrived home tired but happy! and cant wait for the next meeting.

Tomorrow we get the change of car and it talks of being very hot, a heatwave so i hope we get to the coast on Friday. I may even go back shopping at the week end and get the red jacket i had my eye on. We shall have to wait and see.

Running tomorrow night! lets hope the ankle stays OK. I iced it as soon as i got home tonight and it certainly felt better afterwards. Oh got my named jacket on Tuesday ready for the winter, now need a fluorescent tabard !!

Mikey you would be amazed at what I'm doing, and all by myself!! Something new every month you said and up till now i have stuck to it! September i bought a car by myself and went of to Norwich alone. Not sure what October will bring, I'm going to have to get my thinking cap on.

Now to download my pictures of the day and hit the sack with a cup of tea and a good read, I'm weary but chilled, the most relaxed i have been for ages, still tomorrow is another day!.................

Day 398/399/400/401/402/403

What can i say! Last week i was just so overwhelmed with work and other things i was exhausted. What with my ankle and Tom and work yet again just too too much.

By Friday i was ready to throw in the towel. I decided to try and get some time owing back! What a joke!! every time i try something else invades my privacy and rest time. Im on holiday next week so hoped for a break.

Phone calls Friday afternoon and i had only left an hour before hand. More problems but not for my area however the knock on effect could be. So i decided to take a firm stand!! May be a mistake but we will see.

I decided i would part with my beloved Corsa! We dont get out now and that seems to suit Tim! Not a good idea he is getting to be very introverted and then that causes me worry because i then feel guilty about my running. I have given up swimming now and it hasnt made much difference.

So Tim found an estate car and i made arrangements to see it Saturday and take it for a test drive.

One and a half hours of drive to time!! and a phone call from work!  On the week end and again not my area. Anyway i decided to have the car, job done and i collect it on Thursday, so hopefully a nice day out on Friday.

Two phone calls on Sunday!!! A quiet day at home.

Monday, joy of joys my holiday commences!! only to receive a text to phone another person, again about another area. Things to sort tomorrow, but as i said i am on leave!!! Does this equate time owing again!! I wouldnt mind but please give us a break!!! i really am that close!!!

The sun came out this afternoon and we went for a lovely walk with Duke and i managed to take some photos!!! Nature had her sunday best on today, the colours at this time of the year are awesome. It was so peaceful and we are so liucky to live out in the fens, we really are except in November when everywhere is black and grey. The snow comes and the fens become this huge area of whiteness as far as you can see. Its something to look forward to. The ever changing seasons.

I have been looking for an ankle brace today! seems like i may have to wear one on a regular basis to stop my foot turning over when running. A common problem apparently. Once the ankle has a weakness there is a strong chance it will go again and again. Not so long now till the marathon ballot takes place so i am keeping every thingcrossed. We shall see.

Tims sister and brother in law called round today, to tell Tim about their holiday i expect.  They didnt stay!!

Tim said they came round whilst i was in town. Jen said i thought Sue took the car to work. Tim said shes on holiday. They had one hand on the gate opening it and she promptly pulled it closed and said we wont stop then.  Now is this me!!!!  I think not.

I still find the whole situation amazing! i really cant understand why they come to my home, where i live, and i just may be at home if they do not want to risk seeing me. My goodness, i have to say i wouldnt be rude but i would not contribute to the conversation either. What can i possibly have to say to two people who treated me and mine so badly last year. Mind you i dont know how they can even face Tim, after all he was very hurt by their actions last year. Still what do they say, no sense no feeling!! 

Tim said today that things were said that shouldnt have been said but it seems a bit silly that its gone this far. Now im not sure what he means by that, but i wasnt even going to ask.

I have just been trying to fit an ankle support! read the instructions but alas it doesnt look anything like the picture! must be something simpler.

Im off to Norwich on Wednesday to meet my fab cousin Ang, really looking forward to that, shop, sight see and lunch what can be better.

Tomorrow shopping I need some new jeans and shirts i wonder what i will come home with.

Tonight i was making Tim some lovely ham sanwiches, went to get a plate and Duke was up the worktop and snatched them, i was trying to pull him down but he made purchase with his paws and i couldnt budge him. Tim said my face was a picture!!!  and then said we must get him out of that. Serve Duke right he kept huffing at me, i dont suppose he thought much to the mustard!!

Duke is so big! for 16 weeks he looks full grown, i dread to think how big he is going to get.

Tom has settled a bit more i think although he doesnt look very happy. I really think he takes after his Dad. Tims parents used to call him weary willie, i now know why!

Right to bed then, and thank goodness that tomorrow is another day.....................

Day 393/394/395/396/397

My word its been 5 days and each day i want to blog.
Whats happened , well i received the wedding DVDs of Toms wedding. We thought they had been lost forever. The photos on them were the last ones we had of all of together and i so desperately wanted to get them. It was luck that clearing out the rooms ready for Tom that i found an address. The photographer had a copy in storage and sent me the 3 discs so with luck i will be able to get off some treasured memories. Tom was fine about me sending for them. I wasn't sure because of the situation but he was really good about it.

The weekend came and went with a bit of a bang!!! Saturday was really a day of chilling and catching up with jobs and house hunting for Tom.

Sunday i got up early to go for a run. Big mistake. My ankle still a bit iffy from last weekend but i thought i really need the practice.
Why cant i run without needing the loo!!! set off with a group and was keeping up well. Looked promising. Then to the bushes. Didn't feel to bad because  the group still in front. Got to cross country and into the tractor ruts, ankle over again! but i kept running. Another mistake. I found walking more problematic so it was run and walk, We did 6.9 miles!!! by the time i got back i was feeling the ankle managed to get on my bike and then wham. Couldn't get off the bike, soon as i put weight on the foot it was so painful.

Ice and then spent the rest of the day with my foot up. So angry especially as i had got us places on a run and another race coming up in October!!! Tim did say he wondered if my body was trying to tell me something. Well that maybe so but my mind is saying blow that i am going to do what i set out to do!!!
Anyway watched  a good DVD and had a sleep.

Tom seems more settled about Rocky but still wants his own place.

Monday and after a visit to the Dr's it was on to the hospital!!! I put a pair of heels on because i found it easier to walk on tip toe. Yet another mistake. Apparently it only shortens the calf muscles and then i was at risk of tearing the hamstring again when i start running. Man i had the heel down in a flash. Painful though. A sprain! which once you have a weakness apparently it can go again, so i have been given exercises to do for the ankles to strengthen them!!!
Lots of painkillers and flats. Problem is its throwing my back out so i am being even more careful. Tom came into the room last night and wondered what i was doing. I resembled a demented slug thrashing about on the floor. Still whatever it takes!!!

Today it does seem a little easier. Although now its throbbing a bit. Soon to bed for a rest. Meeting tomorrow so another chance to rest it! I do hope it will not take as long as i did when i was on holiday in June!! Got my peas ready to put on for 20 Min's whilst i read a book!!

I have time to reflect yet again and this injury only makes me more determined to raise money for the CF unit a Papworth. Its whats keeping me going, just being able to, hopefully make a difference to the lives of people with CF. Mikey would i know be pleased. He was so grateful to the staff on that unit even though he hated being in there during the last few months of his life. I will do what ever it takes, run every day if i have to, to enable me to go the distance. I will do this, i can do it, i must do it!!!

So on that very positive note, its bed with my ice pack and just remind myself that tomorrow is another day.
Blog tomorrow!!!

Day 392

Well at least today was a little calmer. The whole day had a much better feel to it despite Tim being very quiet this morning.

Kept a steady pace at work and manged to get home for lunch and then attend my physio. The last one for a month. Just going to keep on top of my back and hope all goes well for the frostbite runs.

Still a little rushed tonight but managed to have swift cuppa before changing to go running.

What a run we had tonight. It certainly De stresses me and i would recommend anyone taking it up!!

Good start and we decided to change route. Sue wasn't sure if she could manage a long run so we thought we would go as far as we could!!! Famous last words.

The first half mile was the worst! trying to sort out pace and to breathe!!! but i had to stop to go to the loo!! called in at a pub! i still cant believe i marched in and asked if we could use the facilities!! Sue thought she may as well go as well. When we came out, we couldn't see one of the club runners anywhere, so we thought we would go right. For some reason we thought this may have been the way they chose.

Ended up running beside the river and thinking gracious we are a long way from home!! it was getting a bit darker. Still we carried on, i had to stop to stretch and then goodness me Sue had to use the loo again! and we thought we could push on to the public loos but Sue needed to walk, ah ha another pub well a club really. In we go same thing and yet again thinking which way should we go. Onwards down West end through town and up station road. Now it was dark and both wondering if we would get a cup of tea or would everyone be gone!!

We did 5.7 miles!!! and when we spoke to the others they did 5.2 because we went the wrong way!! no wonder we didn't see anyone lol.

Tim and tom were talking when i got home and i have had some lovely chats tonight so on the happy note I'm heading for bed feeling more chilled, still tomorrow is another day...................

Day 389/390/391

I'm so damn tired!! must be something better than this!!

I'm not even going to discuss work!!! because i will get even more depressed than I'm feeling right now. The work load is just so relentless.

Anyway Toms settling in i think although tonight him and his Dad locked horns!!! reminded me what it was like before he left home!! Tim really doesn't listen!
I sat on the chair in the kitchen feeling like a wet dish cloth and wondering what its all about!

I really cannot be doing with it all. Nothing in life cannot be sorted without a little thought, a bit of give and take surely to goodness. After all we have been through is anything that  much of a problem that you get so upset about? Worse things happen.

I just wish Tim would stop and think before he speaks, if i say anything I'm wrong because I'm siding with Tom. Cant Tim see how hard it has been for tom to pack his last three years of his life in a suitcase and that's it!! No of course he cant and then he mentions the money word!!! That sets him off again.
Tim said tonight he may get a camper van and head off into the sunset, well to be honest how i feel at this very minute i would say OK off you go ta ta!

Toms gone to bed and says he doesn't want any pack up he will get something tomorrow! well i cant be bothered to argue with either of them, oil and troubled water springs to mind.

Miss Mikey so much tonight and I'm sure he would have had plenty to say about all of this.

I'm sitting here feeling queasy! it must have been the lunch we had out at the conference. That was a joke!!! 6 of us left with no meal, they go to get more roast pork only to come back with chicken, hastily cooked I'm sure. Everyone else was on the dessert before we got ours! Another dismal experience.

Dread to morrow!!! the only good thing is physio in the afternoon and my run in the evening. Yesterday it was really windy and the car door slammed shut onto my ankle. Can you believe that!!! accident prone or what?? well I'm still walking and i want to try this wrist equipment out again!!

Just had a message from my niece who i haven't seen for 15 years!! and she is coming to see me, that will be lovely. Shelly is my brothers daughter and she has a young son so looking forward to that.

My dear friend Di is in Greece, lucky her and i think i found her place of work today!! sods law that when she isn't here.

N.... if you reading this I'm thinking about you and miss you loads. Will try and catch you on line.

To bed with a book and a cup of tea!! and...... Tomorrow is another day.........

Day 387/388

Its 9/11 and i have spent a lot of time reflecting how on earth those poor families must be feeling about how their loved ones lost their lives on that fateful day. It does in some way put things into perspective, well at least for today.
We at least were able to be with Mikey and as hard as that was he didn't die on his own. That is something to be thankful for.

Today has been very windy, as if nature itself is trying to blow away sad memories, it hasn't been successful but the sun is out and we are still living! Life is so very precious isn't it. We can all complain about how hard our lives are but i have tried very hard not to use glib phrases since we lost Mikey.

I also have some wonderful friends who continue to support me. Without those my life would at times be unbearable.

Home is now a hive of activity and Tim no longer remains silent, there is always something to say and Tom being here has certainly changed things!! I just wish he would be more positive about his life. Perhaps that will come over the next few weeks. This week end he has not visited Rocky and that's a plus!!! he has been out to see his friends and tonight he has gone to the cinema. I cant remember the last time Tom had a night out!

Yesterday i took the train and went shopping!!! Tim cant believe i went. Peterborough has certainly changed!! it looks really nice. The Cathedral square looks fab.

I got up early this morning and went for a run. It was a glorious morning although a bit windy across the fen!! it was good to be out. My back is much better and i was in good form, could have run farther!
Tom was working on his car after the Grand Prix i was busy ironing and Tim took Duke out for a walk. A quiet night in for us and up early for work tomorrow!!

Linda's daughter was offered an apprentiship for tony and guy in London but couldn't take it because it was 12 hour days and she would be travelling for too long! still they highly recommended her to a salon in Peterborough and now has an interview on Wednesday! how fab is that.  I'm now going to try and load my Garmen onto the computer and get myself to bed!! lets hope i can blog more often this week. Oh and i really need to book a holiday, but for when!!! we are usually away in Devon this week in September. Never mind i will sort something out, Tomorrow is another day.

Days 378/386

I cant believe its been a week, well more than that. Does it mean I'm coping better. Well lord only knows!!!

I almost feel as if I'm being robbed of my own time. When i took on this job i had know idea just how bad things would be. I wouldn't mind but the pressure is immense! and then the expectation to do more and not within my own environment becomes almost unbearable.

I thought last Friday i would be getting a good sleep before Tom came down. Nope out until 0500hrs Sat morning. A few hours sleep a call from Tom and Doncaster beckoned. Tom arrived with his dog and off we go to my sisters, eventually arrive home a quick cup of tea and the i drive to Doncaster. Splitting headache and a few tablets, help Tom pack some bits and load up the cars. Tim's at home with the pup!!!! We had hoped to get home reasonably early but i was so tired i didn't feel safe driving without a kip. That didn't work!!! so we left Donnie and started home.

Multiple stops on the way home because Tom was spending more time looking in the rear view mirror of his car watching me weave all over the place. We eventually got home about 0230rhs!!!
Weekend really spoilt because i couldn't catch up on my sleep i had lost.

Sunday was spent getting Tom settled in and him going over to see Rocky as he was bereft without his dog.

Tom first day at his new job Monday and work was to get increasingly more pressurised by the day.

I have been falling into bed about 0230hrs every day. Going back to work etc.

Tim and i have barely had a conversation at all this week and today he really was not happy.

I was asked to work tomorrow, i said no i was too tired, than asked if i could do Sunday for 4 days in another area. I cant and had to say so. Its just too much.

Really not sure where to go from here and yet again finding myself thinking about my options!!

Found it hard getting into a routine where i have to pack someones lunches!!! and give them shout to get up. I'm the worst person to depend on for that.

The only time i had to myself was running!! luckily my back is improving and was allowed to go Tuesday and try, so i did. I bought a Garmen and happily strapped that on, turned it on and off we went.
Did a little better than i thought. Went to check distance etc on this wrist thingy and it was blank!!! i couldn't understand it until one of the younger runners looked at it for me and said, this button says start and stop!!! yep i hadn't pressed the start button!! so Thursday my lovely running partner bought out a magnifying glass at the club this Thursday!! I only just managed to get to Thursday, got home with just time to put kit on and off i went. Cant even get off on time!!!

We are finding it hard having someone else in the house and I'm sure Tom is finding it hard not having his own space. He will be happier I'm sure when he has his own house and living close to family and friends and get Rocky back.
This blog is so negative and i so desperately want to have the time to reflect maybe soon. After all tomorrow is another day......................................