So much for blogging every day! i really must get myself a lap top or something!!! then maybe,just maybe i can keep up to date.
Yesterday was hectic to say the least. What with the Royal wedding and our own planned wedding at work was almost too much. That and the continual work that doesn't stop bank holiday or not!!
Well our wedding was hilarious! and i ended up dressing two 6 year old girls in their finery!! How odd that i have never dressed a girl before! having had boys it came as a shock! They how ever offered help and advice!!! they couldn't believe my problems, one said how did you dress your girls Sue? it was then i told them that i had had boys. They were not impressed. Then came the worry of them both diving for the stairs in high heels and long frocks! i almost had a panic attack!
I will put pictures on later. Oh and then came the problem that one decided it was all too much when it came to the ceremony and i ended up having one reluctant 6 year old to sit next to. Lord i was so out of practice! Boys are so much easier i think.
Talking of boys. Tom had called home whilst i was at work. He is still on holiday. When i got home it was a quick sandwich and Tim telling me we needed to go back to Doncaster as Tom needed a bill paying by tomorrow! he had forgotten about it. Not only that he said he had little credit on the phone and couldn't remember the ref number for us to pay on line! Yes us to pay!!!!
So off we went. Tim said we can rough it for one night! The days of me doing that happily i found have long passed!! So it was no heating as we didn't know how to work his central heating! and nothing to eat!!!
Up early and walked into the town to catch the post office before they closed at lunch time. Then Tim decided to power wash his patio and decking!!! so much for a peaceful day and a run with Sue B today!
Call from work and problems there.
Home and to work!!!!
Sopping and cooked tea a ride out where we saw an owl in flight right beside the car and a hawk hovering over its prey. I hope the photos come out! Then a bar of chocolate!!!!
Kept within my points just! but its weigh day tomorrow and i don't think i will be too happy with the results, i have not done so well this week. Still i will have to wait and see.
Bought some Chinese lanterns to let off next week on Mikeys birthday and a stop watch for running. Now i wonder if that will help at all.
Tom gets in from Heathrow some time tomorrow and is coming here for the night before going back up to Doncaster. It will be good to see him and to know hes back!!
The past two weekends have been spent doing other things and not for us, although it has meant the we have not been at a loss as to what to do with our time. I am however feeling pretty exhausted but tomorrow is another day
Saturday 30 April 2011
Thursday 28 April 2011
Day 242
What a day! just when you think you have a grip, life grabs you by the throat gives you a shake and forgets to let go!!
Have i had a full conversation with anyone today! nope. Its been all telephone calls and dealing with general rubbish that gets your blood boiling. What and who are these odd human species that cross our paths, causing general mayhem. For what i ask myself. I realise I'm not the sharpest knife in the box but my word!!!!!
It appears that the wedding tomorrow is going to be somewhat strange to say the least and as yet i have not tried on my outfit for the day!! i should imagine the only item of clothing that will fit is the shoes! oh and the hat!!!!
Lord i have forgotten the grooms tie i must write a note for myself. Have we got a best man? may have to make some calls in the morning, if i have time. The press are coming as well so that's another ordeal in itself!!!
I must remember to listen out for my cue music wise! me singing is going to be something else! Ah well.
Running tonight and we had a change of route, i think we did quite well. I was better tonight than i thought i would be, is this progress. I do hope so.
A bit teary today just talking to a relative got me off weeping I'm sure its because its getting close to Mikeys birthday. I have a lantern ready to let off in the evening. Tim doesn't know yet but i have managed to get the day off work, so i hope we do something to mark the day.
My deputy's daughter shares her birthday with Mikey and they are off to Paris to celebrate, i hope she likes her gift. I cant give it to her, i just cant its such a reminder of all i have lost. CJ is such a lovely young lady though!
Weight watchers diary being kept up to date, my word its hard sticking to the measly amount of points i have a day! still it will be worth it in the end i hope. Lose a stone or two and i may run a little bit father! that's my hope.
Well best get to bed! and prepare myself for the big day!! oh and try the dress on and check the camera has a full battery!
I only hope things get better and just have to keep thinking, tomorrow is another day!!
Have i had a full conversation with anyone today! nope. Its been all telephone calls and dealing with general rubbish that gets your blood boiling. What and who are these odd human species that cross our paths, causing general mayhem. For what i ask myself. I realise I'm not the sharpest knife in the box but my word!!!!!
It appears that the wedding tomorrow is going to be somewhat strange to say the least and as yet i have not tried on my outfit for the day!! i should imagine the only item of clothing that will fit is the shoes! oh and the hat!!!!
Lord i have forgotten the grooms tie i must write a note for myself. Have we got a best man? may have to make some calls in the morning, if i have time. The press are coming as well so that's another ordeal in itself!!!
I must remember to listen out for my cue music wise! me singing is going to be something else! Ah well.
Running tonight and we had a change of route, i think we did quite well. I was better tonight than i thought i would be, is this progress. I do hope so.
A bit teary today just talking to a relative got me off weeping I'm sure its because its getting close to Mikeys birthday. I have a lantern ready to let off in the evening. Tim doesn't know yet but i have managed to get the day off work, so i hope we do something to mark the day.
My deputy's daughter shares her birthday with Mikey and they are off to Paris to celebrate, i hope she likes her gift. I cant give it to her, i just cant its such a reminder of all i have lost. CJ is such a lovely young lady though!
Weight watchers diary being kept up to date, my word its hard sticking to the measly amount of points i have a day! still it will be worth it in the end i hope. Lose a stone or two and i may run a little bit father! that's my hope.
Well best get to bed! and prepare myself for the big day!! oh and try the dress on and check the camera has a full battery!
I only hope things get better and just have to keep thinking, tomorrow is another day!!
Wednesday 27 April 2011
Day 242
I really must contact my sisters, all has been quiet since our London trip so not sure how the diets are going!
We started off full of good intentions, but then, the road to hell is paved with those!
Work was steady today with a few unexpected dramas! but that's how it is some days i guess. Still didn't get home on time, will that ever change i ask myself. Perhaps i should just accept, rather than fight against the tide. So maybe, just maybe that can be my challenge for May!
No it has to be the passport! still have not got round to that yet.
Home from work, quick change and then swimming! i must be mad, nothing new there then!
No news from Tom, but he did say it was expensive to ring from Thailand and would ring me on Sunday when he lands. Cant wait to hear that he is OK.
Tim really wanted to get back to Toms and power wash his patio before he gets home but i cant get any more time off in the week. We will have to see if he wants to go up on Saturday.
Looked up a programme for training for the Marathon. looks like i will have to get the treadmill out again from time to time to help boost my fitness levels.
The Royal wedding is fast approaching and we need to rehearse! pics at the end of the week i hope! but there is a slight twist in the tale! Everyone appears to be looking forward to it and i hope the weather stays fine.
Well i better get to bed, these early nights are not materialising, ah well tomorrow is another day............
We started off full of good intentions, but then, the road to hell is paved with those!
Work was steady today with a few unexpected dramas! but that's how it is some days i guess. Still didn't get home on time, will that ever change i ask myself. Perhaps i should just accept, rather than fight against the tide. So maybe, just maybe that can be my challenge for May!
No it has to be the passport! still have not got round to that yet.
Home from work, quick change and then swimming! i must be mad, nothing new there then!
No news from Tom, but he did say it was expensive to ring from Thailand and would ring me on Sunday when he lands. Cant wait to hear that he is OK.
Tim really wanted to get back to Toms and power wash his patio before he gets home but i cant get any more time off in the week. We will have to see if he wants to go up on Saturday.
Looked up a programme for training for the Marathon. looks like i will have to get the treadmill out again from time to time to help boost my fitness levels.
The Royal wedding is fast approaching and we need to rehearse! pics at the end of the week i hope! but there is a slight twist in the tale! Everyone appears to be looking forward to it and i hope the weather stays fine.
Well i better get to bed, these early nights are not materialising, ah well tomorrow is another day............
Tuesday 26 April 2011
Day 241
I have done it! entered the ballot for next years Marathon. Oh dear what have i done!
So lots of hard work now and hope i will be free of injuries, at least for a while. What i really need is an oxygen tank! and that's not forth coming.
So it was work today, quick change and out to run! its a slow business but i do hope i soon start to improve. There is lots of support at the club and friends have been really supportive.
No news from Tom today so hope all is well.
Electrician came back today as he found we had a break in our circuit on his last visit. Managed to find the problem. Two live wires not connected to anything in the loft under the insulation. Have been like it since the bungalow was build. Lord we have been lucky! all fixed now.
Still sticking to the diet today, yesterday was a fiasco!! ah well i am certainly not perfect.
Tim was quiet tonight, maybe because we have not spent much time together today and i expect it will be like this till after next year! Doing the marathon if i get a place is going to be a once in a lifetime experience so i will just have to find time for him somewhere!!!
Mikey has been in my thoughts so much today, it will be his birthday soon, next week in fact and it will be sad time i am focusing on this running in the hope he would have been proud of me, I'm sure he would.
No time to do photos tonight, maybe sometime this week. I better start having some early nights and maybe i will run to work and home each day, well maybe its just a thought but that may change! after all tomorrow is another day..........................
So lots of hard work now and hope i will be free of injuries, at least for a while. What i really need is an oxygen tank! and that's not forth coming.
So it was work today, quick change and out to run! its a slow business but i do hope i soon start to improve. There is lots of support at the club and friends have been really supportive.
No news from Tom today so hope all is well.
Electrician came back today as he found we had a break in our circuit on his last visit. Managed to find the problem. Two live wires not connected to anything in the loft under the insulation. Have been like it since the bungalow was build. Lord we have been lucky! all fixed now.
Still sticking to the diet today, yesterday was a fiasco!! ah well i am certainly not perfect.
Tim was quiet tonight, maybe because we have not spent much time together today and i expect it will be like this till after next year! Doing the marathon if i get a place is going to be a once in a lifetime experience so i will just have to find time for him somewhere!!!
Mikey has been in my thoughts so much today, it will be his birthday soon, next week in fact and it will be sad time i am focusing on this running in the hope he would have been proud of me, I'm sure he would.
No time to do photos tonight, maybe sometime this week. I better start having some early nights and maybe i will run to work and home each day, well maybe its just a thought but that may change! after all tomorrow is another day..........................
Monday 25 April 2011
Day 236-240
Well, i have been away for a long time!
Going to Toms on Thursday and returning on Friday didn't happen. We decided that as we had nothing to come back for we would get the jobs done for Tom and spend a couple of days looking around Yorkshire. That didn't happen either!
We arrived in good time so we could get cracking. Tom bless him manages well but we had a few repair jobs and the gardening! That took most of our time.
It was hang a couple of doors, sort some electrics out, put up a couple of replacement curtain tracks, and gardening!. It was Easter as well so the shops were not open at regular times.
Eating well we had take aways!!! so bang went the diet. Had a nice Chinese, cant remember the last time we had one of those.
Toms bed, well that took some negotiating, modern new fangled thing that is. Why cant he have a normal bed. Much hilarity over getting in and out of that,. Each night resulted in another chapter of events!!
We didn't take enough clothes to change into! well it was OK for Tim because he squeezed into some of Toms t shirts but me? i had to buy some new bits!!! i couldn't wait for the washing to dry!! well that's my excuse.
We had a lovely picnic in the park one of our days and we walked miles every evening. We were exhausted by the end of every day. I have some pics which i will put on some time this week! lord only knows when i will get time.
It was so nice to do some washing only to find that Tom had still kept some of Mikeys clothes that Mike had said he could have when he left them here at the beginning of last year. I took some pics of those too. How sad am i to treasure those. A shirt that had age 14yrs! inside even though he was an adult, always a job to get things that fit well! as i was doing the buttons up after ironing it, i thought of Mikey and when was the last time i ever did a shirt up for him, come to that when anyone did. I thought the last time must have been when he was being made ready for his funeral and resented that someone else had that task. It was a bitter sweet feeling doing those buttons up and was so grateful to be able to wash and iron some of his clothes even though they were now Toms. So i thought of his rucksack that still sits here beside his bed. The one Claires dad gave us when we took his ashes up, still with the items of clothing inside. Waiting..........
So we had our break, we heard fro Tom twice and on the last call it was tell us he had woken up in his hotel room to find someone in his room going through he pockets of his jeans!!! he shouted and they ran off. How scary is that. So i worry still!! thank goodness it will soon be Sunday and he will be home again!
Anyway Olympic tickets applied for and hope we are lucky closing ceremony is on the 12th August the same day Mikey died, isn't that strange. To think his wish was to live to see them. I hope we are lucky enough to be able to do that for him, we will have to wait and see.
Today we can apply for the Marathon lottery! goodness i hope we manage that as well, time will tell.
So now its some really tough training because it will soon be here! and I'm not ready, not yet. Back to the diet and that means some will power. Ah well it will all be worth it i hope.
So to bed now and ready for work tomorrow back on the treadmill ! how long to wait for a holiday and not a working one? Tim says he is ready now, gosh it was strange to see him climbing between sheds and up into trees! i had my eyes closed on more than one occasion!
I hope to improve my blogging from now on but for now, tomorrow is another day...............
Going to Toms on Thursday and returning on Friday didn't happen. We decided that as we had nothing to come back for we would get the jobs done for Tom and spend a couple of days looking around Yorkshire. That didn't happen either!
We arrived in good time so we could get cracking. Tom bless him manages well but we had a few repair jobs and the gardening! That took most of our time.
It was hang a couple of doors, sort some electrics out, put up a couple of replacement curtain tracks, and gardening!. It was Easter as well so the shops were not open at regular times.
Eating well we had take aways!!! so bang went the diet. Had a nice Chinese, cant remember the last time we had one of those.
Toms bed, well that took some negotiating, modern new fangled thing that is. Why cant he have a normal bed. Much hilarity over getting in and out of that,. Each night resulted in another chapter of events!!
We didn't take enough clothes to change into! well it was OK for Tim because he squeezed into some of Toms t shirts but me? i had to buy some new bits!!! i couldn't wait for the washing to dry!! well that's my excuse.
We had a lovely picnic in the park one of our days and we walked miles every evening. We were exhausted by the end of every day. I have some pics which i will put on some time this week! lord only knows when i will get time.
It was so nice to do some washing only to find that Tom had still kept some of Mikeys clothes that Mike had said he could have when he left them here at the beginning of last year. I took some pics of those too. How sad am i to treasure those. A shirt that had age 14yrs! inside even though he was an adult, always a job to get things that fit well! as i was doing the buttons up after ironing it, i thought of Mikey and when was the last time i ever did a shirt up for him, come to that when anyone did. I thought the last time must have been when he was being made ready for his funeral and resented that someone else had that task. It was a bitter sweet feeling doing those buttons up and was so grateful to be able to wash and iron some of his clothes even though they were now Toms. So i thought of his rucksack that still sits here beside his bed. The one Claires dad gave us when we took his ashes up, still with the items of clothing inside. Waiting..........
So we had our break, we heard fro Tom twice and on the last call it was tell us he had woken up in his hotel room to find someone in his room going through he pockets of his jeans!!! he shouted and they ran off. How scary is that. So i worry still!! thank goodness it will soon be Sunday and he will be home again!
Anyway Olympic tickets applied for and hope we are lucky closing ceremony is on the 12th August the same day Mikey died, isn't that strange. To think his wish was to live to see them. I hope we are lucky enough to be able to do that for him, we will have to wait and see.
Today we can apply for the Marathon lottery! goodness i hope we manage that as well, time will tell.
So now its some really tough training because it will soon be here! and I'm not ready, not yet. Back to the diet and that means some will power. Ah well it will all be worth it i hope.
So to bed now and ready for work tomorrow back on the treadmill ! how long to wait for a holiday and not a working one? Tim says he is ready now, gosh it was strange to see him climbing between sheds and up into trees! i had my eyes closed on more than one occasion!
I hope to improve my blogging from now on but for now, tomorrow is another day...............
Wednesday 20 April 2011
Day 234/235
Its happening again! two days to blog. I promised myself it wouldn't happen but there you go, famous last words.
I was at work again last night, and i really am getting past the days when i could cram 48hrs worth of activity in 24hours a sign of age i expect! sad but its true.
So busy yesterday and still loads to do, there is no end in sight. Do i give up and just go with the flow, or try to swim against the tide.
It is a blessing in many ways that i am so busy it gives me little time to think and worry.
I am constantly battling the tears these days. It is getting close to Mikeys birthday and i miss him so much. Tonight i was busy looking for some bits to take up to Toms and came across a school photo when Mikey was 6. He has this beaming smile, hes wearing an old shirt of his Dads and has his hands in a lump of clay. The photo is in the middle of a paper plate he decorated with seeds and grain. I still have the Christmas decoration and candle holder he made and have had them out every Christmas since then. I just looked at the photo and thought how cruel life is. There seems to be no justice in the world. So many bad people and yet the world has lost someone so special. It really isn't fair. Now I'm blubbing and can hardly see the keyboard!
Its been a night of discovery and sadness. Looking for some spare curtains to take to Toms i found Mikeys favourite hooded sweatshirt he wore when he was in America , he was 7 at the time. I have kept items of clothing at various ages, i knew there would be a time when we would not have him and i suppose sub consciously i was saving them for this time. God i cant explain how heartbroken i am. There are times when i wonder if its worth it, but remember how angry Mikey was when he heard of people taking there own life when he would do anything to preserve his.
I thought the days of misery were coming to a close. Yet misery has found me again she has sunk her claws in and this time she is managing to hang around for a bit and i cant shake her off! it must be because she has been starved of my feelings for a while. I thought i had managed to be aware of her presence but i have obviously failed yet again to notice her approach. Damn!
Well i went running yesterday and manged to do the required amount and paid for it later! Swimming tonight and weight watchers tracking continues!
Off to Doncaster tomorrow to Spring clean for Tom and that will keep us occupied for a couple of days, so i wont be blogging tomorrow unless of course we cant get in and have to come home, or we get everything done and come home early!
Well i better close now as its an early start for us both. Sorry for being depressing but tomorrow is another day
I was at work again last night, and i really am getting past the days when i could cram 48hrs worth of activity in 24hours a sign of age i expect! sad but its true.
So busy yesterday and still loads to do, there is no end in sight. Do i give up and just go with the flow, or try to swim against the tide.
It is a blessing in many ways that i am so busy it gives me little time to think and worry.
I am constantly battling the tears these days. It is getting close to Mikeys birthday and i miss him so much. Tonight i was busy looking for some bits to take up to Toms and came across a school photo when Mikey was 6. He has this beaming smile, hes wearing an old shirt of his Dads and has his hands in a lump of clay. The photo is in the middle of a paper plate he decorated with seeds and grain. I still have the Christmas decoration and candle holder he made and have had them out every Christmas since then. I just looked at the photo and thought how cruel life is. There seems to be no justice in the world. So many bad people and yet the world has lost someone so special. It really isn't fair. Now I'm blubbing and can hardly see the keyboard!
Its been a night of discovery and sadness. Looking for some spare curtains to take to Toms i found Mikeys favourite hooded sweatshirt he wore when he was in America , he was 7 at the time. I have kept items of clothing at various ages, i knew there would be a time when we would not have him and i suppose sub consciously i was saving them for this time. God i cant explain how heartbroken i am. There are times when i wonder if its worth it, but remember how angry Mikey was when he heard of people taking there own life when he would do anything to preserve his.
I thought the days of misery were coming to a close. Yet misery has found me again she has sunk her claws in and this time she is managing to hang around for a bit and i cant shake her off! it must be because she has been starved of my feelings for a while. I thought i had managed to be aware of her presence but i have obviously failed yet again to notice her approach. Damn!
Well i went running yesterday and manged to do the required amount and paid for it later! Swimming tonight and weight watchers tracking continues!
Off to Doncaster tomorrow to Spring clean for Tom and that will keep us occupied for a couple of days, so i wont be blogging tomorrow unless of course we cant get in and have to come home, or we get everything done and come home early!
Well i better close now as its an early start for us both. Sorry for being depressing but tomorrow is another day
Monday 18 April 2011
Day 233
Tired,tired,tired!!
I'm not sure if its mental or physical exhaustion, maybe a bit of both!
Tom must be in Thailand by now and hopefully enjoying himself. Only another 2 weeks of worry!
Work, its almost like being on a roller coaster and yet i see no end in sight yet. Priorities change on a daily basis, who moved those wretched goal posts!
Diet continues to go OK and Tim bless him is really trying to make sure i stick to it.
Went swimming tonight and managed 50 length. I was counting and will tell Joni on Thursday! I have learnt another new thing tonight. This well built gentleman walked round the edge of the pool in this very skimpy pair of speedos. Joni said they are now called Budgie Smugglers! i almost fell over with laughing, how apt and i can see why they would be called that. I shall never be able to look at a man in them with out my imagination going into overdrive! Got home and made a healthy sandwich and then promptly fell asleep on the settee and have every intention of climbing into bed when i have finished here. I just cant hack it like i used to. So no pictures tonight.
Running tomorrow and my leg and ankle still resemble a hockey stick with ring do nut round the base. I hope it holds up for the run. I guess i will have to wait and see.
I have looked at my posts and this time last year Mikey was in with yet another collapsed lung, how things have changed over the last 12 months. Life is not the same certainly! I just wish Tom realised what he has. Will that day ever come i wonder.
I'm off to get an early night and hope that my days in the future do not feel as though I'm walking in mud, ah well tomorrow is another day.
I'm not sure if its mental or physical exhaustion, maybe a bit of both!
Tom must be in Thailand by now and hopefully enjoying himself. Only another 2 weeks of worry!
Work, its almost like being on a roller coaster and yet i see no end in sight yet. Priorities change on a daily basis, who moved those wretched goal posts!
Diet continues to go OK and Tim bless him is really trying to make sure i stick to it.
Went swimming tonight and managed 50 length. I was counting and will tell Joni on Thursday! I have learnt another new thing tonight. This well built gentleman walked round the edge of the pool in this very skimpy pair of speedos. Joni said they are now called Budgie Smugglers! i almost fell over with laughing, how apt and i can see why they would be called that. I shall never be able to look at a man in them with out my imagination going into overdrive! Got home and made a healthy sandwich and then promptly fell asleep on the settee and have every intention of climbing into bed when i have finished here. I just cant hack it like i used to. So no pictures tonight.
Running tomorrow and my leg and ankle still resemble a hockey stick with ring do nut round the base. I hope it holds up for the run. I guess i will have to wait and see.
I have looked at my posts and this time last year Mikey was in with yet another collapsed lung, how things have changed over the last 12 months. Life is not the same certainly! I just wish Tom realised what he has. Will that day ever come i wonder.
I'm off to get an early night and hope that my days in the future do not feel as though I'm walking in mud, ah well tomorrow is another day.
Sunday 17 April 2011
day 231/232
Oh my word! i would have blogged yesterday but after the phone call from Tom i was so worried i couldn't concentrate on anything let alone to sit and write.
Mikey was so organised and so prepared, nothing ever phased him. Tom however is another story!
Talk about disorganised, he leaves everything to the last moment and then wonders why nothing goes right!
Never takes responsibility!! and then to think hes off to Thailand for two weeks I'm already in panic mode!
This week we will go and do some housework for him, Tim is already writing a list. Mikey did everything himself until the last few months when we know he found it hard. Mikey said Claire's dad went and hoovered, I'm not sure when because Mikey hadn't seen him for a few months prior to the day of his op. I expect Claire couldn't manage it either. Mikey did the housework, ironing and cooking, i wonder if Claire has suddenly become able to manage or if her parents still help, i expect so.
Still we did get up and we did get to the show yesterday morning. We saw some ferrets racing! which was probably the highlight of the visit. We were not to impressed, perhaps we should try the East of England show.
The sun was out in the afternoon and we spent time in the garden and a walk later. Then the phone call from Tom.
So today i spent worrying about whether Tom manged to get to the airport! and watching the marathon. Oh my word can i do that!!!! Need to get a grip and hope the ankle is the last thing that will go wrong for me.
Weigh day today and i have lost 2 pounds, yippee!!!
This afternoon we walked over to the cricket. How lucky we are to live just across the road from the cricket ground. So armed with my camera i hoped to get some shots of an idyllic afternoon. Hearing the sound of the ball on the cricket bat, the calls of the players across the pitch, the laughter coming from the club house and then the sound of my cameras flash!! the look from the umpire, oh lord the light flashed at the bowler! I didn't dare take anymore pictures until the sun came out!!!
A ride out this evening to take a picture of the ornamental cow in the garden we saw the other night and at last a text from Tom saying they were waiting for their flight. As i sit here tonight I'm thinking he must be somewhere up there on his way to Thailand and when i wake in the morning I'm hoping he will be there. And so for the worry!!!
I will put some photos on but not tonight, tomorrow is another day........................
Mikey was so organised and so prepared, nothing ever phased him. Tom however is another story!
Talk about disorganised, he leaves everything to the last moment and then wonders why nothing goes right!
Never takes responsibility!! and then to think hes off to Thailand for two weeks I'm already in panic mode!
This week we will go and do some housework for him, Tim is already writing a list. Mikey did everything himself until the last few months when we know he found it hard. Mikey said Claire's dad went and hoovered, I'm not sure when because Mikey hadn't seen him for a few months prior to the day of his op. I expect Claire couldn't manage it either. Mikey did the housework, ironing and cooking, i wonder if Claire has suddenly become able to manage or if her parents still help, i expect so.
Still we did get up and we did get to the show yesterday morning. We saw some ferrets racing! which was probably the highlight of the visit. We were not to impressed, perhaps we should try the East of England show.
The sun was out in the afternoon and we spent time in the garden and a walk later. Then the phone call from Tom.
So today i spent worrying about whether Tom manged to get to the airport! and watching the marathon. Oh my word can i do that!!!! Need to get a grip and hope the ankle is the last thing that will go wrong for me.
Weigh day today and i have lost 2 pounds, yippee!!!
This afternoon we walked over to the cricket. How lucky we are to live just across the road from the cricket ground. So armed with my camera i hoped to get some shots of an idyllic afternoon. Hearing the sound of the ball on the cricket bat, the calls of the players across the pitch, the laughter coming from the club house and then the sound of my cameras flash!! the look from the umpire, oh lord the light flashed at the bowler! I didn't dare take anymore pictures until the sun came out!!!
A ride out this evening to take a picture of the ornamental cow in the garden we saw the other night and at last a text from Tom saying they were waiting for their flight. As i sit here tonight I'm thinking he must be somewhere up there on his way to Thailand and when i wake in the morning I'm hoping he will be there. And so for the worry!!!
I will put some photos on but not tonight, tomorrow is another day........................
Friday 15 April 2011
Day 229/230
I cant believe its been 230 days since i started blogging! but it obviously has been.
Yesterday was a beast work in the morning, Cambridge in the afternoon, i didn't get back in time to run, which was just as well really because my ankle is still swollen. It was ice packs when i got home and then i did a night shift!!
Manged to get a lot done so i feel a bit better about that although still have a lot to do. I hope that by the end of the week i will at least be back on top of it. Famous last words, there always seems to be more. What i want is at least to manage my work load more effectively.
Went to bed this morning and was woken by the dog next door barking! its like living next door to kennels! Tim asked me if i wanted a ride out so i went and did a bit of retail therapy. Good for the soul!
Tom phoned and he has managed to fix his car and felt well chuffed that he had been able to do something himself. He is off to Thailand on Sunday and is going shopping with someone who is going with him! I do hope they will look after him.
Mikey was always the more confident and world wise! lets hope Tom now comes into his own.
Tims sister rang him yesterday. Will they ever learn? Tom was amazed with what she says to him!, Hes going to have a chat with me tomorrow! yay! he knows me well!
Next week we are going up to Donny to sort the house out. Looking forward to be able to help him in a small way, and it will give Tim plenty to do!
Well i better close because we are off to the Norfolk show tomorrow, We have been meaning to go for years and it looks like this will be the year. Mikey would be so surprised, even Tom said he will believe it when we have been. We will have to see if he is right or wrong.
I'm going to be a right worry mutton for the next couple of weeks! are well that's for later, tomorrow is another day......................
Yesterday was a beast work in the morning, Cambridge in the afternoon, i didn't get back in time to run, which was just as well really because my ankle is still swollen. It was ice packs when i got home and then i did a night shift!!
Manged to get a lot done so i feel a bit better about that although still have a lot to do. I hope that by the end of the week i will at least be back on top of it. Famous last words, there always seems to be more. What i want is at least to manage my work load more effectively.
Went to bed this morning and was woken by the dog next door barking! its like living next door to kennels! Tim asked me if i wanted a ride out so i went and did a bit of retail therapy. Good for the soul!
Tom phoned and he has managed to fix his car and felt well chuffed that he had been able to do something himself. He is off to Thailand on Sunday and is going shopping with someone who is going with him! I do hope they will look after him.
Mikey was always the more confident and world wise! lets hope Tom now comes into his own.
Tims sister rang him yesterday. Will they ever learn? Tom was amazed with what she says to him!, Hes going to have a chat with me tomorrow! yay! he knows me well!
Next week we are going up to Donny to sort the house out. Looking forward to be able to help him in a small way, and it will give Tim plenty to do!
Well i better close because we are off to the Norfolk show tomorrow, We have been meaning to go for years and it looks like this will be the year. Mikey would be so surprised, even Tom said he will believe it when we have been. We will have to see if he is right or wrong.
I'm going to be a right worry mutton for the next couple of weeks! are well that's for later, tomorrow is another day......................
Wednesday 13 April 2011
Day 228
I could have pasted yesterdays opening words to today. My brain is misfunctioning!!! To many things going on and trying to work in my head whilst doing a task ends up with me feeling jumbled!
I'm a jumper becoming unravelled!
I really am extremely busy, there is no let up. We are being inundated with people wanting a bed with us. This is really god news but with reduction in my admin and my Dep working the floor im really struggling to keep afloat. I shouldnt complain but im playing catch up, i hate not having the control!!!
Tim bless him went to Eastwood today, and he said every time he goes he thinks of Mikey and because of that he wanted to talk about my big birthday in a couple of years time!! Tim said he knew i had said in the past that i wanted a party but didnt know if i felt as he did.
A celebration like that will not be the same withoout Michael and he wondered if i wanted to take my sisters for a weekend to a spa instead. I thought that would be a good idea. Life will never be the same for us and we will always feel an incomplete family.
We are fast approaching Mikeys birthday and i feel thats what is bringing thoughts like this to the fore.
So i cried today and still could again now, it's not misery though, not this time. It's such an ache, an emptiness with so much sadness. A bleak dispair, and such pain of heart and soul. We cant help each other because we still cant help ourselves.
Work does keep me going, however much i complain. I have to be on the move, i can't stop because if i do i will have too much time to think about the negatives and not the good things. Mikey bought us so much joy, and he was so incredibly brave. I am a mother but he really was. Such courage in the face of adversity. I am so very proud of him and what he acheived.
I now have a night to do tomorrow and will not be able to see my dear friend as planned and that does upset me, but i hope we can meet next week. I just need her to give me that knowing look she has, for me to let go and be me!
Saturday we hope to go to the Norfolk and Norwich show LETS HOPE IT DOESNT RAIN!!! So im off to bed with a positive thought that tomorrow is another day........................
I'm a jumper becoming unravelled!
I really am extremely busy, there is no let up. We are being inundated with people wanting a bed with us. This is really god news but with reduction in my admin and my Dep working the floor im really struggling to keep afloat. I shouldnt complain but im playing catch up, i hate not having the control!!!
Tim bless him went to Eastwood today, and he said every time he goes he thinks of Mikey and because of that he wanted to talk about my big birthday in a couple of years time!! Tim said he knew i had said in the past that i wanted a party but didnt know if i felt as he did.
A celebration like that will not be the same withoout Michael and he wondered if i wanted to take my sisters for a weekend to a spa instead. I thought that would be a good idea. Life will never be the same for us and we will always feel an incomplete family.
We are fast approaching Mikeys birthday and i feel thats what is bringing thoughts like this to the fore.
So i cried today and still could again now, it's not misery though, not this time. It's such an ache, an emptiness with so much sadness. A bleak dispair, and such pain of heart and soul. We cant help each other because we still cant help ourselves.
Work does keep me going, however much i complain. I have to be on the move, i can't stop because if i do i will have too much time to think about the negatives and not the good things. Mikey bought us so much joy, and he was so incredibly brave. I am a mother but he really was. Such courage in the face of adversity. I am so very proud of him and what he acheived.
I now have a night to do tomorrow and will not be able to see my dear friend as planned and that does upset me, but i hope we can meet next week. I just need her to give me that knowing look she has, for me to let go and be me!
Saturday we hope to go to the Norfolk and Norwich show LETS HOPE IT DOESNT RAIN!!! So im off to bed with a positive thought that tomorrow is another day........................
Tuesday 12 April 2011
Day 227
Do any days go as planned? well i have to say no they don't. I was going to do so much at work today to get caught up! best laid plans and all that. Ah well.
So i have yet more to do, i have been so incredibly busy, still i managed to get home for lunch and Tim had prepared a really good wholesome meal! and he had been to the hairdressers, i really cant remember the last time he went! i am so pleased because no more moans that i have not cut his hair right, Yippee, cartwheels and all that.
The sun was out today although the wind was rather nippy, a typical April day. The days just seem so fresh and clean, good to be out and about.
Running tonight and i didn't manage to do as much as usual, ankle had blown up but persevered and managed my first set and Sues knee was giving her a bit of trouble so we learnt from my previous mistake and didn't do too much. When i got home it was a bag if ice cubes on my ankle! i have to say it is a lot better now, so I'm hoping by Thursday it will be even better!
Swimming tomorrow and that helped when i went on Tuesday.
Its the 12th today and 8 months since we lost Mikey, its strange how dates and days have such a profound effect on me. It sneaks up on you and suddenly i feel like weeping. Its hard to explain.
Misery hovers in the background, but being so active now on Tuesdays and Thursdays keeps her at bay, for now!
I was speaking about Mikey and how long it has been and the person said how quickly that time has gone, and yet for us its a life time and yesterday all in one. My tomorrows are all hurdles to get through and i sit here at night just thinking its another day over. The effort it takes sometimes overwhelms me and i can feel myself inside having a panic, a wishing that i could just run and leave everything behind. I have no plan where i would go, i have no idea the length of time i would be away, maybe only for a minute just to stop that awful sensation, I'm not sure.
I just feel there is something missing, I'm not whole anymore, i have lost my rudder! adrift on the sea of life.
The days i enjoy are so quickly forgotten and there is always something happening that we can relate to Mikey. Last week end it was the Grand National, Mikey always picked a winner or at least in the top 3. This years Grand Prix Mikey would be phoning to talk about the race and Eddie Jordan and David Coulthard! well I don't know what Eddie was wearing this week end but the shirts of his collars were huge!!! Vetel has won two races for Red Bull but i wished it was Mark Webber! Next time i hope!
This coming week end is the Marathon and the next one Easter all times for our family to remember.
My goodness Toms going away on Sunday! i hope he will be OK i worry about him so!
To weight! managed to keep to my points today Yay!!! i hope it lasts.
To bed i think, but before i do a couple of pictures
So i have yet more to do, i have been so incredibly busy, still i managed to get home for lunch and Tim had prepared a really good wholesome meal! and he had been to the hairdressers, i really cant remember the last time he went! i am so pleased because no more moans that i have not cut his hair right, Yippee, cartwheels and all that.
The sun was out today although the wind was rather nippy, a typical April day. The days just seem so fresh and clean, good to be out and about.
Running tonight and i didn't manage to do as much as usual, ankle had blown up but persevered and managed my first set and Sues knee was giving her a bit of trouble so we learnt from my previous mistake and didn't do too much. When i got home it was a bag if ice cubes on my ankle! i have to say it is a lot better now, so I'm hoping by Thursday it will be even better!
Swimming tomorrow and that helped when i went on Tuesday.
Its the 12th today and 8 months since we lost Mikey, its strange how dates and days have such a profound effect on me. It sneaks up on you and suddenly i feel like weeping. Its hard to explain.
Misery hovers in the background, but being so active now on Tuesdays and Thursdays keeps her at bay, for now!
I was speaking about Mikey and how long it has been and the person said how quickly that time has gone, and yet for us its a life time and yesterday all in one. My tomorrows are all hurdles to get through and i sit here at night just thinking its another day over. The effort it takes sometimes overwhelms me and i can feel myself inside having a panic, a wishing that i could just run and leave everything behind. I have no plan where i would go, i have no idea the length of time i would be away, maybe only for a minute just to stop that awful sensation, I'm not sure.
I just feel there is something missing, I'm not whole anymore, i have lost my rudder! adrift on the sea of life.
The days i enjoy are so quickly forgotten and there is always something happening that we can relate to Mikey. Last week end it was the Grand National, Mikey always picked a winner or at least in the top 3. This years Grand Prix Mikey would be phoning to talk about the race and Eddie Jordan and David Coulthard! well I don't know what Eddie was wearing this week end but the shirts of his collars were huge!!! Vetel has won two races for Red Bull but i wished it was Mark Webber! Next time i hope!
This coming week end is the Marathon and the next one Easter all times for our family to remember.
My goodness Toms going away on Sunday! i hope he will be OK i worry about him so!
To weight! managed to keep to my points today Yay!!! i hope it lasts.
To bed i think, but before i do a couple of pictures
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| Denver |
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Tim in our garden Why do i take photographs, they are memories of our yesterdays and are a reminder that tomorrow is another day... |
Monday 11 April 2011
Day 226
Its a quick blog tonight because Harry Potter is out on DVD and i purchased a copy! Mikey really hoped he would be able to see the final part and was so close to getting to see this episode so tonight i am going to watch it for him. We used to go together when he was younger. How many times i would read the book to him, once he was on book 2 he read it himself. I loved them all. Happy memories although he was usually in hospital! he loved having someone read him stories. I am blessed that both boys have my love of reading, a great way to escape the real world. Reading really has been my salvation at times.
Swimming tonight and hoped to gain some activity points, my word i need them. I cant manage the 29 points I'm allowed! hope to improve! Tims been very strict tonight and presented me with an orange for my supper! is that it i thought. Perhaps i will be very grateful to him in a few weeks time!
So a few more memories of our Ritz day when i could indulge!
Jennie with her birthday cake
Our lovely waiter and those cakes!!
I had the chocolate one! just a memory now, the orange seems a bit paltry to end the night on, but ah well tomorrow is another day......................
Swimming tonight and hoped to gain some activity points, my word i need them. I cant manage the 29 points I'm allowed! hope to improve! Tims been very strict tonight and presented me with an orange for my supper! is that it i thought. Perhaps i will be very grateful to him in a few weeks time!
So a few more memories of our Ritz day when i could indulge!
I had the chocolate one! just a memory now, the orange seems a bit paltry to end the night on, but ah well tomorrow is another day......................
Sunday 10 April 2011
Day 225
Oh what a day!
The sun was out and another grand day. Tim got the chairs out in the garden.
Yesterday my foot was really swollen and my back was dreadful! i couldn't believe that i was going to go back again. I was due to run again Saturday afternoon. It was so hot but off i went and managed my 8 lampposts, just! I just thought that if i didn't go it would be so easy not to go another day and so on and before i would know it i wasn't on target for the marathon.
Tim knew i was trying and he even took me out for a ride to take some pictures, i got a lovely picture of a cormorant in one of the fenland ditches. i will try to put that on tomorrow!
Today i have spent with ice packs on my ankle and its still swollen!
I have also taken the bull by the horns and joined weight watchers on line! I made Tim take some pictures of me so i can tell the difference. I'm sure losing some weight will help with all my aches and pains!!
I counted my points tonight and was horrified! so we start in earnest tomorrow!
This time last year Mikey had a collapsed lung and was feeling really low, i have been reading my notes from last year and April was bad for him. I know that the first few months of the year had been bad and i guess they just continued in a downward spiral.
It will be 8 months on the 12th since we lost him and there is not a day goes past that he isn't in our thoughts. Our loss is felt as keenly now as then, we have just got better in disguising it when talking to other people.
We also paid for our holiday yesterday and now that final! June will soon be upon us.
Tom goes on his holiday next week and Tim is going up to do some gardening for him. That will help take his mind off things for a while. Mikeys birthday is fast approaching and that's going to be so hard for us.
The weather now reminds me of the time just before Mikey was born, it was so hot! unlike Tom who was born in November.
I'm going to put a couple of pictures on now of our day at London
Joy choosing her tea selection
Joy, me, Jennie and Linda at the Ritz.
I will try to post some more over the next few days but for now, tomorrow is another day.........
The sun was out and another grand day. Tim got the chairs out in the garden.
Yesterday my foot was really swollen and my back was dreadful! i couldn't believe that i was going to go back again. I was due to run again Saturday afternoon. It was so hot but off i went and managed my 8 lampposts, just! I just thought that if i didn't go it would be so easy not to go another day and so on and before i would know it i wasn't on target for the marathon.
Tim knew i was trying and he even took me out for a ride to take some pictures, i got a lovely picture of a cormorant in one of the fenland ditches. i will try to put that on tomorrow!
Today i have spent with ice packs on my ankle and its still swollen!
I have also taken the bull by the horns and joined weight watchers on line! I made Tim take some pictures of me so i can tell the difference. I'm sure losing some weight will help with all my aches and pains!!
I counted my points tonight and was horrified! so we start in earnest tomorrow!
This time last year Mikey had a collapsed lung and was feeling really low, i have been reading my notes from last year and April was bad for him. I know that the first few months of the year had been bad and i guess they just continued in a downward spiral.
It will be 8 months on the 12th since we lost him and there is not a day goes past that he isn't in our thoughts. Our loss is felt as keenly now as then, we have just got better in disguising it when talking to other people.
We also paid for our holiday yesterday and now that final! June will soon be upon us.
Tom goes on his holiday next week and Tim is going up to do some gardening for him. That will help take his mind off things for a while. Mikeys birthday is fast approaching and that's going to be so hard for us.
The weather now reminds me of the time just before Mikey was born, it was so hot! unlike Tom who was born in November.
I'm going to put a couple of pictures on now of our day at London
Joy choosing her tea selection
I will try to post some more over the next few days but for now, tomorrow is another day.........
Saturday 9 April 2011
Day 223/224
Oh my goodness what a day we had in London.
Mikey would have been so surprised at what i did! i even surprised myself. Mikey was right to suggest we do something different every month and it has made me realise more than ever what quiet lives we lead!
Still about my day. Firstly i was too tired to blog last night. I was in bed and asleep by 2130hrs. Cant ever remember the last time that happened, well maybe it was last year when i was in hospital after tripping over and breaking my wrist!
Well i was waiting for Jen at the appointed time only for her to be 20 minutes late! Just got to the station in time. Lucky for us because Lin was on the train from Downham and she had our tickets! Joy and Hamish were on the platform ringing us to see where we were, just got under the pass and the train came in. How close was that!
Ride down went very quickly and we got to Kings Cross then the tube. Gee those escalators are steep, and i had to be told constantly by the girls to stand on the right! The sun was blazing down and we had 30mins to wait before going into the Ritz so we sat in the park. My word you see things you would never see in March. I was busy taking some photos when the man ran past completely dressed in a blue Lycra body suit, not a scrap of skin to be seen, including his head and face! and then commenced doing cartwheels! Well we just looked at each other and laughed because when we turned round there was another chap dressed exactly the same but in green. I couldn't help but look at the lower regions, my word!!! By the time we had finished gawping we only had a few minutes before we were due in the Ritz.
What a shame that those wretched marchers had damaged all the windows of the hotel because it was boarded up! and we had to use another entrance. Still it was lovely feeling to walk into such splendour.
What a treat to be waited on and be seated, felt quite a lady! The tea was splendid, tiny sandwiches, scones and pastries and the tea , i had lemon verbena and it was so different! all in silver pots!
Listening to the pianist at the Grand Piano gave a final touch to the meal until the birthday music was played and they bought Jen a birthday cake! They then came to the table and asked if she would like it boxed to take home which she did! Lots of photos taken and i will upload later this week.
Following the Ritz we headed of to Fortnum and Masons for a brouse. The noise was incredible in the streets. Linda and i said we couldn't live with it. The buildings just loomed down on you making us feel incredibly small and insignificant, and the people, they were in such a hurry, bit of a culture shock. I think it may have been because inside thew hotel it was as if we were in a different world and then reality hit! How on earth we managed to cross the roads was a miracle in itself! Made a purchase in F and M! just to get a bag, oh the men serving had tails on, what spoilt the image was the bit of white tissue stuck to a bristle under his nose! but none of us had the nerve to tell him.
It was so hot in the building and the lifts were just a tad antiquated but added to the whole experience.
Next to Westminster, tube again!! and came up facing Big Ben and the house of Parliament. How majestic the sight was. We had said we would go on a river cruise. It was incredible that we just walked a few steps and there were the boats and manged to get the last trip to the Tower. We didn't wait or have to queue our timing was perfect.
Well what another experience. The sun was still out and we shed our coats. I had already changed my clothes and shoes in the loos in the underground. I couldn't believe they charged 50p for going to the toilet! I must have taken hundreds of snaps, traitors gate! although it had been bricked up i did wonder if the river was higher now that then because what was left exposed wouldn't have taken a boat of any size. The Thames is so big! i cant say i had ever noticed that before when i had been to London but then apart from going to the Tower and the waxworks all other visits had been to hospitals! St Thomas's, University College Hospital, Great Ormond Street.
It also made me realise how far i have got to run if i get a place in the Marathon!
We had decided to go to the Eye which was just across the bridge. We did have to queue for tickets. We were checked before we got on the eye, handbags checked and a metal detector run over our bodies before we were allowed to board! what i didn't realise was that the damn thing never stopped you had to get on and off whilst it was still moving. What an incredible view, St James Park, Buckingham Place, St Paul's, House of Parliament and Big Ben. We actually were looking down on all of those! the boats looked like dinky toys and i was so surprised by the volume of traffic that used the river. The pod was so hot! Jen, Lin and Joy were all seated and i was still glued to the glass looking out and absorbing as much as i could!
We decided to head for the station to catch the 1815 train home so it was back on the tubes, it was rather busy!! Linda was swinging about like a pole dancer and when we said so it caused quite a bit of hilarity especially as Lin isn't a petite size!! We were squeezed in so tight on the Piccadilly line. I wasn't a bit fazed by going from tube station to tube station and i was able to take the lead at one point. Jen had been the one heading of at a tangent and all of us were left in her wake!! What a girl.
By the time i got home , the feet were swollen and aching, but not as bad as the girls! ha they wished they had taken a change of footwear too.
Well i will carry on with this later because I'm still tired and i went for a run today! Lots of pics to add on and today's happenings but it can wait because tomorrow is another day................
Mikey would have been so surprised at what i did! i even surprised myself. Mikey was right to suggest we do something different every month and it has made me realise more than ever what quiet lives we lead!
Still about my day. Firstly i was too tired to blog last night. I was in bed and asleep by 2130hrs. Cant ever remember the last time that happened, well maybe it was last year when i was in hospital after tripping over and breaking my wrist!
Well i was waiting for Jen at the appointed time only for her to be 20 minutes late! Just got to the station in time. Lucky for us because Lin was on the train from Downham and she had our tickets! Joy and Hamish were on the platform ringing us to see where we were, just got under the pass and the train came in. How close was that!
Ride down went very quickly and we got to Kings Cross then the tube. Gee those escalators are steep, and i had to be told constantly by the girls to stand on the right! The sun was blazing down and we had 30mins to wait before going into the Ritz so we sat in the park. My word you see things you would never see in March. I was busy taking some photos when the man ran past completely dressed in a blue Lycra body suit, not a scrap of skin to be seen, including his head and face! and then commenced doing cartwheels! Well we just looked at each other and laughed because when we turned round there was another chap dressed exactly the same but in green. I couldn't help but look at the lower regions, my word!!! By the time we had finished gawping we only had a few minutes before we were due in the Ritz.
What a shame that those wretched marchers had damaged all the windows of the hotel because it was boarded up! and we had to use another entrance. Still it was lovely feeling to walk into such splendour.
What a treat to be waited on and be seated, felt quite a lady! The tea was splendid, tiny sandwiches, scones and pastries and the tea , i had lemon verbena and it was so different! all in silver pots!
Listening to the pianist at the Grand Piano gave a final touch to the meal until the birthday music was played and they bought Jen a birthday cake! They then came to the table and asked if she would like it boxed to take home which she did! Lots of photos taken and i will upload later this week.
Following the Ritz we headed of to Fortnum and Masons for a brouse. The noise was incredible in the streets. Linda and i said we couldn't live with it. The buildings just loomed down on you making us feel incredibly small and insignificant, and the people, they were in such a hurry, bit of a culture shock. I think it may have been because inside thew hotel it was as if we were in a different world and then reality hit! How on earth we managed to cross the roads was a miracle in itself! Made a purchase in F and M! just to get a bag, oh the men serving had tails on, what spoilt the image was the bit of white tissue stuck to a bristle under his nose! but none of us had the nerve to tell him.
It was so hot in the building and the lifts were just a tad antiquated but added to the whole experience.
Next to Westminster, tube again!! and came up facing Big Ben and the house of Parliament. How majestic the sight was. We had said we would go on a river cruise. It was incredible that we just walked a few steps and there were the boats and manged to get the last trip to the Tower. We didn't wait or have to queue our timing was perfect.
Well what another experience. The sun was still out and we shed our coats. I had already changed my clothes and shoes in the loos in the underground. I couldn't believe they charged 50p for going to the toilet! I must have taken hundreds of snaps, traitors gate! although it had been bricked up i did wonder if the river was higher now that then because what was left exposed wouldn't have taken a boat of any size. The Thames is so big! i cant say i had ever noticed that before when i had been to London but then apart from going to the Tower and the waxworks all other visits had been to hospitals! St Thomas's, University College Hospital, Great Ormond Street.
It also made me realise how far i have got to run if i get a place in the Marathon!
We had decided to go to the Eye which was just across the bridge. We did have to queue for tickets. We were checked before we got on the eye, handbags checked and a metal detector run over our bodies before we were allowed to board! what i didn't realise was that the damn thing never stopped you had to get on and off whilst it was still moving. What an incredible view, St James Park, Buckingham Place, St Paul's, House of Parliament and Big Ben. We actually were looking down on all of those! the boats looked like dinky toys and i was so surprised by the volume of traffic that used the river. The pod was so hot! Jen, Lin and Joy were all seated and i was still glued to the glass looking out and absorbing as much as i could!
We decided to head for the station to catch the 1815 train home so it was back on the tubes, it was rather busy!! Linda was swinging about like a pole dancer and when we said so it caused quite a bit of hilarity especially as Lin isn't a petite size!! We were squeezed in so tight on the Piccadilly line. I wasn't a bit fazed by going from tube station to tube station and i was able to take the lead at one point. Jen had been the one heading of at a tangent and all of us were left in her wake!! What a girl.
By the time i got home , the feet were swollen and aching, but not as bad as the girls! ha they wished they had taken a change of footwear too.
Well i will carry on with this later because I'm still tired and i went for a run today! Lots of pics to add on and today's happenings but it can wait because tomorrow is another day................
Thursday 7 April 2011
Day 222
Its the Ritz tomorrow so i have been trying on my dresses. It looks as if it will be the one that's a little snug! i have put a change of clothes in my bag!!! no way am i going to walk around London all day in a little black dress!
Today has been lovely again and i just hope it lasts for tomorrow! who knows it could snow at this time of the year, it has been known to before now. There is an old saying never change a clout before May is out. That has been true in the past, so we need to make the most of the glorious April sunshine.
Running tonight and i managed to stay in the running position all night. Little lad from the juniors fell off the kerb tonight he was running in front of us. So we stopped dusted him down and discovered his shoe lace was undone. He said he couldn't tie his laces very well. We double knotted them for him! gave him a tissue for his grazed knee ( lucky i had a clean one in my pocket!) up he jumped and away he went sprinting at a pace that put us to shame!!! It was easier tonight.
Weighed myself and still not lost a bean, my sister said it must be muscle! i don't think so looking at my reflection side ways. Always a mistake, someone came in the night and must have switched bodies and left me with the one i have now!
Tom rang and he may have some good news for us. We are keeping our fingers crossed that all will be well.
Tom may go and have a round of golf tomorrow, i do hope so, i wont feel so guilty about going away for the day.
I wonder what Mikey would think of me going, I'm sure he would be saying its about time you did something!!
Well i better get to bet as i have to get up early. All in all i do feel more positive today but i know only to well that tomorrow is another day................
Today has been lovely again and i just hope it lasts for tomorrow! who knows it could snow at this time of the year, it has been known to before now. There is an old saying never change a clout before May is out. That has been true in the past, so we need to make the most of the glorious April sunshine.
Running tonight and i managed to stay in the running position all night. Little lad from the juniors fell off the kerb tonight he was running in front of us. So we stopped dusted him down and discovered his shoe lace was undone. He said he couldn't tie his laces very well. We double knotted them for him! gave him a tissue for his grazed knee ( lucky i had a clean one in my pocket!) up he jumped and away he went sprinting at a pace that put us to shame!!! It was easier tonight.
Weighed myself and still not lost a bean, my sister said it must be muscle! i don't think so looking at my reflection side ways. Always a mistake, someone came in the night and must have switched bodies and left me with the one i have now!
Tom rang and he may have some good news for us. We are keeping our fingers crossed that all will be well.
Tom may go and have a round of golf tomorrow, i do hope so, i wont feel so guilty about going away for the day.
I wonder what Mikey would think of me going, I'm sure he would be saying its about time you did something!!
Well i better get to bet as i have to get up early. All in all i do feel more positive today but i know only to well that tomorrow is another day................
Wednesday 6 April 2011
Day 221
I'm going to try and make this a positive blog tonight, yeah who am i trying to kid!!
So the day started out nice and sunny and got hotter during the day. It was such a glorious day that reminded me summer is just around the corner. The sky was blue and there were a whisper of clouds. All seemed well in the world!
I went to town in my lunch break and bought a handbag big enough to carry my camera and a pair of sandals on Friday. I keep looking at the two dresses i have to chose from for Friday. I know there isn't much room to breathe let alone walk in one, goodness can i lose half a stone by the day after tomorrow? no i didn't think so but the other just about shows every lump and bump. I'm not going to worry about it, after all who really cares!
So today and work, i have had a thought about that tonight. Why do we continually beat ourselves up with a stick? its because we care about our job, its because unemployment is at its highest and its a mean world out there regarding jobs, dog eat dog! and everyone is after the one you have!! so we work hard, we do more than we should, we work longer than we should because we really cant afford to lose the job we have!! Our bosses increase our work loads, we have to cope with the stream lining, then manage the staff who have had hours reduced, that as well as the day to day things, which sadly get further and further down the priority list until it comes and bites you!
We really don't have time to "sit and stare" and we should. Life is so very precious and I'm not getting any younger. Tonight Tim said one day i will come to the door and he will ask who i am! yes its that bad.
I used to have really good time management skills, now they have gone to pot!
I was always used to multi tasking and schedules. Planning was essential when Mikey was smaller how the hell did i manage! caring for him, doing I.V's hospital appointments, open uni courses, caring for the home and working night duty. Tim was working as well then so it was housework cooking etc, taking Tom to rugby, swimming etc Mikey to cubs and all his play practices. Mikey volunteering my services at school. God i can remember making all the rat costumes one year!!!! School outings as a helper, going on a Victorian day trip to Sacrewell and having to be a pupil in there Victorian class. I got off laughing and was removed from the class, i do believe i have some photos somewhere i will have to put them on here. It got worse when we went outside to exercise. On top of that we were all given Victorian names and mine was Ethel!! oh and the riding!!! i am afraid of horses but Mikey said my mum will help!!! every Friday! Tom enlisted me in the woodwork class to help, um that wasn't such a success, and the rounders evenings after school was a nightmare!
Mind you i was 7 stone and fit as a butchers dog then!!!
Now I'm older, and more weary yet I'm swimming twice a week and running twice week, badly at both but I'm making an effort!
I'm wondering if that car will be about tomorrow! i expect the driver will be looking for a sequel to last nights trip!!! well I'm going to run on the path ! that should do the trick i hope!
Well i must go and get that handbag out of the car now Tim's asleep! i will just tell him I've had it in the wardrobe ages and never used it if he notices it!!! I'm sure I'm not the only woman who has done something similar!
Its off to Newmarket tomorrow for a meeting! another day out of the office = more work to catch up on, Ah well Tomorrow is another day.................
So the day started out nice and sunny and got hotter during the day. It was such a glorious day that reminded me summer is just around the corner. The sky was blue and there were a whisper of clouds. All seemed well in the world!
I went to town in my lunch break and bought a handbag big enough to carry my camera and a pair of sandals on Friday. I keep looking at the two dresses i have to chose from for Friday. I know there isn't much room to breathe let alone walk in one, goodness can i lose half a stone by the day after tomorrow? no i didn't think so but the other just about shows every lump and bump. I'm not going to worry about it, after all who really cares!
So today and work, i have had a thought about that tonight. Why do we continually beat ourselves up with a stick? its because we care about our job, its because unemployment is at its highest and its a mean world out there regarding jobs, dog eat dog! and everyone is after the one you have!! so we work hard, we do more than we should, we work longer than we should because we really cant afford to lose the job we have!! Our bosses increase our work loads, we have to cope with the stream lining, then manage the staff who have had hours reduced, that as well as the day to day things, which sadly get further and further down the priority list until it comes and bites you!
We really don't have time to "sit and stare" and we should. Life is so very precious and I'm not getting any younger. Tonight Tim said one day i will come to the door and he will ask who i am! yes its that bad.
I used to have really good time management skills, now they have gone to pot!
I was always used to multi tasking and schedules. Planning was essential when Mikey was smaller how the hell did i manage! caring for him, doing I.V's hospital appointments, open uni courses, caring for the home and working night duty. Tim was working as well then so it was housework cooking etc, taking Tom to rugby, swimming etc Mikey to cubs and all his play practices. Mikey volunteering my services at school. God i can remember making all the rat costumes one year!!!! School outings as a helper, going on a Victorian day trip to Sacrewell and having to be a pupil in there Victorian class. I got off laughing and was removed from the class, i do believe i have some photos somewhere i will have to put them on here. It got worse when we went outside to exercise. On top of that we were all given Victorian names and mine was Ethel!! oh and the riding!!! i am afraid of horses but Mikey said my mum will help!!! every Friday! Tom enlisted me in the woodwork class to help, um that wasn't such a success, and the rounders evenings after school was a nightmare!
Mind you i was 7 stone and fit as a butchers dog then!!!
Now I'm older, and more weary yet I'm swimming twice a week and running twice week, badly at both but I'm making an effort!
I'm wondering if that car will be about tomorrow! i expect the driver will be looking for a sequel to last nights trip!!! well I'm going to run on the path ! that should do the trick i hope!
Well i must go and get that handbag out of the car now Tim's asleep! i will just tell him I've had it in the wardrobe ages and never used it if he notices it!!! I'm sure I'm not the only woman who has done something similar!
Its off to Newmarket tomorrow for a meeting! another day out of the office = more work to catch up on, Ah well Tomorrow is another day.................
Tuesday 5 April 2011
Day 220
Ye gods I'm feeling my age today.
Got called in early this morning and at work till 2am! the joys of management.
Back in this morning early and really wished i hadn't. Just found more work to do. So busy i had first cup of coffee about 3pm! feeling rather unwell by then, still hoped to finish on time but yet again foiled! by the time i got in it was 545 and had to leave to go running at 6.15pm! quick cup of tea and out again.
Tonight another milestone. 8 lam posts lenghts, my word i felt those. The first set was harder than the last although saying that there i was merrily running on the road and a car was coming. I went to get onto the path and goodness only knows what happened because i went flying!
i cant believe that i managed to stay off the ground. Notice i didn't say upright but my hand went out to stop me and i remembered the break last year so i was determined not to fall. I sort of hovered over the path in a crouch like stance but kept the momentum going! What i must have looked like from behind lord only knows but i expect the driver was relating the tale over coffee and having a few snickers.
But we got through the run just! my final 6 lenghts ( it reduces for the end of the programme) i only manged 5. I will put it down to shock delayed of course!
I just have to focus and keep going even though its hard! i cant begin to imagine the 26 miles next year. Will i do it? well the other runners tell us that we will get better, if i think about it we have improved over the past few weeks, but it does seem such a measly amount! Still it is for a good cause and i do wonder what Mikey would think of me doing this. Probably be laughing and telling me i will never do it, not in a million years. The men in my life have no faith in me what so ever. So i will have to prove them wrong (for once)
I'm here nice and early for me and its not yet midnight but its to bed!!!! i expect i will have all the aches and pains in the morning but it is another day!!!
Got called in early this morning and at work till 2am! the joys of management.
Back in this morning early and really wished i hadn't. Just found more work to do. So busy i had first cup of coffee about 3pm! feeling rather unwell by then, still hoped to finish on time but yet again foiled! by the time i got in it was 545 and had to leave to go running at 6.15pm! quick cup of tea and out again.
Tonight another milestone. 8 lam posts lenghts, my word i felt those. The first set was harder than the last although saying that there i was merrily running on the road and a car was coming. I went to get onto the path and goodness only knows what happened because i went flying!
i cant believe that i managed to stay off the ground. Notice i didn't say upright but my hand went out to stop me and i remembered the break last year so i was determined not to fall. I sort of hovered over the path in a crouch like stance but kept the momentum going! What i must have looked like from behind lord only knows but i expect the driver was relating the tale over coffee and having a few snickers.
But we got through the run just! my final 6 lenghts ( it reduces for the end of the programme) i only manged 5. I will put it down to shock delayed of course!
I just have to focus and keep going even though its hard! i cant begin to imagine the 26 miles next year. Will i do it? well the other runners tell us that we will get better, if i think about it we have improved over the past few weeks, but it does seem such a measly amount! Still it is for a good cause and i do wonder what Mikey would think of me doing this. Probably be laughing and telling me i will never do it, not in a million years. The men in my life have no faith in me what so ever. So i will have to prove them wrong (for once)
I'm here nice and early for me and its not yet midnight but its to bed!!!! i expect i will have all the aches and pains in the morning but it is another day!!!
Monday 4 April 2011
Day 219
Managed to blog tonight!!!!
Still its been a very busy day. With no time to think about personal things. Work, work, work!!! but then it is Monday!!
Home at lunch time and i have to say a lovely lunch made by Tim. Work and then home just before 6pm and then swimming tonight!! no time to sit and think!!
By the time i got home and made supper Tim was off to bed.
We have so little time now to converse, but i wonder how many normal families actually communicate with each other.
So here i am and I'm almost dropping off to sleep and my head is almost on the keyboard!! not a pretty sight.
Plan for the morning, off to do assessment meetings in the afternoon! that will be fun! running tomorrow night and the end of another day. Before i know it it will be Friday and our Ritz trip.
I have my passport paperwork completed and will get that sent off next month. Eek can you imagine in this day and age i have never flown, so i guess that's next.
It will soon be Mikeys birthday and i can feel myself getting sadder when i think about that. It will be another milestone.
Its been almost 8 months, should i be counting? well i am and who's to tell me what to do.
My friend Di says whatever i do and think is OK. If i feel sad that's OK to. If i feel like shouting and screaming that's OK to. Di never makes judgements she just reads my blog and usually leaves me a message the next day. If i don't answer she doesn't mind and will just leave another message the next day.
Friends like this are like gold dust and should be cherished. I wonder if she knows how much she means to me.
We don't go out together and we don't visit, but that's the whole essence of friendship, you don't need to because you know that if i was to call for help she would be on the doorstep before i put the phone down. Someone who gives personal space, but stays close by using the net. Cant beat that. Love that girl.
Then there are the friends who keep in touch who were Mikeys friends, its as if there is still a small piece of him left behind. More than a memory, he seems to be just around the corner, out of reach but there anyway. That's what they give me and i am so very grateful for that. I am truly blessed in that way.
I am trying to be positive today but tomorrow is another day................
Still its been a very busy day. With no time to think about personal things. Work, work, work!!! but then it is Monday!!
Home at lunch time and i have to say a lovely lunch made by Tim. Work and then home just before 6pm and then swimming tonight!! no time to sit and think!!
By the time i got home and made supper Tim was off to bed.
We have so little time now to converse, but i wonder how many normal families actually communicate with each other.
So here i am and I'm almost dropping off to sleep and my head is almost on the keyboard!! not a pretty sight.
Plan for the morning, off to do assessment meetings in the afternoon! that will be fun! running tomorrow night and the end of another day. Before i know it it will be Friday and our Ritz trip.
I have my passport paperwork completed and will get that sent off next month. Eek can you imagine in this day and age i have never flown, so i guess that's next.
It will soon be Mikeys birthday and i can feel myself getting sadder when i think about that. It will be another milestone.
Its been almost 8 months, should i be counting? well i am and who's to tell me what to do.
My friend Di says whatever i do and think is OK. If i feel sad that's OK to. If i feel like shouting and screaming that's OK to. Di never makes judgements she just reads my blog and usually leaves me a message the next day. If i don't answer she doesn't mind and will just leave another message the next day.
Friends like this are like gold dust and should be cherished. I wonder if she knows how much she means to me.
We don't go out together and we don't visit, but that's the whole essence of friendship, you don't need to because you know that if i was to call for help she would be on the doorstep before i put the phone down. Someone who gives personal space, but stays close by using the net. Cant beat that. Love that girl.
Then there are the friends who keep in touch who were Mikeys friends, its as if there is still a small piece of him left behind. More than a memory, he seems to be just around the corner, out of reach but there anyway. That's what they give me and i am so very grateful for that. I am truly blessed in that way.
I am trying to be positive today but tomorrow is another day................
Sunday 3 April 2011
Day 216/217/218
Three days since i last blogged again!
I have just been so tired and everywhere you looked Mothers day was being advertised. So i wasn't looking forward to today at all. I wish i had been able to sleep for three days, but then i would have missed Toms call and that wouldn't have been fair to him.
I know that most of my blogs have been about how i feel and how the days have been since losing Mikey, but to tell you the truth that's what the days have been about!
I am really struggling now and feel so much resentment about lots of things, perhaps if i write them down it would be better for me, on the other it may make me face reality and I'm not sure if i want to do that. It could mean so many life changes and I'm not sure if the decisions would be rational.
So i have been running, that helps. I decided to have my hair cut and go lighter again and that hasn't helped! ah well i can always change my mind again.
I keep trying to pin Tim down to do something but to no avail. I'm not sure now what else to do.
Nothing is ever going to fill the void of Mikeys loss and that may take more time and adjustments, perhaps just talking about doing different things is how we cope. But what happens when we get fed up of just talking. I don't know the answer to that either. Are we slowly drifting apart and just rubbing along with each other. I don't know the answer to that either.
There are so many ups and downs, times when all seams well and others when they are not. That is how our lives are at the moment. Perhaps i think too much.
Today has been strange.
26 years ago i was a mum to Tom and an expectant Mum to be, now I'm a Mum to Tom and no Mikey. How can that be?
I missed Mikeys call today its the first time i haven't heard his voice on Mothers day for 25years. Tom bless him phoned and sent a lovely e card. Same sense of humour but this time the card had two children making remarks about their mum at mealtimes. It was thoughtful and had a lot of meaning and quite true!!! love that boy to bits.
Another first then, it will be Mikeys birthday soon and i can already find myself getting upset about that thought.
So i will put a pic of Mikey on tonight just to make today's blog meaningful. This was one of the last photos of Mikey taken at Papworth a few weeks before he died.
I wish i could remember him like this and not the day he died maybe that will come in time. I hope so.
Oh Mikey xxx
Its hard to say that tomorrow is another day but that's all it is, just another day.............
I have just been so tired and everywhere you looked Mothers day was being advertised. So i wasn't looking forward to today at all. I wish i had been able to sleep for three days, but then i would have missed Toms call and that wouldn't have been fair to him.
I know that most of my blogs have been about how i feel and how the days have been since losing Mikey, but to tell you the truth that's what the days have been about!
I am really struggling now and feel so much resentment about lots of things, perhaps if i write them down it would be better for me, on the other it may make me face reality and I'm not sure if i want to do that. It could mean so many life changes and I'm not sure if the decisions would be rational.
So i have been running, that helps. I decided to have my hair cut and go lighter again and that hasn't helped! ah well i can always change my mind again.
I keep trying to pin Tim down to do something but to no avail. I'm not sure now what else to do.
Nothing is ever going to fill the void of Mikeys loss and that may take more time and adjustments, perhaps just talking about doing different things is how we cope. But what happens when we get fed up of just talking. I don't know the answer to that either. Are we slowly drifting apart and just rubbing along with each other. I don't know the answer to that either.
There are so many ups and downs, times when all seams well and others when they are not. That is how our lives are at the moment. Perhaps i think too much.
Today has been strange.
26 years ago i was a mum to Tom and an expectant Mum to be, now I'm a Mum to Tom and no Mikey. How can that be?
I missed Mikeys call today its the first time i haven't heard his voice on Mothers day for 25years. Tom bless him phoned and sent a lovely e card. Same sense of humour but this time the card had two children making remarks about their mum at mealtimes. It was thoughtful and had a lot of meaning and quite true!!! love that boy to bits.
Another first then, it will be Mikeys birthday soon and i can already find myself getting upset about that thought.
I wish i could remember him like this and not the day he died maybe that will come in time. I hope so.
Oh Mikey xxx
Its hard to say that tomorrow is another day but that's all it is, just another day.............
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