Well yet again i appear to have failed with my good intentions. Its been 2 weeks.
Work has yet again become that roller coaster, that treadmill that i have climbed aboard and struggling to get off!
I have said i wouldn't let it happen again but it did. It has crept up on me and overtaken life again! So how do i achieve. I question myself every evening and i am somehow just managing to fade when i get home.
Tuesdays and Thursdays are fine because i run and last week i seemed almost back to the level of fitness before the op, i wonder how tomorrow will go. I have a lousy cold and chest infection. Hum, well that caught me by surprise as well!
Weekends are taken up with the long training walks, that's when I'm not working. Ah yes the weekend working and get the days off in the week, that's not happening either! it has taken two weeks to get the days back, then they have been split and the phone calls on those days off, just getting someone else to take the responsibility for those days has been so hard! ah well just have to keep trying.
How odd that we wake on Monday morning and blink and its Friday!
This morning driving to work, lost in thought and i was almost to Lynn, and i recall thinking, i cant remember passing through he large roundabout! Auto pilot or poor concentration who knows!
Have i learnt nothing about the value of time? I'm not sure. i seem to recall so many days where i pondered and questioned, has all that been for nothing?
The lighter days are coming and there seems to be some signs that the seasons are changing i miss my crow watching surely the nesting has begun, so why am i not looking.
Without a doubt not having Mikey has a profound effect, trying to fill the void with something has been a challenge, now i just cant seem to drum up even that small amount of interest. So what is the purpose, what is it all about. You know i have no answers, the seeking, the questioning is slowly fading into not caring, a malaise. Drifting, no rudder, dreams? of what, hope oh that wondrous word so full of meaning and yet now so empty, meaningless a sham, who thought of that, who gave us hope and to what aim. To some that hope did become a reality and dreams do come true, but ah why not us then? why do some people have luck, is it fate? are our paths mapped out if so then we have no choices do we? I wonder.
Too long tonight wool gathering, too long tonight feeling sorry for myself! too long tonight feeling so damn angry for still trying to reach for the moon knowing, damn well knowing I'm after the impossible. too damn long wanting the impossible and too damn long wanting and wishing to turn back the clock and yet..................
Misery has found me!!
Ah well tomorrow is another day.
Monday 25 February 2013
Monday 11 February 2013
Days 857-877
Ok so its been 3 weeks, hard to appreciate how time just goes by and has merged into one day because that's what it seems like.
So the snow came and went and has returned again!.
I have managed to do my long training walks and have reached 14.5 miles. I missed this weekends because i had to work. That's become very odd now weekend working and i have looked forward to a day off in the week. As yet that has not materialised, no time!!
Tim's worried that i will get back into old habits and its true it happens without you realising it.
The running is going well and at last I'm getting back to some level of fitness.
The backs better and the knee is holding up.
I have been up to Billericay well actually its down to Billericay, for some reason we always say going up to London when in fact we do go down. Ah well that's Fen folk for you.
Some early morning training pics. Some how managed to get them on.
The drive to work and home continue to offer some solace. A time for reflection and chilling!. It has crossed my mind so often lately that this year it will be 3 years since we lost Mikey. It still seems like yesterday.
What have we done in that time and where are we now in our lives, we are still in the same place. I have however renewed old friendships made contact with some relations who have become very dear friends and a source of support a shoulder to lean on and more importantly we are family and extension of me. I am grateful for that.
I entered the Great North run and didn't get a place but its not the end of the world, something else will come along. The great eastern i hope.
I have entered the run the world race. i have until November to clock my monthly runs and then 23rd is the anniversary run of our Olympic run and i took some photos of the stadium and park today. It looks rather sad.
I will endeavour to make a huge effort to blog daily i miss the time i spend on here writing and sharing my thoughts. I guess i better get to bed ah well tomorrow is another day..........................
So the snow came and went and has returned again!.
I have managed to do my long training walks and have reached 14.5 miles. I missed this weekends because i had to work. That's become very odd now weekend working and i have looked forward to a day off in the week. As yet that has not materialised, no time!!
Tim's worried that i will get back into old habits and its true it happens without you realising it.
The running is going well and at last I'm getting back to some level of fitness.
The backs better and the knee is holding up.
I have been up to Billericay well actually its down to Billericay, for some reason we always say going up to London when in fact we do go down. Ah well that's Fen folk for you.
Some early morning training pics. Some how managed to get them on.
The drive to work and home continue to offer some solace. A time for reflection and chilling!. It has crossed my mind so often lately that this year it will be 3 years since we lost Mikey. It still seems like yesterday.
What have we done in that time and where are we now in our lives, we are still in the same place. I have however renewed old friendships made contact with some relations who have become very dear friends and a source of support a shoulder to lean on and more importantly we are family and extension of me. I am grateful for that.
I entered the Great North run and didn't get a place but its not the end of the world, something else will come along. The great eastern i hope.
I have entered the run the world race. i have until November to clock my monthly runs and then 23rd is the anniversary run of our Olympic run and i took some photos of the stadium and park today. It looks rather sad.
I will endeavour to make a huge effort to blog daily i miss the time i spend on here writing and sharing my thoughts. I guess i better get to bed ah well tomorrow is another day..........................
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