day 78

Today was a day of  waiting,suspense and anticipation. Here we are and still waiting!!!!

You may ask why? i thought my camera would come today, ah well not to worry.

Again we seemed to be getting into a routine! yesterday i gave it some thought how our days had been lived by routines and appointments. Yet we are now doing the same thing, except a little differently.

Walk in the mornings, bike to the library in the afternoon. Nights are drawing in so going for a drive in the afternoons seems pointless, so its Tim with sport on TV and me with a book.

I went shopping whilst Tim was watching the rugby. The sky was strange, half black and  looking like rain and the other brilliant blue and the sun shining.

When i reached the checkout, i was stunned by the view outside the window. The sunset was glorious. The sky was on fire! the clouds shaped like long fingers grey in colour with orange, yellow and molten red . You could feel the warmth from the sky. How quickly it changed. As i watched the fingers spread like a huge fan pouring forth from them were tendrils of fire. I have a fascination for the sunsets i stood hypnotised in the glory of the end of day. The trees and hedge rows black the branches and twigs reaching out. The birds coming home to roost all of them black against the changing colours of the night.  This was occurring in the very area Mikey took his profile picture isn't that strange. I love the fens

I wonder what it is about sunsets how i am drawn to them. I love the very appearance of the sky being on fire without the smell and heat of the flames.

The fens have the most fantastic sunsets. The flat landscape with so much sky meeting the land and when we have a Fen blow the land and sky take on a very eerie appearance.

So many people dislike living here and find it depressing because its so flat. Tom and Mike moved away some of the reason was work or going to be closer to the wife's family and the rest because there is nothing to do here for young people. Each to their own. But when the Fens are in the blood there is no place like home and Mikes now home with us and Tom wants to return. There must be something here that is right! Maybe its us.

Out of five children i am the only one left in town. All the other moved to the fringes and within 25 mile radius. I left home when i was 17, didn't like it and returned home after 6 months!!!
Gordon the eldest and only brother died at 47yrs with non Hodgkin's lymphoma.
Jennie a specialist nurse lives in a village attached to a city.
Me still here and a nurse manager.
Linda lives on a farm in Norfolk and breeds dogs.
Joy is in a very small village on a common and is a crafter.

This fascination i have for the flame like appearance of the skies also includes the stubble burning.
Tim would take me for a nightly drive at the end of harvest just to look at the fires and the glow on the horizons. It doesn't happen now because of protecting the environment.

The saddest time here is the periods between now and the frosts, the soil is resting now and the fields look grim because they are so barren and wet. Beet heaps are reducing as are the potato stacks. Fields have been plowed.
Winter is fabulous here. I love the sharp frosts that make the teasels sharp and spiky just like out of a fairy tale, cobwebs the dew on the cobwebs freezing making them look like sturdy ropes. Trees and river frozen boats moored on the river banks spewing out  woodsmoke, from there fires inside. I adore it when they are burning apple wood as it drifts across the field towards you.
When the frost and snow have gone , usually February the land takes so long to be fit to work on but those few weeks go quickly and the winter planting begins to appear from the soil tress and hedges have a hazy green appearance when the are in bud. Its a time of rebirth.

I hope our spring soon comes. Maybe we will begin to heal. We are off to Devon in a couple of weeks just to get away. I think it will do us good.

Tom phoned to day and we had a long chat. I miss him too. He is coming to us for Xmas so that will be good. I hope we don't depress him!!! Tom seemed fine in himself i hope so. I worry about him. In fact i suppose in many ways i worried for Tom more than Mike. Mikey could talk and make friends easily. Tom is more withdrawn and doesn't make friends quickly. Tom is not sociable like Mikey either. Mikey could care for the house and home and take pride in it. Tom um no definitely not his thing. Mikey organised and could plan. Tom the opposite always leaving things to the last moment!
When Mikey passed away To said it would have been better if it had been him. He said no one would miss him where lots of people will miss mike. What he meant was Mikey was a better person. I think he need ed reassurance from us the he is important to us to. Which of course he is. We love Tom dearly but Mikey showed his feelings and wore his heart on his sleeve. Tom wears his very close to his chest.
It will be  a quiet Xmas. We will get through it though! i hope.

Off to bed i think its almost 2am and i thought i was going to have an early night. Ah well

Tomorrow is another day!.............