Another foggy day. Luckily our mood seems good today. At least not our usual 'what are we going to do' I think the weather has helped make decisions for us.
Just a quiet day wandering up to town while Tim watched the sport, falling asleep on the settee.
Tom phoned to ask how to cook roast potatoes and his meat together when they take different times to cook! He said he had received three cards in the post but was not going to open them until tomorrow. He knows that he will miss Mikes card.
This is the 'first' occasion that we are celebrating without Mikey and it seems so strange. For 25 years Mike has always been present on a birthday its so very sad. Christmas is going to be the next hurdle. I don't know how we will manage I'm sure.
Tim and i were talking whilst out walking tonight about time. Its been 3 months now and where has that time gone. In another 3 months it will be almost spring. Tim said it doesn't matter if we cant move on or if we do, time continues to move with or with out us. That's true and i hadn't though of it like that. We also spoke about other parents like us. How they must also be having the same emotions as us and many have been living with their grief much longer and some maybe only a day. Where are all these parents. I certainly haven't seen any on sites or been in contact with any, and yet today i had a surprise. I looked on the cf remembrance site where i put Mikeys name and a lady called Rhonda had posted something, she lost her son when he was 17. It gave me a warm feeling that a stranger took the time to make a comment, how kind.
I'm glad we are away next week end. They are switching on the Christmas lights and i don't feel like joining in the festivities at all.
I bought the new Take That CD today so must put it on ipod.
I am unfolding Roger tomorrow night and will start tramping out the miles in doors. Last nights episode gave me a bit of a scare so not too happy about walking or running out in the dark alone. Not afraid of the dark, but not fast enough to run away if someone should follow me etc!!!
Tims blood pressure is really good now, i expect some of the reasons for his bad heads was stress. That's one less thing to worry about.
Next month i seem to have lots of things to do, my month will be busy and that will help take my mind of things to some extent.
Words at moment consist of, things, seem and good!! I need to expand my vocabulary.
Depending on the weather i may try to put all my photos on discs. That will be a task in itself especially as I'm a bit of a technophobe! At least it will pass the time. Cant bear sorting out another wardrobe, far to traumatic! Tim thinks it should be the loft!!! Oh my oh my he will want to throw things away and I'm not happy with that. Surely i can persuade him to wait until the good weather!!! Well he wont climb the ladder to the loft so that's a good excuse for me not to.
Its so cold again tonight but our rooms look so cosy with the candles lit. Tim has now started to light them before i get home. That's so thoughtful.
We see nothing of Tims family anymore and all our conversations are around my work or my conversations with my sisters and Tim said tonight we don't talk very much anymore, or i don't talk to him very much. What do we say to each other. I cant make conversation about nothing! and Tims contribution now is so limited. Not sure how we can resolve it. Oh well Tomorrow is another day.............
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