Another sharp frost. I suppose the good thing about them is they will kill the bugs.
Not a good day today. I was asked about Mike and i just felt all the protective layers peel off one by one leaving me exposed and naked. Damn.
Crying and couldn't stop today, just when you think you are managing too. Only to open my mail box on facebook to find a lovely message from someone who has become very dear to me thanks to Mike. Tim said Tom phoned again tonight when i was swimming how strange that the three most important young people in my life now were all in touch today.
Work was of no help today!! Keeping busy also has a down side, whilst in many ways it has been my solace its also been a stone around my neck! perhaps not the most apt description in view of recent events but it will do for now.
Its just been so hard keeping up the pretence that all is well, I'm lying to myself.
Looks like food is winning!!! When Mike was a baby and we found out about his CF i took to chocolate! and was very seriously addicted. I would hide bars of the stuff under his pram mattress. Even telling Tim i had no snack bars for his pack up!!
I knew things were bad when i saw a child being pushed in his pushchair towards me when out walking and he was eating a bar of chocolate. I could have happily snatched it out of his hands and eaten it whilst he watched. Gosh how bad was that!!! It took so much effort to reduce my intake at the time. But it saved the NHS a fortune in anti depressants!
It would appear that this sneaky addiction has wormed itself back in my life with a vengence. Don't believe me? ask Carol my admin!!!
Got to stop now, before i have thunder thighs and cant run!! Mike would have told me i was getting fat though. He isn't here to tell me though!
Power walking starts in earnest tomorrow!!
Camera still not arrived!!! so feeling sad about that hope i get it before we go away next week. I just hope it doesn't rain when we are away. What will we do for three days in a log cabin. Don't even go there. A good book and some DVDs may be the answer.
News, Prince William is engaged!!! wedding next year. Sure sign the general public are heading for bad time. Its to give us something to look forward to. Then an Olympic baby perhaps!
I seem to have finished writing early tonight. That's a first but Tomorrow is another day........
No comments:
Post a Comment