Day 83

What a day.

Felt lousy all day. Its a huge effort just being here tonight so doubt if i will stay long.

Not sure whats been wrong today. I have hardly been able to make sense of a thing. So so tired. Not just physically but mentally too. Tired to the depths of my soul.
I have had a headache maybe that's what dragged me down. Having trouble walking in a straight line, literally.

I reached a point today when i just couldn't do another thing. Ready to throw in the towel. Not in anger or in frustration, no reason at all. I hit a wall. I left work early and i mean early.
Went home for lunch and took some headache tablets and went to bed. I have never ever done that before. Not in the middle of the day. I slept. I woke, i went back to work. I came home took some more tablets. Still have headache! Maybe a virus, maybe migraine don't know. Don't like it!!!

Is this depression? what on earth have i got to be depressed about. When i consider what Mikey had to cope with i should be ashamed of myself. I need to get a grip. But its so hard.

I miss Mikey, i miss thinking good things, i miss me and Tim being how we were. I miss not being in control. I miss my old life.
Sad isn't it that I'm sitting here blubbing like a baby, and for what. I have everything. I have life.

So much for counselling and the help that's forthcoming to parents!! That's not fair. I have to go to the Dr's first, admit I'm feeling depressed and wait for a referral. This blog is just as good. It doesn't ask questions that i do not want to answer, doesn't make judgements and sadly doesn't give answers.
I guess I'm the only one that can do that. I feel like ball of wool. No that's not right at least that has a beginning and an end.

Misery has found me!!! that's what it is. Ha! how stupid was i not to realise. Such poor company she is too.
I have been eating chocolate so that may be why the headaches, stupid, stupid me.

I had been feeling really positive, maybe it was yesterday talking about Mikey that's made me feel low. I cant say.
Few days away is becoming very appealing not long to wait now.

Going to bed, tomorrow is yet another day........................