Day 89

They say the calm comes before the storm don't they?

So what went wrong, i feel like i have been in the eye of a tornado today. I only just feel calm and reasonably chilled and its gone midnight!.

Woke this morning talking to myself, not a good sign however i was not to know that at the time!!!

Got to work and before i had closed the entrance door i had staff wanting to see me urgently! Why is that when they want something they cant wait, but if i want something from them i can never get hold of them? Well i suppose that's life!! Basically i didn't get my coat off until 1030 today and i may as well put it back on and gone home for the day!!

Life at the moment is full of these odd days, i wonder if its when i have a bad day the old body is saying cant have two like that, lets find something else to keep her mind busy. Enough!!! Please!!

Met with another parent whose son is dying slowly and he has a young son, how tragic is that. I wonder how she copes and yet she sat and asked me the very same question, we cried together, there was no embarrassment just two parents grieving for each other and our losses. How wonderful is that. It gives you hope for humanity. That was an hour of respite and it was back to work!! I just didn't stop and yet cant measure the work i got through today. Ah well my mind and body know what i achieved.

Misery has left me alone for a while and i will not mention again as i don't want to tempt fate. In her place i have a little gremlin perched on my shoulder constantly chattering away. Driving me mad. That's good because at least i am able to recognise these bizarre creatures that are haunting me. Actually it has been easy for me to put substance to my worries and feelings and by giving them names!!! It defines barriers and that has helped me from slipping of the very tenuous path I'm on. Lets hope the crampons work!!!!!

We are off to Devon on Friday and the weather remains forecast for snow. Shovel, flask and blanket to go with us!!

I will miss my Blogging!! How will i cope, will i have days worth of thought s and feelings going round and round in my head. Not sure how that will be for me. Its a test i expect!!! Wonder if i will pass.

Mike you were right its damn cold in this bedroom!! your rucksack sits on the floor propped against your unit, i just have not been able to take your things out of it. It will be all to final, God we miss you son of ours.

Tom is hoping to get a transfer back to this area on compassionate grounds i do hope so. I am aware how hard it is for him so far from all his family and friends. Is there any chance of a bit of luck for this family? 

Ah well i suppose tomorrow is another day...............