Oh my goodness. I managed to drag myself out of bed this morning, only to look outside to see a sharp frost!!! Tim had to warm the car up for me to defrost the windscreen for me.
Today has really been yet another day of waiting for my camera to arrive. Damn and blast!! I so want to get cracking on doing something!!!!
Dr's today!! hate going still only have two weeks to wait for the results instead of the usual 6 so that's an improvement. Hopefully after my break away.
Tim hasn't seen a soul today and asking if i have any assessments so he can come for a ride!! mind you sitting in a car waiting in this weather is not pleasant.
I think I'm in shock after yesterday and discarding so many clothes!!! i feel tempted to go and rob the Sally army clothing bank to get them back. Only problem with that is the wretched opening on the bank!! i think if i was to get in there is no way out. OK so that's a no then!!
Work today was, well Monday!!! but on the plus side it will soon be Friday.
Its amazing how i am managing to get through the day now. I think because i have so much to occupy my mind it gives me little time to spend on mulling over questions i have regarding Mikey. Its as if i have tucked them away wrapped in velvet to take out when i can cope. I wonder if the wrapping will stay on! What if i never want to open that box again. Am i trying to escape the realities or is this normal. Silly question really who knows what normal is anymore.
I really believe that in order to get through life in today's world you have to be a little of centre.
Sometimes we have to be selfish otherwise taking on board other external worries will push us over the precipice of living. Who wants to go there.
The darkness is staying away at the moment and misery has hitched a ride with someone else. Thank goodness. What a dreadful companion she was. I'm sure she will descend when i least expect. The good thing is i have lived through that experience once and will do so again.
I don't consider myself a strong person mentally but i will keep plodding on. I rarely give in when the going is tough, but this has been so difficult. I know there are many hurdles to come. Just being able to see that is an improvement.
Life is going on, Mikeys friends are getting on with the business of living and they have the most incredible road to travel. I admire them so much. Its a privilege to have them keep in touch with me. A link in some ways with Mikey.
I'm in Mikeys room where the computer has always been and we used to be surprised when Mikey used to say his room was cold when we were sweating in the other parts of the bungalow. He was so right it is cold in here!!!!
His bed awaits his homecoming, i know in my head that's not going to happen, but in my heart oh i so want it to be true. Well hearts do break don't they!!!
Well enough of that!!! A few weeks ago i could not imagine that i would be able to discuss things as i do now. Is time a healer, no i don't think so. The wound is there, its scabbed over, and one knock can open it up again. But not today!
An early night me thinks!! That will be a first for a long time, but will i sleep? i doubt that very much. I no longer try i just accept that at some point my eyes have closed and its morning again to discover that
Tomorrow is another day..............
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