Day 84

Woke up early this morning bright and breezy! as if nothing happened yesterday.

Opened the curtains and it was thick fog. Winter definitely here. Managed to get to work early!!
Im so lucky to work with people who are so forgiving, i must be a nightmare to work with. Never knowing from day to day what to expect.

I was more organised today and i always seem happier with a bit of order, and was quite upbeat. Managed to go out to do assessment today.

The road was dreadful, so foggy the trees really scary in the gloom. Its strange that some people are afraid of the dark but the fog really gives me the willies. It was a real pea souper. I managed to follow a lorry and for once very happy to remain behind him and follow his tail lights.
It hasn't lifted all day and looks set for the week end! Not so good if we want to go out. Looks like it will be another trip up the library while Tim watches rugby tomorrow afternoon.

Tim managed to get the shed roof completed yesterday and we posted off Toms birthday cards. I expect he will be lonely now this week end Grand Prix has finished and this will be the first year without a message from Mikey. It will be now that Tom will miss Mike more and may even be thinking that he should have spent more time with him. That's something we will all be thinking I'm sure. There would never have been enough time, we would always have wanted more. We always thought we would have more time. We never really in our hearts thought that we would lose him. I know we discussed it, our heads certainly knew, but deep deep down we just didn't want to have to face it.
It doesn't matter what knowledge you have of a disease. You can read the books, wear the T shirt but reality is so so different.
Mike had to face reality as do so many young people with CF how on earth do they do it. I enjoy reading the posts of a young lady with Cf and she is so enjoying life. Her posts make me smile. She has this incredible wit, and a very very clever lady. Her cakes are something else. I cant say about taste but if they do taste as good as they look well its a bit like heaven I'm sure. Yet with all she has to cope with she still has time to contact me and ask how i am. Amazing.
I did wonder after my blog of a few weeks ago if i would lose friends by my actions, i am so pleased they all keep in touch.

The best news is that Mikeys very dear friend who he loved and thought of a sister is in a relationship and seems so happy. Mike would have been so happy for her, but full of brotherly advice!!
I have now gained a special person in my life, so i have been blessed.

Today i feel OK, thank goodness. I would just like to say to all who left me messages today, thank you for caring, you are the buffer that stops me crashing!!!! However one dear friend keeps posting some fabulous photos, fog scenes at the moment so i am extremely jealous!!! but not for much longer i hope.
Camera should be here in the next two weeks!!! its popular no doubt.

I went for a walk in the fog tonight Tim stayed at home to watch the Rugby!!!! I understand that there may have been murder outside our local nightclub tonight. I walked past earlier tonight! Police had area cordoned off with blue tape and what appeared to be a body under a sheet. How sad is that. Another family will be going through hell.

Well I'm going to bed in a far lighter mood that yesterday. This grieving stuff is so unpredictable and so bone wearying.  I must learn not to expect too much of myself and others. Its just that i feel sad all the time. I am trying though and i do think that its been a build up of trying and pretending that caught up with me. I expect that will happen again, i hope i will be prepared, or at least recognise the feelings. Stay in bed for the day!!!!

Be gone misery because tomorrow is another day.......